been awhile checking in

[tbon45]

whats up? its been along time since ive been on just got another comp lost the last one in this on going so called divorce. just thought i would say hi.

 

[honeybunnybaby]

Hi there!

Not that we've met, but hello anyway!

 

[tbon45]

thanks alot of people may remember me from a year ago and what ive been through.

 

[SweetErika]

Glad to see you back, Tbon. It'll get better...you've just got to hold on through the rough patches and continue to look toward the smooth ones.

 

[tbon45]

hey sweeterika i pm you. i know there is light at the end of the tunnel its just im tired of chasing it. the thing that hurts the most is i was left with nothing when she left. and now the guy that she is with is brainwashing her and trying to get my settelment that i dont even have. all i got was my clothes and my truck. i havnt seen my kids in 3mths. i get $1600 a mth and thats not enough im always short and now the court says i have to pay $432 a mth for child support and i will never be able to work agian.

 

[SweetErika]

hey sweeterika i pm you. i know there is light at the end of the tunnel its just im tired of chasing it. the thing that hurts the most is i was left with nothing when she left. and now the guy that she is with is brainwashing her and trying to get my settelment that i dont even have. all i got was my clothes and my truck. i havnt seen my kids in 3mths. i get $1600 a mth and thats not enough im always short and now the court says i have to pay $432 a mth for child support and i will never be able to work agian.

And you have a lawyer, and the court knows you're on disability plus what your living and medical expenses are? What does the court order say about visiting the kids?

 

[tbon45]

she will only let me have them 2 days a week and every other weekend. but wants cild support child care plus all the rearage. i do have a lawyer and hel tod me i need to agree to so she dosnt get my settlement. and that wont be much either. now i just found out my sister wants her house back. i dont have any place to go and cant by anything either. that light is starting to dim now.

 

[SweetErika]

Tbon, I want you to check out what Michigan DHS has to offer, okay? They should be able to help you with housing, support while you're recovering, and a variety of other things. Are you still in counseling? If not, ask DHS to help you with that, too.

I'd also like you to look into community organizations who can help you, at least while you get back on your feet. There are tons of them, and evens places you might not normally consider like church congregations would likely gladly do what they can. I'm not religious AT ALL, but I wouldn't hesitate to turn to some of the better congregations for support. Here are some links to get you started:
http://www.stclaircounty.org/Living/default.asp?subcategory=7
http://www.stclairfoundation.org/Initiatives.shtml
http://www.stclairfoundation.org/community-links.shtml
http://www.downrivercs.org/
http://www.infomi.com/dir/church/church.php?county=Saint Clair (if you're uncomfortable with a lot of Bible stuff, look for non-denominational, community, and definitely contact Unity Church of Blue Water because Unity is positive, completely non-pushy, giving, person-centered, and more about "pick-your-own-spirituality").

Also look into legal aid and the St. Clair Co. Friend of the Court ...what your lawyer said about custody and the settlement just doesn't sound right. Your settlement is for past and future medical bills, lost wages, etc., correct? If that's the case, it seems odd that she could take or use it as a bargaining chip since it's not an asset.

You're going to make it, you just need a little support to get you through, and that's okay. It's what communities are there for.

 

[tbon45]

ive been to everything intown and they all said no because im getting to much money. i was in counsling one said that i need to look at myself and maybe wonder if it was all my fault. the other one was a reliouges counsling but the way i see it if i wanted to talk about god i would go to church. on the settlement he said that she would get half because we were married for 12 yrs and for taking care of me. she left 1mth after i has surgery she did nothing for me. she did tell me she had planned on leaving way before that but wanted to make sure i made it through surgery. what it really was is i had a court date the following week workers comp and it got post poned so she split.

 

[SweetErika]

ive been to everything intown and they all said no because im getting to much money. i was in counsling one said that i need to look at myself and maybe wonder if it was all my fault. the other one was a reliouges counsling but the way i see it if i wanted to talk about god i would go to church. on the settlement he said that she would get half because we were married for 12 yrs and for taking care of me. she left 1mth after i has surgery she did nothing for me. she did tell me she had planned on leaving way before that but wanted to make sure i made it through surgery. what it really was is i had a court date the following week workers comp and it got post poned so she split.

Okay, but have you asked for help after the next surgery? Told them you have no family or friends in the area who are able to help you some after, and asked if they'd be willing to put in a call for volunteers? Even a few to help with meals, short errands, to bring books or entertainment, companionship, or light chores every now and then would likely put you in a better place. That has nothing to do with income, and clearly you can't afford to hire help, it's just people putting in a bit of time to help a neighbor. So, try asking (I think non-pushy churches are your best bet, and would start with Unity) if they'll announce it in their newsletter, meetings, and sermons, and see what rolls in, Tbon. The very WORST that can happen is you'll end up exactly where you are right now, so there's no gamble in trying. At best, your recovery will go a lot easier, you'll make friends and a support system to get you through these rough patches, and that's so valuable.

 

[tbon45]

thats my biggest problem is the only friend i have is moving. my parents are moving and they work. i hate depending on others im the one that always helped others and now im in need no one is around. im baptist but im not comfortable about churchs. dont know why just am.

 

[SweetErika]

I'm not comfortable around churches either, but there are a lot of decent people who are and won't do anything but come and help you out, just like friends. You don't need to go to church or join anything, you simply need to get in touch with those who can rally support, and say, "Hey, I'm in a really tough situation, and while I've always been the one to help others, now I'm in need. I've tried public agencies, and I don't know where else to turn to get in touch with members of our community. I'm not asking for money or things, just friendship and neighborly support. Do you think you might be able to help me, or we could figure something out to support me through this?"

Think about it, Tbon...what decent person wouldn't entertain the idea and make an effort to help with that kind of request? We're talking about almost nothing, especially spread over a larger group of volunteers. I've had relatively minor surgery with short recovery, and needed help...it was a requirement, not a choice.

I recommend Unity because I've been and know their philosophy. I like how they accept everyone, believe in helping and acts of kindness -- just being good human beings, and never try to push. As much as I don't like churches, that's where I'd go first (though I'd be thrilled to go anywhere that wasn't judgmental, preachy, or hell-bent on converting me). I think they'd welcome the opportunity to ask for volunteers, help you out, and to have your friendship. Plus, I don't doubt you'd benefit from positive people and thoughts. No church, no conversion, no sermons or Bible verses. Just a little help and probably some really great friendships.