Carreer vs submissive nature

[xseraphimx]

I was raised by a very Dominant Father, I realise now that he pushed me hard in order for me to succeed in a male dominated career environment. I have always been a "server" and I am compelled to "acheive" whether that be in personal life, or careerwise. I absolutely MUST be the best at anything I undertake. Having said that, my carreer involves a great deal of responsibility to others, I manage a large staff and are called upon often to delegate, give orders and in general manage a large successful company. I have hidden my submissiveness largely due to the misconceptions of the vanilla world but also in deference to my Father. W/out putting to strong or a negative an emphasis on this, I believe my Father was my first Dominant, albeit that he never knew and in terms of this discussion, he would have been appalled to learn I am a natural submissive. I often find myself feeling "torn" between both worlds - carreer woman vs submissive. I've wondered how others cope with this situation.

 

[misspihla]

I have never really thought career and being submissive would somehow be connected together in my life. I think I'm submissive due insecurity and need for very concrete and "stronger" attention.

I also only submissive with people whose attention I want. In work environment I more often just go along and am "one of the guys". (At work 9 out of 10 are guys.)

 

[minx1]

. I often find myself feeling "torn" between both worlds - carreer woman vs submissive. I've wondered how others cope with this situation.

I completely empathise with the feeling of being torn and how to marry the two things. It terms of coping....I'm not sure I do cope really lol. Its still pretty much early days for me, since I started my 'exploration' into submission and as yet not many people know about this part of my life.

So far I have chosen to keep this as far away from my worklife as I possibly can. Firstly, although the makeup of the workforce is changing rapidly it is still very male dominated and because of the nature of my work its imperative that I come across as a strong woman.Also because of the attitudes and beliefs of the people I work with I feel if it was known it would have a detrimental effect on my credibility and ultimately end in me having to leave.
I work where the emphasis is on social conscience, fairness, dignity and respect and equal opportunities. Many of the women I work with are feminists and I really can't see me announcing I am a submissive with a Master would go down that well lol.
I am very good at my job and whatsmore its something I completely believe in. ....I used to think it defined who I was. However I am a submissive, that really is a part of me and if something has to give....it won't be that.

 

[intothewoods]

Yes, I can relate as well. I think actually I have more trouble trying to balance my submissive nature with other parts of my life, actually. Being tough is one aspect of my personality. I don't feel the desire to show that side of myself to most people, let alone someone I work with!

My "field" is also kind of a small world. So you won't find me posting too many details on here, or my picture.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have to agree, your father probably would be appalled to know you think that way....not everyone is either a Dominant or submissive, some are just ordinary people living their life as best they can. That being said, I also find it odd so many submissives come up with the idea their job type is in conflict with their submisssion, or could beseen to be so. Do you expect every Dominant to go around ordering everyone around? No...let them try telling a police officer what to do and I am sure Dominant or no, they will suffer the consequences. Being submissive is no different, you are still human, you still have skills (well hopefully or you make a pretty useless sub), you still have responsibilities, you still have a life to live, you do not have to be in a lowly subservient caareer and subm,it to everyone who crosses your path. That to me has nothing to do with submission and a lot to do with a need for some assertiveness training and a good dose of healthy self esteem.

Catalina

 

[minx1]

I have to agree, your father probably would be appalled to know you think that way....not everyone is either a Dominant or submissive, some are just ordinary people living their life as best they can. That being said, I also find it odd so many submissives come up with the idea their job type is in conflict with their submisssion, or could beseen to be so. Do you expect every Dominant to go around ordering everyone around? No...let them try telling a police officer what to do and I am sure Dominant or no, they will suffer the consequences. Being submissive is no different, you are still human, you still have skills (well hopefully or you make a pretty useless sub), you still have responsibilities, you still have a life to live, you do not have to be in a lowly subservient caareer and subm,it to everyone who crosses your path. That to me has nothing to do with submission and a lot to do with a need for some assertiveness training and a good dose of healthy self esteem.

