Calling All Lit Subs!

[shy slave]

Yeah, sure it does. *shrug* Just go and don't come back.

You threw out the club secretary??

How are we going to know what happens next and recieve the secret newsletter with handy hints including how to stop a Dom/Me in their tracks with one hand tied behind our back???

ADR how do you manage to be thrown out from such a non-spiteful place that is aimed at 'men hating' as oppose to Dommes and submissives; your not a man, are you???

You and Boz must be special, I am jealous now

*sulks*

 

[A Desert Rose]

You threw out the club secretary??

How are we going to know what happens next and recieve the secret newsletter with handy hints including how to stop a Dom/Me in their tracks with one hand tied behind our back???

ADR how do you manage to be thrown out from such a non-spiteful place that is aimed at 'men hating' as oppose to Dommes and submissives; your not a man, are you???

You and Boz must be special, I am jealous now

*sulks*

A man??? LOL there actually are a couple of people here who've met me in the flesh... No one would doubt Shadow, now would they? LOL

And yea, boz is special indeed... ;-) He's a real true pal to me.

 

[WriterDom]

A sub would never lie. Or end a relationship in a bad way. I've never had a woman send me a picture of her niece and tell me it's her. Nooooooo... I haven't had a woman mysteriously gain 300 pound in a week. Noooooooo.. I've never had a woman age 20 years overnight. I've never had married women claim to be single. Nooooooo... I've never had subs seem so very interested and then disappear without a word. Nooooooo. I've never had online things with subs only to get emails telling me they found a Dom at a club last night. Nooooooo... Why just out Doms? why not all people who do bad things?

 

[Recidiva]

A sub would never lie. Or end a relationship in a bad way. I've never had a woman send me a picture of her niece and tell me it's her. Nooooooo... I haven't had a woman mysteriously gain 300 pound in a week. Noooooooo.. I've never had a woman age 20 years overnight. I've never had married women claim to be single. Nooooooo... I've never had subs seem so very interested and then disappear without a word. Nooooooo. I've never had online things with subs only to get emails telling me they found a Dom at a club last night. Nooooooo... Why just out Doms? why not all people who do bad things?

*snicker*

 

[DVS]

Everybody seems to be jumping to conclusions and making this seem like it's going to be nothing but bad news for the whole world. The atmosphere created by this makes it impossible for someone in favor of this to post. This reminds me of the General board. It's also why I've never posted over there.

Well, I'm sure you've succeeded in killing this from ever happening. Job well done. I, for one, saw potential in it. No, not in the Nazi tactics mentioned in some posts, but as a method to diminish multiple hits on people, here at Lit. From what I understand, its intentions were to be like a better business bureau kind of thing.

I know of more than a few situations that might not have happened, if such a deal had been in affect. I know of at least two Doms that were bouncing from sub to sub, ultimately leaving headache and heartache when their wake.

Oh, there was nothing illegal in what these guys were doing, and nothing about their Dom potential, either. But their methods changed after the initial contact and a different personality evolved.

Sure, this club idea has potential problems. Risks are involved, there's a chance vendettas could occur from spiteful subs that feel they've been wronged. But, if nothing is done, the problems that exist now only continue. This thing isn't out in the open for all to see...just the affected people know about it. The perfect shopping ground for a predator.

Why move this thread from the BDSM forum to the cafe. No, it doesn't really affect what happens, except this was intended as a serious thread concerning a serious BDSM related topic, not the fodder of ridicule it's getting now.

More and more I see posters ganging up on things they don't like. I see more of what I hate about the General board finding its way into this area. It's sad that we feel the need to do this and call it freedom of speech.

I don't normally get into the heat of these things, because you never win, no matter what side you're on. People just take sides, get pissed and rant for a while, then the thread just eventually fades away...just like I'm sure this one will. And, I'm not going to say anything more on this topic, because it has effectively been killed. So, it's back to everybody fending for themselves...and business as usual.

 

[Recidiva]

This reminds me of the General board. It's also why I've never posted over there.

Dude. I post there. Please, please, will people stop boardism.

We can HEAR you.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Everybody seems to be jumping to conclusions and making this seem like it's going to be nothing but bad news for the whole world. The atmosphere created by this makes it impossible for someone in favor of this to post. This reminds me of the General board. It's also why I've never posted over there.

