Bush: Protecting Our Environment

Mischka

Ms Snooby Pants
Joined
Mar 18, 2001
Posts
15,820
See? Bush really does care for the environment. All those naysayer liberals should lighten up - look at the great projects underway under GOP control!

WASHINGTON, DC--Vowing to "restore the pristine splendor of America's natural treasures," President Bush Monday unveiled "Project: National Parks Clean-Up," an ambitious program to remove all toxic petrochemical deposits from national parks by 2004.

"Places like Yellowstone and Yosemite were once pure, unspoiled wilderness," Bush said at a White House press conference. "But over the course of the past 10 million years, we have allowed them to become polluted with toxic fossil-fuel deposits, turning a blind eye to the steady build-up of vast quantities of dangerous pollutants. It's time to end this terrible neglect."

Continued Bush: "A comprehensive survey of our parks, conducted by a team of top geologists specially commissioned by me, has discovered giant pockets of petroleum, coal, and other 'fossil poisons' beneath an alarming 38 percent of our national parks' surface area. Though a majority of these poisons are buried under several million tons of rock strata, should they ever seep to the surface and spread into the surrounding areas, they would spell disaster for the parks' precious ecosystems."

To underscore the severity of the crisis, Bush produced a chart illustrating survey results for Yellowstone National Park, where a "staggeringly huge" toxic-petroleum deposit was discovered.

"This amount represents the equivalent of 40,000 supertankers worth of oil," said Bush, gesturing toward a line on the chart. "To put the dangers into perspective, consider this: If these 'petro-poisons' should ever spill out into the park itself, the resulting environmental disaster would be 40,000 times worse than the damage caused by the wreck of the Exxon Valdez."

"We cannot allow such a thing to happen," Bush said. "We must remove this oil now, before it's too late."

Under the Bush plan, 7.2 billion tons of toxic petroleum would be removed by the target date of January 2004. Unlike other federal environmental clean-up initiatives, administration officials say the plan would pay for itself, offsetting costs through the sale of petroleum byproducts produced as a result of the clean-up process.

The clean-up, EPA chief Christine Todd Whitman said, may even prove profitable, a prospect that has attracted the participation of private industry. Already, many U.S. companies have expressed interest in lending assistance, and it is hoped that these companies will carry out much, or perhaps all, of the clean-up effort.

Though "Project: National Parks Clean-Up" represents Bush's first major environmental initiative since taking office, supporters are quick to point that he has been a longtime champion of petroleum removal.

"As governor of Texas, Bush fought tirelessly to protect the state's subterranean environment through a series of massive petrochemical-deposit clean-up projects," Secretary of the Interior Gale A. Norton said. "Under his governorship, more tons of petroleum-based subterranean environmental contaminants were removed in Texas than in all the national Superfund clean-up sites combined. The Democrats talk a good game about the importance of cleaning up the environment, but when it comes to actually eliminating the threat of enormous oil deposits lurking under the surface of our nation, no one can hold a candle to George W. Bush."

Thus far, reaction has been mixed. Some have said it is unrealistic for the president to try to remove so much petroleum so quickly. Others, such as Sen. Bob Smith (R-NH), have charged that the president is caving in to pressure from environmentalists, arguing that the government's energies would be better directed toward improving the military.

But despite such criticism, Bush stressed that the urgency of removing the oil deposits should take precedence over everything else.

"Nothing is more important than the legacy we leave future generations," Bush said. "The costs of this project pale in comparison to the importance of safeguarding our planet's ecosystem. Our primary mission must be to protect and foster our nation's most precious natural resource: oil. I mean, the environment."
 
Good one.

Now do the one about Democrats working with Hollywood to clean up the entertainment industry.
 
Damnit, I can't find the one about the Dems and the entertainment industry, A_J. Though I found another gem in the Onion archive you may remember:

AUSTIN, TX, OR NASHVILLE, TN--In one of the narrowest presidential votes in U.S. history, either George W. Bush or Al Gore was elected the 43rd president of the United States Tuesday, proclaiming the win "a victory for the American people and the dawn of a bold new era in this great nation."

