BDSM Titles

[Whimsical_Enchantress]

Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

I find it erotic to use names and titles, but would love to hear from others on this topic!!

 

[seela]

Generally not a fan of titles. Part of it because it just feels so clumsy to me. We don’t use titles in Finnish except in very rare occasions, and that includes very pedestrian titles like Mr and Ms, so it feels clumsy to use a title in BDSM setting, too.

Now, I’m all for coming up with fun names for each other and using them when appropriate. I also love being called all sorts of scandalous things, especially if it comes out of nowhere, but I wouldn’t say they’re a title. They’re usually more like a nickname if it sticks and if it’s just ad hoc then it’s just something that came up in the heat of the moment.

But there definitely are some things that I can be and have been called that absolutely make me lose it and get all melty and wobbly.

 

[Btq97]

Depends
Princess works really well
Then of course you get
Slutty princess
Anal princess
Etc
My princess
Or just
MINE

 

[Wonderer67]

I call my wife, “Miss Conduct”

She got fired from a job once for misconduct. She absolutely told the owner of the company she was working for to fuck off. It was well deserved.

 

[IrisAlthea]

i’m not much for titles or honorifics.
As Seela said, it’s not a big thing in the nordic countries and for me personally, if I do what someone tells me to in a personal relationship it’s because of who they are and not what they are. Or possibly because it seems like a good idea.

I like nicknames though and I’ve been called and called people nicknames that are technically titles/honorifics. Then it has usually started jokingly and stuck.

 

[twister947]

Yes, ma'am usually suffices.

 

[cookiecat]

When I first started out navigating this fun stuff, I felt like seela - kind of clumsy with titles. I guess it depends on the situation. On a day to day basis, I don't call my boyfriend Sir, Daddy or whatever. He calls me baby, but that's more like "hey baby, let's go out to eat." In a sexual or even a non-sexual but more D/s situation, he'll call me lots of things. Worthless cunt. Whore. Hole. Daddy's slut. I'm good with all those!

I still have a hard time talking to him using a title and for some reason, I will smirk or eye roll as I say "thank you sir, may i have another?" It just happens! I try to be good!

 

[wicked woman]

My biggest issue with titles is those who think everyone should call them by their title. If I'm not in a relationship with you buddy, you're just Joe, Sam or Tom to me. I also think a 'Master' should be an expert of something, not just the 'owner' of some property...perhaps because I don't personally buy into the Master/slave dynamic. Other than that, I've found that a title, specific to the person, seems to just emerge/feel comfortable. When I'm in a D/s relationship, it's starting point is as equals, then we negotiate when a power exchange will occur. Only during those power exchange times would I use a title.

 

[BiBunny]

I call my dom "Daddy" pretty much exclusively. He calls me "kitten," "little one," "Princess," whatever.

Sometimes, if I'm feeling really submissive, a "Yes, Sir" will come out. But not usually.

My psychopathic ex ruined "Master" for me. I can never use that one again. *Shudder*

Luckily, Daddy likes being called "Daddy," so it's not a problem. And I melt whenever he uses any of his various endearments for me. He's stuck on "kitten" lately, for some reason. I dressed as a cat one year for a Halloween party, so I'm considering breaking out the ears and tail and wearing them to his house next time I see him.

ETA: I don't really care about titles when I'm the dominant one. I'll accept "Miss" if the other person absolutely must have a title for me.

 

[Quitecurious]

I call the person I sometimes play with “daddy”. He likes being called that and I enjoy it, though I’m not a little or a middle.

We do impact play, and although daddy is in charge he’s generally on the side of being in charge without being mean or forceful. I’m not into master/slave dynamic so I don’t think calling anyone master or sir would work for me.

 

[Crankbait88]

Sir Reginald Schlongminster III

 

[traill]

I love titles as it's a subtle way of reinforcing the D/s for me. It reminds me that I am under my Dom/me. I feel that Goddess should be worshipped, and I do so every day. She calls me puppy which was a title I never used before, but I have to admit that I truly love it.

 

[colorfulnayyy]

I really enjoy titles and or pet names, there are certain ones that make me weak. But you’d have to guess what those are.

 

[Dr_Bob]

Mommy is becoming more popular these days. But I prefer My Queen, Goddess, Ethereal One….
But there’s nothing worse than an honorific that doesn’t come naturally, it’s so not sexy when it just clunks out, like an ill fitting pair of pants,

 

[WillMaster1]

Sir or Master.

 

[Acktion]

Just one more example of where I'm weird as duck. Or at least not typical.

“Names are the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” ― Dale Carnegie​

So, way back in the time with mold and dust on the chronicles, I was, quite literally, the only person in the (extremely rural!) "concrete pond" over the summer other than a junior high coach and science teacher who was working as a lifeguard (and probably resented the Hell out of the fact I was there from open to close every single day since I was the only one). And one hot afternoon while we were both sheltering from the sweltering heat in the cool water, I asked him, "So, your name is Luther, right?"

Older folks from the southern U.S. will know just what sort of fire I was playing with. Back then in this area, if you found out an adult's name, you'd damn sure better not ever utter it. And coaches were the major and minor gods of war in our academic pantheons.

Oddly, though, a whirlpool didn't form to suck me under, nor did lightning flash down to electrify that pool. While his face did turn into a mask of fury for a moment, he admitted that it was.

