category, category, category

[mikey2much]

I wanted to write a perfect stroke story, what would I have to do?

I thought about it and decided that you would have to keep it short with little wasted time meeting the characters. You would have to start with sexy action and carry it through to the ending climax. I tried to write for those one handed readers out there, there are no introductions to the people, only a description of their actions and feelings. The story is told from the points of view of both the victim as well as the aggressor. .

But then you would have to reveal enough about the people involved to make it a story instead of a dirty little snippet of sexual action. I wanted the story to go into loving wives but it was put into fetish. I think that the story belongs in loving wives and I think that it would have did better there than where it is now.

I am not begging for reads or votes here, but I would love to hear what some of you might think. jjThe name of the story is 'Rough Play', it now lives in the fetish category. here is a link to it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=450202

It is a short story with what I think is a novel twist at the end. I am eager to hear your opinions.
Thanks,

 

[_Lynn_]

I wanted to write a perfect stroke story, what would I have to do?

I thought about it and decided that you would have to keep it short with little wasted time meeting the characters. You would have to start with sexy action and carry it through to the ending climax. I tried to write for those one handed readers out there, there are no introductions to the people, only a description of their actions and feelings. The story is told from the points of view of both the victim as well as the aggressor. .

But then you would have to reveal enough about the people involved to make it a story instead of a dirty little snippet of sexual action. I wanted the story to go into loving wives but it was put into fetish. I think that the story belongs in loving wives and I think that it would have did better there than where it is now.

I am not begging for reads or votes here, but I would love to hear what some of you might think. jjThe name of the story is 'Rough Play', it now lives in the fetish category. here is a link to it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=450202

It is a short story with what I think is a novel twist at the end. I am eager to hear your opinions.
Thanks,

I haven't looked at the story yet, but I'll bite on the first line of your post.

You can't write a perfect stroke story.

There will always be readers who don't like it. Maybe the cat is wrong, or they don't like blondes (as an example), or they prefer the male on top, or no toys, or who knows what. You get my point though I think. Someone will always prefer something else.

 

[jeleane]

I haven't looked at the story yet, but I'll bite on the first line of your post.

You can't write a perfect stroke story.

There will always be readers who don't like it. Maybe the cat is wrong, or they don't like blondes (as an example), or they prefer the male on top, or no toys, or who knows what. You get my point though I think. Someone will always prefer something else.

well said mistress!!

 

[mikey2much]

I tried something different on this one

I surely can’t contest what you say, however, I think that some stories fit the description of being a stroker better than others.

In the past stories I have written I spent the opening pages introducing the characters and how they found themselves in the situation they were in. In a stroker story I don’t think that our one handed reader is interested in the background just the action. However you have to have the background to flesh out your characters.

It is hard to talk about this story if you have not read it. I was considerate enough to keep it short, only 1537 words.

Take a minute and see what you think of it.
Thanks
mikey

 

[_Lynn_]

I surely can’t contest what you say, however, I think that some stories fit the description of being a stroker better than others.

In the past stories I have written I spent the opening pages introducing the characters and how they found themselves in the situation they were in. In a stroker story I don’t think that our one handed reader is interested in the background just the action. However you have to have the background to flesh out your characters.

It is hard to talk about this story if you have not read it. I was considerate enough to keep it short, only 1537 words.

Take a minute and see what you think of it.
Thanks
mikey

I will read it soon. A bit of work to do first.


I read it.

For me, it did nothing.
You 'tell' us a story, but the narrative is dull.
The repetition of 'she' sentence beginnings is boring.
I wasn't surprised by the twist at the end.

 

[jeleane]

I guess if it was my type of story it would be a stroke story. I liked it but I didn't wanna dive my hand into my panties ya know?

 

[jeleane]

I wanted to write a perfect stroke story, what would I have to do?

I thought about it and decided that you would have to keep it short with little wasted time meeting the characters. You would have to start with sexy action and carry it through to the ending climax. I tried to write for those one handed readers out there, there are no introductions to the people, only a description of their actions and feelings. The story is told from the points of view of both the victim as well as the aggressor. .

