Can a top be topped?

[elfin_odalisque]

Fascinating thread, but the word love hasn't appeared once. Isn't that what defines tops and bottoms and what we expect of our relationships?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Fascinating thread, but the word love hasn't appeared once. Isn't that what defines tops and bottoms and what we expect of our relationships?

Not necessarily, not in this particular conversation- I think most of us here consider it implicit, anyway

 

[Liar]

Just as it's not an issue for you, to some others, it is a simple this-or-that situation. I'm a bottom, for instance. Can't top, have no desire to top, don't find the idea arousing or appealing in the slightest. My top is strictly a top, as well. Can't bottom, doesn't want to bottom, and finds the idea of bottoming far less than appealing. Everyone has preferences, that way. Some can do both, but others -- believe it or not -- prefer those roles (top or bottom) all the time.

If you don't like or want the title of switch, that's fine. I don't really see it so much as a label, just a definition of preference. But, if you feel that way, I respect that. You don't want to be called a switch, you're not a switch. There.

Ha, you only say that 'cuz I'm waving a waffle at you.

Never said it wasn't an issue for me. Just that I see it differently. Based on my own preferences and that of those I've been with or otherwise know how they function, I can't quite understand the dichotomy between one and the other. I've never met anyone (other than here) that calls themselves a "top" or a "bottom". Must be some sort of cultural definition difference, that makes the whole idea odd to me. If a top meets a toppier top, hoes he cease to be what he was?

Rather, we tend to think of it as a scale, on which people exist within their comfort zone. (Or probably more than one scale - human nature is a complex beast.) Some have a big comfort zone, some a small one, but all differ, one way or the other. And I've been in or seen sexually successive relationships between most any combination of controller and controlled. Or for that matter, between two what you'd call tops as well as two bottoms. Or a "middle" and another top-type or bottom-type personality. Those dynamics were quite different, but once both figured what the other one was all about, also (at least seemingly) satisfying.

Erm...just trying to eplain what I mean. Hope that was comprehensible. Like you said, call yourself whatever you wish.

 

[alice_underneath]

Well, there goes any chance of me exploring the lifestyle.

Even the thought of being dominated makes me want to throw up. People being in charge of me has been an unvarying source of pain and there's no way on earth I'm going through that again.

Excuse me. Have to go empty my stomach.

I don't think you should feel badly about this, and I don't think it precludes you from exploring "the lifestyle".

There are lots of women (including myself) who find men in submissive roles to be a huge turn-off (from an erotic point of view).

There is no disrespect for submissive men in that statement.

I can respect, admire, appreciate, and befriend a man who assumes a submissive role...... but I can't find him sexually appealing. That's just the way I am.

Can a top be topped?

To me, the word 'top' means the one inflicting pain in a scene involving sadomasochistic play.

My answer to the question is: some are willing to do this; some aren't.

* shrugs *

It depends on the person.

Alice

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Yes, I believe so.

Hold me.

We will huddle there.

We can be fluffy in the middle.

"Fluffy in the middle"?

Isn't that a sitcom on FOX?

 

[zeb1094]

No, it's on the WB now!

 

[master_chay]

Well, I am a Master who is 100% Dom, but my slave is a switch. One of the ways that we get around this is to have her rewarded with "Slave Days" now and then. These are days when she gets to be in charge, instead of me. I don't do it often, since I don't actually enjoy being "topped", but I do it now and then.

I hear you. Don't know if I'd be into a slave "day."

A moment, now and then, to tease them ... to tease myself ... that's a different track ... :->

 

[lovecraft68]

I hear you. Don't know if I'd be into a slave "day."

A moment, now and then, to tease them ... to tease myself ... that's a different track ... :->

I'm a switch, but have not been the bottom with just any partner. There has to be something in them that hits me just the right way to make me want to give them control.

Usually for me its defiance. If a bottom is the type to put up resistance and they get that half lust/half pissed off look on their face it makes me wonder what thye could do on top.

This is most likely because I'm into receiving pain on occasions and if I feel they can "bring it" then I'll give them a chance to do so.

 

[Cruel2BKind]

I hear you. Don't know if I'd be into a slave "day."

A moment, now and then, to tease them ... to tease myself ... that's a different track ... :->

What is your deal?

If you want to discuss these subjects, bring them up. Don't bump ancient threads.

 

[Handley_Page]

What is your deal?

If you want to discuss these subjects, bring them up. Don't bump ancient threads.

I quite agree.
Someone seems to be of the opinion that no modern thread is worth anything and thus the resurrection game starts.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

This idea that there are 'rules' to being a dom or a sub or top or a bottom, or things you can or can't do without losing your 'rating' is ridiculous. There is no Pope or High Council of BDSM laying down requirements on what's permissible and what isn't, and excommunicating you or revoking your license if you don't toe the line.

There is no such thing as a real dom or sub, or the right way or best way of doing D/s. The words dom and sub and top or bottom are just shorthand labels that indicate one's preferred role and behavior. That's all they are.

I'm a top in that I like taking charge of the sexual stuff and like exercising power over my partner. I don't care much for having a slave or any of that status domming, and outside of the bedroom, my partner's my equal. But if she wants to occasionally take charge of me in bed, I have no problem with that.

Does that make me a switch or a functional bottom? I don't know and I don't give a fuck. I do what I want and don't let labels define me. Any dom who's afraid to do something because it might challenge his status is not a dominant at all.


And as for bumping old threads, why not? Maybe someone was reading in the archives and found the topic and ensuing discussion more illuminating and focused than they could recreate in a new thread. I don't see the sin.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I never mind the threads being dredged up, but master_chay will find more of what he's looking for in the BDSM forums.

And I totally agree with Dr. Mabeuse's previous post.

 

[robertreams]

I am so glad you used the word "taken" One of my characters was "taken" and loved it, yet several readers considered it "Rape!" What's up with that?

Actually, this character was or is a "top" but is also new to admitted gayness and actually had only one partner, so I would say in that situation, why not be topped by someone a little more dominating?

 

[lovecraft68]

I am so glad you used the word "taken" One of my characters was "taken" and loved it, yet several readers considered it "Rape!" What's up with that?

Actually, this character was or is a "top" but is also new to admitted gayness and actually had only one partner, so I would say in that situation, why not be topped by someone a little more dominating?

Because some people have a little something called caution and do not want to have their first time be with someone who is that overwhelming to them.

Many people "ease" into the lifestyle like they do with anything else knew.

Nothing is more frightening than a woman(a man as well I suppose, but I think more dangerous for women) that decide they want to check out BDSM because it seemed hot in some book they read and they go to a club and go home with the first sadist they find.

Remember do to its nature it is a sad fact that BDSM draws the attention of true sadists looking for an easy mark.

Some books/stories make that scenario seem sexy.

Its not.

 

[robertreams]

Oh, yes.

ETA: Everybody likes variety. There are times when a top just wants taken.

I am glad you used the term "taken". A character in one of my stories was "taken" and liked it,yet some of my readers said it was a rape! In fact this character was a top being bottomed fo the first time, but he was also very inexperienced, having had only one lover, so he met his :top".