Borderlands and grey areas

[SimonBrooke]

In the Another attempt at Abuse thread we've talked a bit about the 'grey areas' around consent. For a story project which is currently on the back burner, I once tried to categorise all the grey areas; these are my notes. Discuss: which of these (if any) is 'OK'? Which might you do or enjoy having done to you? Which are definitely not 'OK'?

Borderlines of rape

-- An attempt to classify the 'blurry edges' between rough sex and rape

Dimensions (present to a greater or lesser extent in all sex):

• consent granted <-----------------------------> denied
• force none <-----------------------------> violent
• authority none <-----------------------------> great
• trade none <-----------------------------> vital
• relationship lover <-----------------------------> stranger

• Modifiers which may affect any dimension:
  • Perception -- affects the degree of injury caused?
  • Intent -- affects the degree of guilt which can be ascribed?

Examples

Sex without explicit consent, but without explicit refusal/resistance

• within the context of a relationship
• outside the context of a relationship
• without any significant force
• with some degree of force

Sex where consent is modified

• granted during the act but subsequently revoked
• denied during the act but subsequently granted
• withdrawn in the process of the act
• granted in the process of the act

Sex where consent is exceeded

• (there was consent for sex but not for sex in this particular manner - e.g. anal penetration where consent was given for vaginal penetration)

Sex where denial of consent is feigned - 'play rape'

• where the partner knows that denial is feigned
• where the partner believes denial is genuine

Genuine ambiguity about consent

• e.g. at end of a relationship in which 'play rape' has been a feature

Sex as trade good

• in explicit trade (e.g. prostitution)
• in implicit trade
• in trade for trivial item or service
• in trade for basic necessity for survival
• where the item traded for is subsequently withheld

Sex in the context of mistaken identity

• Sex where consent is granted in the mistaken belief that the partner is an acceptable person
• Sex where consent is denied in the mistaken belief that the partner is an unacceptable person

Sex where consent is granted under the influence of inebriation

• where the inebriating substance is freely and knowingly taken
• where the substance is 'slipped' with the sex partner's knowledge
• where the substance is 'slipped' without the sex partner's knowledge (i.e. a third party has administered the inebriating substance without either sex partner knowing)

Sex in the context of employment

• where it is explicitly part of the contract
• where it is implicitly part of the contract
• where it is clearly not part of the contract
• where alternate employment would be hard to find

Sex in the context of authority

• where the authority figure is formally entitled to order sex
• where the authority figure is exceeding (his|her) formal authority
• where the authority figure is breaking a taboo (e.g. incest)

Sex in the context of religious authority

• where the religion endorses sexuality
• where the religion represses sexuality
• where the act forms part of a recognised religious practice
• where the act does not form part of a recognised practice
• where the person compelled is a believer
• where the person compelled is not a believer

An act in which sex is compelled, but choice of partner and circumstances
are left open

• where the choice includes partners and circumstances which might otherwise be chosen
• where it does not

Compelled sex where if it had not been compelled it would have been chosen

Consenting sex where it is clear that if consent is not given rape is
inevitable

Technical borderlines

• an act in which insemination occurs without penetration
• an act in which penetration is with an inanimate object
• a forced sexual act not involving any penetration

 

[mistressmaxine]

In the Another attempt at Abuse thread we've talked a bit about the 'grey areas' around consent. For a story project which is currently on the back burner, I once tried to categorise all the grey areas; these are my notes. Discuss: which of these (if any) is 'OK'? Which might you do or enjoy having done to you? Which are definitely not 'OK'?

Borderlines of rape

-- An attempt to classify the 'blurry edges' between rough sex and rape

Dimensions (present to a greater or lesser extent in all sex):

• consent granted <-----------------------------> denied
• force none <-----------------------------> violent
• authority none <-----------------------------> great
• trade none <-----------------------------> vital
• relationship lover <-----------------------------> stranger

• Modifiers which may affect any dimension:
  • Perception -- affects the degree of injury caused?
  • Intent -- affects the degree of guilt which can be ascribed?

Examples

Sex without explicit consent, but without explicit refusal/resistance

• within the context of a relationship
• outside the context of a relationship
• without any significant force
• with some degree of force

Sex where consent is modified

• granted during the act but subsequently revoked
• denied during the act but subsequently granted
• withdrawn in the process of the act
• granted in the process of the act

Sex where consent is exceeded

• (there was consent for sex but not for sex in this particular manner - e.g. anal penetration where consent was given for vaginal penetration)

Sex where denial of consent is feigned - 'play rape'

• where the partner knows that denial is feigned
• where the partner believes denial is genuine

Genuine ambiguity about consent

• e.g. at end of a relationship in which 'play rape' has been a feature

Sex as trade good

• in explicit trade (e.g. prostitution)
• in implicit trade
• in trade for trivial item or service
• in trade for basic necessity for survival
• where the item traded for is subsequently withheld

Sex in the context of mistaken identity

• Sex where consent is granted in the mistaken belief that the partner is an acceptable person
• Sex where consent is denied in the mistaken belief that the partner is an unacceptable person

Sex where consent is granted under the influence of inebriation

• where the inebriating substance is freely and knowingly taken
• where the substance is 'slipped' with the sex partner's knowledge
• where the substance is 'slipped' without the sex partner's knowledge (i.e. a third party has administered the inebriating substance without either sex partner knowing)

Sex in the context of employment

• where it is explicitly part of the contract
• where it is implicitly part of the contract
• where it is clearly not part of the contract
• where alternate employment would be hard to find

