By design?

[laurel-marie]

Something to think on...

Are we dominant or submissive by biological design or is it from influence?
And if one is designed either a dominant or a submissive....could the hand life deals him/her change this or make it more predominant?

Here's another way to look at it...
Have you always been dominant/submissive? Did an event or series of life events make you this way? Were you once one way and now another? Why?

(This does not pertain to acting dominant or submissive but being dominant or submissive)

I do understand that everyone is different and will react different to life. It is just something I was thinking on because I have children and sometimes wonder if I am steering them one way or the other...something I do not want to do.

 

[Aeroil]

If something made me submissive then I am unable to pinpoint it at all, but it certainly could be something from my past. Genetics vs Social conditioning is something scientists argue about a lot, personally I think they are both quite variable in every different situation, it depends.

 

[PuppygirlDesire]

I believe that it doesn't matter how you grew up or are born,it matters how you are now

 

[YinandYang]

Something to think on...

Are we dominant or submissive by biological design or is it from influence?
[/I]

I think its something that is in us from birth, part of our make up. And I think that goes for all traits from a personality point of view. For example, my best friend is gay, and quite feminine in his thinking. I have known him since we were 6 (we are both 32 now)....he has always been the way he is now. Not in a sexual sense, that didn't come out until he was about 14. But the way he is, and the way he conducts himself.

My parents (to my knowledge) are not very 'out there' in a sexual sense, things were always brushed under the carpet if I had any questions. My childhood, where I live hold no clues to the person I was to become.

One thing I have noticed though, all my life I have felt kind of different, the way I dressed, the music I listened to, the friends I have, the things I am into, my spirituality, are all 'extreme'. I am an 'extreme' person in that I get bored very easily and am always looking for the next trip. I think this has helped me be myself in all aspects of life.

So...no I don't think social conditioning has anything to do with it, IMO I think its inside of us.

 

[tealsphynx]

I think it depends on the individual. Some people may be born with submissive tendencies until an event happens in their life and they switch. My cousin is also gay. When she was a toddler my older relatives said they knew...when she came out a few years ago the only person who was shocked was her mother. We've all seen it in her when we were growing up.

As for myself...I've always had this need to please people. When I was younger my mom didn't have to spank me much for discipline. She learned all she had to do was look at me and say "I'm so dissappointed in you" and it was worse than any beating I could ever recieve. Then I had a threesome with my lover at the time and this girl we met...I wanted to sleep with her, she wanted to sleep with him...I used him to get to her. I noticed during our encounter that I liked sleeping with her because she would give in to everyhting I did, I was in control of her pleasure...and I liked that. He didn't, man did that start some awful arguements afterward, "You were ignoring me and then when you weren't you wouldn't let me doi what I wanted...It was all you, you, you...What happened to sharing her?" Blah, blah...I did eventually dump the loser. We fought alot, I think it was my domme coming out and him just being a control freak, so we were trying to control eachother and no agreement could be made.
I've also always seemed to have a bit of a sadistic streak...I've only started to be open even with myself about this. Talking with my sub, he says he's seen it all along, even when I was hiding it from myself. I think I was born this way...When I was about 6/7 I used to throw the neighborhoods stray cats as hard as I could to the ground ( I learned cats don't always land on their feet if you throw them often enough) I liked watching the fear on their face as I came towards them. I'd coax them to me with treats, pick them up and pet their little faces, grab their tails hold them upside down, bounce them a little to hear the screaching noises and then throw them. Part of me can't believe I ever did this. I'm not fond of cats, but I couldn't imagine ever doing this. Funny...just thinking about it makes me feel like I did when I used to do it...It's like a surge through my viens...makes me want to tie up my toy and beat him till he cries....sometimes this part of me scares me. especially now I have my son. Luckily I have learned control over this part of me, I know when I feel this way I give the baby to his daddy and go sit down til it goes away or until the baby is asleep and I can let my toy know I love him by leaving the hearts on his hiney (I have one of those paddles with the heart cut outs...used hard enough it leaves lovely marks)

 

[sphynx's dragon]

Honestly, I've always tended towards the submissive. I think it's actuallly a combination of nature and nuture though. I think that when we are born we have, well, tendecies, for lack of a better word. But it's not quite right, but we still learn and develop towards what we will become regardless of those predetermined tendencies. Although the direction we head is more likely to be that way it isn't absolutely certain that we will. I have a pretty strong desire to please and that has led me to being a sub. Oddly enough my life growing up made me learn an iron level of self control. Which also for some reason leads me to being a sub, I don't know why but someone having control over me makes me feel...well...good. <shrug> So I just accept it and now that I have found someone who both understands and ic complimentary to this (seeing as She is Domme), life is now good.

