BDSM play without humilliation

[sweetnpetite]

I know that not everybody enjoys humilliation, so I hope to get plenty of replys to this

Lets say, that a sub, who was really a switch was interested in turning the tables, but did not wish to see her Dom turned sub humilliated in any way, as neither of them would truly be comfortable with that, and would not find it enjoyable. What are some ideas for some 'games' they could play that would not involve humilliation. Please be graphic! Thanks!!!!

 

[fallon2]

It has been

It has been my experience that very few subs truly want to turn the tables on the Master.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Ok, but this is about those few

Or even if it werent' about turning the tables, but just someone wanting to be "in charge" without humilliating the other?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: It has been

It has been my experience that very few subs truly want to turn the tables on the Master.

Yes... what he said.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Well, that is really niether here nor there to the question which is simply this:

What are some fun ideas for BDSM play that don't involve the element of humilliation?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well, that is really niether here nor there to the question which is simply this:

What are some fun ideas for BDSM play that don't involve the element of humilliation?

This entire thread is neither here nor there.... you have now changed the entire topic.

Have a nice day!

 

[sweetnpetite]

The topic is the same, the scenerio is differerent.



The point is I asked a question, and got a reply that seemed only to say that my question was somehow invalid, when it is not. There are switches, and that is what the question was originally about. The question was not on the topic of 'do subs really want to turn the tables on there doms?' the question was *if* one did (and rest assured, one truly does) but did not wish to employ humilliation, what other activities might one find enjoyable?

 

[sweetnpetite]

It might be helpful to know that this is not a full time BDSM relationship, but a romantic relationship with a shared BDSM fetish. We tried the whole "Mistress" thing a while back and it just didn't work for either of us. No, I do not want to see him humiliated and 'broken.' I also don't think that S&M would be a part of it, ither in the sence of Slave and Master/Mistress, or in the Sado-Masocism. I am thinking light bondage and domination, playful aggressiveness, ect. Can anyone help me with this?

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

You might find it helpful to pull up this:

Library Category "Switch"

~anelize

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah...(blah blah blah blah, blah blah!) Blah blah blah blah blah.


Blah

 

[A Desert Rose]

I know that not everybody enjoys humilliation, so I hope to get plenty of replys to this

Lets say, that a sub, who was really a switch was interested in turning the tables, but did not wish to see her Dom turned sub humilliated in any way, as neither of them would truly be comfortable with that, and would not find it enjoyable. What are some ideas for some 'games' they could play that would not involve humilliation. Please be graphic! Thanks!!!!

Someone tell me how this works.... "a sub who is really a switch" and a Dom who is allowing her to turn "the tables."

I don't get it.

 

[MissTaken]

Well, I would try by talking with the Dom. How does he see the scene playing out.

You could bind him and do things with him bound and blindfolded that are only pleasurable. Perhaps, tease him a bit, then get him off however he most enjoys. Feathers, maybe some ice, whipped cream and that sort of thing.

Or you could play a guessing game..."What is this that I am placing on your skin?"

A Dom might really enjoy relaxing in a scene and not being responsible, while having all of their needs met while allowing the sub to do what she knows he will enjoy. There would still be submission in that she has a desire to please, and only please, but perhaps his own fantasies will take him into physical scenes that seem less than Domly. As long as the emotional and psychological connection is still D/s, why couldn't this play out as the sub actually taking "charge" to a limited and predetermined degree.

Whatever pleases the two of you will work, sp.

 

[lilredwolph]

from what i am hearing here it is more a Top/bottom thing than it is a D/s.

no s&m, no humiliation? sorry i can't help you other than bondage your pretty much out of luck looking in my bag of tricks

 

[Impish]

huh?

Blah blah, blah blah blah blah. Blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah...(blah blah blah blah, blah blah!) Blah blah blah blah blah.


Blah

Why so rude?

 

[Impish]

humiliation

Sweet, I have found that humiliation is a pretty individual thing. Communicate and ask. I'm of course assuming you will discuss this with him and get his permission before you proceed. Ms T has also offered some great suggestions... when in doubt...go with what he likes.

