Can We Talk about Rice?

[NoJo]

I'm not a ricist, in fact some of my favourite rice is black.

Personally I try and avoid rice issues in my stories nowadays, as it just invites trolls.

Here's one anonymous comment I received a while back:

GREAT STORY BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY HOW LONG THE GRAIN WAS AND WETHER SHE ENJOYED IT

 

[KeithD]

Fried, with shrimp, please.

 

[MillieDynamite]

To me, he looked like a bowl of rice and I had the chopsticks to eat him up. I'd eat him in front of mirror so I could see the contrast, my dark skin, his pale grains dropping from the sticks to my long, wet, pink tongue. Mmm good to the last drop and one less whitey rice boy to worry about.

 

[AlinaX]

Like Harley Quinn, I love my Puddin' extra creamy...

 

[TxRad]

Wild rice is exotic and erotic and no two grains are exactly alike.

 

[CyranoJ]

I'm gonna blow some minds, mofos! Uncle Ben is the mascot for the whitest possible rice ever made.

Makes you... not really think, doesn't it? In fact, some people might say it doesn't mean a thing at all. But there's a word for those people: cowards! The truly gangster among us can make anything relevant to anything else with the sheer power of Will.

So, I'm going ahead and assume Uncle Ben "owns the libs" somehow, for some reason. Come at me, wokescolds! You just can't handle these hard-hitting and totally relevant facts.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/42/5d/d3/425dd3d421b3255e20886615f8a906b8.gif

 

[lovecraft68]

There was once a grain of rice that murdered other grains of rice

The other grains formed a mob and apprehended the murderous grain. He went to trial and was sentenced to death by the electric chair.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the origin of fried rice.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I'm gonna blow some minds, mofos! Uncle Ben is the mascot for the whitest possible rice ever made.

Makes you... not really think, doesn't it? In fact, some people might say it doesn't mean a thing at all. But there's a word for those people: cowards! The truly gangster among us can make anything relevant to anything else with the sheer power of Will.

So, I'm going ahead and assume Uncle Ben "owns the libs" somehow, for some reason. Come at me, wokescolds! You just can't handle these hard-hitting and totally relevant facts.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/42/5d/d3/425dd3d421b3255e20886615f8a906b8.gif

On June 17, 2020, following the murder of George Floyd and subsequent protests, Quaker Oats announced that Aunt Jemima would be retired and replaced with a new name and image "to make progress toward racial equality." The image was removed from packaging later in 2020, while the name change was said to happen at a later date.

EDIT "Days earlier, American satirical news outlet The Onion published a fictional article about a similar announcement." The following is not from the Onion article.

Descendants of Aunt Jemima models Lillian Richard and Anna Short Harrington objected to the change. Vera Harris, a family historian for Richard's family, said, "I wish we would take a breath and not just get rid of everything. Because good or bad, it is our history."

Harrington's great-grandson Larnell Evans said, "This is an injustice for my family and me. This is part of my history." Evans had previously lost a lawsuit against Quaker Oats (and others) for billions of dollars in 2015.

 

[CyranoJ]

Days earlier, American satirical news outlet The Onion published a fictional article about a similar announcement.

Sigh. I did prefer it when it was clearer what was an Onion headline and what wasn't.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Sigh. I did prefer it when it was clearer what was an Onion headline and what wasn't.

I shouldn't have included the Onion thing, I don't think the story I took the stuff from was part of the Onion article.

Could be, I just didn't research that part to see if the last was real or Onion needing to be peeled.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I'm not really familiar with Anne, but now I'm inspired to read "Interview with the Vampire"

Interview was a great book. The movie based on the book is best one made from any of her stories.

 

[CyranoJ]

I shouldn't have included the Onion thing, I don't think the story I took the stuff from was part of the Onion article.

Could be, I just didn't research that part to see if the last was real or Onion needing to be peeled.

I don't know its relation to the Quaker Oats announcement and its timing, but the Onion did in fact have a take. We'd probably best stop diverting this honorable rice thread with talk of pancakes, though.

 

[TadOverdon]

It's remarkable that every time some little bit of nostalgic racism gets yanked from the marketplace some people get frantic about "erasing history" - and then turn around and yell bloody murder at the suggestion that more of the history of American slavery be incorporated into the public school curriculum.

There's some fragility for you. They don't give a shit about "history."

Also, converted rice sucks. And not in a good way.

 

[SimonDoom]

I deplore starchism. If you can't appreciate both potatoes AND rice, I think you should take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I deplore starchism. If you can't appreciate both potatoes AND rice, I think you should take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror.

But I look like an overdone potato, so no I want no stinking mirror, I don't got look in stinking mirror.

 

[SamScribble]

The rice is to the swift! Get to the buffet early.

 

[Payne_Hall]

I deplore starchism. If you can't appreciate both potatoes AND rice, I think you should take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror.

Sigh. I have to confess to having a problem with potatoes right now but it’s specifically potato chips. And it’s because of the cool ranch Dorito flavored Lay’s. The only reason, though, is because there’s something distressing about a potato chip that was flavor dusted to taste like a differently flavor dusted corn chip. I’m having trouble reconciling it, if I’m being honest, so it might just be one of those “me” things.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Remember this, kid, the dead don't eat rice.

 

[LAHomedog]

Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco treat.

 

[TxRad]

Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco treat.

Rice-A-Roni will make you bony. Especially in the San Francisco heat.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Remember this, kid, the dead don't eat rice.

Depending on your mythology, a pile of rice can be a great way to stop a vampire.

 

[KeithD]

But will it stop Anne Rice?

 

[lovecraft68]

Are sexy grains of rice referred to as rice cakes?

And if you do are you now sexist as well as ricest?

 

[AlexBailey]

"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."

-Mitch Hedberg


Actually, I'd say he guessed way too low. If you're using short grain sushi style rice it could be more like 10,000 grains in a decent serving, in which case I easily eat over 100,000 per month, multiplied by 50ish years... I've easily munched down over 60million of the little fuckers.

 

[TadOverdon]

...I've easily munched down over 60million of the little fuckers.

You and Veronica Avluv.