Brining BDSM in to a marriage

[Ghoulia2010]

I am here looking to become more knowledgeable about being in a Dom/sub relationship and maybe finding out more about my wants.
I have been married for 3 years now, my husband had become more interested in bondage. I am with him on this but when we talk about things that go with it or a Dom/sub relationship he tells me that he does not have time to look in to it. I get the feeling that he just want to tie me up have his fun and then be done with it. I have talked to him about it but it still feels like its in one ear and other the other. I have even gone out and find information for him to just read up so that he can understand what it is that we will be getting in to but he still "has no time."

I get the feeling he doesn't understand how much of myself I will give him power over and how much of myself will be in his hands. I am very worried that we will try and it will go wrong. I am really into this idea of becoming his sub but I am worried he will not be a good Dom. (I have always joked that he has the memory of a gold fish, he forgets a lot of things.) So I am kind of at a lost of what to do any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[IrisAlthea]

The thing is, there doesn't have to be very much that goes with the bondage.
He might not be interested in dom/sub at all.

 

[cailinDana]

It sounds like he's not interested in the Dom/sub aspect, purely the bondage side. In my humble opinion forget trying to get him to read up on that for the time being and ensure he DOES read up on rope safety before you allow him to tie you up in any way.
Rope play by itself can be incredibly erotic and also very dangerous if done wrong.

Who knows, maybe after reading about the safety aspect, he will realise just how much control YOU are giving him, by allowing him to restrain you and find he does indeed like side of it.
D/s is all about building trust and learning together, i hope you find away to resolve this issue.

 

[IrisAlthea]

forget trying to get him to read up on that for the time being and ensure he DOES read up on rope safety

Very good point.
I think it's worth reading up on this for both the one who gets tied up and the one who does the tying.

This post by Stella_Omega is probably well worth reading, Ghoulia:
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=42017419&postcount=148

 

[Ghoulia2010]

The thing is, there doesn't have to be very much that goes with the bondage.
He might not be interested in dom/sub at all.

You right about the bondage and I don't want to feel like I am pushing this on him.

In my humble opinion forget trying to get him to read up on that for the time being and ensure he DOES read up on rope safety before you allow him to tie you up in any way.
Rope play by itself can be incredibly erotic and also very dangerous if done wrong.

Thank you so much for the idea, we have done a little but he has been looking in to getting his own rope. Thank you both for your input and insight

 

[RaineeDayze]

If he has no time to invest in reading or learning about it - he's an unsafe partner for BDSM. Kink takes tons of communication and a desire to be safe.

 

[midwestyankee]

This must take an immense bucket. Do most people recommend starting with cooked aromatics or do you just toss them in the brining pot before adding the matrimonial couple?

 

[Amberchgo]

I had the opportunity to do a "play date" with a local Dom a few years back. I learned a lot from him about the whole D/s lifestyle. When I met my current BF, it was something that we discussed pretty early in the relationship.

While he liked the idea of being my Dom, he admitted he knew little about how to go about. So I introduced him to the Dom and now we are both being mentored by the Dom.

So far its working out pretty well.

Good luck.

 

[Que]

This must take an immense bucket. Do most people recommend starting with cooked aromatics or do you just toss them in the brining pot before adding the matrimonial couple?

Hat tip^

Sucks to be quick-witted by half. I was going to suggest equal parts salt and sugar.

 

[DVS]

I am here looking to become more knowledgeable about being in a Dom/sub relationship and maybe finding out more about my wants.
I have been married for 3 years now, my husband had become more interested in bondage. I am with him on this but when we talk about things that go with it or a Dom/sub relationship he tells me that he does not have time to look in to it. I get the feeling that he just want to tie me up have his fun and then be done with it. I have talked to him about it but it still feels like its in one ear and other the other. I have even gone out and find information for him to just read up so that he can understand what it is that we will be getting in to but he still "has no time."

I get the feeling he doesn't understand how much of myself I will give him power over and how much of myself will be in his hands. I am very worried that we will try and it will go wrong. I am really into this idea of becoming his sub but I am worried he will not be a good Dom. (I have always joked that he has the memory of a gold fish, he forgets a lot of things.) So I am kind of at a lost of what to do any help would be greatly appreciated.

I think the best replies have already been explained. If he's into tying you up, he might not be interested in anything else. Just tying someone up isn't all there is to it, though. He has to understand that while you are tied up, he's in charge of safety for the both of you. He needs to be able to get you out of any bondage in a hurry, if some kind of emergency were to arise. It could be as simple as a leg cramp, ropes too tight or more serious things like cutting off circulation or maybe a panic attack. If he doesn't have the ability to react when he needs to, your safety could suffer.

Also, if he's into bondage, it could escalate into something more. So, he might be into trying bondage now, and maybe experiment with something more down the road. That could all be good, but the first thing you need to have him understand BEFORE you engage in any kind of bondage with him is a simple safe word system he will know and abide by, an education of what to look for if a rope or other binding is is too tight, and the trust between the two of you that all of this will be strictly followed. If you can't get him to agree to this, or there are any doubts about his sincerity, don't go through with it. This is a game for adults.

 

[Endless_Night]

OP, have you considered adding some cuffs to your rope purchase? You can put on wrist and ankle cuffs and have your husband tie the cuffs to the bed with the rope. If he ties both hands above your head - rather than spread eagled - you can actually unclip yourself from the cuffs in an emergency.

Just a thought. A little safer than just rope if you're concerned.