Being "safe" in a play 'rape' situation

[wyckdwench]

A friend of mine called the other day and said she finally found someone to fulfill her fantasy of 'play rape'. The man is a 'dominant' he told and has done this type of thing before. She knows very little about him and has only spoke to him twice, once online and once on the phone.

They connected on a swinger's website and chatted. She mentioned this fantasy and he said he would be willing to do it. His idea, for realism sake, is that they not meet before the event. He would come to the door and she would be wearing what they had agreed upon. He would say something to her and basically force his way in.

I am very nervous for her to being doing this alone with no one home. He agreed to a safe word and that their desires both be met. He agreed that they would both enjoy the experience and want to do it again. It bothers me because I know her and some of her fetishes. I know it will involve restraints, duct tape/rope and possibly a knife. She will have her toys out or anything else he might want to use.

The whole idea has her so aroused that she can't stop thinking about it. I am the only one she can talk to about because no one else would understand. I am scared for her and don't know what to do without sounding like a nag. I have expressed my concern several ways since she told me.

I have very little experience in this area and was looking for some constructive advice to give her from either side of the coin. I felt like by researching it at least I would be more informed when we talked about it. I am running out of time because she is supposed to meet him tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

A friend of mine called the other day and said she finally found someone to fulfill her fantasy of 'play rape'. The man is a 'dominant' he told and has done this type of thing before. She knows very little about him and has only spoke to him twice, once online and once on the phone.

They connected on a swinger's website and chatted. She mentioned this fantasy and he said he would be willing to do it. His idea, for realism sake, is that they not meet before the event. He would come to the door and she would be wearing what they had agreed upon. He would say something to her and basically force his way in.

I am very nervous for her to being doing this alone with no one home. He agreed to a safe word and that their desires both be met. He agreed that they would both enjoy the experience and want to do it again. It bothers me because I know her and some of her fetishes. I know it will involve restraints, duct tape/rope and possibly a knife. She will have her toys out or anything else he might want to use.

The whole idea has her so aroused that she can't stop thinking about it. I am the only one she can talk to about because no one else would understand. I am scared for her and don't know what to do without sounding like a nag. I have expressed my concern several ways since she told me.

I have very little experience in this area and was looking for some constructive advice to give her from either side of the coin. I felt like by researching it at least I would be more informed when we talked about it. I am running out of time because she is supposed to meet him tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

NO way in the World should she even consider this 'opportunity'. This sort of play takes immense trust on both parts. There are a multitude of very significent reasons which I am sure many of the Board will address.

Apologies just realized the time , will return to contribute more just a little later .

 

[catalina_francisco]

Geez, she is a trusting little pet isn't she? Doesn't know the guy from Adam, doesn't know if he has STD's, doesn't know if he is trustworthy, is ready to give out her home address to a stranger, and yet from meeting on a swinger's site is willing to go with it?!! Oh well, hope all goes well, little you can do as unless she wants out herself, she will most likely resent anything negative or cautionary you might say as she obviously figures she has covered all the important points online. One thing you might like to highlight though is if someone is such a trustworthy and experienced Dominant, why would they touch this or her with a 10 foot barge pole under the circumstances....and add that as far as he is concerned, she could also be carrying disease or setting him up for something dangerous for all he would know.

Catalina

 

[babiesmiles]

This is just a fool thing to do by her , and you are right to be very worried ww!

Plays like that have a certain margin of risk even if made with well known people, imagine with a complete unknown one meets on a swingers' site and only talks twice online . It seems the plot of a CSI episode .

I shudder at the thought such unconsiderated people ( both of them ) can exist after we have exemples of awful things happening all around us ... and I am a quite daring and surely not fearful one !!

In my opinion a kink or a fantasy , no matter how strong it is, should never lead people to renounce the minimum amount of common sense needed to be considered a capable grown up !

But of course everyone is free to throw oneself in the Niagara Falls just to feel the height shiver !!

This is not bdsm anyway is just madness !

 

[wyckdwench]

Thank you so much for your input. I don't feel like such a 'nag' now. I knew I was right to be worried and express it to her. I am just glad she trusted me enough to confide her screwy idea to me before hand.

I will certainly attempt to talk to her again, hopefully no getting her on the defensive. I am certain she had some concerns herself to even mention it to me.

It does sound like something on CSI doesn't it? Poor thing, she is very intelligent but can be so naive at the same time. Thank you again so much for taking the time to respond so quickly, all of you.

