Boosting GF's Morale

[Dreyk66]

Ok, so my gf and i are trying a poly relationship. She met somebody and was feeling comfortable with them (as was i) and when she finally decided to go visit him he was.... unappreciative of her beautiful volumptious curves (read-He was a complete prick). Im not going to go further into the story, that should be enough to give her mindset at this point which is what you need to understand. She was to say the least very hurt and is coming home early from the trip.

We have a few personal pictures, and i have mentioned posting them on here to her before, but she isnt very confident to begin with so is afraid of posting (would NEVER post them without her knowledge and consent). Ive seen how wonderful the community here is, and no matter the type of woman posting there always seems to be several people who post and can appreciate her beauty.

I just think if she had the kind of responses i see on here then she might feel better about herself. Are there any suggestions of ways to get her to try the idea? maybe suggestions of more flattering poses to try? I know shes somewhat tender right now and so i dont plan on pushing too hard, just thought this might be a way to help.

Thanks for reading.

 

[M's girl]

OK, I'm totally the wrong person to respond, probably. But I'm going to anyway...

Confidence has to come from within. If she does not feel confident in the first place, no one is going to be able to convince her otherwise. Besides, there is a difference in appreciation level.

I'm confident about who I am and what I can do. I know I'm a nice person and that I'm smart. I also know that M loves me for that. He also loves my body. Now, that is a part that I am, like a lot of women, not so confident about. Do I believe him? Hmmmmm sometimes.... depends on my mindset. MINE!

You are thinking about posting pics here to boost her confidence. Now, stop, and listen to yourself:

and no matter the type of woman posting there always seems to be several people who post and can appreciate her beauty.

OK, on the one hand you could argue: "what's wrong with that?". Well.... It would not work for me. If there is always someone, no matter what you look like... what does that say? To me it says that there are a lot of men who are horny bitches who will jerk off to almost anything .... And that there are plenty women who praise the bold women who look terrible but are brave.

Yes, I'm cynical I guess. I'm also being realistic and harsh. But if your girlfriend is smart she would not try to gain self esteem through pics in that way. Besides.... does it really matter what a bunch of people you don't know, who could be complete freaks and weirdo's, think of 'your' body? I would rather get compliments from real friends. It is very unfortunate that she met this guy and he was being an asshole. Some men are like that (some women too, by the way). It's shallow and says more about himself than about her and her curves. But that's beside the point I guess.

You tell her you love her and love her body. If you make other people tell her it will not help once she realizes the crowd there yells: "Yay! More!" to everyone who posts pics....

 

[SweetErika]

Ok, so my gf and i are trying a poly relationship. She met somebody and was feeling comfortable with them (as was i) and when she finally decided to go visit him he was.... unappreciative of her beautiful volumptious curves (read-He was a complete prick). Im not going to go further into the story, that should be enough to give her mindset at this point which is what you need to understand. She was to say the least very hurt and is coming home early from the trip.

Congrats on trying polyamory! It's not easy...the hardest thing for my husband is seeing me in pain when a relationship's not going right or ends. It takes a strong partner and relationship to do that.

I'll get on to your question, but could I give you some unsolicited advice quickly? First, don't put an 'm' in "voluptuous" because it sounds LUMPY! (Hubby said "voluMptuous" for years much to my chagrin, but finally got it. ).

Second, make sure you exchange pics, including clear, current, face and body shots (they don't have to be bikini or nude pics, but be sure they're an accurate portrayals) right away, and definitely prior to arranging a meet. I know that can be daunting, especially for those of us who don't have model-like bodies, but I always think, 'Well, if they like me in accurate pics, it's unlikely they'll be disappointed with my appearance in person,' and that's always been the truth.

As for your question, I have to agree with M's girl. AmPics isn't an ego boost once you figure out the game. They give everyone with the same compliments. The whole point is to get more pics and, in many cases, to find people to PM/flirt/cyber/cam with. If she were to stick to her thread, she might do okay, but once she starts browsing through others, and sees the gorgeous and unattractive/terrible photos alike get the same "you're delicious! yum! " and "Great pics! I'd love to see more!" I'm pretty sure it'll lose its luster and she'll start doubting what she was told quickly.

At one point I was considering a thread myself. A male friend (who enjoyed AmPics at times) said, "Why? Wouldn't you rather have genuine feedback from those you trust to be honest?" I thought about it, and he was absolutely right, so I started showing my pics to friends, including him. They preferred some over others, told me which ones I looked best in, what I could do better/should do more of, and pointed out things I (nor would the folks in AmPics) never would have noticed. They gave me genuine opinions and compliments, which was exactly what I needed at the time. And I got a genuine confidence and self-esteem boost out of it, not the temporary false high I was headed for originally. I still get compliments from random people here, and (excluding the ones attached to a pic/cyber request) those provide the same because they're unsolicited and don't come with the expectation of more.

Just to clarify, I'm NOT saying AmPics is bad, or the posters aren't genuine, just that it's probably not the best place for the kind of feedback that people like me, and maybe your gf, truly want/need.

So, I'm thoroughly convinced feedback from honest sources is the way to go. Even just an AV (or even a computer wallpaper or photo on the fridge/wall) of a feature or shot SHE likes can do wonders. That's what my AVs are for -- to remind me there's something about my body I like, and that started with bra shots because I thought my breasts were okay.

I think erotic is more flattering then outright pornographic, but that may be our personal preference.

PM me, and we can talk about flattering poses -- a lot of trial and error has made clear what works and what really, really doesn't.

 

[sunandshadow]

OK, on the one hand you could argue: "what's wrong with that?". Well.... It would not work for me. If there is always someone, no matter what you look like... what does that say? To me it says that there are a lot of men who are horny bitches who will jerk off to almost anything .... And that there are plenty women who praise the bold women who look terrible but are brave.

