Bottom vs Submissive

[Safphyre]

How do you define the difference? I assumed, my first mistake , that they were one in the same but the more I learn about this lifestyle the more I am inclined to say that they are different ... but how?

 

[serijules]

As with any label, there are many definitions for a single word. The term bottom can simply be referring to any role in which the person is the receiver of what the other person is giving. In a master/slave relationship, the slave is the bottom. In a daddy/daughter relationship, the daughter is the bottom. In a dominant/submissive relationship, the submissive is the bottom. You get the idea. When someone tells me they are a bottom, this is the first assumption that I make, and I leave the other labels to fall into place as that person shares them with me.

Some define a bottom as someone who perhaps gives themselves over to the sensation or the feelings of being spanked or played with or whatnot, but not necessarily gives *themselves* to the person dishing it all out. Most of the people I know that consider themselves bottoms have no interest in being dominated emotionally by another person, something that I think submission comes with a healthy dose of. So in comparing a bottom to a submissive, I would say the most notable difference is that a submissive may be more likely to be emotionally involved with their partner (even in play) whereas a bottom's focus may be more so on the scene overall, not so much on the other person or the emotional context. Not to say there is no emotion involved, far from it, but just that it isn't quite as complex. However, most of the bottoms I know that fit this description are only interested in spanking, not in any other aspects of BDSM, so outside of that, I'm not sure. The definations will be drastically different for each person, so if you are looking for a definition, I can guarentee you will not find one.

I consider myself a submissive to my Domme because I have an interest in giving myself to another person entirely. My body, my mind, my pain, my pleasure, my wants, my needs, my desires, my discomforts, etc. There is a thrill for me in giving that ALL to someone, and a lot of trust that goes with it, trust that I will not find on that level in the average play partner.

I bottom to many. I submit to one.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

~*~*~*~*~

<Standing and applauding serijules for a wonderfully cogent and concise explanation.>

 

[serijules]

Re: ~*~*~*~*~

<Standing and applauding serijules for a wonderfully cogent and concise explanation.>

Thank you, nice to be appreciated.

 

[FungiUg]

They are spelled differently. And how they are used depends on who you talk to. A label is a convenience, not a definition. So go ahead and use whatever you like, I'm sure we'll cope!

 

[Netzach]

submissive is a personality trait, bottom is a position. You could be Dominant, submissive, a curious frat boy or a freaky fetishist and still bottom.

 

[Safphyre]

Serijules, tyvm for your explanation ..it gave me a little more insight ...which was exactly what I was looking for


Sounds to me like it falls into the great PYL/pyl debate

 

[bluntforcemama]

I bottom to many. I submit to one.

That's a beautiful way to put it.

 

[InnerDarkness]

Sounds to me like it falls into the great PYL/pyl debate

Since we are asking questions here...

what is pyl? Am I blindly missing the obvious? I keep seeing it...I know I have been away for a while, but I am lost...

I like how Netzach succinctly summed it up, and also how serijules describes it. I can submit to only one...

 

[WriterDom]

submissive is a personality trait, bottom is a position. You could be Dominant, submissive, a curious frat boy or a freaky fetishist and still bottom.

Very good.

 

[Safphyre]

All very good explanations ...thank you all very much



...pssstt... ID ... pyl = pick your label, it's about one of the only things I DO know

 

[InnerDarkness]

All very good explanations ...thank you all very much



...pssstt... ID ... pyl = pick your label, it's about one of the only things I DO know

thanks so much! That term had popped up in my absence and I was so confused...

I thought perhaps "person you love" capitalized to signify top or bottom

wow...I was way off!

 

[The Mutt]

All in all, I prefer the term Slave. I do not grovel or toady, but I do obey. I serve. I belong to my Mistress, Miss Oatlash. She uses me as she sees fit
If it is her desire that I take her roughly, I gladly obey.
If it is her desire that I submit to her lash, I gladly obey.
My body is hers, but my soul is my own.
I live to serve. Willingly. Happily. Lovingly.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

All in all, I prefer the term Slave. I do not grovel or toady, but I do obey. I serve. I belong to my Mistress, Miss Oatlash. She uses me as she sees fit
If it is her desire that I take her roughly, I gladly obey.
If it is her desire that I submit to her lash, I gladly obey.
My body is hers, but my soul is my own.
I live to serve. Willingly. Happily. Lovingly.

And he serves me so well, whatever the task. This morning, he worshiped my ass as if he was seeing it for the first time...sucked my toes with delight...A good slave, by anyone's definition.

 

[Richard49]

A bottom is one who recieves pain
they may be a dom, a submissive, a
slave or just a pain sensualist.