"My fellow Americans," a triumphant Bush or Gore told throngs of jubilant, flag-waving supporters at his campaign headquarters, "tonight, we as a nation stand on the brink of many exciting new challenges. And I stand here before you to say that I am ready to meet those challenges."

"The people have spoken," Bush or Gore continued, "and with their vote they have sent the message, loud and clear, that we are the true party of the people."

With these words, the crowd of Republicans or Democrats erupted.

Bush or Gore attributed his victory to his commitment to the issues that matter to ordinary, hardworking Americans. Throughout the campaign, the Republican or Democrat spoke out in favor of improving educational standards, protecting the environment, reducing crime, strengthening the military, cutting taxes, and reforming Social Security. He also took a strong pro-middle-class stand, praising America's working families as "the backbone of this great nation."

"During this campaign, I had the good fortune to meet so many of you. And I listened to your concerns," Bush or Gore said. "And do you know what I found? That your concerns are the same as mine. Like 64-year-old Rosemary Cullums of Wheeling, WV. She said to me, '[Mr. Bush or Mr. Gore], we need to restore a sense of values and decency to this country. I have three young grandchildren, and I worry about the filth they're exposed to on a daily basis from TV and the movies. We need Hollywood to take responsibility for its actions and stop peddling sex and violence to our young people.' I told Rosemary I agreed wholeheartedly and gave her my word that when I became president, I would demand accountability on the part of the entertainment industry. Would my [Democratic or Republican] opponent have said the same?"

"The greatest thing a president can do is set an example for the people," Bush or Gore continued. "And as a devoted family man with a wonderful wife and [two or four] wonderful children, I promise to make the White House a place Americans can feel good about."

The crowd erupted again, with thousands of delirious Republicans or Democrats waving signs reading, "America's Families For [Bush or Gore]" as a blizzard of red, white, and blue confetti fell from the ceiling.

During his 30-minute victory speech, the president-elect also praised his campaign manager, Joe Allbaugh or Donna Brazile, for refusing to resort to the "negative smear tactics of my opponent."

"Unlike my [Democratic or Republican] counterpart, my staff and I insisted that this election be about the issues," Bush or Gore said. "We refused to take the low road and stoop to dirty tricks in order to get elected. While [Mr. Gore or Mr. Bush] was busy with cheap innuendo and unfounded accusations, we were out there taking our message to the American people. And, judging from what happened today at the ballot box, you heard that message loud and clear. And I thank you."

More confetti rained down from the ceiling, this time accompanied by balloons.

Waving to acknowledge his supporters, the Ivy League graduate and scion of a political dynasty called for "a time of renewal and rebirth in America."

"America has always been the land of promise and possibility," Bush or Gore said. "And never has that been more true than today. The opportunities that stand before us are great. The challenges are many. But I am energized by what lies ahead. Make no mistake, there is much work to be done. But we are more than up to the task. Remember that I am here to work for you, the people. Because you are the people who put me here. This is a fresh start. Our children are the future. America is ready for change. And new ideas. And a fresh start."
 
That's Good!

you'll have to join p_p_man as one of my staff writers!

They pay is shitty though!
 
Hey, anyone know what the twinkie comment is about? I didn't see it until just now.
 
Ahhhh ha ha ah ahhhhh aaaaaaaa!

*smaccccccckkkkk*








*owwwie*
That's smarts!
 
Is that a shot a me? Am I a twinkie? I think I am a long john...

Master of the House, isn't worth my spit.
Comforter, philosopher and life-long shit.
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire,
Think's he's quite a twinkie, but there's not much there...
 
I don't know who it's directed at, A_J. Either way, it's an incoherent comment. But I'll start calling you Long John now, if you like.
 
Originally posted by Mischka
"We cannot allow such a thing to happen," Bush said. "We must remove this oil now, before it's too late."
Finally, an environmental policy I can support. Identify the problem; solve it! :cool:

Go George!
 
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