"So, why does everybody call you 'Scooter?'"

I watched him pause and really look at the scrawny little git in front of him who'd never been called anything polite outside my name in all my twelve years. Before uttering the most hated phrase I had yet to encounter. "You'll understand when you're older."

Fortunately dear old Mom arrived just then and kept me from embarrassing myself further by trying to drown him for that sage bit of wisdom.

But, as it turned out, he was right. I finally grew some and put on some muscle and managed to fight my way from third-string water boy to a starter as lineman both ways and shortly was pulled up to varsity. And was gifted with a nickname. And one I didn't mind so much!

A few months later, I was given another, far different nickname. And while the rootin' tootin' roughneck in me quailed in embarrassment, there was another part of me that felt oddly... seen. Understood.

I developed something almost akin to multiple personalities. People could, sort of, manipulate my responses to them (a little) by which of my three names they chose to call me when they used them.

Fast forward quite a bit, and titles kind of feel like that to me. A sound symbol of how I resonate with them, and how they want me to relate to them. How much consent I have.

First of all, it just feels weird for me to insist on a title from anyone. I mean, if I've got to insist that this is what I want to be called, I have to wonder, personally, just how much it might mean. And, too, I don't really feel that it is my task to determine how I resonate with a submissive. Strange, I know. But, I've just felt that should be any submissive wanting to surrender to me's first task for me, to tell me how I resonate with her.

And really, if you have to insist on something, whether it be a name, title, or label, rather than being given it, is it really real?

I, of course, retain veto rights about just how far down that rabbit hole we are going. After all, it's not just how I resonate with them, but how they resonate with me as well.

But, yeah. My late wife used to call me "Daddy" mostly. Sometimes Master when she wanted me to be a little... *ahem*... less gentle in my approach. Around other vanilla normies, Love. If she called me by my name from my birth certificate and our marriage license, I knew I'd fucked up somehow and needed to pay attention.

After she died, probably too soon after, a little pup came nosing in my den where I was licking my wounds and nipped my flanks until I uncoiled and stuck my muzzle out. After she got bored and wandered off for something more exciting, I went into a Dom frenzy spiral that the less said the better.

And that little aspect of my personality just seemed to drive submissives nuts. That their first task submitting to me would be to decide what they were gonna call me if it wasn't my name or screenname.

I've only allowed the tag of "Master" from two people other than my late wife.

"Daddy" or some variation ("Papi" or whatever), I've only allowed four.

And ya know, when they wandered off for whatever reason, it scarred my heart as if they had died, too. (Literally, actually, since takotsubo cadiomyopathy is a thing.) Not really their fault as they were "just playing" and didn't really understand those were, in some ways, more profound for me than "husband."

It took me a long, long time to be comfortable with "Sir" at all and not think "do you not see me working over here?!"

"Boss," not just no, but fuck no. Flashback to my first career working the detention units. And nowhere I wanna go. Even just friends or acquaintances will be brought up short for tagging that one.

"Sweetie" or "Cutie" from anyone will send me straight up a fuckin' wall!

Of the others that I can recall, "Maestro" and "Professor" were probably my two most acceptable ones over the decades that didn't contribute to additional scarring when they, almost invariably, wandered off in search of something more entertaining.

But, frankly, I really, really just didn't care. And if they were at all backwards about coming out with something else they wanted to use, I would tell them my screenname was perfectly acceptable until such time as they could figure out how I made them feel.

It probably doesn't matter very much anyway. These days, there is exactly one left on this ball of desolate rock floating through lonely, empty space who has my permission to use any sort of title with me. And frankly, she'll be the last.

 

[AnnieLit]

During normal conversations I don't use any titles and if anybody insists on always being called anything specific he'd be laughed at. And either understand and quit or get offended and leave. Their choice, but I am NOT adding "Master" to "How was the traffic today?" question.

The title that rolls naturally off my tongue during play is a Sir. For the most part in the form of "Yes, Sir" as an answer to any questions. The "No" is much more likely to go without adding anything, but that's because I don't like saying "no" during the play time. Negotiations should be done before, not during, so "no" usually means that something is wrong. Or just that I much prefer a "should we continue?" question rather than "do you want me to stop?".

Daddy is a tough one. It took me a couple years to get somewhat comfortable with using it in writing, but I don't think I have ever said it out loud. It's a very emotional title to me, more about gratitude than submition.

As for what I like to be called... During play time anything at all,as it is about tone of voice, not the word itself. "Princess" and "whore" said in the same tone to me also have exactly the same meaning.

When it is in writing and no tone is present I cringe a bit at all of them, except when it is a tender moment and a "little" comes out. That will melt me even more. Or anything with "my", but that's an obvous choice, not really D/s specific.

On the flip side, try to call me a Goddess, Mistress, Mommy or whatever and most likely that would be the last thing you ever say to me. You were never asked to use those, this is the first/second/fifth time we are talking, so how dare you assume I want to be any of that to you?! By the time we are close enough to even attempt to play online, they know this about me and nothing more than a Ma'am will ever come out.

Interestingly enough, on the D side I MUCH prefer to ask a "do you want me to stop?" question and get a "no", rather than "should I continue?" and get a "yes".