Bunny's Stuffie Corner

[NuclearFairy]

I've got a busy week planned. Long shopping trip today. Going to the hardware and feed stores tomorrow. Then the next day someone is going to the laundrymat.

 

[BiBunny]

I've got a busy week planned. Long shopping trip today. Going to the hardware and feed stores tomorrow. Then the next day someone is going to the laundrymat.

Ooh, yeah, definitely busy, it sounds like. Don't wear yourself out completely, if you can help it.

Also, I know this is weird, but I love the smell of feed stores. When we had horses, I used to love to just stand there over the barrel of sweet feed and inhale, lol.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Also, I know this is weird, but I love the smell of feed stores. When we had horses, I used to love to just stand there over the barrel of sweet feed and inhale, lol.

Oh yeah, it is an amazing smell. I can never quite place all the notes, but alfalfa plays a big role in it.

 

[BiBunny]

This is a total non sequitur, I know, but I think the biggest problem I have in my life is I don't know what I want. So I spend a little time here doing this and a little time over there doing that, and nothing ever really happens for me.

Or maybe the problem is that I want everything in theory, but nothing badly enough to sacrifice much for it.

Ughhhh...I hate this.

 

[NuclearFairy]

This is a total non sequitur, I know, but I think the biggest problem I have in my life is I don't know what I want. So I spend a little time here doing this and a little time over there doing that, and nothing ever really happens for me.

Or maybe the problem is that I want everything in theory, but nothing badly enough to sacrifice much for it.

Ughhhh...I hate this.

Yeah that's a pretty common problem. I suffered from it pretty badly until I went, "Fuck it, I'll just be a mother for now." But when they grow up, what then?

 

[BiBunny]

Yeah that's a pretty common problem. I suffered from it pretty badly until I went, "Fuck it, I'll just be a mother for now." But when they grow up, what then?

 

[BiBunny]

I have an interview on Tuesday afternoon.

All available appendages crossed for me, please?

 

[NuclearFairy]

I have an interview on Tuesday afternoon.

All available appendages crossed for me, please?

Sending good vibes your way!

 

[BiBunny]

Sending good vibes your way!

Thank you!!!

 

[BiBunny]

Well, somewhere in the last week or so, the seasonal depression lifted. It always does, right around Valentine's Day, when the light starts coming back.

I don't know why it always takes me by surprise that January sucks. It sucks every year because the light hasn't come back yet. Duh.

So I'm grateful for the light and the lifting of the seasonal reactor fire. (I'll explain that in another post that I'll make in a minute. I don't want to derail this one.)

Anyway, I'm crafting again. For which I am also very grateful because it keeps me sane. I finished one of the ear warmers today that my aunt asked me for, and I started on the second one for her, too.

I have plans for other crochet stuff as well.

Got a small payment I wasn't expecting today, so I got my three psych meds refilled. I had just run out of them a day or two ago, so I haven't had time to get hit by med-withdrawal depression. I took my Wellbutrin and Pristiq as soon as I got them and will take the Abilify before I go to bed tonight. So I'm very grateful for that as well.

Grateful for my interview Tuesday. Grateful the rental company hasn't kicked me out yet. (I talked to them today and told them I could pay them at least $200 a week until my balance is paid off. That's $800 a month, which I realize isn't much, but luckily, it would be enough to pay my current monthly rent, plus some on the back rent. It's good that it's fairly cheap to live here.) Grateful for my wonderful loved ones, both online and IRL, who keep me from losing it completely. Grateful for stitch and bitch, which I went to tonight. Grateful things are moving in a better direction now.

I hadn't done a gratitude moment in quite some time, so I thought I'd make up for lost time, I guess, lol.

 

[BiBunny]

The reactor fire is the way I've viewed bipolar depression ever since I read the Wikipedia article on the Windscale Fire. (I view bipolar in general as demons hijacking my body and mind--not literally, just figuratively--and piloting my body as a flesh mech, but that doesn't really require much in the way of explanation, lol.)