Well, I'm sure you've succeeded in killing this from ever happening. Job well done. I, for one, saw potential in it. No, not in the Nazi tactics mentioned in some posts, but as a method to diminish multiple hits on people, here at Lit. From what I understand, its intentions were to be like a better business bureau kind of thing.

I know of more than a few situations that might not have happened, if such a deal had been in affect. I know of at least two Doms that were bouncing from sub to sub, ultimately leaving headache and heartache when their wake.

Oh, there was nothing illegal in what these guys were doing, and nothing about their Dom potential, either. But their methods changed after the initial contact and a different personality evolved.

Sure, this club idea has potential problems. Risks are involved, there's a chance vendettas could occur from spiteful subs that feel they've been wronged. But, if nothing is done, the problems that exist now only continue. This thing isn't out in the open for all to see...just the affected people know about it. The perfect shopping ground for a predator.

Why move this thread from the BDSM forum to the cafe. No, it doesn't really affect what happens, except this was intended as a serious thread concerning a serious BDSM related topic, not the fodder of ridicule it's getting now.

More and more I see posters ganging up on things they don't like. I see more of what I hate about the General board finding its way into this area. It's sad that we feel the need to do this and call it freedom of speech.

I don't normally get into the heat of these things, because you never win, no matter what side you're on. People just take sides, get pissed and rant for a while, then the thread just eventually fades away...just like I'm sure this one will. And, I'm not going to say anything more on this topic, because it has effectively been killed. So, it's back to everybody fending for themselves...and business as usual.

DVS, nothing has ever stopped anyone from attacking me in THIS forum. It's been done before and will be done again. Just like you've done in your post. If anyone wants to seriously post here... there's nothing stopping them from doing so and silencing those who don't see this as a healthy or constructive idea.

This forum needs more cliques. And that's what this is all about. The playground has their little "clubs." That's what they want to form here... an unhealthy clique.

You like it, you keep it alive. Go for it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Everybody seems to be jumping to conclusions and making this seem like it's going to be nothing but bad news for the whole world. The atmosphere created by this makes it impossible for someone in favor of this to post. This reminds me of the General board. It's also why I've never posted over there.

Well, I'm sure you've succeeded in killing this from ever happening. Job well done. I, for one, saw potential in it. No, not in the Nazi tactics mentioned in some posts, but as a method to diminish multiple hits on people, here at Lit. From what I understand, its intentions were to be like a better business bureau kind of thing.

I know of more than a few situations that might not have happened, if such a deal had been in affect. I know of at least two Doms that were bouncing from sub to sub, ultimately leaving headache and heartache when their wake.

Oh, there was nothing illegal in what these guys were doing, and nothing about their Dom potential, either. But their methods changed after the initial contact and a different personality evolved.

Sure, this club idea has potential problems. Risks are involved, there's a chance vendettas could occur from spiteful subs that feel they've been wronged. But, if nothing is done, the problems that exist now only continue. This thing isn't out in the open for all to see...just the affected people know about it. The perfect shopping ground for a predator.

Why move this thread from the BDSM forum to the cafe. No, it doesn't really affect what happens, except this was intended as a serious thread concerning a serious BDSM related topic, not the fodder of ridicule it's getting now.

More and more I see posters ganging up on things they don't like. I see more of what I hate about the General board finding its way into this area. It's sad that we feel the need to do this and call it freedom of speech.

I don't normally get into the heat of these things, because you never win, no matter what side you're on. People just take sides, get pissed and rant for a while, then the thread just eventually fades away...just like I'm sure this one will. And, I'm not going to say anything more on this topic, because it has effectively been killed. So, it's back to everybody fending for themselves...and business as usual.

I can't agree this time DVS. I did have complaints made to me as a moderator about the tone of the thread, the threats to name, and some asking the thread be removed, but that is not Lit policy, nor did I think it was necessary. I moved the thread (and a couple of others), not out of spite or personal POV, but out of what both sections are said to represent. Cafe is for less serious threads, fun, chat, general discussion while Talk is generally for more serious 'discussions' (not lists of people to not trust) related to D/s, SM, BDSM....despite the noted intentions, nowhere was I seeing anything which even definately specified what was considered to be bad or risky behaviour on the part of the possibly to be bad listed Doms, just a lot of posting about doing it and stopping them from contacting anyone else because the posters did not like how they treated them.

