Boyfriend doesnt masterbate

[MadCat16]

Alright, I am new here, the only real reason I joined was because I couldnt find my answer anywhere else.(I'll come back with more questions when they come up and participate in discussions)

I've been going out with my boyfriend for a little longer than four months. He was a virgin and I took his virginity about two weeks ago, we've had sex 4 times then my period started. Now I like sex, but he doesnt last long... 5 minutes... maybe.. I talked to him about it and he tried to last longer, lasted for about 15 but I want it for a longer time. The problem is is that he gets way to loaded up, he doesnt masturbate like the majority of men do and so he goes quickly. He used to masterbate but stopped about a year ago, I dont know why yet but I'll find out. Now he was away for the weekend and I know hes going to go quickly tommorow when we do it. What do I do about this.. I dont want to intrude and tell him to masterbate often.. its just that sex doesnt last long.. (note: he shares his room with a younger brother, bf is 19, Im 18 and his bro is 15(as soon as he graduates hes getting out of the house))

 

[EJFan]

frequent or increased masturbation isn't necessarily the solution here.

first of all, take it as a compliment that he cums quickly. part of it is because he's inexperienced and part of it is because of the passion he feels for you during intercourse.

secondly, maybe make him cum before PIV... give him a blow job or a hand job or let him masturbate for you or whatever works for you guys. if he cums before intercourse he won't cum so quickly during intercourse.

finally, remember that he'll get better after you have sex with one another a few more times. there are all sorts of things to get beyond... his anxiety, his newness to PIV, etc.. and most of all if you make it seem like too important a goal to have him last longer it's only going to make matters worse. it's great that you're approaching this by discussing it with him but approach it gingerly. ask him what YOU can do TOGETHER to make the sessions longer. bring up some ideas and get some feedback from him on it... don't put the issue in his lap and leave it at "i want you to last longer." you'll likely not get far that way.

in the mean time just keep talking, enjoy the journey, get familiar with one another and don't make this too big an issue. it'll iron itself out soon enough. keep the dialogue open and you'll be fine.

 

[rcuhljr]

Does he last longer the second or third time of the night? *edit and I can't think of anything that would cause a guy to stop masturbating *

 

[sunandshadow]

Guys that age can recharge fast; let him cum once, spend the next 15 minutes cuddling and kissing, then ask him if he's ready to go again. But I'll admit to being very curious as to why anyone would quit masturbaing.

 

[MadCat16]

The inexperience was another thing I was thinking about too as to why he pops his cork so quickly. I guess its because my previous boyfriend masterbated WAY too much(or what I consider way too much), like 5-6 times a day every day(he only missed about 32 days out of the calender(yes he kept track)) and so he could last a long time. I guess Im just wanting him to last longer, Im not pushing it, I tell him not to worry about it, that maybe with more experience he'll cool down and take more time.

 

[MadCat16]

Guys that age can recharge fast; let him cum once, spend the next 15 minutes cuddling and kissing, then ask him if he's ready to go again. But I'll admit to being very curious as to why anyone would quit masturbaing.

I dont know either, I masterbate when I cant see him. I'll have to ask again, last time I asked he said he didnt know, but he loves it when I play with him, so go figure.

 

[rcuhljr]

Your last boyfriend is my hero.

 

[MadCat16]

Your last boyfriend is my hero.

I actually think hes creepy, he was into furries, which is okay, but he loved it way too much... pictures of things like Yoshi(from Mario games) with massive balls. He loved it more than me basically.. became a major turnoff

Anyway offtopic.. but whatever

 

[rcuhljr]

I actually think hes creepy, he was into furries, which is okay, but he loved it way too much... pictures of things like Yoshi(from Mario games) with massive balls. He loved it more than me basically.. became a major turnoff

Anyway offtopic.. but whatever

Ok well now it's just depressing that he landed a girlfriend and I haven't

 

[MadCat16]

Ok well now it's just depressing that he landed a girlfriend and I haven't

hes bi too OOOh.. hes a nice guy... just kinda... blah.... I had sex with him twice and I just.. no.. couldnt ignore the turnoffs for me. If your into that, cool, but for me, no thank you.

 

[purrbaby]

Wow... Doesn't get off. That is odd.

Well, I'd go with what EJFan said. Let him get off before sex, warm him back up and see if he lasts longer. I've dealt with virgins before, usually works.

 

[OutshinedOne]

There's also the matter of comfort and nerves that has to be addressed. Typically guys are at their best when they are relaxed and collected. This isn't something that can be instantly fixed, but given time, it can have a noticeable effect.

I'm not sure how exactly you guys go about the sex thing, but stuff like showering beforehand, playing music, and massages can be quite helpful in that regard.

 

[emap]

Perhaps his parents or brother walked in on him during, that does tend to cool the motor alot, at least so I've been told, and if they have a couple times it sorta makes a person paranoid.

Hmmm, he is 19, your 18, i remember being 18, I was rather constantly horny, I remember guys at 19 were to, so ummmm why aren't you doing him alot when you do him?

Seriously, he can get it up in the space of at most half an hour at his age, so you can always knock boots, cuddle and carress his mr happy until he is standing proud and knock some more boots, repeat as needed, oh and trust me, round about the third time he's going to last for an hour or more, men rather tend to last twice as long each time when your going for marathon bouts of sex.

