Boyfriend doesnt masterbate

[SweetErika]

You've been given good advice, MadCat, but I'm going to throw my experience and perspective in the mix.

My husband and I have a fantastic sex life, but he's never lasted very long during PiV. Condoms and having an orgasm first help some, but he still gets extremely excited by sex, as he very well should. When I was younger it used to bother me a bit, but then I started thinking, 'Wow, after so many years, he still finds sex with me so attractive that he can barely contain his excitement!'

Often he's tried to hold out through distracting thoughts, sheer will, and stopping periodically. While I greatly appreciate his thoughtfulness and love feeling him inside me, knowing he's putting thought into anything other than fully enjoying it bothers me immensely. In general, I've already had at least one orgasm, I get great pleasure out of knowing he's enjoying himself, and most of PiV at this stage is about connecting, bonding, and expressing our love. So, it takes away from our physical and emotional pleasure when he tries to hold off; being fully engaged in the act for five minutes and letting himself go and savor that release is FAR better for both of us than when he tries to hold off for another few.

I've told him all of this, and while he still tries to wait once in awhile, he usually just goes with the flow and allows both of us to enjoy it as much as possible. Like I said, my pleasure isn't lacking at all since there's plenty of touching, kissing, oral, manual, and toys. We usually have sex right after I've had an orgasm or ten , so the combined physical and psychological pleasure of sex and knowing he's enjoying it fully is enough to make me come in those few minutes of PiV. If it's not, no big deal, as we can always go again later, use other means, masturbate or just wait until next time.

Evaluating and changing our perspectives has made all the difference, turning a 'problem' into an opportunity to explore and grow.

 

[naxalite0906]

A woman wanting it to go on longer than 15 minutes!!

Now I feel under pressure!

 

[Ahh_lex_A]

Oh dear.....

.....We've had the same experience as my lover, time and more practice is the key. =)...thats all!

 

[tryptamine]

If he was a virgin when you guys met then I think he's doing pretty damn well considering his age and inexperience. When I had his amount of experience I would go for about three minutes...with a condom on.

If you say to him "I want you to last longer" he's going to become self conscious about his inexperience and feel guilty about orgasming. So don't do this if you want him to enjoy the sex.

Also, I can assure you that with proper technique he can blast you into hyperspace in ten minutes. You're both young, there is room to expand your sexual reportoire. Think about oral...it's not scary, it's heaps of fun for all concerned, and if you come this way before PIV sex it will make the fucking better for you.

 

[MadCat16]

AH we've gone at it a few more times and he seems more calm with having sex. I havent said anything and he doesnt seem to be thinking about it that much... except for afterwards where he innocently asks me "how was it?" and all your advice has been great, I wasnt too experienced when I got with him, I had sex a few times, so I think I was a bit naive in the matter. Last time we had sex he was at a better angle where he rubbed up against me, he was higher up on me, it felt great . Lol, one thing I did find out.. he loves to get oral, he likes it a lot, he hasnt given oral to me yet, but he keeps gesturing to do it, I'll give it a go next time it comes up even though Im really nervous about it.

And dont worry, Im not in this just for sex, hell no, I love to just cuddle with him, watch tv with him, and just generally hang out, it just seems that the both of us have high libido(being at the age we are at Im not surprised) so a simple gesture, kiss on the neck or ears, or squeeze tends to send the both of us in "I want sex" mode even if we didnt mean to get the other that way.

Oh and the only real reason Im afraid to get oral is because my close friend has gotten oral, she likes it, but doesnt like guys faces down there and gets freaked out by it so I guess that whole mentality got to me a little bit.

 

[LadyJeanne]

And dont worry, Im not in this just for sex, hell no, I love to just cuddle with him, watch tv with him, and just generally hang out, it just seems that the both of us have high libido(being at the age we are at Im not surprised) so a simple gesture, kiss on the neck or ears, or squeeze tends to send the both of us in "I want sex" mode even if we didnt mean to get the other that way.

Oh and the only real reason Im afraid to get oral is because my close friend has gotten oral, she likes it, but doesnt like guys faces down there and gets freaked out by it so I guess that whole mentality got to me a little bit.

Some of us have libidos like that even as we grow more ancient and decrepit...


ANd don't let your girlfriend's hang-ups become yours...

 

[emap]

Heck no, a guys face down there feels GREAT, not matter if he is ugly or an adonis.

I can't even begin to understand why your girlfriend has that hangup, unless it's not the fact his head is down there, but that she is ashamed of her pussy for whatever reason.

Anyway, if you can't stand to look down at the top of his head, close your eyes, ruffle your fingers in his hair and enjoy.

By the way, I'm sort of jealous of you, my guy doesn't cum after 15-20 minutes, fastest he has ever with me is 30 minutes, and he was really horny first. Most of the time we do it for longer, 2-3 hours most of the time which on the surface is WOW you must love it. I do but there are times when I can't take him anymore, luckily I enjoy oral and he is understanding so I finish him off that way, though sometimes he just stops and tells me no problem can finish later.

 

[naxalite0906]

By the way, I'm sort of jealous of you, my guy doesn't cum after 15-20 minutes, fastest he has ever with me is 30 minutes, and he was really horny first. Most of the time we do it for longer, 2-3 hours most of the time which on the surface is WOW you must love it. I do but there are times when I can't take him anymore, luckily I enjoy oral and he is understanding so I finish him off that way, though sometimes he just stops and tells me no problem can finish later.

