So I am brand new to this. I'm 24 and I have a lot of desires that I haven't really explored and definitely feel like I need to. What is a good way to ease into Sub life? I have always pictured being dressed up for a mistress, but I wouldn't know the first thing about how to even start that conversation. What is the best way to find similar people?
Brand New to Fetishes
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Nezhul
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The best way is, as you've just said it - to take things slowly. To ease your way into it.
First, you wanna check out what fetishes ARE there (and there's a lot). You can do it on this site, for example:
http://www.humansexmap.com
You could just share the link with your partner and see if you have something in common.
Next, you should start with very basic fetishes among those you like. For example, if you get off on the fantasy of being tied up and suspended on the ropes from the ceiling - it's probably a good idea to start as simple as "tie the hands behind your back with a soft bowtie". Or even from "Hold the hands behind your back during sex".
So you pick the smallest things, and you develop from there. Never try several new things all at once, because if such a thing happens that one of you doesn't like the result - it will be hard to pinpoint why.
For example, if you like crossdressing - don't go full-on wig+makeup+clothes+underwear+shaved legs+acting+whatever on your first try. Just wear a simple panties and play around it.
As for approaching your partner - really, that's up to you. I always found that direct approach, while a bit nerver-wracking, always produces the best results. Both if she agrees and if she doesn't like it.
If you try to go about it subtly, through hints and vague phrasing, then this is what happens:
1) they get frustrated trying to puzzle what you are trying to say
2) they get ideas in their head that have nothing to do with what you are trying to do, and that either leads to disappointment (in case of failed expectations) or to fear (in case they imagine bruises and blood when all you want is light spanking)
Neither of those contributes positively to how they react to your offer.
It's better to just lead the conversation into "I want to discuss something with you, and it's about sex" state, and then quickly move onto "I want you to ride me like a pony, and I will have a briddle, what do you think?"
That was a bit of a humorous example. The realistic one would be. "I want to try something out. Are you interested in spanking me tonight?"
You can later veer the discussion into a broader fetish topic, concerning what turns you on and what doesn't. Make it clear that you aren't asking to go deep all at once, and that these are your fantasies that can exist just in your head if she aren't ready.
Get her involved. Ask her if she has something that matches up to your wants. Or play a game "I tell you mine, you tell me yours" where you go in order.
Things to avoid during first talk:
1) anything extreme - hard pain, tears, scat/piss, etc
2) Anything complicated - things that tend to be percieved as "too hard to do", like full shibari bondage or involved roleplay that requires acting talent.
3) Anything taboo - things like threesome, swing, group sex - unless these are your only fetishes.
4) Avoid mentioning lots of porn that you watch/read or your involvement into communities and stuff on the subject.
First, you wanna check out what fetishes ARE there (and there's a lot). You can do it on this site, for example:
http://www.humansexmap.com
You could just share the link with your partner and see if you have something in common.
Next, you should start with very basic fetishes among those you like. For example, if you get off on the fantasy of being tied up and suspended on the ropes from the ceiling - it's probably a good idea to start as simple as "tie the hands behind your back with a soft bowtie". Or even from "Hold the hands behind your back during sex".
So you pick the smallest things, and you develop from there. Never try several new things all at once, because if such a thing happens that one of you doesn't like the result - it will be hard to pinpoint why.
For example, if you like crossdressing - don't go full-on wig+makeup+clothes+underwear+shaved legs+acting+whatever on your first try. Just wear a simple panties and play around it.
As for approaching your partner - really, that's up to you. I always found that direct approach, while a bit nerver-wracking, always produces the best results. Both if she agrees and if she doesn't like it.
If you try to go about it subtly, through hints and vague phrasing, then this is what happens:
1) they get frustrated trying to puzzle what you are trying to say
2) they get ideas in their head that have nothing to do with what you are trying to do, and that either leads to disappointment (in case of failed expectations) or to fear (in case they imagine bruises and blood when all you want is light spanking)
Neither of those contributes positively to how they react to your offer.
It's better to just lead the conversation into "I want to discuss something with you, and it's about sex" state, and then quickly move onto "I want you to ride me like a pony, and I will have a briddle, what do you think?"
That was a bit of a humorous example. The realistic one would be. "I want to try something out. Are you interested in spanking me tonight?"
You can later veer the discussion into a broader fetish topic, concerning what turns you on and what doesn't. Make it clear that you aren't asking to go deep all at once, and that these are your fantasies that can exist just in your head if she aren't ready.
Get her involved. Ask her if she has something that matches up to your wants. Or play a game "I tell you mine, you tell me yours" where you go in order.
Things to avoid during first talk:
1) anything extreme - hard pain, tears, scat/piss, etc
2) Anything complicated - things that tend to be percieved as "too hard to do", like full shibari bondage or involved roleplay that requires acting talent.
3) Anything taboo - things like threesome, swing, group sex - unless these are your only fetishes.
4) Avoid mentioning lots of porn that you watch/read or your involvement into communities and stuff on the subject.
Underherthumb247365
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