Be Afraid.

[Lancecastor]

Let's talk about the dynamic wherein a charismatic male D appears in your community.

How do Dommes react?

How do femsubs react?

What do the masochix do?

Is the AlphaMale D the absolute lead dog in BDSM circles?

Discuss.

 

[Luvinit]

Considering we're going to our first munch tomorrow night, this post both intrigues me and frightens me. Can there possibly be so much drama in one community?

 

[Lancecastor]

You'll know when you walk in the room, i expect.

If they're all wearing black, you can probably expect some junior highschool drama.

If they've gotten over themselves enough to pass for your lawyer or pot dealer, chances are it'll be more mature.


have fun!

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Let's talk about the dynamic wherein a charismatic male D appears in your community.

How do Dommes react?

Uh, quite honestly, I don't know what that would have to do with me. My switch husband and I are exclusive, so I'd probably ignore the guy. (shrug)

Not an informative response, I know. But I've encountered charismatic doms before, and I never really cared since it didn't involve mine and me.

 

[shy slave]

interesting thought

Let's talk about the dynamic wherein a charismatic male D appears in your community.

How do Dommes react?

How do femsubs react?

What do the masochix do?

Is the AlphaMale D the absolute lead dog in BDSM circles?

Discuss.

Have met some wannabee charismatic Doms but the real mcCoy has eluded me so far.

Lance i am a fem sub but would guess I would react in the same way as I would should I meet that elusive charismatic male in vanilla life.
Talk to him and see what makes him tick,then decide if he is worthy of being my equal.
I would not defer to him unless he earnt my respect in a particular area of expertise (either in BDSM or out of it), as i would anyone else (male, female, BDSM, vanilla)

I only submit to my own Master, regardless of how charming, charismatic anyone else is.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Re: Re: Be Afraid.

Uh, quite honestly, I don't know what that would have to do with me. My switch husband and I are exclusive, so I'd probably ignore the guy. (shrug)

Not an informative response, I know. But I've encountered charismatic doms before, and I never really cared since it didn't involve mine and me.

I love this answer and if it is ok with you pagan switch, may I just say ditto minus the switchy parts? My Dom husband and I are also exclusive.

 

[Netzach]

If you think of "charismatic" as those who bark loudest, he usually earns the attention of newbies while actually being a grumbling laughing stock to those wise to the usual shit.

There are several MDoms who maintain great deals of respect among all the types you mentioned, including other MDoms, in most communities I've encountered. They are almost anti-charismatic, blend in with the walls types. You have to get to know them to know they are fine humans.

Who makes people jump when they say jump in BDSM circles, judging from attention and willingness to make an idiot of oneself to be in a person's circle, judging from who makes the room hush in their path?

No, watch carefully. Discount the idea of subs being least powerful.

It's any especially stunning woman who comes in the room, sub or Domme, usually sub in a room slanted towards male Doms.

Check your demographics, bud. Watch your menfolk's reactions. It's Helen who causes the wars, not some dude.

However, this is an interesting line of inquiry again. I get the sense you fancy yourself a charismatic Alpha D, threatening and awe inspiring to your female inferiors. (judging from the fact that msubs don't even make the casual sociological poll)

Any disagreement is whining, anyone who informs you she's not quaking in her boots doth protest too much.

"be afraid"

best laugh I've had all week, thank you.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

However, this is an interesting line of inquiry again. I get the sense you fancy yourself a charismatic Alpha D, threatening and awe inspiring to your female inferiors. (judging from the fact that msubs don't even make the casual sociological poll)

Any disagreement is whining, anyone who informs you she's not quaking in her boots doth protest too much.

"be afraid"

best laugh I've had all week, thank you.

ohhhh, Netzach, I'm laughing with you on this one. What a hoot.

I found the gatherings (munches and demos) that we've attended very interesting exercises in power dynamics, just as you've posted. I find the whole idea of an "alphaDom lead dog male" pretty ridiculous. Especially when he's dressed like an undertaker. With a flogger in his back pocket.

~anelize

 

[Scarlett_t2]

If you think of "charismatic" as those who bark loudest, he usually earns the attention of newbies while actually being a grumbling laughing stock to those wise to the usual shit.

There are several MDoms who maintain great deals of respect among all the types you mentioned, including other MDoms, in most communities I've encountered. They are almost anti-charismatic, blend in with the walls types. You have to get to know them to know they are fine humans.

Who makes people jump when they say jump in BDSM circles, judging from attention and willingness to make an idiot of oneself to be in a person's circle, judging from who makes the room hush in their path?

