Butch women are hot

[Albee]

I’m a married middle-aged straight guy.

I find butch women totally hot. They look so clean, strong and smart.

But I feel uncomfortable about it. I worry that my desires might be perceived as invasive. Maybe I’m wrong, but I assume many of these women are lesbian. They wouldn’t be interested in me. But the way I figure it, what difference does that make? I’m married. I’m not in play anyway.

I just like the style.

It’s not about lurid lesbian sex fantasies.

Nor is it about latent homosexual desires. I had a fair amount of gay experiences as a teenager and young adult. It was OK back then, but I lost interest when I figured out how to score with women.

Still, I often feel that I’m being invasive when checking out or fantasizing about probably gay women.

Am I?

It’s just that Laurie Metcalf and Queen Latifah drive me around the bend.

 

[pellso27]

whatever floats your boat!

 

[none2_none2]

Isn't all sexuality fantasy a little bit invasive? If you are looking at str8 porn, you are seeing some OTHER guy getting it on with some other woman. If you watch lesbian porn, you are watching two other women getting it on. If you watch gay porn, you are watching two other dudes getting it on.

The question of invasive has to do with real life. If you find yourself stalking people (in this case women that you might think as lesbianesque) or asking inappropriate questions of other people, then you have crossed the threshold of fantasy into some area where you may want to talk to a counselor. Sex and sexual thought can be very addictive to some people. I see it in myself at times when I waste hours looking for the perfect sex video or story.

As to butch women, I may have a similar thing, but I would call it more of an "appreciation". It isn't so much for me a look as much as an attitude. Like I have stated many times on this board, I don't like labels. I find them limiting. However, for ease of understanding & quickness of time, it is best to just label myself (to the casual person that wants to know -- or must know) as gay.

That being said, I remember about 20 years ago, when I found myself in a gay mixed (gender) bar in Wichita. There was a lesbian couple somewhat fem in attire, build, and hair cut. They were dancing erotically on the dance floor with one having her legs wrapped around the other one's waist almost in a 90 degree angle from her partner. Such strength in the one girls back to hold her partner, and the other lady to have her legs wrapped that tightly was really hot. That was one of the defining moments when i realized it was absolutely silly to think that I was 100% gay and women and anything sexual associated with women was yucky. I think part of the reason I was able to come to that conclusion was the fact that the place was 100% gay. I was free to observe without the "expectation" that I MUST be aroused and that I must act upon that arousal by coming on to them.

That moment not only was a stepping stone in realizing that labels were confining, but likewise was my equally important conclusion that at some level heterosexual expectation was partially responsible for my uncomfortability with non-gay sex. The fact that too many guys (and women to a certain extent) push a person to be with a member of the opposite sex. One is also looked upon as sick, weird, or evil if they see anything emotionally/physically attractive about their own gender. I actually had some fears about ever having a relationship with a woman based on those expectations and of course gender stereotypes. What I mean is in my head I would think:
1) Would I be able to make her happy (since at least in my day a man was supposed to provide that happiness)?
2) Would I be able to make enough money for her?
3) Would I be genetically, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc up to her standards -- and those of her parents?
4) Would I be able to fend off any other males?
5) Would I be able to fix her car, fix her appliances, and all those other traditional "butch" duties?
6) Would I be able to give her a sense of confidence when I myself didn't even know who I was?

These things may seem silly now, but those things scared me more than any unfamiliar body parts could.

Once one is remove from those heterosexual pressures, one may actually see that the opposite sex really isn't that undesirable. Perhaps such desire isn't as strong as the same sex, but at least it stops being thought of as something yucky and gayishly taboo. That is was my own awakening.

I never met that lesbian couple as I was just an observer. However, I will always be grateful for the lessons I learned that night.

 

[HotheadKali]

I love butch women. Sometimes I wish I could just find a butch older woman to be my Mistress. Luckily, I'm a woman myself, so in that case that works to my advantage (since a lot of butch women I've met love women as well).

Then again, I also like feminine guys, so it balances out.

 

[Etoile]

Damn, none2 said it way better than I could have. Yeah, as long as you're appreciating from afar, I don't see what the problem is as long as you're just observing from afar. I love butch women too, although I would never have thought to put Laurie Metcalf and Queen Latifah in that category. Perhaps you just like strong women?

 

[Etoile]

Damn, none2 said it way better than I could have. Yeah, as long as you're appreciating from afar, I don't see what the problem is as long as you're just observing from afar. I love butch women too, although I would never have thought to put Laurie Metcalf and Queen Latifah in that category. Perhaps you just like strong women?

 

[kbate]

Damn, none2 said it way better than I could have. Yeah, as long as you're appreciating from afar, I don't see what the problem is as long as you're just observing from afar. I love butch women too, although I would never have thought to put Laurie Metcalf and Queen Latifah in that category. Perhaps you just like strong women?

Anything worth saying is definitely worth saying again.

 

[Albee]

Thank you everybody.