Catalina

In my case I don't think my 'submissive nature' is in conflict with the job I do in terms of the skills I bring to the job and my abilities . I do know however that peers discovering that I am a submissive would cause me massive problems

 

[intothewoods]

Being submissive is no different, you are still human, you still have skills (well hopefully or you make a pretty useless sub), you still have responsibilities, you still have a life to live, you do not have to be in a lowly subservient caareer and subm,it to everyone who crosses your path. That to me has nothing to do with submission and a lot to do with a need for some assertiveness training and a good dose of healthy self esteem.

Catalina

Exactly. I think at one point I thought well, am I really a sub if I am so strong in other parts of my life? The answer is yes.

 

[SweetGigi]

Seraphim..... interesting name. (is it your call?)

PM me if you want to know why I find this interesting.

Now to the question at hand. I am a natural submissive yet I am a controlling person as well. It is in me to submit to Them but control all other things. I have no issue drawing those lines because if it doesn't involve Them, then it is free rein for my input and control. They neither one micromanage me, but They always reserve rights to 'pull rank' so to speak.

 

[SweetGigi]

...... I do know however that peers discovering that I am a submissive would cause me massive problems

Oh I feel this one. Being a nanny, if my charge family were to ever know *this* about me, it would be over for sure.

 

[the captians wench]

I'll be completely honest here. I hate being the boss 99% of the time. If I could make the money I do now, or even better what I will be making here in a couple months and go back to being crew, I'd do it in a heart beat. Being forced into a position where I have to take the lead adds stress onto an already stressful environment. But then I think about it and even crew, to have any chance of not having a lot of people yelling at you, you still have a lot of responcibility, it's not all just following orders.

I think at times that's why I crave my subbie time. And I think when I have those days when I've really had to jump in there and take charge, coming home and being able to call some one up and have even 10 mins where some one else is in charge is an unbelievable release, and cherished moment.

 

[minx1]

I'll be completely honest here. I hate being the boss 99% of the time. If I could make the money I do now, or even better what I will be making here in a couple months and go back to being crew, I'd do it in a heart beat. Being forced into a position where I have to take the lead adds stress onto an already stressful environment. But then I think about it and even crew, to have any chance of not having a lot of people yelling at you, you still have a lot of responcibility, it's not all just following orders.

I think at times that's why I crave my subbie time. And I think when I have those days when I've really had to jump in there and take charge, coming home and being able to call some one up and have even 10 mins where some one else is in charge is an unbelievable release, and cherished moment.

Absolutely wenchie

 

[xseraphimx]

I use the word torn here

BUT ~ I recognise that some of You are talking about social acceptance and environmental situations in the workplace and I acknowledge that, some of the applies to my career. Indeed, IF my colleagues were to find out my credibility would suffer but I am what and who I am and accept that my submissiveness is my nature, I would argue that I'm very adept at my job and "they" would find no fault in my work, therefore either accept me as I am, or not - their problem, not mine.

Hehe did You see that flash of Upper Management assertiveness in there?

This however, was not the purpose to my thread.

I apologise for the misunderstanding.

I am torn mostly because my ex-husband told me that I emasculated him. I have been told I have a certain look or way about me that can cause a man to shrivel up and die whenever I am not happy with his or her work performance. Which leads me to this point, I found it hard to "switch" off from career woman to submissive when I went home at nights. After having a failed marriage behind me it makes me wonder if perhaps this may be why my ex became so demanding when in private at home.

I wonder what mechanisms You all use to bring Yourselves out of career-mode to submissive.

I find I literally have to take a bath, be alone for 45mins or so, almost like slothing the days demands off my skin, and stepping into another skin/personality if You get what I mean.

I hope I'm not babbling here!

 

[the captians wench]

BUT ~ I recognise that some of You are talking about social acceptance and environmental situations in the workplace and I acknowledge that, some of the applies to my career. Indeed, IF my colleagues were to find out my credibility would suffer but I am what and who I am and accept that my submissiveness is my nature, I would argue that I'm very adept at my job and "they" would find no fault in my work, therefore either accept me as I am, or not - their problem, not mine.

Hehe did You see that flash of Upper Management assertiveness in there?

This however, was not the purpose to my thread.

I apologise for the misunderstanding.

