BDSM: Lifestyle or preference?
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Goddess Helena
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I think it's a preference as in something that blows your skirt up. It can also be a lifestyle but it does not have to be.
Does that make sense?
Helena
Does that make sense?
Helena
MissTaken
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Goddess Helena said:I think it's a preference as in something that blows your skirt up. It can also be a lifestyle but it does not have to be.
Does that make sense?
Helena
It does, but I would love for you to expand on this thought, if you would .
MasterKensbeany
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How about....
..its a preferred lifestyle??
Being a submissive is, I believe, a genetic inclination, as is being Dominant. Being in the lifestyle is a choice that we make because it fits our predispositions to one degree or another.
Just my two cents
Respectfully
beany
..its a preferred lifestyle??
Being a submissive is, I believe, a genetic inclination, as is being Dominant. Being in the lifestyle is a choice that we make because it fits our predispositions to one degree or another.
Just my two cents
Respectfully
beany
Vulpesvulpes
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I would not go this far myself, but I have heard other people liken it to being gay.
You can deny it at the risk of being miserable, or you can try to come to terms with the feelings you have.
Some who feel the urge manage to live vanilla lives and seem to be quite happy. I know that I cannot. I have to have an outlet for my BDSM inclinations. At the present my needs are met by my slightly kinky wife, this forum, writing fiction and an active imagination.
Will that always be enough? I don't know. I am living one day at a time.
-Vv
You can deny it at the risk of being miserable, or you can try to come to terms with the feelings you have.
Some who feel the urge manage to live vanilla lives and seem to be quite happy. I know that I cannot. I have to have an outlet for my BDSM inclinations. At the present my needs are met by my slightly kinky wife, this forum, writing fiction and an active imagination.
Will that always be enough? I don't know. I am living one day at a time.
-Vv
Goddess Helena
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Trying to expand
I agree with Beany, May I call you Beany? I think it is in part genetic. Like most things sexual. Some people like longs legs or blue eyes. I think that there is a part of us that we cannot deny. Whether is it being a submissive or being a Dom/me.
In the nilla world, some people like to be the agressor, others perfer to be more passive. How is that not a softer version of D/s. The tradional gender roles of the man always making the move and taking the lead. Not all men are like that. Not all women * waves at Ebony * are willing to be passive and lay there thinking of England.
I think the preference is what draws us. Needing to have control over someone's pleasure, needing to give in to the joy and bliss of being helpless in someone's arms. While it is possible to deny what we are and what we feel/crave, I think it is healthier to admit and accept what and who we are.
Helena
I agree with Beany, May I call you Beany? I think it is in part genetic. Like most things sexual. Some people like longs legs or blue eyes. I think that there is a part of us that we cannot deny. Whether is it being a submissive or being a Dom/me.
In the nilla world, some people like to be the agressor, others perfer to be more passive. How is that not a softer version of D/s. The tradional gender roles of the man always making the move and taking the lead. Not all men are like that. Not all women * waves at Ebony * are willing to be passive and lay there thinking of England.
I think the preference is what draws us. Needing to have control over someone's pleasure, needing to give in to the joy and bliss of being helpless in someone's arms. While it is possible to deny what we are and what we feel/crave, I think it is healthier to admit and accept what and who we are.
Helena
Angelofsex
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MissTaken said:
I have to say both. You have a lifestyle that is all vanilla, then one day you wake up and say no more vanilla. I want the spice, then you deside the preference of the change.
If BDSM is the choice then you do have a different lifestyle, spice for sure. Then the preference is it sexual, pain or both. That is your choice how you wish to go with it.
For me I want that spice and the choice of the sexual enjoyment.
bunny bondage
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i'm glad to see that so many other people agree with me (even though you didn't know you were agreeing) bdsm is something that has always been with me, and i just can't imagine being happy in any other type of relationship. even before i started having sex, i had fantasized about bdsm, not even knowing that this sort of thing was acceptable and prominent. i just figured i was a freak...but around the age of 14 or so (i can't remember exactly) i found this site. wowzers! i'm not alone after all! and while i had met a few other guys before that who were doms, i wasn't sure how very widespread this bdsm thing was. i can honestly say that this site really helped me come to terms with who i am and what i do. i'm no longer embarassed by the fact that i like to be tied up and have painful things done to me! so hurrah for the lifestyle and this community! *cheers thrice*
A Desert Rose
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BDSM
is different to everyone who is asked.
I have posted numerous times regarding what it is to me. There are as many opinions as there are posters and readers. No answers are wrong. Whatever is safe, sane and concentual in your life is what BDSM is to you.
For some it is a lifestyle choice. For others, it is a preference.
is different to everyone who is asked.
I have posted numerous times regarding what it is to me. There are as many opinions as there are posters and readers. No answers are wrong. Whatever is safe, sane and concentual in your life is what BDSM is to you.