None2:
What a great contemplation on the complexity of attraction. The same stuff that is on your list plagued me when I was in my twenties. Now I'm interested in other things, like my wife's ability to raise children with me and be a partner in a lifelong friendship. This has led me to monogamy.
In response to your post I wondered what my sexual desires would be like if my life were different. It occured to me that, if I were hanging around in gay bars like I did when I was 20, I'd probably still do some screwing around with men (though I'm pretty hetero). I really hadn't thought of sexual tastes being so fluid, but they probably are.

Etoile and kbate:
Thanks for the permission. I check these women out about like I check out any woman I think is attractive. I'm pretty middle-aged, middle-class and middle-American. Probably too concerned with propriety for my own good.
And I think you're right. The strength is the operative thing. Masculinity and feminity aren't determining factors for me. But strength is always sexy: physically strength, politically strong like Hillary Clinton or intellectually strong like Amy Walter.
But I also have a special affinity for strong women who have short hair and wear pants. Especially if they are, as my mother used to say, "big boned."

And HotheadKali:
I'm glad somebody balances me out.

 

[closetbistoner]

butch women are beautiful!!

I also have a love for butch - looking women, Albee, and I love short hair.

 

[Chiisai_Neko]

As has been said, as long as you do your appreciation from afar and don't do anything to make the women feel uncomfortable, it's fine. And, of course, as long as your wife is not put off greatly by your ogling. Hehe!

Although, I have to say, that not all butch women are lesbians. I've always been very butch (I even dress in drag and present as male, on occasion), but I'm bisexual (or omnisexual, I guess, as any gender, including transgender and intersexed, can appeal to me) and have a strong leaning towards biological-men (I'm actually currently involved with a lovely straight man whom I adore).

So, don't assume. We might not all be too quick to dismiss!

 

[Albee]

Thanks Chiisai. Everybody likes to feel accepted.

It's interesting reading your post. You're so at ease with the issue of gender identification.

At more than twice your age, I'm often befuddled. When I was 21, butch wasn't even a style. I can think of a few girls in high school and college who wore masculine clothes, but it didn't occur to me that they were making a statement. I just thought they were kind of sloppy.

But I think you answered one important question for me. I think I'm gonna take the plunge and hazard some innocent flirting with butch women if I'm attracted to them. (Keep in mind that my wife and I have been married for 21 years, and I've never even seriously considered sleeping with another woman. Part of that accomplishment stems from avoiding even minor sexual provocation with anyone but my wife-- with whom I share a pretty wild, unconventional and lewd sex life.)

But offering a smile and a few jokes is a long way from copping a feel, huh?

And hopefully the object of my flirtation will be flattered by the attention.

 

[Chiisai_Neko]

Thanks Chiisai. Everybody likes to feel accepted.

It's interesting reading your post. You're so at ease with the issue of gender identification.

At more than twice your age, I'm often befuddled. When I was 21, butch wasn't even a style. I can think of a few girls in high school and college who wore masculine clothes, but it didn't occur to me that they were making a statement. I just thought they were kind of sloppy.

But I think you answered one important question for me. I think I'm gonna take the plunge and hazard some innocent flirting with butch women if I'm attracted to them. (Keep in mind that my wife and I have been married for 21 years, and I've never even seriously considered sleeping with another woman. Part of that accomplishment stems from avoiding even minor sexual provocation with anyone but my wife-- with whom I share a pretty wild, unconventional and lewd sex life.)

But offering a smile and a few jokes is a long way from copping a feel, huh?

And hopefully the object of my flirtation will be flattered by the attention.

You're quite welcome.

I get that a lot, about my comfort with gender identification. I've always found gender roles/presentation fascinating. I also grew up hanging around an older brother and all of his friends, so that might have something to do with my butchiness.

As long as it doesn't lead to anything that could make anyone uncomfortable, I think flirting is fine. The worst case scenario is a lady acting bitchy because a male had the audacity to compliment her (which I will never understand). At best, you could have a nice, entertaining volley of fun flirting and innuendo. If nothing else, you could end up with a new friend out of it.

 

[Etoile]

At more than twice your age, I'm often befuddled. When I was 21, butch wasn't even a style. I can think of a few girls in high school and college who wore masculine clothes, but it didn't occur to me that they were making a statement. I just thought they were kind of sloppy.

Actually, butches and femmes have been around for a LONG time. Stone Butch Blues is probably the best introduction to the butch/femme culture of the 1950s. It's not a new thing at all.

 

[Albee]

Actually, butches and femmes have been around for a LONG time. Stone Butch Blues is probably the best introduction to the butch/femme culture of the 1950s. It's not a new thing at all.

Funny story about butches having been around for a LONG time. When I was a little kid, back in the 1960s, we used to visit my Aunt Anna in Atlantic City every summer. We'd stay in one of the rooms in her boarding house. My main memory of the boarding house was that it sat above a medical supplies store that specialized in prostheses (wooden legs, that sort of thing...) Pretty weird for a 4 year old.

I also remembered that a bunch of really friendly women lived there who loved giving me salt water taffy behind my parents' backs. I, in turn, loved them back.

Twenty-five years later, my father told me that Aunt Anna's boarding house catered to transvestites.

About five years ago my cousin Fran found a picture of Anna from the 50's. Talk about butch- down to the fedora.

Some of my favorite, most affectionate childhood memories.