I am torn mostly because my ex-husband told me that I emasculated him. I have been told I have a certain look or way about me that can cause a man to shrivel up and die whenever I am not happy with his or her work performance. Which leads me to this point, I found it hard to "switch" off from career woman to submissive when I went home at nights. After having a failed marriage behind me it makes me wonder if perhaps this may be why my ex became so demanding when in private at home.

I wonder what mechanisms You all use to bring Yourselves out of career-mode to submissive.

I find I literally have to take a bath, be alone for 45mins or so, almost like slothing the days demands off my skin, and stepping into another skin/personality if You get what I mean.

I hope I'm not babbling here!

I totally get what your saying, but really I have the oposite problem. I have to talk myself up to being incharge and being the boss. For me the change from boss to sub is a quick hair tug. But the change from sub to boss is 10 mins of laying in bed saying "I can do this grr", getting dressed saying "I'm agressive, I'm in charge grr" *giggles* and then a 10 min drive grring most the way.

I don't know if that helps at all.

 

[xseraphimx]

Grrrr's back

Yes - I have to psyche up to work too, then.....windown when I get home too.

Tis draining and exhausts my mind - this "switching" back and forth.

 

[minx1]

So far,in this respect I haven't found too many problems...though like I said its pretty early days and for a large part of the time I've been with my Master, I've been between jobs (in the same sector) or been employed on a consultant/temporary basis...not the norm. So I probably don't have a true picture as yet.
But up to now I haven't found it too much of a problem...aspects of my job sometimes make me feel like an actress anyway lol having to adopt different personas.
I've found as soon as i've been in my Masters company for a few minutes I soon shed all that. On the rare occassion I don't he will say something that brings me in line pretty quickly *smile*

 

[the captians wench]

So far,in this respect I haven't found too many problems...though like I said its pretty early days and for a large part of the time I've been with my Master, I've been between jobs (in the same sector) or been employed on a consultant/temporary basis...not the norm. So I probably don't have a true picture as yet.
But up to now I haven't found it too much of a problem...aspects of my job sometimes make me feel like an actress anyway lol having to adopt different personas.
I've found as soon as i've been in my Masters company for a few minutes I soon shed all that. On the rare occassion I don't he will say something that brings me in line pretty quickly *smile*

I get roped by the collar. *giggles* that bit always streightens me out.

 

[minx1]

I get roped by the collar. *giggles* that bit always streightens me out.

*laugh* yeah i imagine it would wenchie

 

[xseraphimx]

I'm not in

a relationship atm. Nor do I envision being in the near future untill and unless I can "fix" some other problems in my life. I don't believe that one needs to be in a relationship in order to be submissive.

Do We all agree that submissiveness manifests in many ways?

For myself, mine is the need to "serve" and I'm extremely deferential to family members. My submissiveness can also be seen in such simple things as personal grooming habits, the house is always immaculately presented, or at the other end of the scale even simple things like arranging flowers in a vase so that tis aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

I am finding it difficult to balance both areas of my life, career and submissiveness. I believe since, my submissiveness is not being "called" upon too often recently, I'm finding myself staying in career/aggressive mode alot more frequently.

Tis why I started this thread.

To get some idea of how to tip the balance back the other way.

 

[shy slave]

BUT ~ I recognise that some of You are talking about social acceptance and environmental situations in the workplace and I acknowledge that, some of the applies to my career. Indeed, IF my colleagues were to find out my credibility would suffer but I am what and who I am and accept that my submissiveness is my nature, I would argue that I'm very adept at my job and "they" would find no fault in my work, therefore either accept me as I am, or not - their problem, not mine.

Hehe did You see that flash of Upper Management assertiveness in there?

This however, was not the purpose to my thread.

I apologise for the misunderstanding.

I am torn mostly because my ex-husband told me that I emasculated him. I have been told I have a certain look or way about me that can cause a man to shrivel up and die whenever I am not happy with his or her work performance. Which leads me to this point, I found it hard to "switch" off from career woman to submissive when I went home at nights. After having a failed marriage behind me it makes me wonder if perhaps this may be why my ex became so demanding when in private at home.

I wonder what mechanisms You all use to bring Yourselves out of career-mode to submissive.