No, watch carefully. Discount the idea of subs being least powerful.

It's any especially stunning woman who comes in the room, sub or Domme, usually sub in a room slanted towards male Doms.

Check your demographics, bud. Watch your menfolk's reactions. It's Helen who causes the wars, not some dude.

However, this is an interesting line of inquiry again. I get the sense you fancy yourself a charismatic Alpha D, threatening and awe inspiring to your female inferiors. (judging from the fact that msubs don't even make the casual sociological poll)

Any disagreement is whining, anyone who informs you she's not quaking in her boots doth protest too much.

"be afraid"

best laugh I've had all week, thank you.

(claps) I so do love your style. (Tips hat)
Scarlett

 

[Xelebes]

Charismatic... is too much like you are too good for the rest of us. It's like a person wanting to take control when the main goal of a dom is to have power for himself and all his power resides in the sub. You can't make a dom submit. At least that's the impression I get from other male doms.

What will happen? The person trying to be the charismatic dom will get attacked.

Of course, this is from what limited experience I have with others like this.

 

[catalina_francisco]

If you think of "charismatic" as those who bark loudest, he usually earns the attention of newbies while actually being a grumbling laughing stock to those wise to the usual shit.

There are several MDoms who maintain great deals of respect among all the types you mentioned, including other MDoms, in most communities I've encountered. They are almost anti-charismatic, blend in with the walls types. You have to get to know them to know they are fine humans.

Who makes people jump when they say jump in BDSM circles, judging from attention and willingness to make an idiot of oneself to be in a person's circle, judging from who makes the room hush in their path?

No, watch carefully. Discount the idea of subs being least powerful.

It's any especially stunning woman who comes in the room, sub or Domme, usually sub in a room slanted towards male Doms.

Check your demographics, bud. Watch your menfolk's reactions. It's Helen who causes the wars, not some dude.

However, this is an interesting line of inquiry again. I get the sense you fancy yourself a charismatic Alpha D, threatening and awe inspiring to your female inferiors. (judging from the fact that msubs don't even make the casual sociological poll)

Any disagreement is whining, anyone who informs you she's not quaking in her boots doth protest too much.

"be afraid"

best laugh I've had all week, thank you.

LOL, I'm with Scarlett on loving your style, but then I've told you that before. As to the question as asked, I'm afraid I'm not about to bow down in awe of any Dom/me, though those I find I like as people, I will treat with respect the same as I do anyone in the vanilla world who encourages that feeling. Those I don't see as particularly appealing, usually as with vanilla's, in being those who are loud, showponies, obnoxious, or ego struck, I will not be disrespectful to, but also won't go out of my way to bother spending anymore time speaking with them or in their company than politeness might demand. Don't make no difference to me if someone is Dom/me, sub, switch, or plain kinky, it is who they are inside and how they treat others that counts.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

Actually, from my own experience, most Doms are pretty self contained. It's not about beating their chests and competing. It's simply an "I'm in control" attitude.

Despite allusions to the contrary, humans are not "pack animals". That's an over-simplification.

So, new alpha/Dom male appears in group, is there competition? Fitting? Sizing each other up?

Thankfully, I think almost all of us left that puerile type of behavour behind us at high school.

 

[rosco rathbone]

?

Thankfully, I think almost all of us left that puerile type of behavour behind us at high school.

You must be kidding.

 

[rosco rathbone]

It's any especially stunning woman who comes in the room, sub or Domme, usually sub in a room slanted towards male Doms.

Check your demographics, bud. Watch your menfolk's reactions. It's Helen who causes the wars, not some dude.

How true how true.

 

[Lancecastor]

1. this is an interesting line of inquiry again.

2. I get the sense you fancy yourself a charismatic Alpha D, threatening and awe inspiring to your female inferiors.

3. "be afraid" best laugh I've had all week, thank you.

1. Thanks...viewed without preconception it's a scenario we see play out all the time in clubs, at parties, in offices...

2. Incorrect again, but it was an easy way for me to persuade those of your ilk to participate, if only superficially.

3. I thought it'd be good for a giggle and you seem like the sort that rarely laughs at herself, only others..so, you're welcome.

 

[MissTaken]

Every group of people somehow establishes "pecking order."

However, I can say that I have never seen the Dom with the biggest flogger come out on top!

It's the chickadee with the fine ass, pert in six inch stilettos and a great big stack of mammo flesh that generally gathers the attention.

 

[Lancecastor]

Every group of people somehow establishes "pecking order."

