broken subs page

[DustyWolfe]

Okay, here is the website I promised. It's by no means complete. I have yet to really get into the broken subs issue.

If anyone has anything they want to add please PM me.

Website for broken subs

 

[WillowPuss]

We have just had a look at the site Dusty and it is very impressive, I am sure it will help many.

 

[Shadowsdream]

~It will be My pleasure to write a piece for your site from personal knowledge and the sincere belief that what you are doing is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to all.

 

[artful]

Okay, here is the website I promised. It's by no means complete. I have yet to really get into the broken subs issue.

If anyone has anything they want to add please PM me.

Dusty,...you are SO off to a GREAT start. I wish you continued success in your endeavor. Let me give my support by saying,...take your time in developing what YOU want to accomplish. Continue to pursue your dreams and goals as you have recently done. Let me also say,...Jen,...though I don't know you well,...Good Job! I can see the DIFFERENCE you have made in Dusty's life so far, ...and it's ALL positive.

Kisses and hugz to ya both!

 

[CarolineOh]

Dusty, it's fantastic. You've done a wonderful job.

 

[cellis]

Dusty...

It really is coming along. The graphics are wonderful!

 

[Cirrus]

You have a great start to a page, but, and this is JMO, maybe you could tone down the graphics a little? There's a little too much color and motion and it detracts from the actual content.

 

[Pure]

Dusty,

Had a look at your website, and it's of high quality.
The issues are important, and while I don't agree with
you 100%, you are doing well in airing them.

Here's one thought. "Broken Subs" can be construed as
meaning that the sub got that way through s/m, or abuse masquerading as s/m. Yet from from I've read at the site, the sub in question--you, I presume-- was 'broken', or shall be say distressed and self-destructing *prior* to encounter with
s/m or supposed s/m. (In this respect, you resemble many others, it's my impression, fwiw.)

This is an important distinction. Many people start out distressed; the bdsm scene is not the cause, nor even its abusive hangers-on masquerading as dom/mes. And as you yourself say, become healed in some fashion in a genuine process of submission.


Best,
J.

 

[Pure]

Correction:
The last words should read, "some become healed in a genuine submission process."

J.
(edit function not working)

 

[DustyWolfe]

Dusty,

Had a look at your website, and it's of high quality.
The issues are important, and while I don't agree with
you 100%, you are doing well in airing them.

Here's one thought. "Broken Subs" can be construed as
meaning that the sub got that way through s/m, or abuse masquerading as s/m. Yet from from I've read at the site, the sub in question--you, I presume-- was 'broken', or shall be say distressed and self-destructing *prior* to encounter with
s/m or supposed s/m. (In this respect, you resemble many others, it's my impression, fwiw.)

This is an important distinction. Many people start out distressed; the bdsm scene is not the cause, nor even its abusive hangers-on masquerading as dom/mes. And as you yourself say, become healed in some fashion in a genuine process of submission.


Best,
J.

Actually... To clarify, I was broken in pure bdsm form. Yes, I like many started out with issues. But I never wanted to be a slave. Here's a brief summary of what happened. My ex partner was trying to get me into the D/s lifestyle. I refused... Now... I have not told this to anyone but Jen.

One night K asked me if we could do some bdsm stuff and I said yes, that a little bit of light bondage would be fine as well as some other stuff. I was willing... Then she tried to gag me and I freaked out, started telling her no and to untie me. No means no right? In any situation it is as good as a safe word. Nope, not this time. She gave up on gagging me for a bit and commenced to rape me with a very large toy. The whole she was doing this I was yelling no. She was rough enough that it did major damage to my body. I ended up in the hospital. When the police came and asked what happened I had to lie because she was there whispering in my ear all that she would do to me if I told.

When we returned home I became her 24 hour slave. Not pet. SLAVE. She told me every day how she was going to break me and make me her willing servant. I balked of course until maybe the 3rd set of stitches, eventually I just gave up and did as she told me. I wasn't allowed to talk much, so I pretty much quit talking almost entirely for 4 years. I was not allowed to work, I was only allowed to go to the doctor or take medications that she approved of. I was not allowed to eat at times. I was left in the house alone, tied to a chair.

Yes, I was her slave. And yes I was broken at her hand.

Make sense now? I'm not scamming anyone or anything.
Your words make me feel like I'm not truly a broken sub... And for what I've been through and for as sensitive of a subject as this is it really hurts.

Yes, I was molested as a child, yes I was raped as an adult. Yes I was self distructive, but many submissives have those issues. Does it make me worth any less?
(edited cause I left something out)

 

[Pure]

Hi Dusty,

Thanks for clarifying. My intent certainly wasn't to imply you weren't truly a 'broken sub'. I simply wanted to clarify which of two senses might be involved: broken (distressed) person entering the s/m world, and person in the s/m world, encountering abuse and being 'broken'. (Of course both could be true... maybe they are.)