This why you can have someone top from the bottom
meaning they are a Dom who likes recieving pain

to be a submissive
does not mean one enjoys pain
many submissives do not like pain
and do not go to "sub space" from it

A submissive is one that enjoys/finds pleasure in
putting the pleasure of one or more other people
before there own.

 

[ownedsubgal]

a bottom submits because it turns them on...makes their pussy moisten, or their penis harden. a submissive submits because they can do nothing else. it's their personality and they MUST submit...whether they want to or don't want to, whether they enjoy it or don't enjoy it. jmo

 

[serijules]

a submissive submits because they can do nothing else. it's their personality and they MUST submit...whether they want to or don't want to, whether they enjoy it or don't enjoy it. jmo

I would call that a slave myself.

 

[DreamsSurrender]

Honestly I don't label myself....neither does my dom...yes he is a dom,yes I am his...but do us labeling ourselves as Master and slave, Dom and Submissive, Top and Bottom really matter in the end? Honestly it matters whats held within if you truly think your a bottom than you are. What I know about me is I enjoy pleasing others....but I know my limits. A slaves limits our usually the same as their masters. I know I am new to the lifestyle. But am I making any sense here?

 

[ownedsubgal]

I would call that a slave myself.

i'm one of those strange birds that define slave as one who is owned by another. but i do realize that many would label what i'd consider to simply be a true submissive, as a slave.

 

[serijules]

i'm one of those strange birds that define slave as one who is owned by another. but i do realize that many would label what i'd consider to simply be a true submissive, as a slave.

Your definition just sounds so...grim, I guess. Like a submissive by your definition has no choice in the matter, almost like it is a handicap, something they were born with and have no way to overcome. That they get no pleasure from it, don't get turned on by it.

I realize that is not what you mean at all, it's just one of those statements that I think needs a bit more explanation to really be leave a positive feeling, at least for me.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Your definition just sounds so...grim, I guess. Like a submissive by your definition has no choice in the matter, almost like it is a handicap, something they were born with and have no way to overcome. That they get no pleasure from it, don't get turned on by it.

I realize that is not what you mean at all, it's just one of those statements that I think needs a bit more explanation to really be leave a positive feeling, at least for me.

serijules, that's actually exactly how i felt about myself before i discovered the D/s lifestyle. i didn't know the word for what i was..."submissive"...but i knew that i was different, that i felt weak and powerless and that i hated that. i hated always being used and abused and afraid of the world. being born submissive is not a handicap, but it can make for a difficult life. that is a fact. just as in my parents' day being born black often made for a difficult life. but hopefully, one can reach a point where they grow to appreciate and possibly even love who they are, see the beauty in themselves. that is what happened for me when i discovered that i was a submissive, and that there was a place in the world for people like me. that yeah, i was probably different from most, but that that was a GOOD thing.

i do indeed believe a submissive has no choice in whether they are submissive or not...it is just who they are. and yes often it is not what they want to do or who they want to be. submitting does not always turn me on or give me some sort of pleasure. often i have disliked, loathed, been disgusted by it. and then there have been the good times, the times it was wonderful. but whether i submit or not has nothing to do with whether i will or won't find pleasure from it. as i said, that would be a bottom. but again that's jmo.

 

[serijules]

serijules, that's actually exactly how i felt about myself before i discovered the D/s lifestyle. i didn't know the word for what i was..."submissive"...but i knew that i was different, that i felt weak and powerless and that i hated that. i hated always being used and abused and afraid of the world. being born submissive is not a handicap, but it can make for a difficult life. that is a fact. just as in my parents' day being born black often made for a difficult life. but hopefully, one can reach a point where they grow to appreciate and possibly even love who they are, see the beauty in themselves. that is what happened for me when i discovered that i was a submissive, and that there was a place in the world for people like me. that yeah, i was probably different from most, but that that was a GOOD thing.

i do indeed believe a submissive has no choice in whether they are submissive or not...it is just who they are. and yes often it is not what they want to do or who they want to be. submitting does not always turn me on or give me some sort of pleasure. often i have disliked, loathed, been disgusted by it. and then there have been the good times, the times it was wonderful. but whether i submit or not has nothing to do with whether i will or won't find pleasure from it. as i said, that would be a bottom. but again that's jmo.

TYVM for your comments, I wasn't challenging your description, just trying to understand, this helped.

 

[Safphyre]

Basically there is no set standard for these labels ..as with most of the labels that get thrown around ... some fundamental things are assumed but from there ...it is all open to interpretation.

 

[Richard49]

Basically there is no set standard for these labels ..as with most of the labels that get thrown around ... some fundamental things are assumed but from there ...it is all open to interpretation.

I am sorry but this is incorrect

Try starting here
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/BDSMinfo/info_pack_iii.htm

 

[Safphyre]

Thank you Richard for that