This touched nerves on my part in that first, unlike you, I saw THAT intention as GB type behaviour, I did not see why it should target one gender or just Dominants, I did not see why we should unquestioningly trust the judgement of one or two people who we have not seen contributing on this forum much or at all, I do not believe in outing or listing people as unsavoury (especially based on the opinion of one or a couple of people they are not in a relationship with), and apart from that, what about taking responsibility for making their choices and living with and learning from the outcomes?!!

It is a big, bad world out there, and sometimes things do not go as we would like....but is that good enough reason to then publicly out someone as not to be trusted? What if it is simply a mismatch of personalities, misunderstandings, misinterpretation, or fabrication of what happened, shock horro, even lies? I have no issue with threads discussing behaviour to be aware of, what to watch out for, what might or might not be dangerous...I do have problems with hinting at people or identifying them directly or indirectly as bad and to be avoided. That to me is crossing a line I am not comfortable with being party to. Sorry, is just who I am. If you feel comfortable listing people you think others should not consider safe, real, or worthy, go ahead, but also be prepared for whatever outcomes you might encounter as a result.

Catalina

 

[DVS]

I can't agree this time DVS. I did have complaints made to me as a moderator about the tone of the thread, the threats to name, and some asking the thread be removed, but that is not Lit policy, nor did I think it was necessary. I moved the thread (and a couple of others), not out of spite or personal POV, but out of what both sections are said to represent. Cafe is for less serious threads, fun, chat, general discussion while Talk is generally for more serious 'discussions' (not lists of people to not trust) related to D/s, SM, BDSM....despite the noted intentions, nowhere was I seeing anything which even definately specified what was considered to be bad or risky behaviour on the part of the possibly to be bad listed Doms, just a lot of posting about doing it and stopping them from contacting anyone else because the posters did not like how they treated them.

This touched nerves on my part in that first, unlike you, I saw THAT intention as GB type behaviour, I did not see why it should target one gender or just Dominants, I did not see why we should unquestioningly trust the judgement of one or two people who we have not seen contributing on this forum much or at all, I do not believe in outing or listing people as unsavoury (especially based on the opinion of one or a couple of people they are not in a relationship with), and apart from that, what about taking responsibility for making their choices and living with and learning from the outcomes?!!

It is a big, bad world out there, and sometimes things do not go as we would like....but is that good enough reason to then publicly out someone as not to be trusted? What if it is simply a mismatch of personalities, misunderstandings, misinterpretation, or fabrication of what happened, shock horro, even lies? I have no issue with threads discussing behaviour to be aware of, what to watch out for, what might or might not be dangerous...I do have problems with hinting at people or identifying them directly or indirectly as bad and to be avoided. That to me is crossing a line I am not comfortable with being party to. Sorry, is just who I am. If you feel comfortable listing people you think others should not consider safe, real, or worthy, go ahead, but also be prepared for whatever outcomes you might encounter as a result.

Catalina

We could be here all day going back and forth, but it's obvious that misconceptions abound. Names would never be mentioned and nobody would ever be "outed". Of course, that's not how you see it materializing and that's fine. We all are instilled to our opinions. But, catalina_francisco, the tone of your post shows me your POV was an influence, but that's fine, too. No harm, no foul. It is a big nasty world out there.

 

[catalina_francisco]

We could be here all day going back and forth, but it's obvious that misconceptions abound. Names would never be mentioned and nobody would ever be "outed". Of course, that's not how you see it materializing and that's fine. We all are instilled to our opinions. But, catalina_francisco, the tone of your post shows me your POV was an influence, but that's fine, too. No harm, no foul. It is a big nasty world out there.