Clearly I guess wrong as to which you (mainly) were, and I'm sorry, but it does show that the issue may not have been clear in some of your statements, at least as they might be understood by those who don't know you.

It's wonderful that you left; some part of you wasn't broken, and I'm glad the wounds are healing in a better relationship.

Best,
J.

 

[willfulbrat]

One night K asked me if we could do some bdsm stuff and I said yes, that a little bit of light bondage would be fine as well as some other stuff. I was willing... Then she tried to gag me and I freaked out, started telling her no and to untie me. No means no right? In any situation it is as good as a safe word. Nope, not this time. She gave up on gagging me for a bit and commenced to rape me with a very large toy. The whole she was doing this I was yelling no. She was rough enough that it did major damage to my body. I ended up in the hospital. When the police came and asked what happened I had to lie because she was there whispering in my ear all that she would do to me if I told.

When we returned home I became her 24 hour slave. Not pet. SLAVE. She told me every day how she was going to break me and make me her willing servant. I balked of course until maybe the 3rd set of stitches, eventually I just gave up and did as she told me. I wasn't allowed to talk much, so I pretty much quit talking almost entirely for 4 years. I was not allowed to work, I was only allowed to go to the doctor or take medications that she approved of. I was not allowed to eat at times. I was left in the house alone, tied to a chair.

I just wanted to say to all those who know me by my other name, it was a different K!!! LOL

Dusty, you've come along way, and are to be commended for using your past experiences to grow and help others. I love you, hon.

willful

 

[DustyWolfe]

I just wanted to say to all those who know me by my other name, it was a different K!!! LOL

Dusty, you've come along way, and are to be commended for using your past experiences to grow and help others. I love you, hon.

willful

*keeps her mouth shut*

Thank you willful, I really appreciate it. I'm working so very hard to get to where I need to be. I'm finally coming out my shell more completely and turning into the person that I should be. It's very strange and exciting at the same time.

I love you too,
Dusty

 

[DustyWolfe]

Hi Dusty,

Thanks for clarifying. My intent certainly wasn't to imply you weren't truly a 'broken sub'. I simply wanted to clarify which of two senses might be involved: broken (distressed) person entering the s/m world, and person in the s/m world, encountering abuse and being 'broken'. (Of course both could be true... maybe they are.)

Clearly I guess wrong as to which you (mainly) were, and I'm sorry, but it does show that the issue may not have been clear in some of your statements, at least as they might be understood by those who don't know you.

It's wonderful that you left; some part of you wasn't broken, and I'm glad the wounds are healing in a better relationship.

Best,
J.

For me, I suppose it was both.

My page is far from complete, I'm editing my story of being broken and getting ready to post it to the page as well as lightening the main background so it looks better.

Of course, anyone that want's their story told is welcome to air it on my page.

I didn't get out on my own. Jen called my family to come get me. But I am slowly healing

 

[DustyWolfe]

Okay... To spare some confusion, I now have my personal story posted. I will post more of the "past" stuff and link it to the story page. I'm now working on gathering stuff for a self injury section as well as a section on reasons why people don't leave abuse and how to help them to get out.

 

[Pure]

Your story as told here is pretty disturbing, but I hope you are better for having told it. The truth will help some others.

You're brave to reveal so much, and further material will be of great interest. I'm not sure anyone knows the why's of continued self or other-administered abuse--beyond the obvious point that early abuse from older loved ones is generally accepted and rationalized, and that pattern may continue. Almost no child will leave its abusive parents on its own. From the accounts I've read, some time in the mid-teens, some kids do run away, but frequently they then re-recreate the situation, with, say a pimp or other abusive (so-called) boy friend (if it's a girl who's run away.)

I'm sure it will be informative is you can supply 'how to' to those finding themselves in continuing abuse. We know, of course, that some of the worst cases are very hard to reach; that counsellors typicaly fail in efforts to persuade the person to leave.

Best,
J.

 

[Never]

Dustygrrl:
"Okay, here is the website I promised. It's by no means complete. I have yet to really get into the broken subs issue. "

Cool beans.

 

[artful]

Dusty and Jen

*keeps her mouth shut*

Thank you willful, I really appreciate it. I'm working so very hard to get to where I need to be. I'm finally coming out my shell more completely and turning into the person that I should be. It's very strange and exciting at the same time.

I love you too,
Dusty

From afar,...I have seen a positive change in Dusty, and I credit her and Jen BOTH for the relentless efforts they BOTH have put into building a solid, bonding relationship.

THAT in itself speaks volumes to many, who otherwise would not have any hope of salvaging their lives.

Hope is what we all must have to better our lives, hope is what the both of you have given, and I HOPE, you continue your input to helping others in a way YOU see as beneficial.

To each of you.

 

[DustyWolfe]

Your story as told here is pretty disturbing, but I hope you are better for having told it. The truth will help some others.

