Beginner in need of advice on gear/technique

[Rick Forbes]

Hi, everybody. My gal and I are just beginning to explore bondage and BDSM. This has been a long and difficult path for us, since (as some of you know) my partner is a sexual assault survivor and it has taken much work for her to discover her submissive side and the pleasure it brings her. We're taking it very slowly, and I believe I am working on becoming (at this stage anyway) what I think is called a Gentle Dom.

So we're taking cues from each other and exploring things. Here's my problem. I have no mechanical aptitude whatsoever. My 8th grade shop teacher asked me to stop coming to class because my incompetence depressed him. I cratered on the "mechanical reasoning" portion of the PSAT and SAT exams, and I never moved from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts specifically because I was afraid of learning how to tie the different knots!

I look at some of the beautiful artistic bondage rigs in Japanese porn and fetish videos and feel like I'm back in shop class again. So what I am looking for are books and videos on the basics of bondage and BDSM. Also, if you have any suggestions on restraints and other toys which use idiot proof fasteners such as velcro or clips or something, I'd really appreciate that also.

There's nothing that kills a scene like having the aggressive restraint of my beautiful submissive wife take on the overtones of watching your kid struggling to tie shoelaces for the first time.

Thanks so much, everybody. This is the most supportive board anywhere!

 

[catalina_francisco]

There are a few threads, though this one actually includes step by step techniques with pics. There are also some great sites which do this like Rope For Pleasure and Rope which might be able to help. There are also various books, one of the popular ones being Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook.

I have heard there are some places which sell a rope harness which is all tied and fixed on the body by velcro, but am not sure where you get them. You can also buy velco cuffs for wrists, ankles, and necks, complete with leash if you wish. Happy bonding.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Take the time to learn your gear. I'm a moron with most buckles and stuff like that. In order to not kill the mood, I spend downtime putting them on myself, getting good at getting them undone with one hand, etc.

 

[SweetErika]

Fellow idiot knot-tier here.

Hubby taught and let me practice for a good hour the other day, and I'll be damned if I can remember which end goes under what or how many twists, etc. I do think it's likely just a matter of learning a couple of basic knots and lots of consistent practice/repetition, however, so there probably is a modicum of hope for you and I, Rick.

The really good news is that cuffs and such with velcro, snaps, and the like are really easy to buy and make. I didn't look at the links Cat posted, but there are tons of simple designs/instructions online. If you're not comfortable making stuff, how about having your wife do it, or working on it with her? My husband takes great joy and pride in making us toys and doing them together.

I'm not sure if you're interested, but there are also quite a few restraint-less/mental bondage techniques - anything from holding coins between the fingers to commands to tying bells on appendages. These also might work well given any effects of her assault, at least to start (I have a tough time being completely or tightly restrained, or at least I need to know on some level that I can "escape" if necessary to keep the panic at bay).

 

[liberatedslave]

If you invest in a set of ankle/wrist cuffs and a collar for your lady with 'D' rings on them to attach stuff with most forms of restraint can be achieved with bunjee cords which are in any hardware store in any number of lengths. They're also easy to release quickly if necessary. Cheaters always win.

 

[Penalt]

Don't go cheap. Quality equipment will help you have quality fun.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Leather restraints with buckles work well, as do carbinor clips...