Becoming BDSM

[Meliawen]

I'm new to these boards, but I've been perusing Literotica for a few weeks now and have even submitted two stories of my own. My boyfriend and I are recent additions to the world of BDSM and I'll admit I'm having some trouble conveying what I want.

I am a submissive. Plain and simple. No ifs ands or buts about it. My boyfriend has wanted to be a Dom since he was young, but he's not...very good at it? I don't mean that in a disrespectful way, but he is not nearly as forceful as I'd like. He punishes me in such a way that I actually misbehave because I look forward to it. That isn't how it should be, is it?

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get him to become a bit more dominant to me?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Welcome to the board. LOL, not sure I agree that being submissive is plain and simple as for most I know it is anything but. There are so many factors which contribute to every D/s relationship, likes and dislikes, limits and expectation, that it takes time to find that groove which works just right. Most important of all I think is recognising what you both need and want, and communicating openly and honestly at all times. If you are both new to this it is quite possible your partner is just taking care to not do anything which may harm you, which is good and need not be terminal so to speak. If you do not discuss this though, how will they know where it is okay to go, when to ease off, when to stop altogether, and where to go from there?

If his form of punishment is something you enjoy, it is your responsibility to alert him to this so he can devise a better form which will discourage you from being bratty in the hope of getting what you want. Perhaps the overall picture also needs to be more a discussion of what you both see the role of submissive and Dominant as being respectively. Whose needs are met primarily and most obviously in the D/s relationship? Do you feel he has the right to expect from you things you may not particularly find pleasant but will do as an act of submission? Does he feel he has to set the limits or do you both agree to discuss and set limits? Is there room for negotiation? Do you discuss at an appropriate time after a scene what worked and didn't work for both of you? All these things can move you toward a more fulfilling relationship and trust building overall. Good luck with it and don't give up in frustration.

Catalina

 

[MissTaken]

How long have you and your boyfriend been engaging in D/s?

In my own experience, it has taken time for me to be comfortable with rougher play and the tools/toys of the trade.

It helped to read about flogging and other activities with respect to safety zones and how to play safely. If he familiarizes himself with what the risks are, he may be more interested in playing harder with you.

Then, as the submissive, you must execute patience while communicating your needs. As always, communication doesn't promise that your desires will be met. It is best to express an interest and expect nothing!

(reflecting on conversations I have had with scooter.... )

Also, if you both complete a BDSM checklist and then, discuss the things you are interested in, you may find,again, that he is better able to move forward.

Age, does not by itself, ensure that a Dominant is going to be "good at it." There is no template for such a thing....

 

[Alice_In_Chains]

Just push him. Than fuck him... If he doesn't like it he'll plya back... I donno... its an idea... Sub doesn't necessarily mean lie their and do fuck all...

You got to give him a reason to be more forceful...