Cabin Fever?

[Angel]

I don't know what my problem is lately. I've always worked my ass off at my jobs and loved it. But lately I've been falling into some kind of a rut and I can honestly say I don't give a rat's ass about my job anymore. I don't even want to go in at all lately.

And as most of you know, I've been living with my cousin for the past 10 months. I pay her rent etc, so I'm not mooching off of her. I love her to death, we get along great, her husband is a nice helpful guy and I love her kids. She does a lot for me, they both have and we never ever argue.

The thing is, I'm unhappy. Not with her, but with everything lately. My mother wants me to move in with her again, quit my job and find something around here. I kind of want to. -sighs-

I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I'm just really fucking frustrated right now.

 

[perks]

hang in there angel. These days are the worst. Step back, grab yourself a hot cocoa, think of what YOU want to do. How you want your life to move forward. Once you do that, figure out if you can do that where you are, or with your mom, or somewhere else entirely. Even if you don't figure it all out, you still got to have that yummy cocoa and relax a bit.

 

[Angel]

The thing is, I've been like this for awhile. I've just been going through the motions going to work, coming home etc. I think the best thing to do right now is to stay at my cousin's house.

I just feel horrible depending on her for so much.

 

[Merelan]

It is best to wait till February to make any important decisions. The weather around here this time of year is not conducive to life changes. Wait a few weeks and see if you feel the same.

 

[perks]

The thing is, I've been like this for awhile. I've just been going through the motions going to work, coming home etc. I think the best thing to do right now is to stay at my cousin's house.

I just feel horrible depending on her for so much.

how are you dependent on her? Is she telling you that you are? You might be helping her out, specially if she has a kid and you're giving her rent money. You need to change your perspective I think. Ruts aren't fun. I was just in one for the last couple of weeks. It most definitely might be the weather, but yours seems to be a bit deeper. You need to care for yourself a bit when you feel this way. Pamper yourself, treat yourself kindly.

 

[Shylady]

Angel just from reading the bb over the last few months, I know there have been changes and disappointments in your life. My only advice is not to make any changes based on how you feel right now.

If you are paying your cousin rent and helping her out, I am sure you aren't taking advantage of her.

Also instead of making big plans and changes all at once, find one small thing that you would like to do and when that is complete move to the next step.

Ok so maybe that was a couple of things.

Nothing wrong with letting freinds and family help when needed.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Angel, you are young. Now is the time in your life to make changes, try new things and explore different career paths and living arrangements.

Don't be afraid to shake it up.

 

[lavender]

 

[Angel]

how are you dependent on her? Is she telling you that you are? You might be helping her out, specially if she has a kid and you're giving her rent money. You need to change your perspective I think. Ruts aren't fun. I was just in one for the last couple of weeks. It most definitely might be the weather, but yours seems to be a bit deeper. You need to care for yourself a bit when you feel this way. Pamper yourself, treat yourself kindly.

I'm dependent on her for the roof over my head and a ride to work everyday. I'm dependent on her husband who is helping me to get my car fixed so I can find a job I actually enjoy and don't dread going to everyday.

No, she isn't telling me I am. She pointed out to me that I do pay them rent, and that I watch her kids when I don't have to work and they want to go out. In fact, she doesn't want me to move out.

I think her mother hates it that I am staying there, as she is constantly questioning me about when am I getting my car fixed, and do I plan on getting my own apartment again soon. I usually try to avoid leaving my room anymore when she drops by in the mornings. It makes me feel uncomfortable, even though it is my cousin's home and she makes it blatantly known that she wants me to stay there.

I feel like everything I have depends on my cousin right now, and that I have nothing. I'm finding myself getting depressed over it and I'm falling into a very bad cycle lately with my life. I just don't give a shit about my job anymore - which is a really sucky attitude to have and I don't like that about myself right now.

It just seems that the things I do give a shit about are becoming very very few.

 

[April]

Can you afford to take a short trip? A day or two in a different setting with different friends might work.

I don't know if it's purely a seasonal thing or not. Every one is different. I go through that most years in late winter/early spring. But I think there has to be something you can do to shake things up.

 

[Angel]

Can you afford to take a short trip? A day or two in a different setting with different friends might work.

I don't know if it's purely a seasonal thing or not. Every one is different. I go through that most years in late winter/early spring. But I think there has to be something you can do to shake things up.

I wish I could afford it. Actually, Xan and cK were talking about coming here to visit and taking me back to Michigan to visit for a few days.

But that won't be for a few months, and in the meantime I'm fucking going psycho.

Maybe I'll take an unpaid week or two off of work and get my head screwed on straight again - although I don't think thats what I need. I think I need to actually LEAVE and take a break from my life.


Shylady, you're right. I've gone through alot of shit and I've just bit my lip and dealt with it. Maybe it's all catching up with me now.

 

[Chuckus]

Hugs to you Angel............big Old Hugs.

Thinking about you, nice thoughts.

 

[perks]

In fact, she doesn't want me to move out. I'm a mom, and I know that if I had a relative living with me to help out with the baby and add a little money to the cashflow, it wouldn't be a bother, it would be completely helpful. As for your cousin's hubby helping you with your car, that's awesome. I'm sure he wouldn't do it if he didn't want to. You sound very respectful and they seem to want you around. The Mother thing...that's a whole different story. I'd steer clear of her too. You got a Mother in Law without having a wife..lol...how sucky is that. I don't have the answer to that one.

