Before and After

[snoozebutton]

I find it fascinating that I look at women now and say , "Ahhh she's a sub." I seem to notice certain mannerisms and just the way she carries herself. I'm not saying I will always be right. I do sit back sometimes and think of the ways I have changed. Before I explored my dominant side I was shy. I was that quiet guy in the corner around women. I just quietly observed them. Around the fellas I cracked the jokes and made them laugh just being me. But as I explored this side of me I found that my shyness while not completely gone has shrunk quite considerably. Another thing is I make eye contact now first. I may have been distracted from time to time but generally look ladies in the eyes. Being a big man, 6'4" with a stocky build I see a lot of quick glances away. But it showed me that women truly do seek out the eyes first. During D/s play I always sought out the eyes of my partner and still do. I started and was worried about letting out some of the dark side inside me, as when you first play hard you have to steel yourself. I was worried as to where it would all lead, but found that the gentleman inside me while aroused with some rough play, still held me to a level I was comfortable with myself. And I dispelled a few myths about what a Dom was to myself. Just some lazy Sat evening ramblings. Hope everyones weekend is going well.

 

[niteshade]

Snooze, I was wondering... What kind of mannerisms do you note in everyday life that would indicate a submissive personality to you? I ask this because through the discussions that have popped up at various times, most of the subs that post here seem to be women who are very in control of things in, shall I say, normal life. I myself am very assertive and in control of things in most other aspects of my life, and I seem to be finding a certain subbie side to my personality. So, I am curious as to what you have noticed. Please share?

Thanks,
Niteshade

 

[snoozebutton]

It's gonna sound crazy but I get a vibe off of certain ladies. It's nothing simple like they have a meek look about them though that sometimes makes me look twice. It's more a casual confidence and quiet calm that they appear to possess. I know that doesn't help much but it's hard to define a feeling.

 

[Desdemona]

I think it is much like what some of my gay friends refer to as "gaydar". I certainly pick up on vibes from certain men that make me look twice and wonder if they are dominant.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

It's gonna sound crazy but I get a vibe off of certain ladies ...

Throws the bullshit flag.

Tell the truth ... you lock eyes with them and they don't protest, do look down and away, even have a slight smile on their face.

Nothing spoken, no real societal rule broken ... well bent, but how do you prove a stare?

And i bet ... http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif ... you walk away with a slight smile on your face for a secret shared, yet unspoken.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Just the way a man carries himself, his comfort with his body and the way he addresses others can (to me) give away alot about how in touch he is with his Dominant side.

I've noticed in myself a tendency to walk a step to the right and behind a Dominant male, no idea why.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Throws the bullshit flag.

Tell the truth ... you lock eyes with them and they don't protest, do look down and away, even have a slight smile on their face.

Nothing spoken, no real societal rule broken ... well bent, but how do you prove a stare?

And i bet ... http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif ... you walk away with a slight smile on your face for a secret shared, yet unspoken.

I don't think it's bullshit. Like Des, I can spot a Dom-ly (or alpha) male, many who are not even aware of what that means.

There is no way to prove a glance or a stare or the way one carries oneself. It's either there or not. And some either see it or don't.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I don't think it's bullshit. Like Des, I can spot a Dom-ly (or alpha) male, many who are not even aware of what that means.

There is no way to prove a glance or a stare or the way one carries oneself. It's either there or not. And some either see it or don't.

Sorry darlin', i meant no way to prove his using the look upon, well, what do we call them? a suspect?

Those that get offended by the look write it off as a leer. Those that know it for what it is, look down and away, and sometimes smile.

i seldom use that look, unless i'm pissed, anymore.

 

[Desdemona]

Sorry darlin', i meant no way to prove his using the look upon, well, what do we call them? a suspect?

Those that get offended by the look write it off as a leer. Those that know it for what it is, look down and away, and sometimes smile.

i seldom use that look, unless i'm pissed, anymore.

I have to say that Snooze and I play the "identify the kinkster" game when we are out and about together. He doesn't use "the look" to identify submissive women.

 

[snoozebutton]

Sorry darlin', i meant no way to prove his using the look upon, well, what do we call them? a suspect?

Those that get offended by the look write it off as a leer. Those that know it for what it is, look down and away, and sometimes smile.

i seldom use that look, unless i'm pissed, anymore.

I never said I gave a "look" just that I now look into a ladies eyes. Where before I might have looked lower. Please read a post and comprehend before making negative comments. See below:

I may have been distracted from time to time but generally look ladies in the eyes. Being a big man, 6'4" with a stocky build I see a lot of quick glances away. But it showed me that women truly do seek out the eyes first.

 

[snoozebutton]

So how has being in the lifestyle changed others perspectives? Do you also see people now in a different light? It's like when I quit smoking a few years back. I suddenly saw people smoking in movies on tv I felt that it was there to torture me. I know it was just that my focus was now changed to notice it. That was the main point I was making. Now that your focus has changed, what do you see?

 

[MissTaken]

I don't know if it is my perspective or how I am percieved, but twice this week, people felt compelled to tell me they were involved in the lifestyle.
One was a coworker and the other a salesperson in a trendy store.

I may have a tatoo on my forehead that says, "Cum hither fellow freaks!" I don't know!