For some it is a lifestyle choice. For others, it is a preference.
MasterKensbeany
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Lady Helena
Yeah...what you said. Very well stated, thank you. And yes, please do call me beany, all my friends do.
Respectfully
beany
Yeah...what you said. Very well stated, thank you. And yes, please do call me beany, all my friends do.
Respectfully
beany
Lifestyle or Preference
To me it is a lifestyle. Even when I wasn't practicing submission I still thought about it and it was always an important part of me. I do prefer to have sex with men who are dominates but even if I couldn't continue that I would also be a submissive.
To each his own, I guess?
Maddi
To me it is a lifestyle. Even when I wasn't practicing submission I still thought about it and it was always an important part of me. I do prefer to have sex with men who are dominates but even if I couldn't continue that I would also be a submissive.
To each his own, I guess?
Maddi
Vulpesvulpes said:
I've said that on occasion. I cannot control my desires for submission or SM any more than a gay man can deny his desires for other men...and neither of us should have to, though there are some that would call us both sick or deviant.
Still, I consider BDSM a preference for me. I can, and often have, had really good nilla sex. But I still have a NEED for some element of BDSM on a semi-regular basis, though like vanilla sex, I wouldn't be satisfied with it all the time. My ex and I had things worked out pretty well in that respect. We didn't ALWAYS play when I or he may have wanted to, but we did play enough to keep us both happy.
So I guess you could liken my sexual preferences to being bisexual.
Desdemona
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Re: Trying to expand
Hey now, I may be a sub, but I never think of England. In fact, when things are going well, I don't think about much at all because I am immersed in sensation.
It is both a lifestyle and a preference for me. I have lived the pure vanilla life. It didn't suit me well. I have accepted my preference and inclinations. I have made a choice to live this lifestyle.
LMAO.Goddess Helena said:
Hey now, I may be a sub, but I never think of England. In fact, when things are going well, I don't think about much at all because I am immersed in sensation.
It is both a lifestyle and a preference for me. I have lived the pure vanilla life. It didn't suit me well. I have accepted my preference and inclinations. I have made a choice to live this lifestyle.
A Desert Rose
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Re: Re: BDSM: Lifestyle or preference?
Nice Richard. I like halibut over trout, myself.
I do agree with you explanation. Simply put and right to the point, as always.
Richard49 said:
Nice Richard. I like halibut over trout, myself.
I do agree with you explanation. Simply put and right to the point, as always.
Lancecastor
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Re: Re: BDSM: Lifestyle or preference?
Well put, Richard, as always.
It can be whatever you want it to be.
Some of the chaos here now for example, has resulted from a more diverse mix of people posting.
Before, there was a concerted effort to only validate those who practiced Skin to Skin BDSM with a view towards 24/7 TPE.
But for me, the suburbanites who put on latex and leather and head to a club 4 times a year are also "into" BDSM...just in a different way.
It's the judgemental heirarchical "My BDSM Kung Fu is more powerful than yoyrs" crap that gets my goat.
So, I welcome the diversity and friendly chaos now here.
Cheers;
Lance
Well put, Richard, as always.
It can be whatever you want it to be.
Some of the chaos here now for example, has resulted from a more diverse mix of people posting.
Before, there was a concerted effort to only validate those who practiced Skin to Skin BDSM with a view towards 24/7 TPE.
But for me, the suburbanites who put on latex and leather and head to a club 4 times a year are also "into" BDSM...just in a different way.
It's the judgemental heirarchical "My BDSM Kung Fu is more powerful than yoyrs" crap that gets my goat.
So, I welcome the diversity and friendly chaos now here.
Cheers;
Lance
Richard49 said:
artful
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Re: Re: BDSM: Lifestyle or preference?
I gotta go with Rose on the halibut,...yummy! Richard,...you are quickly becoming the most quotable person in the Forum,...BTW,...nice to see you back posting somewhat regularly.
To clarify,...D/s is part of my *life*. My *life* embraces my chosen *lifestyle*. I don't think it reflects in everything I do. I can play a game of backgammon,...and not really be concerned with coming out on *top*.
Generally speaking,...I am a *fun* guy. I don't feel a need to Dominate all others,...nor, do I feel a need to Dominate in certain aspects of my *life*, nor circumstances or situations.
Richard49 said:
I gotta go with Rose on the halibut,...yummy! Richard,...you are quickly becoming the most quotable person in the Forum,...BTW,...nice to see you back posting somewhat regularly.
To clarify,...D/s is part of my *life*. My *life* embraces my chosen *lifestyle*. I don't think it reflects in everything I do. I can play a game of backgammon,...and not really be concerned with coming out on *top*.
Generally speaking,...I am a *fun* guy. I don't feel a need to Dominate all others,...nor, do I feel a need to Dominate in certain aspects of my *life*, nor circumstances or situations.