 

[Aeroil]

Honestly, I've always tended towards the submissive. I think it's actuallly a combination of nature and nuture though. I think that when we are born we have, well, tendecies, for lack of a better word. But it's not quite right, but we still learn and develop towards what we will become regardless of those predetermined tendencies. Although the direction we head is more likely to be that way it isn't absolutely certain that we will. I have a pretty strong desire to please and that has led me to being a sub. Oddly enough my life growing up made me learn an iron level of self control. Which also for some reason leads me to being a sub, I don't know why but someone having control over me makes me feel...well...good. <shrug> So I just accept it and now that I have found someone who both understands and ic complimentary to this (seeing as She is Domme), life is now good.

ah the joys of being owned....

 

[Ms_Toy]

As for me, I've always been submissive. Always the one to help out no matter the task. Always trying to please everyone around me. And very quiet. Those aspects are still a very large part of my life today. Though I've learned to be a little bit selfish and ask for thing for myself now and then.

 

[sphynx's dragon]

ah the joys of being owned....

Yes. For once in my life I can say oh yes the joys of being owned.

 

[wolf2002]

Something to think on...

Are we dominant or submissive by biological design or is it from influence?

I started a poll about this a while ago... good thread, I am curious to see where this is going...

 

[slave C]

As for me, I've always been submissive. Always the one to help out no matter the task. Always trying to please everyone around me. And very quiet. Those aspects are still a very large part of my life today. Though I've learned to be a little bit selfish and ask for thing for myself now and then.

Yes. I agree. I have always been the one that is helping others, putting my needs aside. I have a Master who is teaching me what my needs are and enjoy being put in my place. I am quiet and reserved but get my motor going and look out. I feel as thought there is a HEMI under my hood at times and I just got to get it up to speed. But, "grin" usually I am quiet and reserved a lady. sc

 

[Bandit58]

As for me, I've always been submissive. Always the one to help out no matter the task. Always trying to please everyone around me. And very quiet. Those aspects are still a very large part of my life today. Though I've learned to be a little bit selfish and ask for thing for myself now and then.

Yes you could be me - and I am most definitely submissive

But I also relate to being the odd one out.....the music I listen to, the books and tv shows I like, being bisexual......in my small community I often felt so alone. But now I've found that there are others like me and I have the freedom to be myself with a loving Master, there's no other feeling like it in the world!

 

[laurel-marie]

Thanks everyone...


Another thought for the submissives......were you naturally a good girl/boy growing up? Did you follow the rules your parents gave you? Did the thought of dissappointing them make you get a sick feeling?

 

[Bandit58]

Thanks everyone...


Another thought for the submissives......were you naturally a good girl/boy growing up? Did you follow the rules your parents gave you? Did the thought of dissappointing them make you get a sick feeling?

I always followed the rules, at home, at school, everywhere. The thought of disappointing anyone made me feel really bad inside. I think that's why I married so young, it was expected that we would, as a young couple having been going out for over a year. When it started to go wrong I stuck it out, again because I didn't want to upset anyone and I didn't want to uproot the children

However when I did decide that enough was enough, I found that I did indeed have a backbone and discovered that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I'd never lived alone before but I did for almost two years before Master and I moved in together. I know that if the worst happens that I will be able to cope alone. The last three years have been a total learning curve

 

[Aeroil]

Thanks everyone...


Another thought for the submissives......were you naturally a good girl/boy growing up? Did you follow the rules your parents gave you? Did the thought of dissappointing them make you get a sick feeling?

Yes up until my parents' divorce, went through a rather nasty time then, and after my third breakdown I went back to obeying all the rules and stuff, although I stopped caring if I disappointed my parents.

 

[sphynx's dragon]

Another thought for the submissives......were you naturally a good girl/boy growing up? Did you follow the rules your parents gave you? Did the thought of dissappointing them make you get a sick feeling?