For this to make sense, y'all are going to need to know that the Chernobyl nuclear accident has been a weird source of fascination for me since about 2010. I don't know; I don't get it, either. Just one of those odd autistic special interests, I guess.

Anyway, I was doing research years and years ago about nuclear accidents. The Windscale Fire was one that I came across. It was one of the earliest nuclear reactor accidents, taking place in 1957. I won't bore you all with details because you can read the article if you want the whole story, and I'd like to not make this a massive wall of text.

To make a long story short, the reactor caught fire, and everything they did to try to put it out didn't work. Right before they were about to evacuate people from the area, they decided to kill all the ventilation and cooling air going into the reactor in hopes of suffocating the fire to death, for lack of any better options. This is a copypasta from the Wiki article: "During one of the inspections, he [the reactor manager] found that the inspection plates – which were removed with a metal hook to facilitate viewing of the discharge face of the core – were stuck fast. This, he reported, was due to the fire trying to suck air in from wherever it could.

'I have no doubt it was even sucking air in through the chimney at this point to try and maintain itself,' he remarked in an interview."

I had always sort of viewed my brain as a leaky nuclear reactor. I even once wrote a shitty poem, circa 2012-2013, comparing it to the reactors at Chernobyl, because they were always sort of not-great from jump, and the Chernobyl accident was made worse by the fact that the containment shelters were nowhere near enough to actually contain shit.

Anyway, the desperate attempts of the Windscale fire to try to sustain itself, sucking air in from anywhere it could get it, despite the people involved throwing everything they could think of at it to kill it left an impression on me. It's a weird metaphor for the way bipolar depression Refuses. To. Die. no matter what you do. You can control it--with varying degrees of success--but you cannot kill it because that motherfucker is always up there in your nuclear reactor of a brain, sucking in air from the chimney to keep itself burning.

Anyhow, just a look into how my brain works--or doesn't work, depending, lol.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Oh, that's actually a pretty good analogy.

 

[BiBunny]

Oh, that's actually a pretty good analogy.

Thank you! It struck me as pretty good, too.

 

[BiBunny]

I have a blog customer whom I've helped get set up on one of the platform sites. (She had worked strictly for a company up until now.) I wrote her profiles, set up her website and Bluesky account, and did some ads for her.

Y'all, she's made more in nine days than I make in a month most of the time. Part of me is happy because I've helped do this. But another part of me is like, what the fuck? Lol. I'm so glad she's making good money. But I'm kicking myself because if I had the spoons and the patience she has with them, I could do the same, probably. But I have neither of things, and that's why I don't make shit, haha.

Maybe she'll decide to open her own company at some point and hire me to do the marketing, lmao.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Sounds like you're good at the marketing, so if she does, hopefully she will!

But yeah, I think very few of us have the spoons and patience needed to deal with other people professionally, which is why those that do are in such high demand.

Hope your friend doesn't burn herself out.

 

[BiBunny]

Sounds like you're good at the marketing, so if she does, hopefully she will!

But yeah, I think very few of us have the spoons and patience needed to deal with other people professionally, which is why those that do are in such high demand.

Hope your friend doesn't burn herself out.

Gracias, I do, too!

I find that extroverts just tend to do better at this job than us introverts. And it makes sense because if you draw energy from interacting with other people, you can just keep on going. Whereas, if you're like me and get drained from interaction, it doesn't take much for your battery to run out.

 

[NuclearFairy]

Gracias, I do, too!

I find that extroverts just tend to do better at this job than us introverts. And it makes sense because if you draw energy from interacting with other people, you can just keep on going. Whereas, if you're like me and get drained from interaction, it doesn't take much for your battery to run out.

Yeah, being an introvert can be tiring at times. But on the other hand, we're more likely to be content with sitting in a quiet corner and doing something constructive with out hands.

 

[BiBunny]

Yeah, being an introvert can be tiring at times. But on the other hand, we're more likely to be content with sitting in a quiet corner and doing something constructive with out hands.

Truth!