 

[Netzach]

Leaving the officially sanctioned D/s dictionary at the door, wherein one can only use the phrases Dom and sub *if* they have properties of

24/7

innate birthright "I was born sub"

and inflexible, unchanging consistency...

and allowing for the fact that some mere SM o philes may actually use them horribly incorrectly to denote active and passive parties in scenes or a non-24/7 relationship...

(the sacrilege)

Yes you can top and even Dominate a guy without humiliating him.

Better ask him what's humiliating first.

Some guys are into panties because they are humiliating. Some are just into panties for the texture, sexiness, and feel.

It's all relative.

A Dom might really enjoy relaxing in a scene and not being responsible, while having all of their needs met while allowing the sub to do what she knows he will enjoy. There would still be submission in that she has a desire to please, and only please, but perhaps his own fantasies will take him into physical scenes that seem less than Domly. As long as the emotional and psychological connection is still D/s, why couldn't this play out as the sub actually taking "charge" to a limited and predetermined degree.

I play this out periodically. I don't serve or submit but I enjoy the hell out of being tied up, the more restrictive the bondage the huggier and happier I feel. It's a special occasion thing, kind of like foie gras and champagne. To date only 1 person on earth has ever been able to sexually tease me and frustrate me while tied up, without eliciting strong hatred, and that is my fiance/sub. I appreciate seeing him get playful and push his personal envelope, and mine. And I trust him, more than anyone else. I don't feel like my tables are turned, like my personal universe is upset, and neither does he. I feel remarkably like two savvy adult lovers...playing bedroom games, in a silly little romp du jour.

My fiance doesn't do humiliation either. I can't cage him, talk down to him in certain ways, he won't lick my shoes or boots and his body language makes it clear when the "slut" talk is getting too much, (and it doesn't take much.) That said, he's a clear and definite masochist, loves CBT and spankings and corporal, and he waits on my hand and foot adoringly and sees to my every whim. Sexually, rather than a culture of deprivation and hunger, (works with other bottoms) with him I foster one of sexual service and readiness for my needs.

If nothing else, I've found that guys respond really favorably to the notion that you should be able to snap your fingers as you please and they should be hard, ready, and on their backs ASAP. That's a good rudimentary journey to service sex.

Brought to you by the marginally Dominant if at all merry all around Sado-Lady, Netzach.

 

[wolf2002]

Strange, I understand the purpose of this thread very well... no confusion here...

I agree with Netzach, you should find out what he finds humiliating first. To me, being made to wear panties is not humiliating... having to eat from a bowl or being forced to eat my own cum are... but I doubt that you were planning to go in that direction anyway...

I know that for some Dom(me)s it can be very relaxing to be on the passive side for once, and to subs it can be very exciting and useful. What you're probably afraid of, is of getting the natural roles too mixed up... I don;t think that fear is justified: a Dom will be a Dom even if he lets him Top once in a while.

What I would do, is make clear arrangements in advance about whats acceptable during this power switch and whats not. Schedule a specific period, fe. one hour, one day or one week. After this, the Dom will regain control.

Imo there are lots of things to do that are not humiliating. Why would spanking be humiliating? Try bondage with orgasm denial. Fuck him. Force him to please you.

I could go on for hours, you know...

Wolf

 

[Quint]

Ditto Netzach and wolf. I didn't think it was hard to understand either.

Teasing is good but probably not to the point of begging, which I think crosses the line into humiliation. I'd advise playing with the senses--combine music with aromas, sensory deprivation with stimulation, different degrees of pressure. I don't really know any sort of roleplaying that would fit what you're trying for.

Make it personal for him. Know what he likes and then give it to him--on your own terms.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sorry to disagree but in my experience I have never met a Dominant from any corner of the globe who is going to allow themselves to be tied and teased by their submissive, without maintaining control, and even then I do not think many would be comfortable with it. It is just not in the realm of things they usually enjoy or desire to give up that control. As for suggesting to have a power exchange or negotiated switch of roles, that is where I and others are differing from Wolf, Quint, and Netzach. To have a power exchange in the reverse is switching, which is OK, but is not a Dominant exchanging power with their submissive. It does not mean sexual teasing in the interests of giving pleasure are out, in fact for us it is required I use any and all talents I have to please, just not expect him to play the submissive for an hour or two....just ain't going to even happen. Have known it to happen in vanilla sex though which is another issue again which once again is not usually recognised as the D/s roles and power exchange. Just my opinion I realise, but one I think many identify with. Also can't help with the no humilation or pain ideas as it is a big part of who we are and what we love, but I am sure there are plenty of ways it can be accomplished if that is your desire. Have fun whatever you do Sweet.

