Blonde Inventions

[Isabella Thorne]

Top Ten Blonde Inventions
----------------------------------
1) The water-proof towel

2) Solar powered flashlight

3) Submarine screen door

4) A book on how to read

5) Inflatable dart board

6) A dictionary index

7) Ejector seat in a helicopter

8) Powdered water

9) Pedal-powered wheel chair

10) Water-proof tea bag

Can you think of any more?
______________________________
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: So ugly men wouldn't feel left out.

 

[phrodeau]

The rolling treadmill.

The deep-sea clothesline.

Fire-resistant charcoal.

Air shampoo (to use before air conditioning).

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Finally a male dumb blonde joke!

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

The third, a blonde male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch.

However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it," he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have
taken at least 5 boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis."

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Blondes aren't so dumb, eh?

well what do you know .... i received the following email .... check it out ....

Top Ten Blonde Inventions

2) Solar powered flashlight

...the funniest thing about this is that I gave my sister exactly that for Xmas this last year...she travels a lot, lives in Costa Rica for about 6 or 8 months each year (can't take Canadian winters, who could blame her for that?) ...it's really cool, you just leave it in the sun for 8 hours, it recharges a pair of nicads it carries, and you're good for lots of light...go figure, it's almost more ironic than funny, but the two factors together add up to a belly laugh...

... so i guess there are good blonde inventions, eh?
_____________________________________
Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: The invitation.

 

[SINthysist]

Didn't some of those used to be Polish jokes?

 

[SINthysist]

Actually, the word used was Pollack, I believe...

"Oh the week Glen Miller played..."

 

[Isabella Thorne]

ohhhh ... Pollak jokes, eh Sin? ... maybe they were ... but i never heard them as Pollak jokes ... it's the same as "Newfie" jokes up here ...

i guess you can replace "Newfie" or "Pollak" with "Blonde" nowadays ... it actually makes it more politically correct, n'est-ce pas?

... and dammit i had trouble parking this morning ... check out the attached pic ...
________________________________________
Q: How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?
A: Startled.

 

[sexy-girl]

lol these are pretty funny i had a pretty "awful" blonde joke my girlfriend told me but its pretty dirty maybe i'll tell it later

 

[Svedish_Chef]

NOW

Your girl is soo handy.

Can I borrow her?

 

[sexy-girl]

for cheffie

this joke is stupid



i heard a story today about this girl who was traveling around the world ... but she lost all her money and her passport everything ... she went to an american express bank desperate she said please can i use a phone i've lost all my money and i need to phone home so i can talk to my parents ... the guy behind the desk said it costs $20 to make a phone call to america ... she said please i dont have any money i lost it all please i will do anything ... the guy looked at the attractive blonde girl and said anything ? she replied anything ! ... he said follow me and maybe i can help you make the phone call for free and he led her through a doorway into a room and he sat down ... he said go on your knees she did ... he said undo my pants ... she did ... he said reach in and take out my penis ... she did looking up at him ... he said well go on then ... she leaned forward closer to his penis and said hello mum can you hear me

 

[Svedish_Chef]

She should have asked for dad.

She may have gotten an answer.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you ...

BURNING BUILDING

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building
by climbing to the roof.

Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"

The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket
away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead.

"Oh no! You re gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.

"No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!"

"OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen
yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the
pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof.

Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"

"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.

"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket
away!"

"Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is gonna
convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away!
So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and
back away from it..."
_______________________________
Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: The invitation.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

What a turn-on, eh?

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn, so she rolled the dice and
landed on "Science & Nature."

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and
someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it
on or off?"
______________________________
Q: Who makes all the bras for brunettes?
A: Fisher-Price

 

[lissalynn]

How 'bout this one...


A blonde, a redhead and a brunette escape from prison. But the only way they can get back to the city is crossing this huge river. So they run down to the dock, and notice the guards are almost caught up with them. The brunette says, "we've got to hide!" The redhead finds three large brown sacks, and suggests they hide in those. So the guards come over and see the three bags. They kick the first one the redhead was hiding in, and it goes, "arf, arf!" "oh it's just a puppy!" they say. so they kick the next one, which the brunette was hiding in. "meow, meow!" "Oh it's just a kitty," they say. So they kick the last one. "Potatoes, Potatoes!

 

[lissalynn]

Can opener-in-a-can?

 

[Isabella Thorne]

BRIDGE JUMPING

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.

The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'

The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.

So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.

The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'
_________________________
Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
A: It matches their mustache.

 

[truegentleman]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,
"OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...
because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little fucker on your knee!"

 

[Purrde Flower]

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one
day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first
on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and
shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you
idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you
know. We're going at night!"

 

[Purrde Flower]

A blonde dials 911 to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries.

The 911 dispatcher says, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way. He
will be there in two minutes."

Before the police get to the crime scene, however, the 911
dispatcher's telephone rings a second time, and the same blonde is on the line again.

"Never mind," giggles the blonde, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

 

[Purrde Flower]

Not all blonds are dumb..

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the
earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

 

[Rollin Fun]

FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY

GREAT POST

WHAT GOES...

VROOM SCREECH


VROOM SCREECH


VROOM SCREECH

?????


A BLONDE AT A BLINKING RED LIGHT

 

[ChefChip]

two blonde biologists go on a fact finding mission to coolect caribu specimins for their research. They meet the pilot of the bush plane and he says, we can oly take back three caribu. The blondes say OK and they take off.

When they have shot all the caribu they needed, they take thme back to the plane. They have four animals and the pilot says, no only three. The blondes complain, the last pilot, last year let them take four. No to be outdone, the pilot reluctantly agrees. They start to take off but only get a few feet into the air and then crash into the side of the mountain. The pilot is killed instantly. the first blonde say's tot he other, "does this place look familiar"

the other rplies, "yes, i think this is where we crashed last time"

 

[Purrde Flower]

Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells
them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh,
that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats
turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to
ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde
replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree,
exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the
second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then
peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?" The
third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know
what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the
Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover.
Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later
deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans
took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a
crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He
was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St.
Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, "Every year
the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his
shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

 

[ChefChip]

two blondes go hiking, they stop and look at some tracks in the snow. the first says, I think they are rabbit tracks. The scond says, no they are deer tracks and they were still arguing when the train hit them

 

[Guest]

Why was the dumb blond's belly button sore?




Cause there's such a thing as dumb blond men too.