Bound and willing

[Seeking__passion]

I’m so proud to say that my first story has been published here on lit . Would love any feedback , especially from anyone in the bdsm lifestyle who can identify with the roles .

https://i.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=2980145

Thanks ! Look forward to hearing from you !

 

[countdowntolov3]

I thought I'd leave you some feedback, since it looks like initially you didn't get any. For context, I'm a woman and a BDSM enthusiast. So, I assume I'm the target audience.

My biggest critique is that I think you struggled a little bit with the second person point of view. The sage advice here is probably: don't write in second person. It's an uncommon point of view for a reason.

But maybe you like the second person format. If so, let's talk about why I felt it was a struggle here. When reading we can varry the amount of self inserting we do. But second person really pushes the reader into a high degree of self insert. A few things in your story broke that self insert for me.

First was when you described the reader's skin as milky. A very low percentage of readers will meet that description (for the record, most white girls would not describe their skin as milky).

The other issue for me was when you described my gratitude. As the reader I went, "wait, that's not how I feel about this!"

Now I don't think it's impossible to assign feelings or traits to the reader. But if you're going to do so I think you need to be doing is consistently to keep the reader from falling into the self insert mode that the second person narration pushes on them.

I did like your story though!

Your writing is evocative and "flowey" while staying easy to read. This is not an easy balance to strike!

I hope you write more. Maybe try first or third person if you're nor married to second?

 

[JackBellend41]

I agree with countdowntolov3. I enjoyed your writing, very descriptive yet easy to read, and yet I struggled to get through even a page because of the 2nd person narrative. It kept making me feel like I was reading sexting that I wasn't a part of.