Catalina

 

[NemoAlia]

You could treat the whole thing as a scientific experiment... Y'know, like "So these are the things I've felt under your domination. I think it would be best if I were to make you feel what you've been dishing out this whole time." If you present your actions respectfully, you ought to be able to fit almost any activity into these terms of non-humiliation play.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You could treat the whole thing as a scientific experiment... Y'know, like "So these are the things I've felt under your domination. I think it would be best if I were to make you feel what you've been dishing out this whole time." If you present your actions respectfully, you ought to be able to fit almost any activity into these terms of non-humiliation play.

Mmmmm...for those who like to live dangerously?! ROFLMAO.

C

 

[Quint]

Sorry to disagree but in my experience I have never met a Dominant from any corner of the globe who is going to allow themselves to be tied and teased by their submissive, without maintaining control, and even then I do not think many would be comfortable with it. It is just not in the realm of things they usually enjoy or desire to give up that control. As for suggesting to have a power exchange or negotiated switch of roles, that is where I and others are differing from Wolf, Quint, and Netzach. To have a power exchange in the reverse is switching, which is OK, but is not a Dominant exchanging power with their submissive. It does not mean sexual teasing in the interests of giving pleasure are out, in fact for us it is required I use any and all talents I have to please, just not expect him to play the submissive for an hour or two....just ain't going to even happen. Have known it to happen in vanilla sex though which is another issue again which once again is not usually recognised as the D/s roles and power exchange. Just my opinion I realise, but one I think many identify with. Also can't help with the no humilation or pain ideas as it is a big part of who we are and what we love, but I am sure there are plenty of ways it can be accomplished if that is your desire. Have fun whatever you do Sweet.

Catalina

Which is why I addressed the issue from sweet's perspective, which according to her is not a concrete, 100% fixed power dynamic. If I am correct, her partner identifies as the dominant one the majority of the time, but they do not consider themselves "lifestylers," nor is her partner fixed in the Top perspective. They have played with her as the dominant person before, so I'd assume SOMEthing about it worked for them.

I'm sorry but I get slightly peeved when people come in on a thread specifically asking for suggestions for her relationship and others like hers only to say "that doesn't work for most people." It doesn't contribute anything, nor is it relevant to the topic, nor does it create a welcoming atmosphere for people with alternate sexualities--alternate meaning anything other than orthodox "if you're dominant, you're always dominant; if you're submissive, you're always submissive." My relationship is not flexible in the manner that she described, but I posted because I know that my style of relationship is not the best or only way for people who come to the BDSM board. It feels extremely discriminatory, and I'm not even on the receiving end of it.

Off the box for now, I promise.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I get peeved about a lot here too Quint. With time perhaps you will see where I and others are coming from instead of rushing in all defensive. As for alternate relationships, I may be wrong here, but from reading your posts and living my reality I think we are far from what most, including you would consider orthodox in this or the vanilla world. I do not think as it has been insinuated that peope have to identify as 24/7 or hold to set rigid roles, there is always room for flexibility, but as in all things if you use a term such as Dominant or submissive, there is a general concensus and understanding of what that role is defined as in it's basic form. Without that how can you hope to get any answers?

People can carry on about labels all they like in the interest of appearing to be proactive about discrimination and oppression, but I daresay if you go to the markets and ask to buy a bag of carrots and get handed a pumpkin, you are not going to feel it is logical to be told by the vendor that they call their pumpkin carrots because that is what they want to do and afterall they are all vegetables about the same colour and growing in the same ground. Comes down to there being a need to define to an extent, and as people see on Lit time and again, if they want to say they are 'X' and ask questions, posters have to at least understand the basics of 'X' to answer.