I find I literally have to take a bath, be alone for 45mins or so, almost like slothing the days demands off my skin, and stepping into another skin/personality if You get what I mean.

I hope I'm not babbling here!

It doesn't sound like babbling to me.

I am quite assertive and used to hold managerial Govt jobs which had I been found to be a submissive would have ruined my career.

It took me a long time to discover I was a sub or even figure out what that actually meant to me.

I can relate to the Dom father in your early life and having to succeed academically.

My ex-husband also said similar things to me, so in so many ways this seems familiar reading.

I had to be quite strong minded with myself over the things my husband said. Inwardly I had to agree that maybe I had emasculated him. However, he allowed that to happen. It crept up on us both and was not strong enough to deal with it. It sounds arrogant and harsh, but I won't lose sleep over the relationship I had with him. He stayed for ten years, I struggle to believe he was too afraid or lacking in confidence, due to any of my actions, to leave.

I used to struggle to switch off.

I would be with my ex - Dom and he would want my full attention but my mind would be thinking of work issues. I hid it from him, but there must have been times when it was clear my mind was elsewhere.


I remember struggling with the same issue and read a post from a Domme which said when her male sub struggled he would walk in the door and she would slap his face. Instant submission (Net was you who said that?).
I can see how that may work sometimes but I think I would have difficulty dealing with such an instant change and may be verbally difficult as a response.

Long baths calm my mind, but the drive home was often the most effective tool. Traffic jams were good because it gave me time to slow my mind down and move slowly from work to home.
I have always preferred jobs that needed at least a 30 min drive to get to and from work.

Reading on Lit also helps and dissecting some aspects of submission in my mind. To the point of arguing with myself.

Some days I was just glad to get home and be submissive, other days submission was a million miles away.

When Andante and I are together I admit I rely on him to help me change from one state to another. His voice, his actions all influence my mindset.
Changing clothes and then kneeling in front of him quietly for a while, is effective.

There has never been 'one way' it depends on the day I had or the day I knew I was going to have tomorrow.

 

[intothewoods]

Which leads me to this point, I found it hard to "switch" off from career woman to submissive when I went home at nights.

You aren't babbling. I was actually going to post that very thing. Sometimes I'm so wound up from being "on" from work, that it's difficult to relax and let go. I think all you can do is to be honest about where you're at and what you struggle with. And absolutely take you time -- I think this actually is good advice for anyone in a high stress job. On your way home, let the pressures of work slip away. Meditation, a bath, a jog...all good ways to reconnect with yourself.

 

[FluteMaster]

I have been pondering this thread and its link to the roles we all play throughout our lives.

We all need triggers of one kind or another to change from one role to another. Sometimes these triggers are so strong and embedded in our environment that we slip into it without realising; being a parent is probably one.

At other times, we need to find our own ways of hooking into the place where we can hear the person we want to be. This is where ritual and words play a strong part. As someone who has done some drama, I find that sometimes a combination of posture and a voice tone are most effective to establish the character I want, (even if it is one that is natural but not used consistently). At others, time to reflect, slow down and "be" are all I need.

Of course, some people slip in and out of the role easily, others have to work, and all of us can learn to get better at it.

Anyway, I hope this helps some people.

 

[the captians wench]

I have been pondering this thread and its link to the roles we all play throughout our lives.

We all need triggers of one kind or another to change from one role to another. Sometimes these triggers are so strong and embedded in our environment that we slip into it without realising; being a parent is probably one.

At other times, we need to find our own ways of hooking into the place where we can hear the person we want to be. This is where ritual and words play a strong part. As someone who has done some drama, I find that sometimes a combination of posture and a voice tone are most effective to establish the character I want, (even if it is one that is natural but not used consistently). At others, time to reflect, slow down and "be" are all I need.

Of course, some people slip in and out of the role easily, others have to work, and all of us can learn to get better at it.

Anyway, I hope this helps some people.

You made me think of something here that may relate.

I can fall into slave mode very easily. Like I said a tug of my hair and I'm there. But when it comes to coming back to where I'm going to have to function in the world that's a hard transfur that often takes a lot of time, petting, and comforting.

