Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[PMarky2]

She's very inconsiderate in what she says.

I like the same thing. And thus being able to explicitly agree about things to make them work. Overall more explicit communication, less guesswork.

For me it's also a blessing to have a very routine based partner as it helps me to keep my own routines.

I have long since accepted that my wife has no filter. Depending on my mood I can either completely disregard her comments, throw them in the 'fuck it bucket,' or be hurt by them. Most of the time we get along OK, but there are moments...

My BAF sent me a courteous little email last night asking for a favour. Clear, precise instructions, nothing requiring analysis. Doing that little favour for her brought me out of my funk I have been in for the last week with the result that my executive function is paying me a visit today, and things are getting done. Yay!

 

[stickygirl]

'Fuck it bucket' - I want me one of those!

 

[Noor]

I have long since accepted that my wife has no filter. Depending on my mood I can either completely disregard her comments, throw them in the 'fuck it bucket,' or be hurt by them. Most of the time we get along OK, but there are moments...

My BAF sent me a courteous little email last night asking for a favour. Clear, precise instructions, nothing requiring analysis. Doing that little favour for her brought me out of my funk I have been in for the last week with the result that my executive function is paying me a visit today, and things are getting done. Yay!

What is a baf?

 

[PMarky2]

BAF - Best Autistic Friend, though I actually suspect she may be AuDHD or ADHD. We work the same way, so she is cool to be around. I wish I had met someone like her 30 years ago - there would have been babies.

 

[Noor]

I am so tired of people who are constantly remarking on how literal I am and then making assumptions (or so they say) on my statements of fact as if I am actually communicating something much more in a high context manner, instead of the lowest context I could be.

Also tired of being assured, when I haven’t asked for it, that x person “ is not going anywhere “ which I’ve come to believe means they are definitely are, esp those who have a multi year record of disappearing.

As well as players who say they aren’t players. It’s gotten to the point where I rarely believe anyone who makes declarative statements, esp unasked for ones. I tend to suspect the opposite of what they say.

It would be really nice if everyone would say what they mean and mean what they say.

Also don’t ask me what I think if your pic if you don’t want to know the answer.
Upfront I’d like to mention that I hate duckface, unless you are actually a duck, and I’m not sure how I feel about it on ducks.

 

[stickygirl]

I am so tired of people who are constantly remarking on how literal I am and then making assumptions (or so they say) on my statements of fact as if I am actually communicating something much more in a high context manner, instead of the lowest context I could be.

You mean 'reading into' your words because they assume everyone speaks in code!

Also tired of being assured, when I haven’t asked for it, that x person “ is not going anywhere “ which I’ve come to believe means they are definitely are, esp those who have a multi year record of disappearing.

As well as players who say they aren’t players. It’s gotten to the point where I rarely believe anyone who makes declarative statements, esp unasked for ones. I tend to suspect the opposite of what they say.

It would be really nice if everyone would say what they mean and mean what they say.

Also don’t ask me what I think if your pic if you don’t want to know the answer.
Upfront I’d like to mention that I hate duckface, unless you are actually a duck, and I’m not sure how I feel about it on ducks.

A friend at Uni, who was doing their stint of psychiatry, was told by his professor "No means yes and Yes mean no". I found that helpful as a means of cracking open the way people express themselves. Lets face it, if everyone was autistic and said what they meant, accepted what they were told, then there would be no need for psychiatrists.

I had to double-check duckface... I assume they paid a lot of money for their silicon filler and want everyone to see how they wasted their money. Did the pout-fashion start from people seeing still images of celebrities and then thinking they had a permanent pout? Can you still whistle your dog with duckface?

This one's looking a bit coy, huh?

 

[stickygirl]

The final part of the latest tv series Patience screened last night and we were left with a few cliff hangers.

Overall it has slightly cack-handed scripting because they have the autistic MC say things out loud for the benefit of the audience and then come out with cliched tropes "you've lied to me 53 times so far" and that Patience has encyclopaedic knowledge of Nordic runes; botanical & chemical poisons and their outcomes; the complete works of Agatha Christie; cryptography, typography... but has shown no interests in trains. How's a girl like me supposed to ignore trains?

 

[Noor]

You mean 'reading into' your words because they assume everyone speaks in code!

You said this much better than I did and more succinctly

A friend at Uni, who was doing their stint of psychiatry, was told by his professor "No means yes and Yes mean no". I found that helpful as a means of cracking open the way people express themselves. Lets face it, if everyone was autistic and said what they meant, accepted what they were told, then there would be no need for psychiatrists.

Perhaps

I had to double-check duckface... I assume they paid a lot of money for their silicon filler and want everyone to see how they wasted their money. Did the pout-fashion start from people seeing still images of celebrities and then thinking they had a permanent pout? Can you still whistle your dog with duckface?
View attachment 2591830
This one's looking a bit coy, huh?

You can see why I’m not sure about actual ducks?

 

[Noor]

The final part of the latest tv series Patience screened last night and we were left with a few cliff hangers.

Overall it has slightly cack-handed scripting because they have the autistic MC say things out loud for the benefit of the audience and then come out with cliched tropes "you've lied to me 53 times so far" and that Patience has encyclopaedic knowledge of Nordic runes; botanical & chemical poisons and their outcomes; the complete works of Agatha Christie; cryptography, typography... but has shown no interests in trains. How's a girl like me supposed to ignore trains?

Trains !!!

 

[stickygirl]

You said this much better than I did and more succinctly

Perhaps

You can see why I’m not sure about actual ducks?

I was hoping I wasn't being flippant with you, when you were clearly irritated

 

[Strixaluco]

I had to double-check duckface

Only your reply made me realise what it meant. Duck face is definitely a way to identify as a superficial doll around here.

