Bi but...?

[LargoKitt]

I am intrigued by writing a story where one of the members of a couple identify as bi. They are faithfully married to their spouse. Does this mean they say they were bi? In couples with a bi partner, who don't want an open marriage, what does the bi partner do about the fact that the sex is '50% fulfilling'? Role playing? Erotica featuring the other gender? People have said about this, "Well, you are just committed to your partner once you seal the deal." So your loving mate just blows away all those other desires? What do engaged couples with a bi partner say to each other?"

 

[CalBishForNow]

I'm pretty sure identifying as bi doesn't change whenever you change partners. (I'll also leave pansexuality out of this for the moment.) Are you sexually attracted to people of the same sex, the opposite sex, or both? If your answer is both, then you're bi, regardless of what you do about it.

I'm cishet and in a LTR, but even when I was single, it wasn't a conscious effort for me to avoid thinking of people of my own gender in sexual ways. Even now, when my eye wanders, it only wanders toward people of the opposite sex. I don't do anything about it because my spouse wouldn't like that, among other things, but I can't help where it wanders and would feel weird trying to make it wander equally in both directions just out of a sense of fairness. I assume that if a bisexual person is in a LTR, their eyes wander in both directions by default.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I am intrigued by writing a story where one of the members of a couple identify as bi. They are faithfully married to their spouse. Does this mean they say they were bi? In couples with a bi partner, who don't want an open marriage, what does the bi partner do about the fact that the sex is '50% fulfilling'? Role playing? Erotica featuring the other gender? People have said about this, "Well, you are just committed to your partner once you seal the deal." So your loving mate just blows away all those other desires? What do engaged couples with a bi partner say to each other?"

I’m bisexual. I’m attracted to both men and women. I always have been. I suspect I always will be.

But I’m also in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship.

These things are not inconsistent.

Your nature and what you do to act on it are two different things. You can be a gay man who has never had sex with another man and be in a heterosexual marriage. It seems to happen a lot.

 

[EmilyMiller]

what does the bi partner do about the fact that the sex is '50% fulfilling'

This is totally misunderstanding what being bisexual is. It doesn’t mean that half my sex acts have to be with a man and half with a woman.

I still sometimes fantasize about other women, but that’s pretty much the same as you fantasizing about being with another woman.

I don’t feel incomplete. My relationship is more important to me than anything. And it’s my choice to be monogamous. I don’t feel something is missing as I don’t have sex with anyone (regardless of gender) but my partner. Quite the opposite. I have the best sex of my life with him.

But… if just a few things had played out differently, I could be in a - most likely equally monogamous - relationship with a woman.

As I get tired of saying, I didn’t pick a side, I found a person. And I can say with utter honesty that his genitalia are not why I am with him. Just as it should be.

 

[NuclearFairy]

I would imagine that it's not much different than being monogamous with someone who doesn't share all of the same sexual needs/desires as you. Which is actually not all that uncommon, especially the desires part. Yeah, it would influence what sort of porn you read/watch after you go exclusive with said person, but that doesn't necessarily prevent a happy, healthy, long term relationship.

 

[Ianus4]

I think this isn't much different from when someone is attracted to people of different skin colors, body types, or temperaments; their SO will still be a particular person.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I think this isn't much different from when someone is attracted to people of different skin colors, body types, or temperaments; their SO will still be a particular person.

Precisely.

And - realizing this destroys my supposedly sexy persona - who your SO is will include lots of things other than sex.

I didn’t revert to liking guys. It just so happened the person I want to be with is male. As @Ianus4 says, it’s like saying you are with a black person, and can never be happy because other white people exist. That makes just as little sense.

 

[PennyThompson]

body types, or temperaments;

I misread this as "body temperatures," and I was thinking... yeah, totally, I wish I had a warm friend in the winter and a cold friend in the summer

 

[TheLobster]

I misread this as "body temperatures," and I was thinking... yeah, totally, I wish I had a warm friend in the winter and a cold friend in the summer

The perks of dating lizard people.

 

[NuclearFairy]

The perks of dating lizard people.

Also, the reverse is true for lizard people. Have nice mammal to glom onto in the summer to shed excess body heat through, and then again in the winter only this time to warm up.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Bisexuals can be just as monogamous as anyone else - it may be more common for them to have considered polyamory, but many people conclude that's too much hassle!

No-one's partner is ever everything they might possibly want in partners - they're not going to have both large breasts and small breasts, for example. And your life will always be about taking one set of options - you can't live in your country and abroad at the same time, you can't have children and not have children, etc.

Even if you're bisexual and polyamorous you still only have 24 hours in a day like everyone else. Until the last few years I had the husband I live with, a boyfriend around once every week or two, and a lady I had a date with about once a year. (Now I see her roughly monthly and the boyfriend every 3-4 weeks for a couple nights). So a lot of the time bisexuality manifested only as me and spouse on the sofa going 'phwoar!' at various women on TV and debating their merits.

