BDSM With Somebody You Don't Like

[Bramblethorn]

I disagree with the premise it's easier to be sadistic to someone you don't care about or you dislike.

There's something thrilling to me when my partner has spent time figuring out how to get in my head, how to fuck with me. Mind fuck, body fuck, whatever.

The more we know each other, the more he can use my insecurities, desires, shame, lust in a sexual way to fulfill his desires makes me feel loved.

It has to be done in a relationship where I know I can let him in to my head, where I trust him to use me in a way that isn't going to leave me broken.

Same here from the PYL side. If I didn't like them I'd feel like a jerk hurting them, and I wouldn't have the emotional connection that makes it so sexy. Life's too short to spend it with people I dislike.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

If I don’t love you... you can’t empty me out. That’s what I need.

This.

 

[Paul_Chance]

People are wired differently, psychologically. That's my Captain Obvious statement for the day.

But it does have consequences downstream.

For a certain type of person they conceive of BDSM taking place inside of the contours of a relationship. To be satisfying, it must happen within that framework.

For another type of person, their conception of BDSM takes place independent of the contours of a relationship. The framework of a relationship is not necessary to find that satisfaction.

I think one of the very important parts of the finding that satisfaction is knowing what YOU want and need, which type of personality you are - and that may change over time, so it's kind of a constant touchpoint you need to check. People evolve. People change. Sometimes it's slow, glacial slow. Other times it's fire quick.

I know I've gone through several cycles over the years, dependent on my psychological state in the context with my larger life. At the time I spoke of in my earlier post I was NOT interested in a relationship. I've been, in the course of my life, through several cycles where the bullshit that occurred inside of a relationship moved me to a place where I just wasn't interested.

Knowing the different psychological states exist and are constantly changing was a key realization for me and allowed me to "play to my strengths" and find satisfaction regardless of the circumstances I found myself in.

 

[LauraWilling]

People are wired differently, psychologically. That's my Captain Obvious statement for the day.

But it does have consequences downstream.

For a certain type of person they conceive of BDSM taking place inside of the contours of a relationship. To be satisfying, it must happen within that framework.

For another type of person, their conception of BDSM takes place independent of the contours of a relationship. The framework of a relationship is not necessary to find that satisfaction.

I think one of the very important parts of the finding that satisfaction is knowing what YOU want and need, which type of personality you are - and that may change over time, so it's kind of a constant touchpoint you need to check. People evolve. People change. Sometimes it's slow, glacial slow. Other times it's fire quick.

I know I've gone through several cycles over the years, dependent on my psychological state in the context with my larger life. At the time I spoke of in my earlier post I was NOT interested in a relationship. I've been, in the course of my life, through several cycles where the bullshit that occurred inside of a relationship moved me to a place where I just wasn't interested.

Knowing the different psychological states exist and are constantly changing was a key realization for me and allowed me to "play to my strengths" and find satisfaction regardless of the circumstances I found myself in.

I feel the same way at this point in my life when it comes to relationships. Although as a submissive personality all my life I never really need to be in a relationship to find satisfaction, in my case, being used. Somehow others enjoying me and the attention involved has always satisfied me and they more they enjoy the session the more intense my satisfaction. Yes, a lot of trust is a must, but a steady commited realtionship is not required for me.

I could say a lot more, but hopefuly I made my point.

 

[LiveLife69]

Ccccccccc

 

[Acktion]

Halloween, my "discount therapy puppy" (a la Marley and Me) got into the groceries while I was outside talking with my neighbor... and kicked off over twenty-four hours of "oh, shiiiiiiiiiit." "Damn, Daisy, that was a good six feet!"

Any road, in between trying to get whichever hole it was coming out this time pointed out the door in time (and trying to keep her hydrated), I spent quite a bit of time thinking about this thread and typing on a much too long answer.

No. Seriously. Like six thousand words at the point when I said "no one asked all that shit, or probably wants to have to scroll past it all" with no end in sight.

Any road, I wasn't going to bother anybody with it all... But, it's still been on my mind this morning (now that poopy puppy and I have slept off our mutual exhaustion).

My take on it, "None for me thanks."

I have to care about the person inside the meatbag (no matter how appetizing) before I'll devour them. I get it. I've done it at various times over the range of decades in my checkered past. Never again.

The thing is... the question expanded itself in my mind to include how they feel about me. In my checkered past I've found that there has been a range of wanting them to care about me, but not knowing they really do, that can be... limiting. With a space of freedom at either end of that range where I don't care how they feel about me (although I have to care about them, now at least) or I'm absolutely certain they love me and accept me fully and completely and won't flee at the first flicker of the flames licking out from my charred soul.