As to those who do not have answers not needing or welcome to reply or post as they have nothing to offer, I disagree with your concept of what we have a forum for if it is only to be posted to by a select few who feel they have all the answers. The beauty of contributing is you learn and evolve as do others, whether you have an answer or not...is all about freedom of speech and open discussion without censorship from those who wish only to see what they want to see. Is about growth..and friendly communication.

Catalina

 

[sweetnpetite]

Let me see if I can give a little more information here that might help. (and Quint, thanks soooo much for sticking up for me- I agree 100% with everything you said)

My bf, (not my Dom or my Master, although we do play) is probably *not* overly interested in handing over the controls. However, we do enjoy trying new things together and have done a lot of other stuff besides BDSM. He is sometimes open to suggestion, usually I will write a story about something that is interesting to me and then we might try it. This is what my plan is now- simply to try to show him that switching rolls could be fun and pleasureable and not emasculating or humilliating. If it doesn't work, I've got a nice story to post and on we go with life, searching for other fun things to do in our sex life

I want to try some things that are light and fun, maybe some would categorize this as fetish rather than BDSM, it doesn't really matter to me what you want to call it- it involves the elements of Bondage and Domination and that is why I am asking here.

For my story, I do not know for certain if it will involve "Turning the Tables" or if it will be "fetish/roll-playing" or if it will involve the women as the Domme from the start. The point is that the woman will be Dominant and does not wish to humilliate the sub, just to play. She wants him to still be a man, in everyway, but a man who is secure enough to let go of the reigns for a night or so.

The problems that I face are that we tried a long time ago to do this "Call me Mistress" thing, and neither of us really enjoyed it. It never really occured to me until recently, that we didn't have to "do it that way." The other problem that I have is that he doesnt really like to talk about what he likes- I think it makes him very uncomfortable, but I really want to draw him out a little bit here. For instance, when we talk about the things we do, he always says, "you like it." (As in I like to be spanked, called names, tied up, ect, ect) He has *never* said that he likes to tie me up (which I know he loves) or clamp my nipples or whatever.

What does he like? He never says. He always puts it off on me. So on me, I will like to be in charge, and I would like to find out what his fantasies are. I do know that he does not like to be tickled, he does not like to be bitten or scratched, and he does not like to be humilliated. (Although I think that the presents of some mild discomfort or embarasment- ie forcing him to tell me what he likes, would be ok, probably even good. Just not over the line into humiliation)

When he filled out his lit profile, I had to tell him what to put for fetishes!!!!! (I said, roll playing bondage and oral) I want to use the dominant position to get him to open up a little, so I suppose that our 'games' should revolve around that. I read an idea on a BDSM site that said something like, "If you don't tell me your deepest darkest fantasy, I'm going to stop rubbing your cock" That is the type of thing that I am thinking of. Stuff along those lines. Stuff that makes it exighting for both of us.

I wish that I had not mentioned that he was usually dominant, and instead asked how to ease a man into the pleasures of submission, but the cat is out of the bag!!! Like I said, he enjoys roll playing, bondage and oral, so perhaps, I could use these as some sort of leverage. And I am not averse to "Topping from the Bottom" however 'taboo' that might be considered here. If someone suggested a game where say, everytime he did a or b for me, I let him tie another knot, or whatever- so that in the end, he was back on Top, that would be fine to. (Mabye I'm giving myself Ideas here!- but what is a or b??)

If anything I have said offends someones sensabilites about what BDSM is (or isn't) I am sorry, but this is about what works in my relationship and not anybody elses. For all those willing to help in what may be seen as an unconventional situation, a million thanks. I also would like to add, that I do not come to this board as a sub, but as a woman who enjoys being submissive with her man at certain times (and goodness knows, not always!)

 

[MissTaken]

If anything I have said offends someones sensabilites about what BDSM is (or isn't) I am sorry, but this is about what works in my relationship and not anybody elses.[b/] For all those willing to help in what may be seen as an unconventional situation, a million thanks. I also would like to add, that I do not come to this board as a sub, but as a woman who enjoys being submissive with her man at certain times (and goodness knows, not always!)

In my own experience, anything that feels good to me does not feel humiliating.

You may want to read some erotic stories with him, find out what revs his engine and go from there.

Or, yes, have him do a checklist and find out what will work for the two of you.