 

[PMarky2]

Complete trivial rubbish alert: Duckface was the gal in a movie - 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' I think - with an unfortunate nose - it looked enough like a duck's bill that even I got it.

Possibly Irrelevant Contribution to the Discussion: I do not have too much problem with idioms, but I have to sort of know them. I know, for example, that 'it's fair Baltic!' means it is very cold. That's one is pretty easy to work out. I also get sarcasm, because that is a very common defense mechanism in my circles. On the whole, though, I prefer crisp, clear communication. As my BAF and her family are all "spectrum-y" they are an absolute delight to deal with. I had a wonderful time the other day with BAF's sister discussing some DIY projects because we just get one another.

At the opposite end of the range was the communication from my wife. I bought her a new printer for Christmas, and I said to her, "Let me know when you want it installed" - which as you know means, "Let me know when you want it installed." Anyway, she has not mentioned it for a month, so I thought there was no hurry. On reflection, she did he hint around about it a couple of times, but I don't really get hints, so we ended up with the 'I-am-not-important-to-you-I-hate-being-married-to-an-Aspie' email yesterday morning. Anyway, I installed the printer, and said nowt about Normies and their infuriating communication style.

 

[PMarky2]

Trains !!!

I love trains. I'll go into all sorts of rhapsodies over ancient British Rail diesels...

 

[stickygirl]

I love trains. I'll go into all sorts of rhapsodies over ancient British Rail diesels...

Sounds like you're chuffed

Hey - bonus good news! I thought the tv series about autistic Patience had finished, but there are another two episodes. Wanted to share

 

[Noor]

I was hoping I wasn't being flippant with you, when you were clearly irritated

No problem. I was irritated but not with you.

 

[stickygirl]

I hate the experience of hearing news late at night then staying awake processing every possible permutation until exhaustion creeps in around 2am and I can sleep. Next day, it's 7.15pm and I'm knackered because - sleep deprived. Can I bare to watch x hours of tv until it's proper-growns up bedtime? bf sympathetic but not much he can do tbf. Is it bare or bear? asdfghjkl

 

[Strixaluco]

I've learned to avoid news and even drama late at night. After 9 pm only something safe like gardening or architecture programs. Well, old Poirot and Miss Marple films are also safe.

 

[stickygirl]

I've learned to avoid news and even drama late at night. After 9 pm only something safe like gardening or architecture programs. Well, old Poirot and Miss Marple films are also safe.

I think I may adopt this and switch my phone off at 21.00 ... 22mins to go!!

 

[Strixaluco]

I think I may adopt this and switch my phone off at 21.00 ... 22mins to go!!

I used to save TV programs (before all these different online services) so that I could watch them at more appropriate times. Exciting stuff earlier, calm stuff in the evening.

 

[StrentWriter]

I did the online test in the first post and scored 26 out of a possible 50.

It says scores in the 26-32 range indicate some Autistic traits (Asperger's Syndrome).

Which would explain a lot.

The question is, at 38, do I go and find out properly and try and understand myself more, or do I try and muddle through?

I don’t want to hurt other people with my own behaviours.

 

[Strixaluco]

I did the online test in the first post and scored 26 out of a possible 50.

It says scores in the 26-32 range indicate some Autistic traits (Asperger's Syndrome).

Which would explain a lot.

The question is, at 38, do I go and find out properly and try and understand myself more, or do I try and muddle through?

I don’t want to hurt other people with my own behaviours.

Wouldn't it help yourself first and foremost? And I don't even mean necessarily a formal diagnosis, that doesn't always make any difference compared to being self-diagnosed.

Finding out more could help you to find better coping mechanisms and accommodations.

Oh btw, in those tests with questions about whether you struggle with something, if you think "no I don't, because I have this system", it usually counts because you need a system to solve your struggles.

 

[stickygirl]

I did the online test in the first post and scored 26 out of a possible 50.

It says scores in the 26-32 range indicate some Autistic traits (Asperger's Syndrome).

Which would explain a lot.

The question is, at 38, do I go and find out properly and try and understand myself more, or do I try and muddle through?

I don’t want to hurt other people with my own behaviours.

Hi there
The online tests are a useful tool and if nothing else, might start you questioning things you never asked before.

Typically you can find yourself remarking 'but I thought everyone did this/felt this/thought this'. As Strix points out, just because you have a system, a way of doing things, just means it's what you grew up with and, because you've coped so far, you've never had reason to question before.

It's all good news though If nothing else, you'll start to learn how autistic people think and react. If your reading leads you to have 'lightbulb' moments "So that's why I did that at school, so that's why I get so irritable at the end of a day, so that's why I wince when I hear a particular sound, touch a certain fabric, gag at some foods" then you begin to understand more about yourself.

You might find yourself thinking about all those previous memories, those odd incidents and realising why. It seems to take most people about 18mths to re-catalogue their memories... At the end of that initial process you should, I hope, begin to be kinder to yourself: it's actually okay if you leave that party you find loud and alienating; it's okay to say 'no' to an unexpected change of plans.

^^^ sorry, but it's late, so I wrote this quickly and there's prob a few typos! Reading into a topic is always positive, but remain objective. I went to see a counsellor with mental health problems and she pieced my story together. I'd recommend that, if you feel the need, BUT chose a therapist who is going to do, say 6 sessions - don't waste your money on endless chats that cost a fortune. Good luck and you're welcome to check back in here.

 

[Strixaluco]

Didn't follow my own advice about news - opened a thread here I definitely shouldn't have touched. And now I suffer the consequences.

 

[PMarky2]

I've learned to avoid news and even drama late at night. After 9 pm only something safe like gardening or architecture programs. Well, old Poirot and Miss Marple films are also safe.

Miss Maple... my girl!

 

[stickygirl]

Morning all x