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I never said I gave a "look" just that I now look into a ladies eyes. Where before I might have looked lower. Please read a post and comprehend before making negative comments. See below:

I may have been distracted from time to time but generally look ladies in the eyes. Being a big man, 6'4" with a stocky build I see a lot of quick glances away. But it showed me that women truly do seek out the eyes first.

They weren't intended to be negative, but if you think they were, so be it. The intent was to concentrate on the eyes, and what's behind them. Everything else is wrapping paper.

 

[snoozebutton]

They weren't intended to be negative, but if you think they were, so be it. The intent was to concentrate on the eyes, and what's behind them. Everything else is wrapping paper.

Well no harm done, just wanted to make sure my point wasn't lost in an aside. Those belong in Shakespeare. lol

 

[snoozebutton]

I don't know if it is my perspective or how I am percieved, but twice this week, people felt compelled to tell me they were involved in the lifestyle.
One was a coworker and the other a salesperson in a trendy store.

I may have a tatoo on my forehead that says, "Cum hither fellow freaks!" I don't know!

Waiting on the, "Spank Me" sign on your ass.

 

[dragonlace]

Ever since joining the lifestyle i have been able to notice certain attitiudes in the people around me and have even had a few others in the lifestyle approach me as they can see it in me. I am very open about the life i lead so i even get questions from co workers sometimes about different aspects. But in general when in a crowd i can see certain traits that are more Dominant and traits that are more submissive. Maybe they have always been there and i just never noticed before but i tend to see it now.

 

[lilnymph28]

I think it is much like what some of my gay friends refer to as "gaydar". I certainly pick up on vibes from certain men that make me look twice and wonder if they are dominant.

So not only do I have no sense of gaydar, but I have no ability to identify a Dom/me? No wonder I have so much trouble finding what I want!

 

[snoozebutton]

So not only do I have no sense of gaydar, but I have no ability to identify a Dom/me? No wonder I have so much trouble finding what I want!

That can be a good thing at least your picky. I mean finding a Dom is like buying a car. Kick the tires and let him drive you around a little bit before you agree to a large term commitment.

 

[Desdemona]

So not only do I have no sense of gaydar, but I have no ability to identify a Dom/me? No wonder I have so much trouble finding what I want!

Sometimes we find our Dom/mes where we least expect them. Sometimes, they find us. Based on my experience with Snooze, it is definitely worth the wait.

In terms of identifying them, it takes practice. Master started pointing out people that He thought were subs and/or couples to me. I paid attention and started watching people. All of a sudden, subtle things started jumping out at me. Now, it seems effortless.

 

[slvjenn]

i dunno...i think that in a bar, or at work, or a fast food joint, you might be able to pick out submissives who don't know what they are yet.

I doubt that anyone could ever take a look at me and say, "she's submissive" because I am not in day-to-day interactions.

I'm not sure if or how I could send off a vibe to that affect when I am not in the least bit submissive when i'm eating lunch or out with friends drinking a beer.

 

[lilnymph28]

That can be a good thing at least your picky. I mean finding a Dom is like buying a car. Kick the tires and let him drive you around a little bit before you agree to a large term commitment.

well, I'm test driving a new one now - or is he test driving me? A little bit of both, so wish me luck.

 

[Netzach]

You know....I'm a domme, and I'm 5'4'' tall and I don't know jujitsu.

I was also raised in NYC where a lot of people have bad intent and looking at someone is an invitation to begin talking, interacting, or you never know what.

If a 6'4'' guy I've never met before starts staring into my eyes, I'm going to probably look down, if not somehow *past* them.

It's not submission, it's self preservation. I'm not saying don't play spot the pervert, I'm just saying people see what they want to see and most things look like a nail to a hammer.

 

[snoozebutton]

i dunno...i think that in a bar, or at work, or a fast food joint, you might be able to pick out submissives who don't know what they are yet.

I doubt that anyone could ever take a look at me and say, "she's submissive" because I am not in day-to-day interactions.

I'm not sure if or how I could send off a vibe to that affect when I am not in the least bit submissive when i'm eating lunch or out with friends drinking a beer.

True I never said I was always right. lol But I'm sure you have started to look at people differently now as well. Maybe it's the more measured walk or the way you look at em and say he/she has to be submissive. But I'm sure I'm wrong a lot too. Some have masks in their daily life and let them down in private. Others just give off that aura that says submissive.

 

[snoozebutton]

well, I'm test driving a new one now - or is he test driving me? A little bit of both, so wish me luck.

Well at least wear the tires out lol I hope you found a life mate that fulfills all your needs . And you his.

 

[snoozebutton]

You know....I'm a domme, and I'm 5'4'' tall and I don't know jujitsu.

I was also raised in NYC where a lot of people have bad intent and looking at someone is an invitation to begin talking, interacting, or you never know what.

If a 6'4'' guy I've never met before starts staring into my eyes, I'm going to probably look down, if not somehow *past* them.

It's not submission, it's self preservation. I'm not saying don't play spot the pervert, I'm just saying people see what they want to see and most things look like a nail to a hammer.

True I'm not saying I stare them down but seek the eyes first. You would be surprised at how many smiles you get by just looking there. And I'm sure my subar isn't perfect by a long shot. But sure fun to wonder.