But then you would have to reveal enough about the people involved to make it a story instead of a dirty little snippet of sexual action. I wanted the story to go into loving wives but it was put into fetish. I think that the story belongs in loving wives and I think that it would have did better there than where it is now.

I am not begging for reads or votes here, but I would love to hear what some of you might think. jjThe name of the story is 'Rough Play', it now lives in the fetish category. here is a link to it.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=450202

It is a short story with what I think is a novel twist at the end. I am eager to hear your opinions.
Thanks,

the twist was cool though lol

 

[mikey2much]

thanks for taking the time

For me, it did nothing.
You 'tell' us a story, but the narrative is dull.
The repetition of 'she' sentence beginnings is boring.
I wasn't surprised by the twist at the end.

I won't say that I am not disappointed but I do thank you for your input. I will have to go back and re- read it again, this time I will be more aware of the mistakes you have mentioned.

 

[mikey2much]

All's well that ends well

Thanks for reading it.

What subject would make you want to shove your hand inside your panties?

If that question isn't crossing a line of politness.
mikey

 

[_Lynn_]

For me, it did nothing.
You 'tell' us a story, but the narrative is dull.
The repetition of 'she' sentence beginnings is boring.
I wasn't surprised by the twist at the end.

I won't say that I am not disappointed but I do thank you for your input. I will have to go back and re- read it again, this time I will be more aware of the mistakes you have mentioned.

Even in that 'setting' there can be dialogue.

"Hold still, bitch!"

"What do you think of that?" he asked, the question punctuated with another hard slap on her ass.

"You like it, don't you?" So close she could feel his breath, tears gathered behind her eyelids at his words.

 

[mikey2much]

back to the category question

I do think that you are correct in your examples, however do you think it should have been posted in the loving wives section or do you think it belongs in fetish?

 

[_Lynn_]

Thanks for reading it.

What subject would make you want to shove your hand inside your panties?

If that question isn't crossing a line of politness.
mikey

I'll let you know when I find one that it happens with here. But don't hold your breath.

 

[_Lynn_]

I do think that you are correct in your examples, however do you think it should have been posted in the loving wives section or do you think it belongs in fetish?

Not LW. That's not what the readers want to find there.

E/V would work.

 

[mikey2much]

A story that I think might have been my best so far was put into erotic horror, when I wanted it to go into mature.

Many people told me that mature is pretty much always May December type of stories and that mine would have done worst there than where it was placed.

I must admit that I never considered E&V.
thanks

 

[_Lynn_]

A story that I think might have been my best so far was put into erotic horror, when I wanted it to go into mature.

Many people told me that mature is pretty much always May December type of stories and that mine would have done worst there than where it was placed.

I must admit that I never considered E&V.
thanks

Not a problem.

 

[Guest]

I gotta say that I, personally, felt that it was in the right category. Ball gags, handcuffs, fears of rape (on her part), and then the "twist" at the end.... all fetish. Especially the strapon. Definitely not "loving wives" [the emotion is not what makes it "loving wives", the subject matter (cuckolding) is.].

I have to say, it didn't do much for me either, but mostly because that's just not my sort of thing. I found myself getting about two paragraphs into it and skipping to the end because I already knew from the tone and the above posts that there was no dialogue.

And as far as the twist at the end, I just wasn't that excited about it. Nice story, the internals are there, and it's competently written, but I just wasn't emotionally invested in it.

~Paul

 

[elfin_odalisque]

First, can I say I agree with all Lynn has said. Even a good stroker has some emotion, but you ignore that.

In fiction - sorry, creative writing - there has to be a tension between the protagonists, however 'down and dirty' the story. Without the pictures that DVD can offer, I don't see how stroke can be written without dialogue, but you try and fail.

I know there's a great difference between male stroke and female nubbin rubbin' but for me this is flat - just a physical coupling that really doesn't float my boat.

 

[mikey2much]

Back to the drawing board

If this is a writing school than you guys are the teachers. I was just trying something new and I needed some views from people who could help me see my work through their eyes. Thank you for the feedback.

I will most likely delete the story soon and try something different. Meanwhile I will work on other more conventional stories. It was just an idea that I wanted to try.

mikey