California Dreamin' (Not)

[Guest]

A friend in Mississippi sent this to me and asked if it's true. Yes, it is, all of it. I mentioned on a thread once that at an opera opening night I saw a man wearing only a jock strap, boots and fine leather chaps; his entire arse and back was bare (yes, he was buff). I'd say the parking mention is very San Francisco, there's plenty of parking in L.A. and elsewhere. If one is plainly lucky they might buy a small condo for under $500K in SF. It's true that Californians do not know how to drive in the rain.

I recently watched Eddie Izzard's "Dress to Kill" DVD, performed in SF. He was spot on re. Californians, San Franciscans and Americans in general. I loved that he made fun of our use of "The City", and that I can't help but use the term myself. He was brilliantly funny and the most intelligent stand-up comedian I've yet heard. Wish I could send him this, he'd get it very well.

Perdita de California

You know you're in California when......

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000/year and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a
conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.

5. You can't remember...is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

9. You can't remember...is pot illegal?

10. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

11. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.

12. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

13. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.

14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S&M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.

17. You can't remember...is pot illegal?

18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news
station: "STORM WATCH 2003."

19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00pm Tae Bo class.

20. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

22. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????

23. Both you AND your dog have therapists

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

You forgot one. Biology classes at San Francisco State do not dissect frogs as it is cruel. overheard on Muni

Haha, at my uni we get a student or two each term who protest this cruelty. Of course they end up having to decide whether to drop the class and not graduate.

Sorry to have made you homesick. Try this: http://cams.exploratorium.edu/CAM2/

Perdita

 

[Icingsugar]

Thanks perdita. Put a on my face.


24. Is pot ill...oh, what the heck. Light up!

25. There's a fucken desert to yer right a fucken ocean to yer left and a fucken circus in the middle.
(Courtsey of my dad, he can be like that sometimes.)

 

[ffreak]

Perdita,
You are making me homesick!

ditto!

-FF

I once took a call in San Francisco from an out-of-town collegue who was at a phone booth on Union looking for directions to the office. All of a sudden there was this loud crash and I called the guy's name until he answered. When I asked what happened, he said a woman walked by in a vest with no buttons and he did a double take and the phone line strangled him.

no one else noticed.

<nostalgic sigh>

 

[Guest]

Sugar and Eff, you both made me laugh (or rather Sugar's dad).

We had a male transvestite nursing student once. He was into being a punkette - colorful spiky hair, gold lame bra worn on the outside of his tees, fuck-me pumps, full garish makeup, etc. There was concern re. his effect on patients in his clinical courses, but everyone managed and he graduated. Just thought of him now and wonder where he's working.

I love California. Perdita

 

[Icingsugar]

"fuck-me pumps". Never heard that description before. Mind if I use it?

 

[Guest]

"fuck-me pumps". Never heard that description before. Mind if I use it?

It's in the public domain, very common among us gals. Help yourself, sweets.

Perdita

 

[MathGirl]

Dear Perdita,
What, exactly, is that new AV of yours? It looks like some sort of fishing lure.
Piscinely,
MG

 

[Guest]

What, exactly, is that new AV of yours? It looks like some sort of fishing lure.

It's xmas tree ornament from Mexico, a buxom mermaid (with wings presumably for the angelic touch). La Sirena is a common iconic figure in Mexican folk art, don't know why, but I recall her as far back as my memory goes.

bi-pedal Perdita

 

[raphy]

I recently watched Eddie Izzard's "Dress to Kill" DVD, performed in SF.

Eddie Izzard is a very funny man, but he wasn't always that way ....... He's come a long way in the last 10 years.

Raphy, who ran a sound rig for him a few times back in the mid 90s and was so bored by his performance I fell asleep. Twice.

 

[raphy]

bi-pedal Perdita

You have two feet? Wow!

Raph, in a silly mood tonight

 

[Seattle Zack]

Reminds me of my UC Santa Cruz days ...
I do miss California ...
Sometimes.

How many UC San Diego students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to mix the margaritas and one to call the electrician.

How many UC Santa Cruz students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven. One to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.

How many UC Davis students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Davis doesn't have electricity.

How many UC San Francisco students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

How many UC Santa Barbara students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.

How many UC Berkeley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six. One to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.

How many UC Irvine students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Irvine looks better in the dark (ditto Riverside).

How many UCLA students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

 

[Guest]

Right on, Zack. Excellent and concise critique of the UC system.

Har, har.

Perdita

 

[ffreak]

How many Cal-Tech students does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventeen. One to hold the light bulb, Eleven to discuss the theory of light, and Five to publish the findings simultaneously.

-FF (sum of 3 primes = prime)

ps. do all mathematicians like prime rib?

 

[Guest]

How many Cal-Tech students does it take to change a light bulb?

Eff, you must have made that up. I worked at Caltech (no hyphen) for several years; nothing funny about the students' brain work but they were mostly very creative, full of good humor and will. After 15 years I still remember many of them with affection. You'll have to think much harder to make fun of them.

Perdita

 

[ffreak]

Sorry, did not mean to offend, that was my way of trying to imitate a guy I knew there that always said it like he was calling for a pig, first syllable stretched and the second choppy.

-FF (too much of a bookworm to get the jokes at the time - my group thought Victorian England was the society they should use as a pattern - never went for it myself - liked programming the computers at the lab better - don't think I became aware of real life until I was about 30, one marriage too late)

 

[MathGirl]

do all mathematicians like prime rib?

I'm not going to get into a scrap with someone who has baited breath.
Trigonometrically,
MG
Ps. Thank God I never became enmeshed in that cut-rate, taxpayer supported UC system. <sniff>

 

[Guest]

I'm not going to get into a scrap with someone who has baited breath.

Ay carrumba, I've never seen Maths back down before.

awed and frightened, Perdita

 

[ffreak]

MathGirl doesn't back down, she's just being kind.

-FF (grateful, but not dead)

 

[Guest]

Thank God I never became enmeshed in that cut-rate, taxpayer supported UC system. <sniff>

Maths, I have scary inside info on that system via my contacts in uni admin. Mainly it's the amazing variety of budgeting systems each campus has including within departments. I'm certain a re-org would cut the total budget by half if not more but that won't happen as long as it's a state-run conglomerate and politics has its say.

depressingly from CA, Perdita

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by perdita I'm certain a re-org would cut the total budget by half if not more but that won't happen as long as it's a state-run conglomerate and politics has its say.

Dear Perdita,
It's an industry, bureaucracy, and educational system all thrown itno one. I guess it works, though. Sort of.
MG
Ps. CIT is VERY well thought of amongst those who know about such things. The creative and devilish pranks performed by the students over the years is legendary, too. They also excel in things like cement canoe racing and construction (really).

 

[Guest]

CIT is VERY well thought of amongst those who know about such things. The creative and devilish pranks performed by the students over the years is legendary, too. They also excel in things like cement canoe racing and construction (really).

Yes, I remember "Ditch Day" each year. A group of students actually disassembled one kid's car and put it back together in his dorm room. Here's just one sampling:

http://www.globalprovince.com/caltech.htm

sentimental over scientists, Perdita