Cant 'preform'

[Redmage2k]

So here's the deal.
I'm a 20 year old male and am currently engaged in my first romantic relationship.
My problem comes when we try to have sex, we're making out, fooling around and stuff but then when the time comes for the act itself I put the condom on but much to my dismay my penis just goes half limp and I can't get it back up no matter what I do. Needless to say this is extreemly frustrating/embaressing for me and presumably quite a let down for her as well.
We have managed to do it once without incident (great, BTW) but the other two times were complete debacles.

Can anyone offer any advice?

 

[LeahLo519]

You're probably just really nervous and when you have to stop fooling around to put the rubber on, it gives you a chance to get even more nervous. Try having her put the condom on for you.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Practicing putting a condom on while you're masturbating can help. Get yourself really excited, then put the condom on, then keep going (use lotion). It'll help both with the procedure and with your nerves.

 

[rhev]

I've expereinced this once or twice with new partners. For me in the past it was only with partners that I really really was deeply in love with. It made me feel like if I was so in love with this person why couldn't I preform for them when a girl who I was only attracted too on a physical level gave me no problems.

IE I know for me the problem was purely mental. Our brains are weird and confusing organs that tend to screw with us. The idea of practicing putting the condom on while masturbating certainly doesn't hurt, but while you are doing that, try to think of the mindset you are in. Shift it around a bit. Think one day of something amazingly erotic to you, the next day about how special your lady makes you feel. I'm willing to bet that you go flacid a bit when you think of how much she means to you. I dont have any idea why, but thats the way it goes.

Then try to "train yourself" into merging the two ideas in your head. Think of your gal as an amazingly sexy and erotic object of desire AND someone you feel close too on an emotional level.
Yes, I know I just told him to think of his girl as an object. Im trying to help the guy out here.

I think the key lays in getting your mind to a point where you can feel around her during sex the way you do when watching your favorite porn (or reading the wonderful stories on literotica.com )

I'm not gaurenteeing this will work for you, only that it did for me.

Oh, and also, heres another nugget of gold. Get really good at oral sex. Ive found that in those horribly awkward times that you described, she tends to care a little bit less if youve made her toes curl in a mind numbing orally induced orgasm. Plus, for me at least, thats a major turn on.

Finally, try not to think about it too much, you can psych yourself out worse than anything if you worry about it too much.

Good luck my friend.

 

[taolanes]

The real solution is KEGEL EXCERCISES

I'm amazed that so few men do them since they make you have rock hard erections whenever you want it, make you have stronger orgasms, and they are fun to do!

Use your penis muscle (that muscle that stops your pee) and press and hold on it for 3 seconds. Do that 10 reps of that twice a day and eventually you will have super strong erections and will never have to worry about being soft again

 

[SweetErika]

The real solution is KEGEL EXCERCISES

I'm amazed that so few men do them since they make you have rock hard erections whenever you want it, make you have stronger orgasms, and they are fun to do!

Use your penis muscle (that muscle that stops your pee) and press and hold on it for 3 seconds. Do that 10 reps of that twice a day and eventually you will have super strong erections and will never have to worry about being soft again

So if a guy with ED or some sort of psychological issue has a strong PC muscle, he can get an erection whenever he wants no matter what's wrong with him? Kegels have their place, but they're not a panacea.

Rhev, LJ, and Leah gave you great advice, Redmage, and I bet it'll help you perform in the future. Also, don't worry about it...if you do, you're going to have a terrible time. If the woman cares about you, she's not going to think less of you. Reassure her how sexy she is, go back to the foreplay, and just try again a little later. She'll be thrilled you can pleasure her for so long.

 

[SummerMorning]

It's nerves. Happened to me too.

It'll pass.

One of the biggest problems I had was the condom - it just turned me off completely. The solution was to practice with a condom while masturbating. A 12 pack should see you through enough practice, I think.

 

[silverwhisper]

it's happened to every guy, i wager. relax a bit. i'm sure it's just as everybody said. there's already been some good advice and i've got nothing new to add to it but i did want you to know you aren't alone. :>

ed

 

[SummerMorning]

Hehe, when I first read the subject I got really scared...

I never, ever pre-formed anything!

 

[bronzeage]

So here's the deal.
I'm a 20 year old male and am currently engaged in my first romantic relationship.
My problem comes when we try to have sex, we're making out, fooling around and stuff but then when the time comes for the act itself I put the condom on but much to my dismay my penis just goes half limp and I can't get it back up no matter what I do. Needless to say this is extreemly frustrating/embaressing for me and presumably quite a let down for her as well.
We have managed to do it once without incident (great, BTW) but the other two times were complete debacles.

Can anyone offer any advice?

What do Diet Coke and condoms have in common?
They both prove you can get used to anything.
Don't Panic. It really is in your head. Your dick is just fine.
Quick check list for 20 year olds:
Dehydration from drinking all night long.
Fatigue from lack of sleep
Dry condom. Lube before you put it on and it works a lot better.
Dont set yourself up for a frustrating night, but dont dwell on it.

