BDSM without the role play

[tanyachrs]

I have a partner who wants to explore BSDM play. I'm uncertain. There are certain aspects that for sure turn me on. There's something about him that makes me want to tie him up and, yes, hurt him. But I can't get into the whole bad boy/punishment thing. If I want to tie him up, it's because he'd look beautiful that way. And if I want to cause him pain it's because I'd enjoy it and so would he. I can't see myself "forcing" him to do anything. In fact, his willing surrender and complete arousal is part of my fantasy. Do people play this way or does there always have to be a "scene"? I want to have him at my mercy but I feel pressure to make up a whole story to go along with it and, honestly, I think I'd just end up giggling.

 

[Shankara20]

I have a partner who wants to explore BSDM play. I'm uncertain. There are certain aspects that for sure turn me on. There's something about him that makes me want to tie him up and, yes, hurt him. But I can't get into the whole bad boy/punishment thing. If I want to tie him up, it's because he'd look beautiful that way. And if I want to cause him pain it's because I'd enjoy it and so would he. I can't see myself "forcing" him to do anything. In fact, his willing surrender and complete arousal is part of my fantasy. Do people play this way or does there always have to be a "scene"? I want to have him at my mercy but I feel pressure to make up a whole story to go along with it and, honestly, I think I'd just end up giggling.

This is a short answer for now, I can embelish more later when I got home from work.

Most of my play, both as Top and as bottom, has had no more of a story behind the set up for the "scene" than, "I'm in charge now- do what you are told" then go from there - well a bit more to set the frame, but not much.

This is not talking about knowing each others kinks and limits - that is much more complicated and must be done for safe and fulfilling play.

 

[SweetCherry]

I've never portrayed myself as anything other than what I am to Her...a willing slut for her to use as She sees fit, a toy to amuse Her. No roles played. No "bad girl getting caned by the school Head Mistress" sorta stuff. She does what she wants to me, and I revel in it all, simply because it works for both of us.

 

[SpectreT]

Some people play characters, but it's by no means a requirement.

Personally, I think it's fun, from time to time, but I'm a frustrated wannabe actor/author. I like giving my imagination a workout, too, is all.

 

[Netzach]

Do people play this way

All the time. Or a lot of the time.

 

[Quint]

.............

 

[FurryFury]

I have a partner who wants to explore BSDM play. I'm uncertain. There are certain aspects that for sure turn me on. There's something about him that makes me want to tie him up and, yes, hurt him. But I can't get into the whole bad boy/punishment thing. If I want to tie him up, it's because he'd look beautiful that way. And if I want to cause him pain it's because I'd enjoy it and so would he. I can't see myself "forcing" him to do anything. In fact, his willing surrender and complete arousal is part of my fantasy. Do people play this way or does there always have to be a "scene"? I want to have him at my mercy but I feel pressure to make up a whole story to go along with it and, honestly, I think I'd just end up giggling.

I love to role play but not with my sex so much. I hear a lot of this Have you been a bad girl, would you like a spanking sort of thing." For me, the answer is "Of course not and you're damned right I would." Now if he needs a bit of role play to get into that, I can go along but I don't. I want to be hurt because I enjoy it and he enjoys it, not because I "acted out or fucked up." I'm not comfortable with "being bad."

Anyone who is into the role play, is also fine by me. Whatever works!

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

We certainly aren´t into role play so it wouldn´t work for us if you had to include it to have a scene. At best I would say we just have one continuous scene complete with highs and lows simply because it is who we are 24/7 with very rarely a planned time to play or how to play...it just happens when it happens and then we move onto the next thing that has to be done whether it be washing, shopping or just lounging in front of TV for awhile.