Perhaps you missed this in the first post made by Victoria to introduce the thread (NB. not me, my imagination, or opinion), "None of these Doms will be mentioned by name, unless you don't leave all of the club members alone." ...which to me is a threat to name names unless her wishes are abided by, not the way I 'see it' but her own words. And of course there was the PM I got as well which could only at best be described as angry and to me, abusive. Classy for sure, and definately does nothing to reassure me as to the supposedly innocent purpose behind the thread as being all above board and with the best intentions.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

Perhaps you missed this in the first post made by Victoria to introduce the thread (NB. not me, my imagination, or opinion), "None of these Doms will be mentioned by name, unless you don't leave all of the club members alone." ...which to me is a threat to name names unless her wishes are abided by. And of course there was the PM I got as well which could only be described as angry and to me, abusive. Classy for sure, and definately does nothing to reassure me as to the supposedly innocent purpose behind the thread as being all above board and with the best intentions.

Catalina

What I see in that is that not only will they name names, but that you don't get protection unless you join her 'club'.

I won't do it. Join her 'club', that is. Believe me, I know of a person on this board who has four restraining orders on him, just from people on this board. I inform any subs who get too close to him of what happened. That's the right way to do it. This 'join our club, and you can have protection for the big bad dom' stuff is . . . . silly. As someone (either RJ or DVS) pointed out, if someone is a predator or even just a jerk, and they realized everyone's on to them, they'll just create an alt. Then we won't know where they are or who they're targeting.

If all people are looking for is a place to complain about someone jade has a bitch thread, just for that kind of thing. Their's also the worst pm's thread, the asshat thread . . . and several others. (I'm not going to list them all.)

 

[shy slave]

I too have had a pm about my posts in this thread.

I do take DVS point about people ganging up on things they don't like but I have a slightly different view of it.
I dont see it as anything like the GB, in there the humour is quick, knee jerk, sarcastic and funny; those the are not amusing are eaten alive.
'Ganging up,' cliques, yes they are here. People make friends and enemies.
This is online not real life so anything that happens here can be taken out of context, forgotten or be a copy of 'real' behaviour.
I hate cliques, I have come to see Lit in a very different way over the past few months. This has nothing to do with the death of my son, it is to do with BDSM becoming a catch all for 'anything goes' I have recently spoken about this in other threads, and as a result been ignored, had abusive pm's and largely been on the end of what some people take everyday from others here.

Threads have a mind of their own, you put them out there and they grow. This thread verged, to me, on a potential witchhunt.
Threads get bumped months and years later, what if this were bumped. What reaction would it get, what vileness would it spawn and whose life could it potentially ruin?

No-one here has escaped being hurt from someone, thats life real and online.
Look at other threads from subs who post pics of their cunt covered their own cum and declare undying love for a Dom who later leaves them and jumps to the GB or playground to play with someone else. It happens. It does not mean we should stop either of them, we are not God.
I had an online relationship with someone who used to post here, he was a lovely person but had some issues that could not be overcome. I have never said who he was, nor will I. If I did and told all good and not so good about what I knew of him, then he chose to return, he is ruined and judged before a jury he never even knew.

As an aside for Victoria, free speech is great but be careful your not using it as a kick back because your hurt.

 

[alice_underneath]

what about taking responsibility for making their choices and living with and learning from the outcomes?!!

That hits the nail on the head, in my opinion.



Victoria -

I have no way of knowing whether this thread was a sincere attempt to help others, or a vindictive lashing out. If it is the former, I honestly think that your focus is misdirected. I'll give you an example to explain what I mean.

Sprinkles wrote -

I have a Litster whom I will "beware" all others.

He is a lurker, who claims to be quite the Dom. His plan ... to lure you in with sweet words and promises that all your fantasies can come true. Then he disappears .... never to be heard from again. By YOU, that is. Next thing you know, he's wooing another sub, then another, then another.

He's bad news ....

You responded -

Then if he is indeed a *lurker* then perhaps he will see this and know his "game" is had. He must truly be a 'user' or think that He is above reproach.

My response would have been completely different. To me, what is 'bad news' is the fact that grown women are falling for this stuff. The person who needs a scolding (albeit, perhaps, a gentle one) is the female who has reached the age of majority and yet, somehow, believes that Prince Charming exists in the form of the Perfect Virtual Dom.

Perhaps, if I knew Sprinkles, I would tease her by saying:

Guys employ sweet words and empty promises to seduce women, without any intention of sticking around?!?!? EGADS!!! Somebody call the New York Times!!!