 

[bandelero]

Hi MadCat, I am as amazed as everyone else about a 19 yr old who has given up masturbating but think that the suggestion emap made that maybe he was "caught in the act" could well explain his reluctance.
As regards your desire for the act to last longer maybe you could persuade your guy to indulge in a lot more foreplay before you actually get to the PIV stage. Most of the ladies I have known have found it much more gratifying to be kissed, cuddled, stroked, licked and aroused before penetration.
Also, as others have stated, at age 19 two, three or four bouts a night was not uncommon and after the first come each subsequent time took longer.
One other thing to mention is vaginal dryness which if present can be a source of pain and discomfort for both in which case the longer it last the more painful it can get. (Probably not the case with you)
My advice, be patient, experiment, be loving and very good luck for the future!

 

[MadCat16]

well the thing is, its hard to get more than a once at a time round of sex. See his parents are Protestant or something like that, they dont beleive in sex before marriage. My boyfriend, obviously is not Protestant, hes actually Pagan. But its so hard to get a second round in... we're both procrastinators and dont have a car so we cant go and drive (hes getting a car soon though)somewhere safe and the most comfortable (and safe(getting caught wise))place to go at it is his house/bedroom, so unfortunately having a go at it is hard. We both still live with our parents too(im trying to get out as quickly as possible) so my house is out of the question and my mom is invasive. Sticky predicament. But last time we had sex, meaning yesterday, he did take a much longer time.. and this time the bed shook, before we've been so quiet, we still are quiet, but the bed made noise, lol.

 

[LadyJeanne]

What about you? Did you shake? Did he give you an orgasm? Did he even try? There's a lot more to sex than vaginal penetration. You could have several orgasms via oral or with hands before he gets anywhere near your vagina with his dick.

Jes sayin' ...it's not all about him.

 

[MadCat16]

Ya I know.. he wants to go down on me, but I've never had that happen and frankly it sorta scares me. Im so nervous about him going down there, hes never been down there either so Im afraid how things might go. He does play with me, but unfortunately my clit isnt all to sensitive, even for me to do it it takes a while to orgasm. Maybe I masterbated too much as a younger teen, but even if I go a week or so without doing anything my sensitivity isnt any better... well it is very sensitive actually, direct stimulation for me actually hurts a little bit even if extremely moist. I only orgasm when the side close to my clit but between the Labia minor and major is stimulated... I know its weird.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Ya I know.. he wants to go down on me, but I've never had that happen and frankly it sorta scares me. Im so nervous about him going down there, hes never been down there either so Im afraid how things might go. He does play with me, but unfortunately my clit isnt all to sensitive, even for me to do it it takes a while to orgasm. Maybe I masterbated too much as a younger teen, but even if I go a week or so without doing anything my sensitivity isnt any better... well it is very sensitive actually, direct stimulation for me actually hurts a little bit even if extremely moist. I only orgasm when the side close to my clit but between the Labia minor and major is stimulated... I know its weird.

It's not wierd, and it's not because you masturbated too much as a teen. Everyone is different.

First, all you need to do is show him exactly where and how to touch you. Masturbate for him, or bring his finger to the right place and show him how to touch you. He probably has no idea how to touch you.

Next, consider why you are uncomfortable with oral? why is he? Oral is fun.

 

[human_male]

There's me thinking fifteen minutes of fucking IS a long time.

I don't think him not masturbating is the problem. I think it's more to do with the fact that he's an eighteen year old kid who's only just started having sex. You should be careful about putting too much pressure on him. When you talked to him about it, what exactly did you say? I hope you didn't give him the impression that he's not pleasing you. Premature ejaculation is a common problem. Most men aren't machines that can just pound away all night. I would imagine five to fifteen minutes is normal.

I hope things work out for you both though.

 

[emap]

Oral is a little scary the first time no matter who is going down there on who.

That said, let him, he wants to, you will enjoy it, he will enjoy it, and you can always go down on him at the same time, much fun to be had by all that way.

I agree with LadyJeanne, show him where to do things, how hard or soft to do things and then lay back and get a big old goofy grin, cause he's going to do it for a while.

 

[ChasingShadowsX]

EJFan is that a real penis in ur display pic? thats the most disgusting thing ive ever seen!

 

[Handongland]

EJFan is that a real penis in ur display pic? thats the most disgusting thing ive ever seen!

And im sure your the bigest Dickhead he has ever seen.

 

[EJFan]

EJFan is that a real penis in ur display pic?

no it isn't... the avatar penis is actually much larger than mine.

 

[Straight-8]

There's me thinking fifteen minutes of fucking IS a long time.

It is. The average for actual PIV sex according to sex researchers is a little less than 4 minutes. About the same as the average rock and roll song (coincidence? - I think not! ). Even in porn the average is about 15 to 20 minutes!

 

[emap]

The length of time spent on one scene in porn is 15-20 minutes. The actual time spent shooting that scene tends to be hours to all day, they just edit it and have very good editing people.

Anytime someone has to go to the bathroom, they have to stop shooting, phone rings they stop shooting, new people arrive they stop shooting, people leave they stop shooting, batteries die, tape runs out they stop shooting. Ever wonder why they have a girl there just to make sure he is hard? That is why, they have to stop shooting often and simply because of the amount of sex he gets combined with the not terribly satisfying positions they have to do, the men have a problem staying excited. Not to mention the director saying stop stop, we gotta do that all over again a few times each scene. Heck they even stop shooting for lunch when they come back, they are supposed to get back in the same position.

Being a porn star is very not for most, besides most of the time the woman has to fake it, why most women only do one movie and stop doing them. I watched a Real Sex on porn, HBO is incredibly informative on the odd occassion.