Boyfriend falling asleep before i'm done

[VeryShyGirl]

I'm normally to shy to post, but this has really been bothering me.

(a little background- I am in my first sexual relationship, no previous experience.) My boyfriend and i have been having sex for a few months. Most, if not every time, he falls asleep after he comes even though I haven't had an orgasm or anything. I usually enjoy sex, but it isn't enough. I end up feeling neglected and pissed off at him. I try kissing and talking to him, but he drifts deeper and deeper to sleep. A few times he has said he didn't even remember/realize when i left during the night. I am very concerned about his experience, but he doesn't seem to be interested in mine.

I would appreciate other people's thoughts, experience, suggestions, on this topic. Whether or not your SO has fallen asleep on you, and how you feel about it.

Thanks

 

[Eilan]

Aww, that sucks. My ex-husband was the same way. He's be asleep literally two minutes after he came, whether I'd had an orgasm or not. And then he'd wonder why I wasn't in the mood!

Not only that, though--I like cuddling afterward, and that was hard to get with my ex.

You say that aside from your BF, you're relatively inexperienced. What's your BF's level of experience?

It's definitely not uncommon for your BF to feel drowsy after he cums. However, it sounds like a bit of a pattern might be developing here, and I certainly don't blame you for feeling angry and hurt--he's being selfish. Sex doesn't have to be over just because the guy cums, and it's definitely not unreasonable of you to want to have an orgasm even though he's finished first. The two of you definitely need to deal with this sooner rather than later, as it sets the stage for other issues/resentments. Been there, done that, and it isn't pretty.

When you talk to him about it, do you bring this up outside of the bedroom, as opposed to trying to talk to him as he's drifting off after sex? If not, that's definitely a good place to start. Tell him what you've told us--that you feel angry, neglected, and unfulfilled when the sex is over because he's had an orgasm.

If you can try to make sure that he makes you cum first through oral or whatever works for you, then that might help a bit. Or you could just get yourself a vibe and use that (or your fingers) a few times while you're lying beside him. Being very, um, vocal about it, of course.

Good luck.

 

[bisexplicit]

My boyfriend (depending upon the time) can get quite sleepy after orgasming. So, usually, if we're having sex late at night, its just assumed that we will make sure that I orgasm before he does.

That could possibly be a simple way to fix your problems.

However, if he is not willing to try this - and is unwilling to listen to your concerns regarding your situation - then I think there are bigger problems in your relationship than just sex.

 

[VeryShyGirl]

You say that aside from your BF, you're relatively inexperienced. What's your BF's level of experience?

He has been in at least one long term relationship. and has been with a few other women, not-so-long term.

Or you could just get yourself a vibe and use that (or your fingers) a few times while you're lying beside him. Being very, um, vocal about it, of course.

LOL Thanks

 

[VeryShyGirl]

Thanks though, it makes sense, and i guess sort of already knew- I need to talk to him about this outside the bedroom. I was kinda hoping to wait and see. But i'm starting to resent him. So i guess it's time

 

[Eilan]

But i'm starting to resent him. So i guess it's time

If you're starting to resent him, it's definitely time. One thing that I learned from the demise of my first marriage was that resentments, whether they have to do with sex or not, can be a real relationship-killer if they're not dealt with.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Well that was my suggestion, talking to him away from the bedroom. He's being selfish, but he may not even know it. Guys are like that.

Bi's also got the best answer, make sure you get yours before he gets his. Personally I prefer it this way because it takes the pressure off me. OK, maybe that's selfish, but I just like to know my woman is happy. If not, I feel guilty.

I'm also the opposite of most men, after I orgasm I am wide awake! If it's late and I have to work the next day we can't make love or I'll never get to sleep. It could be worse, but I do feel a bit wierd at times.

 

[krazeekat]

But i'm starting to resent him. So i guess it's time

That is definately your cue to start talking about it. To prolong it will be more harmful to the relationship.

 

[human_male]

There are a lot of fish in the sea y'know.

 

[jadefirefly]

Yep. More talking!

And either way, if he's just the type to be prone to being sleepy, make sure you get yours first. Then you're both happy!

 

[krazeekat]

And if the talking doesn't work. You can always smack him on the head. As to which head .... I leave that up to you

 

[bisexplicit]

Bi's also got the best answer

I just like seeing those words again.

 

[naxalite0906]

Its the opposite for me.. Mine always fell asleep as we are cuddling/chatting and it got very annoying sometimes, especially if i felt like a repeat performance or just a chat with her..

 

[The Gimp]

What he needs to do is to make sure that you have your orgasm before he has his. I use that trick to keep my girlfriend satisfied. It takes plenty of effort on my part (bringing her to orgasm with a combination of oral and fingers before my dick gets involved) but I do it to keep us from falling into the position you're heading to (aka boredom induced headaches).