Then, perhaps, I would offer reminders or suggestions, such as:

Whether you are becoming emotionally involved with some guy on the other side of the planet or your next door neighbor, the same rules apply. Take the time to get to know the person before you get in too deep. If something seems too good to be true - it almost certainly is. As the late prez said: Trust, but verify. Etc., etc., etc.

Or, as Shy wrote:

Its up to the individual to keep their brains in their heads not their panties.

Exactly.

I do not write these things to be nasty, and there is not a single clique on this Board that would count me as a member. I am simply (and sincerely) trying to make an honest and important point.

The way to protect yourself in the future is to take responsibility for your own mistakes, and learn from them. No club can protect you from predators and pricks. That's something you are just going to have to learn to do for yourself.

Respectfully,
Alice

 

[WriterDom]

Belonging to such a club would bring on more problems than it solved. In my opinion. You can't expect a Dom to leave all the members alone unless you give him a list of the members. That's almost an open invitation to come back as an alt and see how many you can notch on your flogger.

And who gets to cherry pick the members? Some people are nuts. I could see a sub coming up with a fictitious date rape story and sticking a Dom's name in she didn't like. That would get the sister sub club in a tissy.

 

[Sprinkles22]

That hits the nail on the head, in my opinion.



Victoria -

I have no way of knowing whether this thread was a sincere attempt to help others, or a vindictive lashing out. If it is the former, I honestly think that your focus is misdirected. I'll give you an example to explain what I mean.

Sprinkles wrote -

You responded -
My response would have been completely different. To me, what is 'bad news' is the fact that grown women are falling for this stuff. The person who needs a scolding (albeit, perhaps, a gentle one) is the female who has reached the age of majority and yet, somehow, believes that Prince Charming exists in the form of the Perfect Virtual Dom.

Perhaps, if I knew Sprinkles, I would tease her by saying:

Guys employ sweet words and empty promises to seduce women, without any intention of sticking around?!?!? EGADS!!! Somebody call the New York Times!!!

Then, perhaps, I would offer reminders or suggestions, such as:

Whether you are becoming emotionally involved with some guy on the other side of the planet or your next door neighbor, the same rules apply. Take the time to get to know the person before you get in too deep. If something seems too good to be true - it almost certainly is. As the late prez said: Trust, but verify. Etc., etc., etc.

Or, as Shy wrote:

Exactly.

I do not write these things to be nasty, and there is not a single clique on this Board that would count me as a member. I am simply (and sincerely) trying to make an honest and important point.

The way to protect yourself in the future is to take responsibility for your own mistakes, and learn from them. No club can protect you from predators and pricks. That's something you are just going to have to learn to do for yourself.

Respectfully,
Alice

Perhaps I am foolish for wanting to trust and believe in people. It's my nature.

However, in following this thread, I feel extremely dispaired at the turn it has taken. My intention was not, nor ever will be ... to OUT anyone, whether Dom, Sub, Male or Female. My submissiveness is a private matter to me, that is why I do not post on the BDSM threads other than an occassional blurt. My only intention in responding to Victoria was because, as a friend, I could identify with her pain ... heartache is heartache, no matter WHO caused it. I was simply trying to be supportive of a friend .. but not lashing out and naming names.

Yes, I was silly and niave for believing someone from cyberland ... but on the same token, there are the most awesome people here waiting to be met. I won't hide inside a shell.

We live, we learn. I am just sorry to be a part of the drama that has been created. I hate drama .... and twas never my intention to create any.

To those I may have offended, I apologize.

~Sprinkles

 

[FurryFury]

Thank you, Dearest Fury. You have touched on the heart of the idea behind this thread - which was - the suggestion of someone known to us both - and whose advice and input I value.

I repeat, my intent is not to "out" either the Dom/me or sub by name, it is however, merely to bring to light those who seem to consistently inflict emotional hurt - and do not learn - from that which they do - and go blithely on their merry way.

x 11​

Ooh! Roses!! Thanks!!!

My post was meant to be fair and impartial about this entire matter.

If the goal is not to "out" an errant and/or dangerous Dom, then what is the goal? I'm confused now. Just knowing that some have their eyes on him will do little I think. I can see having knowledge of Dom's that run the same unsatisfying or hurtful game on all subs being helpful to subs if it were done in a fair way but I can also see how it could get misused.

