Best Advice?

[ms.read]

What is the best advice you've given or gotten and how has it affected/effected you in the long run?

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

The professor who directed my master's thesis told me: "When someone asks you a question, and you need a few minutes to think before answering, take those few minutes! Don't feel obligated to talk until you're certain of what you really want to say."

This advice made a huge difference for me because it taught me the value of pausing to truly consider things before diving headlong into answers. Prior to that time, I had not done so.

In the long-term, I believe that advice also taught me that silence during communication is not always a bad thing.

 

[champagne1982]

What is the best advice you've given or gotten and how has it affected/effected you in the long run?

To use the serenity prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I like the advice to love one another, too.

You can't imagine how a peaceful soul can lighten the emotional baggage load we carry. If something is bothering you, acknowlege it and if you must, hold it, but once you see it for what it is, let it go.

Assign each item only as much importance as it's due. You shouldn't over-value the past since it robs your present of worth and limits your ability to invest in the future, not to mention how heavy you make your burden.

Taking this advice has allowed me the ability to face two heart surgeries and other painful procedures without fear of moving on either into disability or into memory.

Live, love and celebrate.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

I thought of another sound piece of advice I once received. My Grandfather, a man who lived a bit wild and loose, once told me: "Never draw a gun if you don't aim to use it."

 

[Chantilyvamp]

My grandmother told me not to marry just for love. Marry for love and lust and it'll last a lot longer.

She's right, if you have a day with nothing to say there is always sex

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Never criticize your mother in law, and stay out of the fights your spouse has with her family. It was excellent advice.

 

[jomar]

Measure twice, cut once. It applies to so many things.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I was told once that gunfighters don't sit with their back to the door or windows. I am not a gunfighter, but I have lived by that for a few decades now.

 

[3113]

"There's no reason to shout." Helps me to remember that when people start to shout, the person they're shouting at usually tunes them out rather than listening to them. So if you want someone to listen to what you're saying, it's better not to shout.

 

[Liar]

1. Don't assume you are understood. Make sure you are.

2. Listen more than you speak. Thast's how you make sure.

3. Think slow and right rather than fast and maybe right. Unless of course you're chased by a flock rabid lemmings, then all bets are off.

-Grandpa

I have not yet been chased by a flock of rabid lemmings, but all the other advices have served me well.

 

[ellynei]

"Don't start smoking."

So I didn't. Until I was fourteen.
---

"Always use protection."

So I have, unless in steady relationships. Hence only ever got one STD and that was one of the easily cured ones.
---

"Don't have sex until the legal age."

I didn't. So instead of having sex with this rather disgusting person who was the first to ever show interest in me; I had sex with an immature but not disgusting other person one year later.
---

"Don't drink and drive."

Wouldn't. But I never drive...
---

I'm sure someone gave me a piece of special wisdom once, in the form of an advice, that had a big impact on my life.

But right now, really can't remember.

 

[impressive]

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember what you said.

... or something along those lines. I forget.

 

[JagFarlane]

Smile in the face of adversity

 

[oggbashan]

Advice accepted and given:

Join the pension scheme.

Og

 

[carsonshepherd]

Live your heart.

 

[Recidiva]

My father:

"In your life you will have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them."

"It's easier to get forgiveness than permission."

He taught me the value of being underestimated, getting my ego out of the way to accomplish a goal. To intellectually, physically and spiritually feint in order to learn or accomplish something.

 

[Guest]

I picked up these gems from my siblings
___
You will have fun.... or else!
____
Never leave behind anything that can be used as evidence against you.
____
If you say sorry now you it'll hurt less than later when you're wondering why the hell you didn't spit it out sooner and avoid the drama and trauma
____
It's fine when someones unbelievably rude and obnoxious to you. That's what you call a reason for revenge

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

"Stop trying to get your dad to care - it's not in him, and is not gonna happen."

That caused me to stop wasting a lot of energy on something I had no power to control, and to reprioritize and redirect my efforts toward productive activities I could control. I've applied the advice in many other instances; it's made me more "reality-based" and thus far more effectual in life.

 

[ms.read]

My father:

"In your life you will have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them."

"It's easier to get forgiveness than permission."

He taught me the value of being underestimated, getting my ego out of the way to accomplish a goal. To intellectually, physically and spiritually feint in order to learn or accomplish something.

can you explain this?

 

[Recidiva]

can you explain this?

For me it means that most people try to be the best that they can be socially every moment (even, or especially if they're nowhere near that perfect). They try to look good, act right, be the best in order to make a best impression. However, this gets escalated into a competition - keeping up with the Joneses.