You're brave to reveal so much, and further material will be of great interest. I'm not sure anyone knows the why's of continued self or other-administered abuse--beyond the obvious point that early abuse from older loved ones is generally accepted and rationalized, and that pattern may continue. Almost no child will leave its abusive parents on its own. From the accounts I've read, some time in the mid-teens, some kids do run away, but frequently they then re-recreate the situation, with, say a pimp or other abusive (so-called) boy friend (if it's a girl who's run away.)

I'm sure it will be informative is you can supply 'how to' to those finding themselves in continuing abuse. We know, of course, that some of the worst cases are very hard to reach; that counsellors typicaly fail in efforts to persuade the person to leave.

Best,
J.

Yes, I know my story is disturbing. My life is as Jen would say "a bad movie" lol. But I will tell the rest of my story. I have trouble putting into words the stuff that has happened because when you see it written it makes it so much more real than just seeing it as pictures in your head. It's hurtful, it's scary and it's depressing. Yet, it is something that I must I do.

Those that were abused when little generally end up in abusive relationships. That's definitely correct. It's a sort of secondary traumatizatoin. Some researchers refer to that as well as self injury as trauma reenactment syndrome. Something which will be explained on my site.

 

[DustyWolfe]

Re: Dusty and Jen

From afar,...I have seen a positive change in Dusty, and I credit her and Jen BOTH for the relentless efforts they BOTH have put into building a solid, bonding relationship.

THAT in itself speaks volumes to many, who otherwise would not have any hope of salvaging their lives.

Hope is what we all must have to better our lives, hope is what the both of you have given, and I HOPE, you continue your input to helping others in a way YOU see as beneficial.

To each of you.

Yes, alot of the credit goes to Jen for sure. We have both worked very hard to make me a more whole person. She is teaching me my value and worth as a person, which is right now still our biggest obstacle. I guess I'm a bit blind because I am still using words like stupid and fat when referring to myself.

I was nothing when fate put us together. I was a robot of sorts, but Jen somehow brought new life into me. I smile now, I laugh and I enjoy life. Something I didn't do for a long time. I had forgotten how. Jen brings out the best in me.

I am in awe that outsiders can see all of this. That we actually give others hope. I mean.. I'm just me... Someone who is still finding her voice and learning to talk again.

Thank you... Words fail me as they often do when reading stuff at this board.

 

[MotorCitySam]

That is a courageous and noble project, Dusty. I hope it is a great success.

 

[DustyWolfe]

Mkay, I am updating the site today. Adding some information on Trauma Re-enactment syndrome, some more links for the resources page and umm... Not sure what else. But by tonight it should be greatly updated.

 

[Cirrus]

Oh crap, I just know I'm going to open up a royal can of worms with this one, but I gotta...it's just eating at me.

Dusty, were you a sub before your (undoubtedly horrible and abusive) relationship with the woman you talk about here and on your site?

The thought that keeps coming to my mind is that for you, BDSM is trauma re-enactment. I feel terrible that you were treated in such a way, and I also think you are incredibly strong to be able to face it, talk about it, and that you are incredibly lucky to have a partner so willing and helpful to work through this with you.

But...abused does not always equal BDSM. Being abused does not make you a sub...it makes you a victim. That's really the only reason I ask. If BDSM is what you find rewarding to you and it makes you happy, turns you on, and fulfils your needs, great!!! But to me, you sound more like a victim of abuse than a sub. JMO.

And I hope you, Dusty, and everyone else knows, that I'm not trying to put you or your feelings down or invalidate them, I'm just asking a question about my (possibly deeply flawed) observations.

 

[Sandia]

I think you're courageous for sharing your story, Dusty.
Thank you.

 

[JenJ]

Oh crap, I just know I'm going to open up a royal can of worms with this one, but I gotta...it's just eating at me.

Dusty, were you a sub before your (undoubtedly horrible and abusive) relationship with the woman you talk about here and on your site?

The thought that keeps coming to my mind is that for you, BDSM is trauma re-enactment. I feel terrible that you were treated in such a way, and I also think you are incredibly strong to be able to face it, talk about it, and that you are incredibly lucky to have a partner so willing and helpful to work through this with you.

But...abused does not always equal BDSM. Being abused does not make you a sub...it makes you a victim. That's really the only reason I ask. If BDSM is what you find rewarding to you and it makes you happy, turns you on, and fulfils your needs, great!!! But to me, you sound more like a victim of abuse than a sub. JMO.

And I hope you, Dusty, and everyone else knows, that I'm not trying to put you or your feelings down or invalidate them, I'm just asking a question about my (possibly deeply flawed) observations.

Cirrus she wasn't in a BDSM relationship her ex thought she could make Dusty be her slave when she didn't want to be. As to her being submissive time will tell on that we are going to go slow with that I have no desire to rush.

Yet I know she has the desire to be submissive and likes to serve.