 

[Literotti]

I was raised by a very Dominant Father, I realise now that he pushed me hard in order for me to succeed in a male dominated career environment. I have always been a "server" and I am compelled to "acheive" whether that be in personal life, or careerwise. I absolutely MUST be the best at anything I undertake. Having said that, my carreer involves a great deal of responsibility to others, I manage a large staff and are called upon often to delegate, give orders and in general manage a large successful company. I have hidden my submissiveness largely due to the misconceptions of the vanilla world but also in deference to my Father. W/out putting to strong or a negative an emphasis on this, I believe my Father was my first Dominant, albeit that he never knew and in terms of this discussion, he would have been appalled to learn I am a natural submissive. I often find myself feeling "torn" between both worlds - carreer woman vs submissive. I've wondered how others cope with this situation.

xseraphimx,

I am also a submissive in my private D/s world, but have a history of corporate high-level job positions. Perhaps it is because of my duality, but I never had a problem with toggling back and forth from business life to personal life. Then again, I am male in a mostly male segment of the work force, so the "part" of my personality that was programmed for success in the business world operated very well within that scenario.

I strongly believe that it is harder for a submissive woman who is called upon to be a leader and to excel in business to actually pull it off. Of course, women have to work harder than men, in what was previously a man's domain, just to maintain the status quo. This is unfortunate, but I believe that society is changing in that regard.

I think we're looking at the possibility of having the first female President of the United States, which will be major turning point in the search for gender equality.

-philip

 

[lil_slave_rose]

xseraphimx,

I am also a submissive in my private D/s world, but have a history of corporate high-level job positions. Perhaps it is because of my duality, but I never had a problem with toggling back and forth from business life to personal life. Then again, I am male in a mostly male segment of the work force, so the "part" of my personality that was programmed for success in the business world operated very well within that scenario.

I strongly believe that it is harder for a submissive woman who is called upon to be a leader and to excel in business to actually pull it off. Of course, women have to work harder than men, in what was previously a man's domain, just to maintain the status quo. This is unfortunate, but I believe that society is changing in that regard.

I think we're looking at the possibility of having the first female President of the United States, which will be major turning point in the search for gender equality.

-philip

bah..on the whole 'woman president thing' *giggles* i'll just say one thing about that..she was already president once

as for the rest of it. in my volunteer work that i do at a Ministry, i am in a 'leadership' job. i am totally submissive by nature, BUT i have absolutely no problem whatsoever giving orders or taking that leadership role at 'work' those two parts of my life just do not seem to intersect.....though i will say as soon as i get Home i'm ready for Master to take control and i just melt into submission to Him. i don't think the type of job you have defines who you are, especially in this lifestyle, to me they are to totally seperate things...so i have no advice for the OP.....sorry.....

 

[ammre]

I am torn mostly because my ex-husband told me that I emasculated him. I have been told I have a certain look or way about me that can cause a man to shrivel up and die whenever I am not happy with his or her work performance. Which leads me to this point, I found it hard to "switch" off from career woman to submissive when I went home at nights. After having a failed marriage behind me it makes me wonder if perhaps this may be why my ex became so demanding when in private at home.

If he felt emasculated by you being successful and dominating at work and comming home and having some of that confidence there after work, then he's got some of his own issues to work out. That bitch was already insecure.

I don't know if i'm one to give relationship advice, seeing as i've had next to none good ones, but i am totally a go-getter at work. I'm good at what i do and i have no problem telling people they aren't. (I try to be nice about it though!) I am submissive too, and to be honest if my coworkers found out, I wouldn't care. Good ol' e-rosie said it best, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Now if you're in some fucked up north country work situation, then i have no clue what you could do, but keep your chin up and slough it off. You're a submissive but as catelina pointed out, you're not a submissive to everyone, just like no dom is a dom to everyone. As for changing gears, that's why I'm pickey i think. If i'm riding high-n-mighty after work I want someone who will let me be high-n-mighty until i try to high-n-mighty them. Then they should be strong enough to pull me down from my pedistal instead of feeling "emasculated" by my pedistal even existing.