 

[AG31]

I am intrigued by writing a story where one of the members of a couple identify as bi. They are faithfully married to their spouse. Does this mean they say they were bi? In couples with a bi partner, who don't want an open marriage, what does the bi partner do about the fact that the sex is '50% fulfilling'? Role playing? Erotica featuring the other gender? People have said about this, "Well, you are just committed to your partner once you seal the deal." So your loving mate just blows away all those other desires? What do engaged couples with a bi partner say to each other?"

Why would it be 50% fulfilling? When (what's the opposite of bi?) people marry they are giving up a whole world of other possibly fulfilling relationships. Do we think about the percentages?

 

[KittyOfSteele]

I don't know where you are going with this OP, but just because a bisexual person is married doesn't mean they stop being bisexual. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with whether you're polygamous or monogamous. Some bisexual people might spend years in a relationship with one person, and then they break up, and then they find another partner from a completely different gender and also spend years together.

I don't know where you're getting the 50% fulfilling thing, but that's just... no. Again, not every bisexual person is polygamous, and if they're satisfied with one partner, there's no need for that other percentage you're implying.

Besides, bisexuality isn't a 50:50 type of deal. People have preferences. Some bisexuals lean more for one gender than the other. I mean, I've never dated men, but it doesn't remove the fact that I'm attracted to them, even when I lean more towards women.

 

[KittyOfSteele]

I misread this as "body temperatures," and I was thinking... yeah, totally, I wish I had a hot friend in the winter and a goth friend in the summer

There, I fixed it.

 

[PennyThompson]

There, I fixed it.

I would take my goth-sunscreening duty more seriously than anything in my life.

 

[EmilyMiller]

This thread has echoes of @LargoKitt’s astonishment that many women masturbate without an iota of shame…

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/me-time.1657305/

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I misread this as "body temperatures," and I was thinking... yeah, totally, I wish I had a warm friend in the winter and a cold friend in the summer

My boyfriend runs hot and has a fetish for cold hands or feet on him, which, let's face it, must be the most useful fetish ever! (Cue spouse frequently complaining in winter that I need to find a hot water bottle and not get him mixed up with that other bloke...)

 

[redgarters]

People have said about this, "Well, you are just committed to your partner once you seal the deal." So your loving mate just blows away all those other desires? What do engaged couples with a bi partner say to each other?"

This is a fundamental misunderstanding of what it is to be bi (like many have explained here).
Bisexual people don't need to be constantly fucking all kinds of genitals all the time to be bi. Please lay off the myths, they're hurtful.

The answer to your question is yes, it's exactly the same as a heterosexual man "blowing away alls his desires to fuck other women" when he gets married. It's called being in a loving monogamus relationship. The only difference is that bisexual people are not just attracted to one gender. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

We need a THEODORA talk

 

[redgarters]

We need a THEODORA talk

Now that could be an awesome concept.

 

[EmilyMiller]

This is a fundamental misunderstanding of what it is to be bi

I think it’s also equating same sex attraction with hypersexuality and even deviance.

[about a person, not his politics]

As far as I know, he’s purely gay, not bi, but I think of Pete Buttigieg. He’s married, he has kids. He appears to be a devoted husband and father. In many ways he’s a deeply nerdy policy wonk and ultranormal (whatever normal means). And he’s ex-army.

Queer and bi folks aren’t constantly fucking anyone who comes within three feet of them. They are mostly just like hetero folks.

 

[Katie_Mae]

This is exactly the same as a straight person (or gay person or whatever.)
I'm straight. If I was single I wouldn't say I used to be straight. I'd still be straight even though I wasn't in a relationship. My straightness isn't defined by my relationship status or monogamy. That I'm in a monogamous relationship means I don't go sleeping with other men and no one is particularly incredulous that I just 'blow off those desires' once I'm in a monogamous relationship.

 

[Cagivagurl]

This is merely my opinion, not stating it as fact, just my thoughts.

Bisexuality means nothing more than you are sexually attracted to people of more than one gender.

Being Bi, does not make you a sex addict, it simply means you are attracted to a wider spectrum of humanity.

Entering into a monogamous relationship means committing to one person...

That is not more difficult because a person is Bi... All it means is, They have met the one person that meets all of their needs and commit to them...

Bisexuality is who you are, you cannot simply turn it off.

 

[EmilyMiller]

All it means is, They have met the one person that meets all of their needs and commit to them...

This

 

[redgarters]

A while back I had a straight friend ask "but what about when you just crave some dick?"
I said "What do you do when you crave a pussy that's not your wife's?"
"I just don't act on it" he said.
"There you go" I said.
And then we had another beer.