Catalina

 

[BeachGurl2]

Roleplay isn't big on my list either. When people talk about 'scening', it means different things to different people. For some, it involves roleplay. For others it doesn't. Just like everything else in this life, there is a kind of continuum of things people like to do and everyone lands in a different place - my level of pain enjoyment might mean bad pain for someone else. I happen to love crops, paddles, belts, and floggers, but come near me with a cane, and my hands are covering my ass while I'm backing away. Roleplay works the same way. Some people like it, some don't. I'll wear a school girl outfit and fuck me shoes, but I'm not calling him teacher and pretending I didn't do my homework (or whatever you do in those kinds of scenes).

 

[submissiveknight]

Never have role played. Although my Princess did mention once a long time ago that She had a interest in it. We live a normal married life with the exception that I asked Her to dominate me and She accepted. Not that anything was missing in Our marriage, my submission to Her created a natural order to Our marriage. We still use both Our strengths to keep it strong. I want to concentrate on my Mistress not necessarily a role that I would be playing, although it probally would be fun to do everyonce in awhile, but I certainly wouldn't want to live my life playing a role thats for sure. We Our more of the spontanous type, scenes are rarely planned they just happen. Come to think of it She has mentioned an apron before hmmmmmmmm

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

There are only a few roleplays that Graham has in his head that he'd like to do. The same goes with me but 99% of the time we have sex and hurt eachother because we know what it does to each of us. Thats the fun we get out of it. I know he likes to have his nipples played with and he knows I like to have mine played with... no scene there thats for sure.

Sometimes we go into a more designated scene but not usually.
Thats just my example of my relationship...

 

[Netzach]

I'm in the minority it seems in that I love roles. I got to do a "date gone wrong" scene lately, which was really really hot and fun. But it's never a mandatory thing for me - it's not a way to avoid being me, it's not a way to shift the blame or the justification for the beating, it's just a fun way to make your brain work hard and be something you are-but-aren't.

But most of the time I play it's not that.

 

[boyvenus4u]

It has to be natural...

Whatever it is...I think that's the general consensus...

Personally, I seem to have these phases...currently (I've just been on holidays) I'm just into making very romantic love with absolutely no fetishes of any kind. Dry periods, I find, are very important. Sometimes for a few months. Till you are like a blank page again. And you start, very vanilla, all post card romantic and retaurants and roses etc, etc...Hollywood, and then as the months pass, and the work sort of gets at you, and you're both (partner, wife, sub, domm, boyfriend, girlfriend etc..) sort of getting on each others tits, and there's just a wee bit of agression and pent up frustration there, then perhaps the jackboots and whip...naturally! I'm very lucky, my wife is just naturally a very agressive person and enjoys smacking me from time to time. And as I'm an incurable masochist this suits us fine.

 

[Alsainder]

When I play, I do what I do because it is what I want to do. I do not have to have an excuse to spank my girl, or tie her up, or drip wax all over her or whatever. I like the aesthetics and the feelings and the emotions evoked, and so does she. There are a lot of reasons I do what I do, mostly it comes down to the fact that I enjoy it.

Occasionally I will do a more formal "scene" with a plot or theme as it were. Usually this is to invoke some fantasy of hers or mine. We recently did an interrogation scene where I tied her up and questioned her about an item I had her hide some time before. But I was most certainly still myself, and my girl did not play a different person either. It was a great scene. And I am dying to "kidnap" her, as that is a fantasy both she and I have. But again, we are not going to play different roles.

Quite frankly, if I want to roleplay, I am going to go play D&D with my friends, and there is nothing sexual about it. (Yes, I am a geek, and proud of it.) That is not to say that there is anything wrong with playing roles in the bedroom. For many, donning a mask, either literally or figuratively, makes it easier to set aside inhibitions and let loose desires. Some people feel guilty indulging their sexual desires, especially when those lie outside the mainstream norm. So stepping outside yourself and playing a role can certainly help alleviate some of that guilt. Some people just enjoy the diversity.

So the long and the short of it is this: do what makes you happy. If you need to roleplay to get excited, then by all means roleplay. But if you want to be yourself and do all those beautiful, horrible, wonderful things to your lover, then just be yourself. Above all, have fun, and hopefully lots of orgasms.

Peace.