However, I can say that I have never seen the Dom with the biggest flogger come out on top!

It's the chickadee with the fine ass, pert in six inch stilettos and a great big stack of mammo flesh that generally gathers the attention.

I think charismatic power in mixed groups is situational and fluid.

But in a general way, experienced subs tend to be covert in expressing theirs and big D's tend to be overt.

I'd also suggest that big D's tend towards using covert methods more often than femsubs use overt...you'll see a man adopt a distant observational stance more often than a grrl making direct approaches in a mixed group, unless she's a totally smitten kitten.

There are no hard and fast rules but there are often patterns.

Perhaps that's the attraction of fresh meat in a room.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Every group of people somehow establishes "pecking order."

This is the question which, as asserted, interested me. Aren't there ever 'independents'?

Noticed that many (most?) of the responses had an undercurrent of responding as much to who was asking as to what was asked.

As to the question, in general, I agree with those who say it's more complex than 'alpha dog leads pack,' or even 'the most fertile-appearing female in heat gets dom males to follow.' Especially in non-traditional societies that aren't overtly set up that way.

Besides being situational, human relationships are more intertwined. Sometimes it's the connector who has the power. As, for instance, in a political power game i played once, where it turned out that those with the most power weren't the politicians, or even those financially supporting them, but the reporters.

As for me, like Catalina, I'm pretty sure I respond to the person, more than to their position, or power dynamic, or even charisma. There are certain traits I don't seem to help responding positively to quickly, however. Not 'charisma,' per se, or 'Alpha-ness,' but wit, an interesting mind, and what, for want of better words, I'll call fairness, initially. Then integrity and true kindness, as those become apparent.

I don't like pecking orders. Like someone once said 'comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.'

But then I'm a switch.

 

[FungiUg]

I think charismatic power in mixed groups is situational and fluid.

Exactly right.

I still don't think if I walk into a room full of Doms, there's instantly some sort of "sizing up" going on to establish "pecking order". Oh sure, it does happen, but it's not as automatic as that. Much does depend on the individual personalities involved.

My ex-flatmate and I are both alpha males, and yet we managed to co-habitate quite well. Simply by avoiding competing.

We still had that guy thing of "hey, look at my cool new toy" though. (And yes, women fit into the category of toys.)

 

[FungiUg]

You must be kidding.

Quite serious.

I remember being in a chat room when we were talking about the mechanisms of forcing submissive women to orgasm, multiple orgasms, extended orgasms and so on.

Some guy comes in at the end of the conversation and starts telling us how he can make ANY woman orgasm for at least 30 minutes. That's one extended orgasm.

Very much a case of "I'm better and badder than you lot." Of course, all it showed was that he had no fucking idea.

That adolescent "I'm bigger and badder and better than you" behaivour IS adolescent. I didn't say it doesn't happen as we mature, but it is much less frequent.

 

[Lancecastor]

In the first post, you said you don't think D's size each other up or compete much.

In the second post, you talked about being in a circle of D's at a gathering comparing notes on who can make subs cum longest.

So, I'm going to put you down for a "Yes".

To something.

 

[FungiUg]

In the first post, you said you don't think D's size each other up or compete much.

In the second post, you talked about being in a circle of D's at a gathering comparing notes on who can make subs cum longest.

No, I was talking about a discussion we were having on the mechanics of making a sub cum. It wasn't a comparison, it was a discussion about techniques. An interactive "how to". Which was ruined by someone turning up and doing the "I can make mine cum the longest."

My point being that the adolescent behaivour of sizing each other up is often unappreciated (hence my example) and not as common as it is amongst teens.

Okay? All square now?

 

[Lancecastor]

I think you've illustrated that in mixed kink company, male D's will probably compete.

 

[FungiUg]

Er yes. Point taken. On the other hand, in a group of around 6 Dom/mes at the time (why is it that the subs always outnumber the Dom/mes?) only 1 wanted to compete.

Yes, there will be always be someone who wants to compete. But from my own experience, I have found this to be LESS the case than with non-D/s people.

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

Well... I'll just answer the questions.

I think its a moment of mild panic. Being a Dom means, I should think, being the one in control--should there be someone more charismatic, then there is the possibility of someone who can command more attention and control.

Jealousy? Suspicion? All seem like natural responses. Very Alpha-male-esque.

The subs, short of things outside the strict D/s situation (love, relationships, friendships, etc.), I would imagine, would sort of migrate interest toward the new Dom.

All of that seems entirely reasonable, and entirely possible.