Can a man, who has a long history of being unfaithful, change?

[Cherry]

If he swears that he's never loved anybody like he loves you before?

If during his relationship with you, he's never strayed?

If his previous relationships, that he was unfaithful in, had weaknesses that weren't necessarily his fault?

 

[Weevil]

Little too specific to be hypothetical but I'll give it a shot.

Sure. Why not. People can change, most of them anyway.

Now to deal with the rest of your points

1. Doesn't matter

2. Doesn't matter

3. Doesn't matter.

 

[lobito]

What's the old saying? You can't change someone, unless they WANT to change...

 

[mysty74]

MOST people don't change. It IS, however, possible. If he loves you enough, and IF he has the willpower to say no to a pretty face.
Mysty

 

[MissTaken]

It could happen. He could change.

For me, eternal skeptic, I wouldn't put any money on it. What is his pattern of infidelity? At what point in the relationship does he stray?

When you know the answer to those questions, perhaps you could explore it with him and deter it from happening again.

I am sorry, but I am a skeptic.

However, I do believe people can change if they are so motivated.

 

[PacificBlue]

No, I don't think he will change. I think someone who has cheated in their past and done it with more than one woman will likely do it again. Past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior.

The last line in your original question...that's just an excuse to try to justify his behavior..."oh, I had to cheat because...blah, blah, blah". He didn't have to cheat, he had a choice.

Am I being very black and white in my reponse? yes. A little too high and mighty? probably.


~A very jaded Pacific Blue~

 

[Ghostposter]

Confess.
You're really Denise Richards, aren't you?

 

[Summery]

Anything is possible. But in my own experience, they don't change. Every situation is different though.
Guess it depends on how bad someone wants to make a change.
Just my worthless .02

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Can he? Sure, I don't know why he couldn't.

The real question is would/will he?

That depends on him and the situation. By "long history" do you mean he cheated on more than one person? Or do you mean that he cheated more than once with the same person? Or he cheated on the same person more than once?

If he cheated on more than one person or he cheated on the same person more than once with different women, then the chances are slim of him not cheating again - he is showing a habitual behavior that is beyond just one person or situation.

I am not sure what weaknesses a person can have that would cause them to be unfaithful, that would not be their fault.

That said, what is past is past, if you are in a relationship with someone, and you are now having doubts due to his past behavior with someone else, yet he has been faithful to you, then I would not hold the past behavior against him. But I doubt if I would knowingly enter into a relationship with such a person.

 

[Kadee]

If he swears that he's never loved anybody like he loves you before?

If during his relationship with you, he's never strayed?

If his previous relationships, that he was unfaithful in, had weaknesses that weren't necessarily his fault?

Anything is possible...but...

a. he probably said that to her too

b. how do you know...and

c. there is never a excuse for cheating...weakness or no weakness

 

[riff]

I would say the odds are against him, but anything is possible

 

[april-wine]

If he swears that he's never loved anybody like he loves you before?

If during his relationship with you, he's never strayed?

If his previous relationships, that he was unfaithful in, had weaknesses that weren't necessarily his fault?

Hey Cherry girl hugssssssssssssssssssss.....My only concern in your post, was the last line, maybe they weren't his fault, but he made the decision to cheat.....People can change, hell I been there.......Just keep the lines of communication open, living under suspicion is no fun...........

 

[Vivacia]

Yes, is the answer I would give!

That is based on my experience - my partner wasn't faithful with his wife and they both had a series of affairs.

Since he has met me however he has been completely faithful, I know this because he spends all his time that he is not working with me, and when he IS working he is always on the phone to me, so he hasn't the time to be unfaithful.

Sometimes it just takes the right person to tame his wondering heart!

 

[fallon2]

The long and short

If he has a long history . . . NO! A short history . . .YES!

 

[MysteryWriter]

not a chance

 

[Siren]

NO, you cant teach an old dog new tricks

 

[Cheyenne]

I'm always amazed at the people who start out as couples with one of the pair cheating on a spouse. Even if that spouse divorces and marries the new partner, what are the odds of him/her being faithful? I don't feel sorry for those people when the new spouse does eventually stray. They know the kind of person they married in the first place, after all, they were cheating together at one point.

No, I don't think people change. Take them or leave them "as is." All flaws included, no extra charge.

 

[alexandraaah]

Re: The long and short

If he has a long history . . . NO! A short history . . .YES!

I don't think this one is an exact science, but I agree with fallon2 mostly. My experience has never shown me a one time only cheater...doesn't mean they don't exist. If you're asking though, you must have some serious concerns; do you really want to live in constant concern?

 

[LukkyKnight]

Can he change? As STG and others have said, yes.

Will he? Much harder to know.

Would I bet on it? Not from here, no.

Should you bet on it? That is the $64,000 question, isn't it? Helpful, aren't we? You have to decide if it's worth the risk to your heart. Nothing says a guy who's never been unfaithful is guaranteed to stay that way, people grow and change, circumstances vary, shit happens. There's always risk, but just because somebody's erred in the past is no reason to assume it has to happen again. You know more about this man than the rest of us put together. Listen to your heart.

 

[SamMalone]

If he swears that he's never loved anybody like he loves you before?

If during his relationship with you, he's never strayed?

If his previous relationships, that he was unfaithful in, had weaknesses that weren't necessarily his fault?

Cherry......

No way! If this dude has had numerous affairs I would say he will not stop till old age catches up with him. He knows how easy it is and how easy it is to find the next one that is willing to believe in him for a short time till he does it again. If he has that animal magnetism that drives women crazy......its off to the races before you know it.

 

[Unclebill]

Originally posted by Cherry
If he swears that he's never loved anybody like he loves you before?

He probably said the same thing to all of the others.

Originally posted by Cherry
If during his relationship with you, he's never strayed?

How certain are you of that as a fact? Is it based on what he's told you or direct knowledge? If he has a history of cheating, he's had time to get good at hiding the behavior.

Originally posted by Cherry
If his previous relationships, that he was unfaithful in, had weaknesses that weren't necessarily his fault?

The only weakness involved is his lack of resolve to say "NO", to stand true to his word, i. e., to honor the fidelity promised in the marriage vows (or did he skip that part?).

People can change but unless they have sufficient motivation, they won't.

And don't delude yourself by telling yourself it will be different with you. His cheating is the result of his choice to do so.

With what you know of his history, you'd be very wise to consider taking what Siren posted seriously. She's made some very sage observations there.

 

[Siren]

THUMP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Moridin187]

It's possible that he can change, but there are a lot of different factors... Sometimes men cheat because they think their partner is cheating on them and want to get back.. sometimes it's from insecurity about their attractiveness.. sometimes it's a desperate wish to get away from the relationship and an attempt to fuck it up.. sometimes it's pure, insatiable lust...


It all depends...

and what are these weaknesses you were talking about?

 

[MysteryWriter]

Men like us go dormant is all. it comes back out of the blue... sorry but true.

 

[WhiteRose]

If he swears that he's never loved anybody like he loves you before?

Do you really believe he's never said this before?

If during his relationship with you, he's never strayed?

A guy who cheats...lies. Are you with him 24 hours a day?

If his previous relationships, that he was unfaithful in, had weaknesses that weren't necessarily his fault?

Nobody held a gun to his head and forced him to cheat. Nobody held a gun to his head putting him in situations that encouraged it. Did his pants just drop off all by themselves? No, he CHOSE to cheat.

*takes a deep breath*

Do I think it's possible that a habitual cheater can reform? I hope so. I really do. Would I risk my heart on someone like that?

Never again.