I believe Victoria. that you did not mean it to be misused at all but I do believe you are hurting right now. *hugs*

Were I talking to a Dom and curious about what he were all about instead of just what he happened to be telling me, knowing how he had mishandled others might help me with certain decisions. However, my search is, essentially over. I don't have the energy to wade through the rising odiferous refuse to find that diamond right now. It makes me sad there may be no such person in my future but I have a very good life.

I found what Catalina said about creating an alt to sort of "test" potential Doms interesting indeed. *smiles*

Fury X11 back atcha

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

Ooh! Roses!! Thanks!!!

My post was meant to be fair and impartial about this entire matter.

If the goal is not to "out" an errant and/or dangerous Dom, then what is the goal? I'm confused now. Just knowing that some have their eyes on him will do little I think. I can see having knowledge of Dom's that run the same unsatisfying or hurtful game on all subs being helpful to subs if it were done in a fair way but I can also see how it could get misused.

I believe Victoria. that you did not mean it to be misused at all but I do believe you are hurting right now. *hugs*

Were I talking to a Dom and curious about what he were all about instead of just what he happened to be telling me, knowing how he had mishandled others might help me with certain decisions. However, my search is, essentially over. I don't have the energy to wade through the rising odiferous refuse to find that diamond right now. It makes me sad there may be no such person in my future but I have a very good life.

I found what Catalina said about creating an alt to sort of "test" potential Doms interesting indeed. *smiles*

Fury X11 back atcha

~ *besos* y floras x 11

 

[Ms.Breaker]

For fuck's sake everyone just let this drop. Victoria, try to restart a thread that has the well thought out and hashed out aspects of this one and be happy. Catalina, scrap this thread. Everyone else, just grow the hell up and live and let live. I swear. Jumping into a thread and letting yourselves resort to grade schoolyard bullying and the old I'll post where I want and you can't stop me. How old are you people? Fucking acting like kindergarteners!

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

For fuck's sake everyone just let this drop. Victoria, try to restart a thread that has the well thought out and hashed out aspects of this one and be happy. Catalina, scrap this thread. Everyone else, just grow the hell up and live and let live. I swear. Jumping into a thread and letting yourselves resort to grade schoolyard bullying and the old I'll post where I want and you can't stop me. How old are you people? Fucking acting like kindergarteners!

Yes Ma'am.

 

[catalina_francisco]

For fuck's sake everyone just let this drop. Victoria, try to restart a thread that has the well thought out and hashed out aspects of this one and be happy. Catalina, scrap this thread. Everyone else, just grow the hell up and live and let live. I swear. Jumping into a thread and letting yourselves resort to grade schoolyard bullying and the old I'll post where I want and you can't stop me. How old are you people? Fucking acting like kindergarteners!

Sorry, I don't take orders from you. As for behaving like schoolyard bullies, does your language peppered with the eloquent 'F' word set a better standard for us all to work toward? Sorry, but it never impresses me or instils a confidence in me about the speaker's ability to express themselves.

Catalina

 

[Ms.Breaker]

Sorry, I don't take orders from you. As for behaving like schoolyard bullies, does your language peppered with the eloquent 'F' word set a better standard for us all to work toward?

Catalina

Not in the least does it help. Your right you don't take orders from me. It also seems you don't want to be part of a solution, just a continued part of a problem. Sorry to have taken your time.

 

[Ms.Breaker]

Yes Ma'am.

Victoria, do you agree with my solution to this problem? If so please see if you as the threads originator can either close or remove this thread and we'll work on a new one that won't be as poorly received, if that will be possible with the attitudes of those that have posted here.

 

[Victoria_2001_02769]

Victoria, do you agree with my solution to this problem? If so please see if you as the threads originator can either close or remove this thread and we'll work on a new one that won't be as poorly received, if that will be possible with the attitudes of those that have posted here.

~ *nods and snickergiggles* ~ I love your solution dear.

 

[Ms.Breaker]

Mayhaps The Admin will help you to get rid of this if the Moderator won't Victoria.

 

[Kajira Callista]

hmmm are you sayin if a thread you started backfires or gets hijacked you can actually have it removed? learn something new every day at lit.