Sex in the context of authority

• where the authority figure is formally entitled to order sex
• where the authority figure is exceeding (his|her) formal authority
• where the authority figure is breaking a taboo (e.g. incest)

Sex in the context of religious authority

• where the religion endorses sexuality
• where the religion represses sexuality
• where the act forms part of a recognised religious practice
• where the act does not form part of a recognised practice
• where the person compelled is a believer
• where the person compelled is not a believer

An act in which sex is compelled, but choice of partner and circumstances
are left open

• where the choice includes partners and circumstances which might otherwise be chosen
• where it does not

Compelled sex where if it had not been compelled it would have been chosen

Consenting sex where it is clear that if consent is not given rape is
inevitable

Technical borderlines

• an act in which insemination occurs without penetration
• an act in which penetration is with an inanimate object
• a forced sexual act not involving any penetration

I trawled through all this and have some definite no's....These are MY no's and not a hard and fast rule...I decided to leave the religion one well alone. Just some thoughts, am interested in what you think though of my choices.

Sex where consent is exceeded
• (there was consent for sex but not for sex in this particular manner - e.g. anal penetration where consent was given for vaginal penetration)

Sex where consent is granted under the influence of inebriation
• where the inebriating substance is freely and knowingly taken
• where the substance is 'slipped' with the sex partner's knowledge
• where the substance is 'slipped' without the sex partner's knowledge (i.e. a third party has administered the inebriating substance without either sex partner knowing)

Sex in the context of employment
• where it is clearly not part of the contract

Sex in the context of authority
• where the authority figure is exceeding (his|her) formal authority
• where the authority figure is breaking a taboo (e.g. incest)

Consenting sex where it is clear that if consent is not given rape is
inevitable

 

[VelvetDarkness]

These are all interesting points to consider.

I know that in our dynamic, consent is implicit at all times. As a 'slave' relationship partner, 'not tonight darling' has been expunged from my vocabulary. Under the terms that my Master and I have agreed between each other, it would be very difficult for me to ever accuse him of rape because I have volunteered blanket consent for the duration of the relationship and/or the Master/slave dynamic as we have mutually agreed things. I can withdraw consent in exactly two ways.

1. Leave the relationship altogether.
2. Decide that slavery does not suit me and renegotiate our boundaries.

There are times when I feel hard done by and that he's maybe been inconsiderate in choosing to use me sexually when I'm clearly not in the mood. If I was to flat refuse sexual service without very good reason, it's more than likely he would verbally and/or physically exert his will until he got what he wanted. There have been impromptu quasi-rape scenes when I have been rudely awoken in the night because he's awake and horny or he has chosen for some reason to use me sexually without consideration for my reluctance or troubling to physically arouse me. Perversely, these are the times when I feel my slavery most acutely and I can feel hard done by while simultaneously thrilling at his power over me and having pride in every bruise and ache.

I suppose that blanket consent means that these are not really grey areas within our agreed dynamic. They do make Master vulnerable though, because if I wanted to, I could accuse him of rape from a legal standpoint. My body would bear evidence of forced sex and he would not be able to deny that I was reluctant or even resisted.

So I suppose I would add something like: Blanket consent for sex given but reluctance/resistance shown at the time of coupling, which is subsequently ignored/over-ruled by the PYL.

 

[ownedsubgal]

one of the nice things about being a slave...there are no more grey areas. there is nothing my Master could subject me to, no way he could use me, sexually or non, that would not be "okay." enjoyment or desire is really irrelevant. but the reality is i belong to him and he can use me however he pleases, whenever he pleases, and i accepted that fact when i became a slave 9+ years ago.

now with others, that is where things can get blurry and far more complicated than even i could comprehend. it is my nature to surrender, to give in, when i am pressed...i have never been able to refuse anyone that way or fight back. so there are some who would say i could never be raped, as it is never necessary to "take" from me. i disagree with this, i know i can and have been raped, many times...but how to define it precisely is difficult.

 

[BiBunny]

Master and Mistress can do whatever they want with me.

Can =/= will

I love sex in all its forms. I hardly ever turn it down.

For example, several months ago, the three of us engaged in some pretty rough play one night. Mistress was force-fisting me. Somehow, she managed to accidentally cut a chunk out of me with her fingernails. God, I bled, and it hurt sooo badly. (From that day forth, we've used gloves for fisting and haven't had anymore problems.)

The next day, Master threw me down across the bed and fucked me. It hurt something awful, and I was clearly not enjoying it, but I didn't want him to stop because that was what he wanted, you know? He felt bad when I started crying, but I told him it was ok, in spite of the pretty severe pain.

Now, because of that situation and several other similar ones that have taken place, they know that even if I'm not really into it, I'm not going to say no just because I happen to not be in the mood or whatever. There has to be something seriously wrong if I honestly tell them I can't.

Since I'm not known for crying wolf, they know if I say there's a problem, then it's really a problem. They'll allow me to go to bed and sleep it off. (I remember a mild case of food poisoning in which this very thing happened.)

They can do whatever they want; it's within their rights. For us, though, it's a benevolent dictatorship. They haven't become so power-mad that they'll take what's "rightfully" theirs to the detriment of their property just to prove that they can or to satisfy some monstrous ego trip within themselves.

And that, for me, is the line, which is constantly changing to the point that you may as well not even say there's a clear boundary at all. Hence what I said in the other thread that the line between consent and non-consent is way blurrier than most of us want to think about or admit.