My father believed in just being who he was. To not escalate, to not always try to impress or be better than someone else. Being the best that you are and not accepting insult from those who are playing the escalation ego game.

It's counterintuitive but when it's put into practice, it saves you the energy from the escalation effort.

It means that if someone insults me and is socially condescending, I can smile and go along with it, even play dumb. Eventually an opportunity arises to show the truth rather than argue the truth. Either way, I can know the truth without having to prove the truth.

Truth is in action, not in words. Even if I feel insulted, I can actually analyze the insult reasonably and react tactically.

He's also the nicest person I've ever met, the closest thing to unconditional love. You can see people as they are, but not be drawn into their games, and forgive them for playing those games without being dragged in or offended by it.

Insult and waste of social time is basically an invitation to play someone's game. I can politely decline and choose my own life's path.

 

[PublicAffection]

"Fake it 'till you make it".

This has helped in so many situations. When you're feeling shy, act confident and you will gain confidence. When unsure of what direction to take, act as if you know what you're doing - pick a direction and run with it. When you're having a rough day, act like it's the best day you've ever had and things will get better.

Also, "It is better to make the wrong decision than no decision at all."

Both were said by my boss & mentor. He and his wife have taught me that all it takes to be great at what you do is a little faith and elboe grease. They are wonderful people.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

For me it means that most people try to be the best that they can be socially every moment (even, or especially if they're nowhere near that perfect). They try to look good, act right, be the best in order to make a best impression. However, this gets escalated into a competition - keeping up with the Joneses.

My father believed in just being who he was. To not escalate, to not always try to impress or be better than someone else. Being the best that you are and not accepting insult from those who are playing the escalation ego game.

It's counterintuitive but when it's put into practice, it saves you the energy from the escalation effort.

It means that if someone insults me and is socially condescending, I can smile and go along with it, even play dumb. Eventually an opportunity arises to show the truth rather than argue the truth. Either way, I can know the truth without having to prove the truth.

Truth is in action, not in words. Even if I feel insulted, I can actually analyze the insult reasonably and react tactically.

He's also the nicest person I've ever met, the closest thing to unconditional love. You can see people as they are, but not be drawn into their games, and forgive them for playing those games without being dragged in or offended by it.

Insult and waste of social time is basically an invitation to play someone's game. I can politely decline and choose my own life's path.

This sounds like part of what I call "the indirect approach," which is actually a military theory propounded by the great historian Basil Liddel-Hart (the guy who figured out WWI in the 1920s, described how to overcome it with something that readers like Heinz Guderian later put into practice and dubbed "blitzkreig"). The theory is, rather than charging the machine guns it is always more effective to sneak around the back side, no matter how high the mountan or how impassable the chasm you must overcome to do it - IOW, human efforts to stop you are always more menacing than natural obstacles. It seems odd I know, but the theory seems to apply just as well to interpersonal interactions and relationships. As in military affairs, putting it into practice requires being creative - it's not a formula that spits out an answer after an equal-sign.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

There's a lot of good stuff on this page.

I wish I had time to assemble a 'best of' in one place. (Hint hint . . .)

 

[Recidiva]

This sounds like part of what I call "the indirect approach," which is actuall a military theory propounded by the great historial Basil Liddel-Hart (the guy who figured out WWI in the 1920s, described how to overcome it with something that readers like Heinz Guderian later put into practice and dubbed "blitzkreig"). The theory is, rather than charging the machine guns it is always more effective to sneak around the back side no matter how high the mountan or how impassable the chasm you must overcome to do it - IOW, human efforts to stop you are always more threatening than natural obstacles. It seems odd I know, but the theory seems to apply just as well to interpersonal interactions and relationships. As in military affairs, putting it into practice requires being creative - it's not a formula that spits out an answer after an equal-sign.

My dad was a tactics advisor for the Army.

Basically it's saying that people who bristle and fuss are usually doing so because their bite is ineffective. Ignore them. Bow out of that fight because it's not worth your time.

The real predators are the ones who don't bother to bristle and fuss, they sneak up and go for the throat. Be small. Be underestimated and prepared for that moment.

 

[Gizzmotick]

Interesting enough, I recieved this little gem from one of my military commanders about 9 years ago. He was a Captain (Army) at the time.

If you're having trouble with someone subordinate to you, and you have to mention who is in charge or bring up rank, one of the two of you is wrong.. Don't let it be you.


Interestingly enough, shortly after he got promoted to Major, he was always mentioning his new rank. That is why I remembered his quote so well.

I have since found myself in many leadership roles at work... and remembering this quote has served me well.