 

[Mary Hall]

Just maybe the guy should see a doctor before he gets scolded, i know there could be a medical reason for falling asleep.

 

[rwattsIII]

very bad.....

Very bad manners...... the girl always cums (and cums and cums) first.

 

[silverwhisper]

VSG:

i have nothing to add that the others haven't already said. just one question: does he go down on you? if not, he should start. :>

ed

 

[EveningBreeze]

Good luck

Have you tried masturbating alone shortly before having sex with him? I'm not even trying to be an expert, but I hear a lot of women find it easier to reach orgasm with their partners if they first have a little alone time . But, as the previous posters have mentioned, your best bet is probably having him perform oral on you until you orgasm at least once, or are close to reaching orgasm.

 

[Tele2047]

With my ex I'd always ALWAYS get her off before me, just so this wouldn't be an issue, but have you ever tried morning sex? He might not go to sleep if you both just woke up.

 

[sweetsparkles]

.....

 

[TBKahuna123]

Look, the fact is this is a common thing for guys. I think is has to do with hormone levels and the endorphines that are released upon orgasm, but most guys do get tired after an orgasm. That's not the issue, I don't think.

You'll never stop h im from feeling tired after sex, that's just the way he's built. Knowing that though, he should be more attentive to your needs. Rolling over and passing out without making sure your mate is satisfied is selfish. I've always followed the make sure she comes first rule, because I can't be sure that I can hold off during intercourse until she cums. I want to be sure she is taken care of, so to speak. Personally I think this should be standard operating procedure for any guy.

I will say though that I didn't learn this right away. I mean, young guys don't always get it because we're too dense to pickup on the subtleties. Eventually I matured and picked up on this, but if my partner would have said something gently to me about it, I would have been more than happy to oblige. Talking to him outside the bedroom is the way to go. Just make sure that you don't come at him like this is some big thing he's not doing. On one hand it is, but on the other he may just not be thinking about it. If you mention it gently and do it without making him feel like he's failed somehow, he should be more than willing to oblige you.

If he still doesn't give a shit, then he's an asshole and you should push him out a window, I mean door.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

I'm normally to shy to post, but this has really been bothering me.

(a little background- I am in my first sexual relationship, no previous experience.) My boyfriend and i have been having sex for a few months. Most, if not every time, he falls asleep after he comes even though I haven't had an orgasm or anything. I usually enjoy sex, but it isn't enough. I end up feeling neglected and pissed off at him. I try kissing and talking to him, but he drifts deeper and deeper to sleep. A few times he has said he didn't even remember/realize when i left during the night. I am very concerned about his experience, but he doesn't seem to be interested in mine.

I would appreciate other people's thoughts, experience, suggestions, on this topic. Whether or not your SO has fallen asleep on you, and how you feel about it.

Thanks

This sort of thing is actually really common with men. The male brain produces chemicals during and after orgasm that make him drowsy. Basically it his body's way of saying, "Sleep now so you can come again."

It hits different men to different extremes. Just make him finish you first, or do what one of my exes did to one of her exes when this happened: Slap the shit out of him and yell at him to keep fucking!

 

[VeryShyGirl]

Thanks for all of the advise. I think he is avoiding me now, because he knows I am upset. I haven't been able to get a hold of him all weekend.

Silverwhisper asked if he goes down on me- yes sometimes, but I haven't been able to come that way.
I'll let you all know how it goes when/if I talk to him.
Thanks again

 

[phoenix1224]

You shouldn't be upset with him for falling asleep right afterwards... I saw a documentary on PBS once (can't remember the name of it) that explained this...

When a woman has sex, different chemicals are released that essentially act as a stimulant. But, it's completely different for us men... When a man has sex, different chemicals are released that essentially act as a sedative.

What you SHOULD be upset about is that he seems to care ONLY about his own pleasure and doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about YOUR pleasure. And, if he is avoiding discussing your concerns, I say (and I know that this is going to seem a bit harsh): Call him up and leave a message giving him an ultimatum... Either the two of you discuss your concerns, or it's over.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Thanks for all of the advise. I think he is avoiding me now, because he knows I am upset. I haven't been able to get a hold of him all weekend.

Silverwhisper asked if he goes down on me- yes sometimes, but I haven't been able to come that way.
I'll let you all know how it goes when/if I talk to him.
Thanks again

Hopefully, he'll stop avoiding the problem soon and you can talk with him about it.

In the meantime, how are you able to come? Have you ever had an orgasm with him? Because if you don't come from oral or PIV sex, then have him use his fingers on you, or a vibrator, until you come, then go for the PIV sex.

Lots of woman don't come from PIV sex no matter how long their partners last, so exploring other ways for you to come will be really important. You'll have to help him understand what feels good. You may also have to help him understand that he might need to give you oral for a longer time than he's been doing it - that might be why haven't come from oral.