Can anyone relate?

[boston_bbw]

Last night a little wine led to a little girl talk with my best friend. She has been single a LONG time, hence she has relied on battery operated toys. She has in the last few months started seeing someone seriously and confided last night that by any means available he can't bring her to orgasm. I reminded her he is not battery operated and with time and being comfortbale it would happen. Any other suggestions??

 

[four]

It sounds like she has some anxiety over the new situation with a man. I dont think it has to do with the physical nature of her body, since she can orgasm just fine. The pressure to perform can be just as hard on a woman as a man. Tell her to take it slow and get comfortable with him. If they have a good line of communication open she can explain her anxiety over the situation and perhaps enjoy herself more?

Its hard to say when you dont know the people involved

Just think less, and enjoy herself more. and perhaps give him some pointers if his oral technique isnt doing it for her

 

[silverwhisper]

oo, that's tough. i think it's possible that she's comparing the experiences and if that's the case, that's not a good thing. after all, she's vastly better informed re: how to get herself off than he is. :>

but w/out knowing a lot of details that i personally wouldn't expect that you'd have available, i'm having trouble thinking of anything helpful to say other than that.

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

I've had similar issues, and I know people who have had similar issues as well.
For me, if I am unable to orgasm by whatever hes doing (if I'm too tense, or nervous, or it simply isn't going right for me at that moment), then usually guys have no problem if you say "Here, let me show you what I like..."
Your friend could even bring out one of her favorite toys and put on a miniature show, if she wanted. It might help her to relax about the whole issue as well. She could also just use the toy to get her to a certain point, and see if he could take over from there. Or, use the toy for the first orgasm, and then possibly more could come easier.

 

[budderfwy]

My advice to your friend is to first relax and quit concentrating on cuming so much. Play with herself during the act itself, reach between them and play with her clit. Maybe she could get a small pocket rocket vibrator and rub her clit with it while they are going at it. Put on a show for him as bisexplicit suggested.

 

[PinkSteel]

If she helps herself along during the act, it will be a huge turn on for the guy. A girl I was with started playing with clit during intercourse once without warning and... WOW... What a turn on watching her get herself off with my dick in her.

 

[SweetErika]

I can have a lot of trouble with this too. The issue isn't the toys, lack of sensitivity, need for fantasy, or a problem with my partner, it's my head. I put too much pressure on myself. As soon as I get there and think I'm going to, I can't. I'm almost there, and he changes something slightly. I get distracted. I don't have a problem by myself because there's no pressure and there's nothing to get distracted by. What works?

- No pressure from either of us. We're both confident in his skills, I can always have an orgasm later, and not having one at a prescribed time doesn't detract from the experience for me. A lot of times when there's no pressure and I don't expect it, I'll just have them through PiV or something else thought of as not particularly orgasmic.

- Masturbating together. We both use a toy, or if that's not working, I'll use it while he's driving me crazy doing other things and I'm touching him.

-Fantasizing. I felt really horrible about this at first because I don't even like to fantasize when I'm with someone! It seems like a complete cop-out and detraction from them, but it's really not. What it does is keep me from getting distracted, and BAM! Reading a story first or together then replaying some of the images also works well.

-He gets me to the edge. He can sense how close I am and feels good about his skills.

-Having an orgasm first. Subsequent ones are quite easy, especially when there's no pressure and everything's already "there."

-Trying new things. If something's not working or we're in a rut, we'll try something new, and it makes it easy.

-Communicating. After, we generally talk about what worked and didn't, can be improved, things we want to try next time, anything we did differently, etc. Without that, I don't think we'd ever have gotten past the, 'I can't cum' phase.

 

[Bacteriophage68]

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[Bacteriophage68]

sauron

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[Eilan]

If she helps herself along during the act, it will be a huge turn on for the guy. A girl I was with started playing with clit during intercourse once without warning and... WOW... What a turn on watching her get herself off with my dick in her.

Keep in mind that there ARE a few men out there who are insecure about stuff like this. It's a "Why-isn't-my-thrusting-penis-good-enough-for-you?" kind of thing.

Not that I'd know this from experience, because my hubby certainly loves it when I play with my clit during sex. I've heard other women talk about it, though.

Once again, it's about communication.

 

[The Gimp]

Once again, it's about communication.

That's exactly what I was thinking. Does he know that she's not having an orgasm? Better yet does he care? If so what are they doing to correct the issue? One of the first things that my girlfriend told me about her bedroom needs is that penetration feels good but she can only orgasm thru oral sex. Therefore at least 80% of the time we have sex I start by performing oral on her and don't stop till she has an orgasm. If either she doesn't know what she needs or doesn't ask for it then she will never get it.

 

[mrmgp]

Last night a little wine led to a little girl talk with my best friend. She has been single a LONG time, hence she has relied on battery operated toys. She has in the last few months started seeing someone seriously and confided last night that by any means available he can't bring her to orgasm. I reminded her he is not battery operated and with time and being comfortbale it would happen. Any other suggestions??

I'm thinking she just got a little too used to the sensations of her battery operated boyfriend, and now she's having a difficult time transitioning to a real partner who doesn't buzz her vagina or clitoris.

I've had a sort-of related problem about getting off. For 11 years, I was married to a large woman (the largest she got while we were married was a 24W). After her, my next girlfriend (actually a former girlfriend whom I became reacquainted with after the separation) had, over the years, grown to a larger size than my wife (probably a 28W), I'm guessing. I was used to being in certain positions with larger sized women, and feeling certain sensations from two women whose vaginas gave similar feelings of friction during intercourse. Then, all of a sudden, I'm in a relationship with a woman who is a size 16, and her vagina was incredibly wet (not dripping down her thighs wet like the rant I made against the cliche in the Story Feedback forum), and felt as smooth as glass. So, I'm having to get used to a woman who is incredibly wet (and a thick kind of wet like KY jelly, but literally sweeter than honey), wetter than I'd ever experienced before, has a glass-smooth vagina providing absolutely no sensation of the kind of frictions I'd been accustomed to since 1989, and I'm no longer in the same missionary position I've been accustomed to being in for so long because she was so much thinner than my previous two partners. The only way I could orgasm was by penetrating her "doggie style". But then, one day, she wasn't so wet for some reason, and when trying missionary for the umpteenth time, I was able to come inside her without having to switch positions. I felt as though I had just climbed Mount Everest all by myself!

But a few days later, a problem she had that she didn't want to get help for completely obliterated the relationship, so I was never able to see if I had successfully gotten past the hurdle or not.

My guess is that your friend is just going to need a lot of time and patience trying to get re-adapted to "normal" sex. Hopefully her boyfriend will be as patient as well.

 

[BlueSugar]

everyone has great points ...

but.. I've noticed for myself.. when I don't have sex for a while, and I've grown a little dependant on my toys... I have a hard time getting off for the first few times I have sex again.
Its just totally different sensations... depending on how your friend's guy feels about toys maybe have her incorporate one into play a little.. just to her her started so he can finish her ?

 

[fr34k_n45ty]

i've read in a few places about getting so use to your toys that it's very hard to get off from normal sex. "experts say" that you by yourself should start to use the toys less and your hands more.... well good luck