 

[babiesmiles]

She is lucky to have a friend like you W. ! I hope you can make her think more clear . *hugs*

 

[wyckdwench]

She is lucky to have a friend like you W. ! I hope you can make her think more clear . *hugs*

Thank you BS for saying so. We are close enough to be sisters but we get along better than most sisters I know. Its just surprising how impulsive and lacking in common sense she can be. I know a lot of it has to do with her past but even giving her that - I wonder. I am just glad I have a resource as rich as this for such information and valid opinions.

for everyone

 

[John Doe]

Safe words are for pussies.

 

[Private_Label]

Thank you BS for saying so. We are close enough to be sisters but we get along better than most sisters I know. Its just surprising how impulsive and lacking in common sense she can be. I know a lot of it has to do with her past but even giving her that - I wonder. I am just glad I have a resource as rich as this for such information and valid opinions.

for everyone

I would say that if he won't meet her in a public place first where she is with people she feels safe around (i.e. you, or the local BDSM munch group if there is one), she could get robbed, or worse (and you know what I mean by worse) and no one would know the man's name, what he looks like, where he lives...

If she continues in this plan (i.e. not meeting him in a public place first), you might offer to call her a specified time and have her give you a specific phrase for "everything is going OK" and for "everything is not OK send help!" If she doesn't answer, or doesn't give you the thumbs up sign, then I would suggest you get some help and get over to her place ASAP!

This is definitely the time to have a safe call set up!

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

My apologies for the late reply. I have checked in and seen advice given that would cover things more than adequately. This pursuit as its been described is not an option for a sane person within reality.

 

[catalina_francisco]

If she continues in this plan (i.e. not meeting him in a public place first), you might offer to call her a specified time and have her give you a specific phrase for "everything is going OK" and for "everything is not OK send help!" If she doesn't answer, or doesn't give you the thumbs up sign, then I would suggest you get some help and get over to her place ASAP!

This is definitely the time to have a safe call set up!

My thoughts are, apart from the fact this person does not even want a first meeting because it won't feel authentic enough then, that any form of safe call would not be used by either of them for the same reason so would be pointless...not to mention if she were really in trouble, do you think he is going to stop whatever and tell her she can answer the phone while he politely waits? As to hurrying over to her place, nice idea in fantasy but in reality I would guess it would also be too late and most likely he would not have stayed there, instead taking her elsewhere to prevent any interference with whatever he planned to do...and of course, she would probably think that added to the 'real' feel of it all.

Catalina

 

[lne_iii]

This sounds like a bad idea if I've ever heard one.

I know that's been said already, but, just had to be said again.

Wish you luck in talking to her again!

LNE

 

[Vessira]

Another suggestion, if she would like to keep up the mystery is to have him meet you or someone else she trusts to check him out. Also, you could agree to know the time/date of their encounter, and check on things. Of course, that only ensures a minor amount of safety, at least then you'd know what he looks like, and she'd have someone checking up on her if she'd gonna go thru with it despite your advisements against it doing it at all.

 

[babiesmiles]

Thank you BS for saying so. We are close enough to be sisters but we get along better than most sisters I know. Its just surprising how impulsive and lacking in common sense she can be. I know a lot of it has to do with her past but even giving her that - I wonder. I am just glad I have a resource as rich as this for such information and valid opinions.

for everyone

Hello W.
The more I think about the whole matter the more I feel cold shudders down my spine . Just the fact he doesn't want to meet her before send every kind of bad vibes to me.

Wyckdwench I see you are in a very delicate situation just now , cause often it is not easy to make friends think rationally, and more these friends are close to us ( general us ) more they tend to understimate the attempts we do to make them reason clearly . I wish you ( and your friend) all the luck in this world . To you in order of being able to convince her to abandon this mad purpose, to her so that she understands you are just acting for her wellbeing and that a game is not worthy when personal safety is not warranted with basic measures of prudence .
*hugs *

 

[wyckdwench]

Thanks so much for all the information. As it turned out the follow-up call by him to confirm never came. We talked for a long time and I told her about everything that was mentioned. I told her that I was very concerned for her safety and wished that she would reconsider. She said it was funny that I came to her with all this because she felt she had acted way too impulsively. She said she had just sent an email letting him know that if he didn't want to meet first then it was not something she WAS going to do.

She said she never got another response and thinks it is the end of it. She is still not letting down her guard though. She hugged me and told me she could not believe how stupid she was and that she was glad we are friends.

As you might imagine I am over joyed that it never occured because all the horrible images ran through my head last night. I could hardly sleep at all thinking about the whole thing. I am just so glad it is ok for now.