Have to totally disagree with that. It's wrong to think anyone looks terrible, looks are not some objective thing, they are totally in the eye of the beholder. I think it's wonderful that the personal pics forum here has a big enough population that for every appearance you can find someone who considers it arousing. I was astonished that when I posted some pictures people made the effort to post or PM me and ask for more. That definitely made me feel better about my appearance. I'm not deluded - I'm no beauty by any usual standard. My hot-or-not rating is about 4. But who cares what the average person thinks, I just feel better knowing that some percentage of guys finds me attractive so I can hope that I will meet and fall in love with one of them.

 

[M's girl]

Have to totally disagree with that. It's wrong to think anyone looks terrible, looks are not some objective thing, they are totally in the eye of the beholder. I think it's wonderful that the personal pics forum here has a big enough population that for every appearance you can find someone who considers it arousing. I was astonished that when I posted some pictures people made the effort to post or PM me and ask for more. That definitely made me feel better about my appearance. I'm not deluded - I'm no beauty by any usual standard. My hot-or-not rating is about 4. But who cares what the average person thinks, I just feel better knowing that some percentage of guys finds me attractive so I can hope that I will meet and fall in love with one of them.

I'm glad it workes/worked for you, honestly. I was just giving MY perspective and maybe I was being a bit too realistic/honest for most people's taste. I still feel that way though. And I'm not the only one. It's also just what you want to believe for yourself. But you posted those pics yourself. He wants to post HER pics and she is not sure. I say she's right!

That's all....

 

[Dreyk66]

Thanks for the responces. I was kinda thinking about it the way sunandshadow had mentioned, but the other outlooks are good to think about. Maybe ill approach things differently i think. In any case i really appreciate the feedback!

Thanks

 

[Cathleen]

Dreyk66, I'm sorry your girlfriend is feeling down about her physical appearance. I know it hurts, and it's hard to shake even if it is one jerk's opinion.

If you would, please bring her here - I'll wait...

Hi, GF-Dreyk66, you are a beautiful person. There are so many ways we are all beautiful. I first want to say, I get the feeling that Dreyk is a compassionate and caring man... I doubt he'd have a girlfriend that is not the same. Nor would you I think. OK, so more, while our physical outward appearance is most of the time the first thing another sees (with the net, that has changed a lot). In my opinion, it is your mind and spirit that matter most. I'm not so out of touch that I don't know body image is a huge matter -- it is for me too but through some work and attention to that issue I've been able to make some progress.

I listen to my friends, those that I trust to be real and honest with me. Then I try to believe them! Our beauty has nothing to do with our body, it has to do with our mind and our actions.

There is a quote, and I don't know the author, but it's worth pondering upon.

We are not bodies with a soul, we are souls with a body.

The body is going to breakdown, it cannot, absolutely cannot, withstand the journey we're on, but the soul... well, that grows, becomes fuller and more beautiful on our journey.

You are not your body, it's just the machine that propells your beautiful spirit.

 

[SweetErika]

Have to totally disagree with that. It's wrong to think anyone looks terrible, looks are not some objective thing, they are totally in the eye of the beholder.

That statement contradicts itself. You're saying our reaction to appearance is subjective (very true), or beauty is in they eye of the beholder (also true). That in itself means we judge appearance; if one's judging someone beautiful, they're judging based on appearance, period. We find some very attractive, and others not attractive at all (aka 'looks terrible/repulsive/insert word here'), which is perfectly normal. It's not wrong to think people look beautiful or terrible, it's natural; thankfully, those standards vary for everyone.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Hi Dreyk, good for you on being adventurous enough to play & sensitive enough to care so much for your GF's feelings.

Don't let one idiot spoil it for you. I wouldn't go the photo way myself. My suggestion is getting out & meeting more real people. That way any potential playmates can get to know your GF for the lovely person she is & there are bound to be some who, like you, find her attractive in body as well as spirit. Watch for flirting signals, playful behaviour & when in the right company mention your fantasies and desires. Nothing will help your GF more than the real feeling of being desired & flirted with.

 

[sunandshadow]

That statement contradicts itself. You're saying our reaction to appearance is subjective (very true), or beauty is in they eye of the beholder (also true). That in itself means we judge appearance; if one's judging someone beautiful, they're judging based on appearance, period. We find some very attractive, and others not attractive at all (aka 'looks terrible/repulsive/insert word here'), which is perfectly normal. It's not wrong to think people look beautiful or terrible, it's natural; thankfully, those standards vary for everyone.

I meant, it's wrong to think someone's appearance is objectively terrible because all evaluation of appearance is subjective, someone will always think differently from you.

 

[M's girl]

I meant, it's wrong to think someone's appearance is objectively terrible because all evaluation of appearance is subjective, someone will always think differently from you.

And what I meant was...

Try this: search for the ugliest pictures you can find on the internet, but make sure they show some tits and ass. At the very least, I assume, they don't appeal to you, right?

Now post them om AM Pics and watch what happens.....

By the way, this is not directed at you specificly, just a reaction to the line of the conversation, sunandshadow...

Also I'm not saying one should actually try my suggestion (although I also sometimes wonder about the origin of some pics), it is just an example here.

I also realize that there will be, of course, people attracted to those pics as well, probably, but not in the numbers as they will show up in that thread yelling "Yeah, more!"

 

[redneckgirl]

Beauty comes from within. You have to tell her that she's beautiful. I am also someone who does not think I'm that attractive. But everyone who knows me, looks at my persoanality. That's what makes me a beautiful woman. I do not want to hear I'm beautiful from somone looking at me from the outside. I know I'm beautiful inside. That's what matters to me the most.