BDSM Discussion: The Drop

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Sub-drop. Dom-drop. I hesitate to assign a definition to these ideas because after researching a bit, everyone defines and experiences it differently. How do you define sub/Dom drop? If you've experienced it, how did it affect you and how did you handle that? This feeling is often tied to the Domspace or subspace idea - have they always been linked in your experience?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

After care is incredibly important to me, and I have learned that I really suffer when experiencing sub drop in an LDR. I need the physical contact to recover. The last guy I was with in an LDR was good at putting me back together with words, but it just didn’t compare to what it was like when he and I were together in person.

 

[BadAmy]

Sub-drop. Dom-drop. I hesitate to assign a definition to these ideas because after researching a bit, everyone defines and experiences it differently. How do you define sub/Dom drop? If you've experienced it, how did it affect you and how did you handle that? This feeling is often tied to the Domspace or subspace idea - have they always been linked in your experience?

funny you ask.
I have experienced it a few times. Once just recently.
It was awful. I went through a plethora of emotions, guilt, shame, disdain for myself, doubt. it was after engaging in some pretty intense moments. I was almost inconsolable.
The first time, I was able to connect with a Dom who identified what it was, and talk me through it. Told me to eat, sleep, get warm, drink tea and be quiet with myself.
most recently, I was comforted by a dear friend who spoke in my language...subby, and helped me identify better what I needed to do.
I wanted to be held, and to cry hard, and told everything was okay.
Luckily, He understood and was there for me.
it got better, but it was not fun.
I understand that this feeling is a chemical reaction. Endorphins rush in during the event, and then leave when it is over, which can drop the adrenals and trigger the brain to go haywire.
ever get that feeling of wanting to sleep after a good cry? it is kind of like that. for me anyway. But more intense because of the experience.
the doubt though, that is so hard to deal with.
So aftercare is vital

 

[AlwaysFara]

Sub-drop. Dom-drop. I hesitate to assign a definition to these ideas because after researching a bit, everyone defines and experiences it differently. How do you define sub/Dom drop? If you've experienced it, how did it affect you and how did you handle that? This feeling is often tied to the Domspace or subspace idea - have they always been linked in your experience?

No. They aren’t always linked. Not for me.
I go through sub drop whether I get to that headspace or not. Pretty much anytime I’m controlled emotionally or physically by him in a painful way, I drop. Sometimes it’s just a bit, and almost seems like I need “normal” aftercare or holding or tenderness. (I don’t know how else to phrase it, I’m sorry.)
I like to be held after. I’m a mush, on my best days, even if it’s a quickie or very vanilla and tender.
However, if I’m hurt in some way, or very submissive, I MUST have aftercare or else I drop hard.
I think it’s part of my giving up control. I need to know it’s okay. I need that reassurance of trust. That my control is safe with him. That the pain and control he took, that’s it’s okay. Appreciated.
When we were long distance it was more difficult. To have a phone sex thing and then hang up... I used to drop hard. I had nowhere to go with my pain. I had no one to hold me and tell me how much he loved me being like that for him.
He did the best he could, but it’s so much better now.

Sub drop for me... The feeling? Wanting to be alone. Shutting down. Headache. Tears, but not cathartic tears, like when I come.
Shame? Self loathing? Doubt?
All of the stuff can be solved by good, steady, consistent, tender aftercare.

Subspace for me is leaving my head, letting all of it go, trusting he will take all of it. And then wanting more. Becoming empty beyond what I thought I could. This occurs for me in control sessions.

Sub drop occurs for me more AFTER pain sessions.


Sorry this is so disjointed. Maybe someone can wrap it up more neatly for me.