I feel like everything I have depends on my cousin right now, and that I have nothing. I'm finding myself getting depressed over it and I'm falling into a very bad cycle lately with my life. I just don't give a shit about my job anymore - which is a really sucky attitude to have and I don't like that about myself right now.It just seems that the things I do give a shit about are becoming very very few.

this stuff is difficult. The other advice you're getting is correct. You're in that in between stage. Not knowing whether you're coming or going, deciding what is important to you, deciding where you want to be. It's a very frustrating time, with little or no validation. It's complete with it's self-doubt. You're making decisions about what you like and what you don't. It is great that you have a supportive cousin that let you do this in a pretty safe and supportive environment. I wouldn't run away from that too quickly. I'd just keep it in your mind that someone is doing it for you, and when you get established, when you get your decisions made return the favor to another young person that you see to be in the same shoes you're in right now.

As for your job, jobs come and go. Careers don't. The only advice I can give to that is... You need to make money to support yourself. It's easier to get a job when you have a job. Don't burn your bridges. Work ethic is about doing it when you hate it, and doing a great job.

You know you have friends here to help you mash things out. I know you can stick it out.

PS.....don't forget the hot cocoa

 

[JaymesBlond007]

Try not to let it bother you so much.

"duh...", right?

It sounds like classic depression, and you need to kick it's ass, before it kicks yours. The situation you describe, (loss of self-worth, feeling like you don't have a plan..), can really get out of hand.

The fact that you can see that your not happy is exellent. Just try to make a small plan of what you really want for yourself and dive in head first. The more you delay, the quicker you lose sight of your goal.

The hardest part is just not worrying about it. You come across as a bright individual, with a great work ethic and a fantastic head on her sholders, so your alreay one up on a lot of people. I've walked in your shoes so I know it appears futile at times, but it's only over the next hill. Promise...

 

[Angel]

I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

I feel useless.

I miss my car, and being able to go out and do things with my friends in it. I feel dependent on so many people right now and I hate it.

I miss having a job I enjoy.

I miss having a job that is challenging and fun, instead of boring, dull and mindless.

I miss working in mature enviornment. I hate going to work every day and dealing with the soap operas currently cropping up there lately. I want to go to work and WORK, and not be distracted by my co-worker's love triangles, or who is talking about who behind who's back.

I miss being independent.

I miss being completely free.

I miss being able to get in my car and go for a quiet drive at two AM to clear my head.

I miss being able to blast my stereo and run around the house scantily clad to clean.

I feel like shit. I think I'm stressing myself into being sick.

I want to crawl into a ball and cry.

 

[perks]

hugging you....it's a tough spot you're in sugah. I wish I could help.

 

[lickerish]

I know how you feel Angel~babe, I hate being dependant on other people. Things are this way for a reason, and in due time, things will be back to the 'norm' for you. I know it's hard, but you have to be patient.

You're right in the fact that you need a vacation.. call it a mental health break if you will. I've taken 2 since the summer time. Just do what you need to do, to get you to the place where you want to be.

Keep in mind that winter-time is notorious for the blues, and restlessness, and just plain depression. It hits me hard every year. It seems to be the time of year when everything just goes wrong.

You belong.
You are not useless.
You will have the car, job, and home you want soon enough.
You are wanted.

and try not to walk around scantily clad until I get there

 

[Chuckus]

Hugs to you Angel............big Old Hugs.

Thinking about you, nice thoughts.

again to you Angel.............squeezing you with both of my arms and giving you a big hug.

 

[Angel]

perky, you HAVE helped.

I just feel shitty right now, and I think it's been building up for quite awhile.

I'm the type of person who holds shit in - once and awhile a little unhappiness or bitchiness will leak out but other than that I've always been a strong person. I think people got used to that and when I have weak moments I still try to live up to the "Strong" persona I've given off for all these years.

I guess I shouldn't do that.

 

[lickerish]

it's okay to let it go, it's healthier in the long run.


*hugs you tight*

 

[perks]

perky, you HAVE helped.

I just feel shitty right now, and I think it's been building up for quite awhile.

I'm the type of person who holds shit in - once and awhile a little unhappiness or bitchiness will leak out but other than that I've always been a strong person. I think people got used to that and when I have weak moments I still try to live up to the "Strong" persona I've given off for all these years.

I guess I shouldn't do that.

you sound very familiar to me It helps to talk about it and let people hear you vent once in awhile. Brings your support system together, and lets you relax in the safety of them. Let's you cry without being judged, lets you clear your head until you're ready to fight again. Oh most definitely, I know that!...You're still strong. If you weren't you would be in that ball somewhere..right? You're doing it the best way you know how. That's what matters.
Hang in there kiddo,
perks

 

[Guest]

Hang in there Angel!!!!

There are a lot of very kind people here pulling for you. Please remember that.
Alot of the advice is wonderful also. But I think it's time to seek prefessional help, as you do sound clinically depressed. New medications can work wonders for this. How's your sleep and appetite? Does depression run in your family? Any medical isssues going on? Sex drive still there?

 

[Angel]

Argh. I'm driving myself insane.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me right now. I'm blubbering like a fucking idiot at the computer, I called into work because I woke up this morning and couldn't stop crying.

I don't do that kind of shit. I just don't.

I'm getting frustrated over stupid insignificant bullshit and I don't like what I am right now.

 

[seXieleXie]

*hug for angel*

 

[Angel]

I've always had chronic insomnia.

I really haven't been eating lately - and when I do it's because my cousin cooked dinner, not cause I felt hungry.

I'm healthy.

I'm horny.

I'm just really fucking moody all of the sudden.