How can some guys manage this.. I struggle all the time and could never last half an hour, let alone 2-3! lol... Think I'm going wrong somewhere

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Let him go down on you, he wants to, he finds you beautiful and he wants to pleasure you. You're a lucky girl

The advice you've had is very good and you're right in that neither of you can relax properly while you're sneaking around his family. Nerves like that will impact on his perfomance time too.

You say that you're quiet, do you communicate with each other enough during sex? Make sure he knows when he's turning you on and getting it right; you don't have to scream the roof off!

I hope your lovelife improves with every day. I'm sure it will.

Velvet

 

[emap]

Naxalite don't worry, it's just the way you are, he is physically incapable of cumming fast. Some people have an easier time of it, I beleive some have longer wait times. It's just a matter of he came out that way. Women have the same variances in sexual matters, some can't come during intercourse, some barely cum at all, some squirt, soem leak buckets when they are horny, some barely get moist until he cums. Everyone is different, no one is better than anyone else.

I'll even let you know a little thing, he asks me if I had enough, doesn't matter how long we did it for, 30 minutes 5 hours, he always rolls off me lays their panting turns to me and asks, did you get enough?

I swear to you, it's annoying at times, I'm begging him to cum and get off me, I'm laying there under him like a limp doll and he asks me if I had enough. Ok, granted I don't end up like that often, but the few times I have I have to look at him and tell him honestly, yeah two hours ago.

 

[KokopelliRises]

I wish I'd found this thread when I was with my ex. Slightly different situation, though. We were both virgins, but I know I knew much more about sex than he ever did.

The major problem was that he never masturbated. Yes, I know the old adage, 97% do and the 3% that say they don't are liars. But he didn't. It only started to piss me off after I learned how to masturbate myself. In our whole relationship, he only masturbated (that I know of) three or four times. And guess what? I never came. Not once in about two years of sex.

I am so glad with my situation now though. Mutual masturbation is a regular part of my sex life and I am much happier now than I have been for a long time.

 

[absentminded]

First of all, like many others have said, 15 minutes is a pretty decent length. I think that you'll find he's ahead of the curve on that one. Secondly, for me and most others, sexual intercourse is best when two people are comfortable and can communicate. It isn't rocket science. When you want your boyfriend to do something or change something, ask him. As a guy, let me just tell you, holding things like that in is infuriating because eventually they come out and it is maddening to know things could have been better all along if someone had just spoken up. I realize that is a pretty broad statement, but I think it covers your problem too. Just make sure you're nice about it; guys are sensitive.

On to some quick fixes...

-seeing as you (as a couple) are new to sex, I"m going to assume you probably are still using condoms. If that is the case, put one on. If it is possible, put on a smaller size. If I put a standard size on, the damn things are so constrictive, I don't get off unless I really work at it.

-I don't at all endorse underage drinking, but say you live in Canada. Give him a bottle of wine before you go at it. I'm not very sensitive after drinking. I rarely drink but the last time I drank, I ended up taking a friend of mine home and I think I actually cracked the 50 minute mark.

-Time of day may matter. Personally, I am far less sensitive in the morning and it takes me 2 or 3 times as long as I do at night or after I work out.

But speaking as a guy who does have minor sensitivity issues (I've had to fake it, and yes, it is possible), I don't wish it on anybody as it's tough for both mine and the woman's ego on occasion. When all is said and done, take the 15 minutes and run with it until you have the opportunity to have sex in your own place where nobody can bug you.

 

[yoshimitsu]

I don't think the masterbation is at all the issue here but since so many people seem so suprised someone would stop masterbating I thought I would throw in my .2
It sounds like he stopped before he had PIV so his situation is a little different than mine but up untill I was about 20 I masterbated a lot and then I met my GF. We started having sex and I got so hooked on the intimacy, the feelings, the connection, the penetration, everything about it that masterbation lost most of it's excitement. Now I am single and still rarely even think about it. I would so much rather love a woman that the idea of rubbing my junk till shit squirts out just doesn't do it for me anymore.

 

[SweetErika]

Psst all... This thread is pretty old. It's likely the OP has already resolved the problem and isn't seeking advice since they haven't posted to this in a loooooong time.

I wish I'd found this thread when I was with my ex. Slightly different situation, though. We were both virgins, but I know I knew much more about sex than he ever did.

The major problem was that he never masturbated. Yes, I know the old adage, 97% do and the 3% that say they don't are liars. But he didn't. It only started to piss me off after I learned how to masturbate myself. In our whole relationship, he only masturbated (that I know of) three or four times. And guess what? I never came. Not once in about two years of sex.

I am so glad with my situation now though. Mutual masturbation is a regular part of my sex life and I am much happier now than I have been for a long time.

I'm confused as to what his lack of masturbation has to do with you not coming, and why him not masturbating was a "major problem" at all.

Or, are you a male, and think him not touching himself led to you not coming because he didn't know how to work a cock?

 

[jessthegirl]

back to original problem

Getting back to the original issue, several things:
1) 15 minutes is a long time!!! Especially for a 19 year old guy. Be thankful
2) Get where you have lots of time, and let the first ejaculation be for your bf, let him fuck you as hard and as fast as he needs to, and just enjoy his energy, his vigour, his enthusiasm for you, his hardness and bigness ramming inside you.
3) When he has unloaded, then it is your turn and when he comes inside the second time it will take him longer.
4) Give him a banana milkshake for energy,and get him going the third time and he will take long enough to rock you good and hard.
Enjoy him.