 

[taolanes]

sweet erika did you really have to negate what i wrote? that really upsets me that someone has to go out of their way to bash someone elses argument. I simply wrote an actual technique that helps, I don't see why you had to negate what I said since I was just trying to help someone. Grr why are people so mean at times

 

[SweetErika]

sweet erika did you really have to negate what i wrote? that really upsets me that someone has to go out of their way to bash someone elses argument. I simply wrote an actual technique that helps, I don't see why you had to negate what I said since I was just trying to help someone. Grr why are people so mean at times

I'm sorry you feel that was "mean" or "bashing," taolanes. When I wrote that particular reply, I didn't have time to ask you a question, wait, and reply with my own opinion. So instead, I was simply clarifying and contesting your apparent opinion that the one real solution to this problem is strengthening the PC muscle in one shot.

I agree(d) Kegels can be very useful in achieving erections and orgasm. However, I'd hate to see the original poster or others with erectile issues just take your advice that Kegels were THE solution, and continue to have the underlying problem(s). As evidenced by the posts here, including yours, there are many possible problems and contributing factors, and many solutions to go with them. Similarly, there are many ways you could have clarified what I meant or addressed the problems you have with my post. You CHOSE one, but there were lots of possibilities.

Personally, I appreciate it when someone disagrees with or corrects me in a mature way. I learn a lot, especially about communicating better.

 

[omahaguy2]

Well from my personal experience, the first time(well first 6 times since they all took place over the course of a 3 day straight romp) I had trouble getting it up and keeping it there because I was so nervous. After the 1st time around when I had issues I just had trouble staying hard, especcially when she was trying to jack me off or give me a BJ. I just kept thinking to myself, "OH PLEASE STAY HARD!" And my dick did the exact opposite. The girl I was with though was DAMN good and we still got it on 6 times.

At anyrate the next time I had sex, a good 6 months later, I didn't have those 1st time jitters and my dick just seemed to get hard and stay hard forever even after I came. When it really comes right down to it you just have to stop being nervous and let things go smoothly, don't force things and if all else fails down a few beers before hand to remove any inhibitions and nervousness. =P

 

[taolanes]

I'm sorry you feel that was "mean" or "bashing," taolanes. When I wrote that particular reply, I didn't have time to ask you a question, wait, and reply with my own opinion. So instead, I was simply clarifying and contesting your apparent opinion that the one real solution to this problem is strengthening the PC muscle in one shot.

I agree(d) Kegels can be very useful in achieving erections and orgasm. However, I'd hate to see the original poster or others with erectile issues just take your advice that Kegels were THE solution, and continue to have the underlying problem(s). As evidenced by the posts here, including yours, there are many possible problems and contributing factors, and many solutions to go with them. Similarly, there are many ways you could have clarified what I meant or addressed the problems you have with my post. You CHOSE one, but there were lots of possibilities.

Personally, I appreciate it when someone disagrees with or corrects me in a mature way. I learn a lot, especially about communicating better.

It just angered me that you went out of your way to say you agreed with the opinions of eveyone else, and then said how mine was wrong. It just didn't seem necessary, but that was how I took it. I understand now where you were coming from, and in the future I will try to contact people privately. Anyways, sorry about overreacting

 

[thrity]

It also happened to me when I was with my girls for the first few times, my 'symptoms' were just like yours, I could get very erotic very easily in the beginning, but when it turns to action, my penis becomes soft, and could never be erect again, even I really want to do it psychologically.

I found I may get better after get along with my girls for few days. I mean I couldn't always stay with my girls at the time. Whe we met after aparting for several weeks, we were having problems, but I could perform much better if I had the chances to stay with my girls for few days in a row.

I don't know if you are in the similiar situations, if yes, hope you could spend more time with your girlfriend.

 

[Eilan]

sweet erika did you really have to negate what i wrote? that really upsets me that someone has to go out of their way to bash someone elses argument. I simply wrote an actual technique that helps, I don't see why you had to negate what I said since I was just trying to help someone. Grr why are people so mean at times

If you think THAT'S mean, then I'm going to assume that you don't venture over to the General Board too often.

I don't see what the big deal was. If I got pissed off every time someone didn't agree with me, I'd have let myself be run off the boards several months ago.

It just angered me that you went out of your way to say you agreed with the opinions of eveyone else, and then said how mine was wrong.

This is a discussion board, not a "let's agree with everyone who posts here" board. THAT kind of board would be pretty boring. Besides, why should she say that she agreed with everybody if she didn't?

The advice you gave was good advice, but not for this particular problem, in my opinion. If you think I'm mean for being honest about it, then I'm sorry.

 

[Redmage2k]

Thanks for all the good advice guys, you really are a supportive bunch.
Heheheh, we went back to my place after a party on friday, we'd both had a couple of drinks so inhibitions weren't exactly at their strongest... and well... then rest as they say is history...