"But Dr. Young says it cures eczema!"

Ekserb

You really hate me.
Joined
Jun 19, 2002
Posts
4,226
I found these in a museum recently:
https://photos.smugmug.com/photos/i-pST9t8c/0/2e4a80bd/XL/i-pST9t8c-XL.jpg

Here's a transcript of the text (almost every sentence of which can be used to convince your girl that she needs to take it up the ass):

Dr. Young's Ideal
Self-Retaining
Rectal Dilators
For The Intelligent Treatment Of
Piles, Constipation, Nervousness
Dyspepsia, Headache, Rheumatism, Insomnia, Asthma, Indegestion, Eczema And
Diseases Caused By Sluggish Circulation, Mal-nutrition, Defective
Elimination And The Abuse Of Cathartic Drugs

For Women—Wonderfully beneficial during pregnancy and before and during period.
For Men—Particularly recommended in prostatic troubles.

Directions:—Select a size that can be inserted without discomfort. Lubricate with vaseline or with Dr. Young's Pile Ointment, and while in a squatting position or while lying on the side with knees drawn up, gently insert in the rectum as far as the flange or rim. Hold in place for a minute and the rectal muscles will close around and retain it. The dilator should be allowed to remain for half an hour or an hour to get the best results, though even if retained but for a few minutes it will accomplish much good.

When ready to use a larger size it is best to use the next smaller size for a few minutes, inserting and withdrawing it several times. This should not be overlooked.

Use at any convenient time and only good can follow. Their regular use 'tones and strengthens the muscles. If used at night they will be found a great promotor of natural refreshing sleep. Their use in the morning induces natural bowel action and at a time generally favored by nature.

To obtain the best results the dilators should be used once each day. Use them while sitting or when lying down. If used when sitting a pressure is brought to bear on the parts which is a great advantage—especially in case of piles. This pressure forces the congested blood from the parts and is highly beneficial.

Begin with a size you can use with ease and follow in order with larger sizes, using each size one, two or three weeks, according to your best judgment. If the dilator causes pain at first, it only indicates great need of the treatment, and the pain will decrease as the treatment progresses, or it may be relieved by using Dr. Young's Pile Ointment.

To Clean:—Wash with warm or cold water and soap. Do not put them in boiling water.
 
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"Only good can follow."

Antique buttplugs.

For the second time in as many days, Ekserb has rendered me speechless.
 
bluebell7 said:
I think you just found your version of the bible.

They do look like they're carved from wood. Wasn't Jesus a carpenter?

You know what they say about the parson's daughter? Dude, he was the son of God.
 
monique1971 said:
Antique buttplugs.

For the second time in as many days, Ekserb has rendered me speechless.

My favorite line:
If the dilator causes pain at first, it only indicates great need of the treatment....
"Baby, I know it hurts. That means you need this more than you thought. Look, Dr. Young went to school to learn this stuff, so he should know!"
 
monique1971 said:
You know I'm ready for him.

But I must ask: What the hell kind of museum did you find these things in?

I visited a small fishing village on Florida's Gulf coast last week. There is a museum on the island and in it they have many exhibits, including a display of antique "medical instruments." This was by far the most entertaining.
 
The following are paid advertisements for this product:

I'm feeling a little nervous about going on a plane tomorrow. I better get out Dr. Young's Rectal Dilators.

Can't breathe..have...asthma....
Here's your inhaler.
No, get me the rectal dilators.

I have a headache.
Take 2 of these.
Advil?
No, rectal dilators!

Oh no! Indigestion! I shouldn't have eaten that second helping at the Indian Buffet.
Better get the rectal dilators out.

All those poor starving Malnurished Ethiopian children.
Instead of money, let's send them all rectal dilators.

Brought to you by the People for the Intelligent Treatment of Medical Ailments. :rolleyes:
 
Like it's not bad enough that they're thrust up your bum

I really don't like the fact that they have holes in the tops.
Isn't that unsanitary?
Not to mention disgusting...

Oh. I just remembered what we're talking about here.
 
bluebell7 said:
I really don't like the fact that they have holes in the tops.
Isn't that unsanitary?
Not to mention disgusting...

Oh. I just remembered what we're talking about here.

Hehee. I don't think they're holes. I think they're detents from the lathe process. (I told you I think they're wood. Eww.) You can see the bottoms of the detents in the full rez images.
 
Who cares if it's the perfect material? (Theoretically)

Ekserb said:
Hehee. I don't think they're holes. I think they're detents from the lathe process. (I told you I think they're wood. Eww.) You can see the bottoms of the detents in the full rez images.
Wood?


Wood?!




Oh. My. God.
The mind boggles.
 
monique1971 said:
Works on the same principle as acupuncture.

I hear Dr. Young trained in Beijing, but his schooling was cut short when he started developing his own form of rectal medicine during school hours.

I read on Wikipedia that he used to tightly form large bundles of bamboo slivers into hard dilators and wear them into class, but they didn't have the required flare at the head or base, so the bundles would often fall out of (or worse, slide into) his ass at inopportune times.

After repeated classroom disruptions he was asked to leave the country and finally came to America where he prospered in butt plugs and Pile Ointment.
 
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