No actually...I've never really followed rules unless someone has the wherewithal to make me. I routinuely acted nice and broke every rule when noone was looking. The funny part is I never actually lied about it. But I got VERY good at shading the truth. Now I find myself in a relationship where I am fulfilled and She DOES have the wherewithal to MAKE me. Strange cause She's so much smaller than me. <shrug> But then She does have a sadistic streak and I ,on the other hand, hate to hurt others. So I guess it's not too surprising that I follow Her rules to the best of my ability. Incidentally, She's REALLY good at telling when I'm shading the truth and since I won't actually lie...She generaly finds out when I break a rule. I try REALLY hard not too!

 

[laurel-marie]

I followed the rules.
When I was growing up, one of the high points of the day was when my dad came home from work and asked my mom how the kids were and upon hearing I was good, he would say..."Ah, that's my good little girl". It always made me feel warm and centered. On the other hand, if i did do something wrong and needed correction, I felt cold and distant...hearing my dad's car in the driveway, I just felt sick and wanted to hide.

 

[Ms_Toy]

Thanks everyone...


Another thought for the submissives......were you naturally a good girl/boy growing up? Did you follow the rules your parents gave you? Did the thought of dissappointing them make you get a sick feeling?

Oh, always the good girl. Even the thought of dissappointing my parents, relatives, teachers would send me into tears.

 

[Gallant Man]

Something to think on...

Are we dominant or submissive by biological design

YES

or is it from influence?

YES

And if one is designed either a dominant or a submissive....could the hand life deals him/her change this or make it more predominant?

YES

These are interesting questions, here are some thoughts:

D/s encounters have a stimulating hormonal effect or, in other words, cause a rush in the body. These hormonal reactions work with the instinctive/lower brain. The majority of instincts are related to individual survival and survival of the species or group. We can look at nature to get better insight into how our instinctual or lower brain functions without the influence of conditioning in society.

Apes congregate in groups, we all know "too many chefs spoil the pot" and it is therefore instinctual for the male members to fight to select the strongest one to lead the group, the Alpha male. The Alpha male then usually gets his pick of the females probably choosing the one that is most attractive to him. This selection is also instinctive, with a preference for young firm females because she has good eggs (newer with fewer genetic imperfections, females do not produce new eggs) which increases the probability of healthy offspring. Human males are known to be competitive and to tend to fight or engage in contests symbolically through games/sports. Some females have been bold enough to admit that it is stimulating or arousing to watch men engage in bar/physical fights . We can't ask the female Apes but there is no doubt it has the same effect and gets them ready for mating with the males. The Alpha male doesn't ask the female for permission and it is probably by design that she has an additional hormonal thrill in submitting to him. Most ladies admit that they like the man they've chosen to take them hard as if he can't hold back. Their instinctual submissiveness makes following the male a natural even pleasurable thing. This is often viewed as romantic passion. A lady with a strong man who she has observed and knows she can trust is then in good hands to be protected and taken care of. Her submission minimizes conflict, and provides for one to have the final say for the family group, the arbiter.

Most healthy males would die for their lady (particularly the one they bond to and adore) if called to protect her in a crisis situation. This nature is instinct but can take time to mature. Many view this as romantic with it seeming obviously right because it is instinctive and in our nature. Further, most males and females would die to protect their offspring (who they also bond to) in crisis situations. These tendencies combined with the hormonal, stimulation for attraction situations and adrenaline for survival/protection situations are favorable for survival of the species. These D/s instincts are analogous to the cravings to eat and reproduce but are not nearly as obvious and can be more easily overridden by societal pressure and conditioning. Light non-harmful play emulates these natural instinctual situations.

It is true that everyone is different, but the foundations and brain wiring are nearly the same (there are probably a few general types, hunter/gatherers vs. farmers, and probably a few more) and this is why there is even a chance of having a framework for and the understanding of psychology. People who are conditioned by society into being "normal" are mostly neurotic perfectionists with weak egos. This is readily seen in the neurotic behavior often seen in TV sitcoms, they are popular because this unhealthy behavior is so common in everyday life. We're even conditioned to think it's normal when it is not.

The content provided herein is offered only as the opinion of one individual with a good amount of life experience, and should not be considered in any way to be professional advice.