Blonde Jokes
- Thread starter Lasher
- Start date
Endlessly
Corrupted Innocent
- Joined
- Dec 26, 1999
- Posts
- 1,267
Two of my favorite blone jokes of all time. This one's for the intelligent blondie:
A blonde sees another blonde in the middle of a field, rowing a boat. The first blonde gets really mad at the entire scene, and goes over to the fence, screaming and shaking her fist at the blonde in the boat. "I can't believe how STUPID you are! It's a damned FIELD! It's dumb blondes like you that get all the jokes made about us. I'd go over there and beat the hell out of you, but I can't swim."
And this one is a blonde joke.. Sorta..
A blonde and a redhead find a genie in a bottle. "I will grant you both just one wish each," the genie said.
The redhead said, "You know.. I may not have it as bad as blondes, but some people think we redheads are stupid, too. I want you to make me 50% smarter."
"As you wish," the genie said, and turned her into a brunette.
The blond smirked at the redhead-turned-brunette. "WELL, Mr. Genie.. I actually LIKE being dumb. People don't expect so much out of you. It's a good day when you tie your own shoes. I like my life. I want you to make me 50% dumber."
"As you wish," the genie said, and turned her into a man. *grin*
[This message has been edited by Endlessly (edited 01-11-2000).]
A blonde sees another blonde in the middle of a field, rowing a boat. The first blonde gets really mad at the entire scene, and goes over to the fence, screaming and shaking her fist at the blonde in the boat. "I can't believe how STUPID you are! It's a damned FIELD! It's dumb blondes like you that get all the jokes made about us. I'd go over there and beat the hell out of you, but I can't swim."
And this one is a blonde joke.. Sorta..
A blonde and a redhead find a genie in a bottle. "I will grant you both just one wish each," the genie said.
The redhead said, "You know.. I may not have it as bad as blondes, but some people think we redheads are stupid, too. I want you to make me 50% smarter."
"As you wish," the genie said, and turned her into a brunette.
The blond smirked at the redhead-turned-brunette. "WELL, Mr. Genie.. I actually LIKE being dumb. People don't expect so much out of you. It's a good day when you tie your own shoes. I like my life. I want you to make me 50% dumber."
"As you wish," the genie said, and turned her into a man. *grin*
[This message has been edited by Endlessly (edited 01-11-2000).]
G
Guest
Guest
My $.02....
A young man decides to pursue his dream of being a world renowned ventriloquist. He starts out by getting a few club dates in New York City.
His first few nights go really well. He and his dummy slay the nightclub crowds with his slew of knee-slapping blonde jokes.
On his fourth night, however, as he was completing his act, a blonde in the front row stood up and started screaming at him. "You asshole! It's people like you who make it difficult for blondes to ever be taken seriously! Not a day goes by when my intelligence isn't questioned by friends, co-workers or employers!"
The young man on stage was shocked by her outburst and immediately felt the need to apologize. As he began to tell her he was sorry, she angrily called out, "Hey, buddy, keep out of it. This is between me and the little bastard on your knee."
_________
Did you hear about the two blondes who were driving to Disneyland?
They saw a sign that said, "Disneyland LEFT"....so they went home.
_________
A young man decides to pursue his dream of being a world renowned ventriloquist. He starts out by getting a few club dates in New York City.
His first few nights go really well. He and his dummy slay the nightclub crowds with his slew of knee-slapping blonde jokes.
On his fourth night, however, as he was completing his act, a blonde in the front row stood up and started screaming at him. "You asshole! It's people like you who make it difficult for blondes to ever be taken seriously! Not a day goes by when my intelligence isn't questioned by friends, co-workers or employers!"
The young man on stage was shocked by her outburst and immediately felt the need to apologize. As he began to tell her he was sorry, she angrily called out, "Hey, buddy, keep out of it. This is between me and the little bastard on your knee."
_________
Did you hear about the two blondes who were driving to Disneyland?
They saw a sign that said, "Disneyland LEFT"....so they went home.
_________
Yummychick
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2000
- Posts
- 4
Here's some oldies....
Why do blondes put TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you wash vegetables.
(My mother, who's so VERY blonde, didn't get this one...explaining it to her was half the fun)
Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice containor?
It said "CONCENTRATE"
Why was the blonde on the roof of the bar?
The bartender told her drinks were on the house.
How can you tell when a blonde's been using your computer?
There's whiteout all over the screen.
How can you tell when a blonde's been having a bad day?
She has a tampon behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are all walking down the street when they see a dollar on the sidewalk. Who picks it up?
The dumb blonde. None of the others exist.
How do you keep a blonde amused for hours?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror in the toilet.
Finally, one of my favorites...
Why are all blonde jokes so short?
So men can understand them.
Why do blondes put TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you wash vegetables.
(My mother, who's so VERY blonde, didn't get this one...explaining it to her was half the fun)
Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice containor?
It said "CONCENTRATE"
Why was the blonde on the roof of the bar?
The bartender told her drinks were on the house.
How can you tell when a blonde's been using your computer?
There's whiteout all over the screen.
How can you tell when a blonde's been having a bad day?
She has a tampon behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil.
Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are all walking down the street when they see a dollar on the sidewalk. Who picks it up?
The dumb blonde. None of the others exist.
How do you keep a blonde amused for hours?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror in the toilet.
Finally, one of my favorites...
Why are all blonde jokes so short?
So men can understand them.
Fallen Angel
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 22, 1999
- Posts
- 350
This one is for deborah and any of the other northern girls with the crush on snowplow drivers
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift.
This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped. The driver got out, came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted to, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next.
I think that the doughboy was a blonde
THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY - DEAD AT 71
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman: "The Pillsbury Doughboy", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy. Describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift.
This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued, and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped. The driver got out, came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was OK with him and she could continue if she wanted to, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to K-Mart next.
I think that the doughboy was a blonde
THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY - DEAD AT 71
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman: "The Pillsbury Doughboy", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy. Describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
ROTFLMAO....Deborah! That nun joke was just too funny!!
The following blonde joke was in today's e-mail...
Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the
perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
"That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy?"
"Yeah. What's it called Sharon?"
"Viens a moi."
"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is
French for 'come to me.'"
Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying,
"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?"
The following blonde joke was in today's e-mail...
Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the
perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
"That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy?"
"Yeah. What's it called Sharon?"
"Viens a moi."
"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is
French for 'come to me.'"
Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying,
"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?"
DannyBoyUK
Permanently Exhausted
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2001
- Posts
- 7,977
Two and a half years on and this is one oldie that I hope people agree was worth digging up !
christianne
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2002
- Posts
- 169
A blonde is sitting in the First Class section of an airplane that is about to depart for San Antonio and the flight attendant tells her she'll have to move because she doesn't have a First Class ticket. The blonde refuses. The flight attendant tells her the plane will not leave until she changes seats but still the blonde refuses. So the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and explains the situation to the captain. The captain tells the flight attendant that he's married to a blonde and he will handle it. The captain goes up to the blonde, leans over and whispers in her ear. The blonde immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the back of the plane. The flight attendant is amazed. "What did you tell her," she asks the captain. The captain says "I told her the First Class section wasn't going to San Antonio!"
