BDSM basics

[romanticelvengirl]

So I am making this thread because I just had an encounter with a dom and basically I’m just wanting to know if a few things are red flags because I feel like the red flags and maybe he’s right and I’m reading into something more so than it is, but I just thought I would come here and check with the community. I’ve done a lot of research into those lifestyle and I mean a lot like I’m I feel like I am fairly informed with things and we were talking and he’s like I want to get to the point to where I don’t have to ask permission and there is no safe words which I know that’s wrong because you always won’t say words and all That and I just felt wrong to get to a point to a dynamic where you’re not wanting it but he’s gonna take it anyway and he said he would use that as a CNC that just felt wrong so again I thought I’d come here and ask you guys for those if you have been in the lifestyle for a long time I know it because it feels like a red flag to tell somebody that they can’t say no after a certain point and just use the excuse of a kink to justify it it feels wrong

 

[ToPleaseHim]

So I am making this thread because I just had an encounter with a dom and basically I’m just wanting to know if a few things are red flags because I feel like the red flags and maybe he’s right and I’m reading into something more so than it is, but I just thought I would come here and check with the community. I’ve done a lot of research into those lifestyle and I mean a lot like I’m I feel like I am fairly informed with things and we were talking and he’s like I want to get to the point to where I don’t have to ask permission and there is no safe words which I know that’s wrong because you always won’t say words and all That and I just felt wrong to get to a point to a dynamic where you’re not wanting it but he’s gonna take it anyway and he said he would use that as a CNC that just felt wrong so again I thought I’d come here and ask you guys for those if you have been in the lifestyle for a long time I know it because it feels like a red flag to tell somebody that they can’t say no after a certain point and just use the excuse of a kink to justify it it feels wrong

The dom is wrong. You are right. What you are describing is rape, not BDSM. Submissive partners have every right to say no. Consent is a HUGE aspect of BDSM.

CNC literally means CONSENSUAL non-consent. It could be described as rape play, but it requires consent in advance. One should still have safe words and be able to cease the play at any time.

This guy is a walking red flag using the umbrella of BDSM to abuse his partners.

 

[romanticelvengirl]

The dom is wrong. You are right. What you are describing is rape, not BDSM. Submissive partners have every right to say no. Consent is a HUGE aspect of BDSM.

CNC literally means CONSENSUAL non-consent. It could be described as rape play, but it requires consent in advance. One should still have safe words and be able to cease the play at any time.

This guy is a walking red flag using the umbrella of BDSM to abuse his partners.

That’s what I thought but wanted to get some clear perspective on it.

 

[HarleyQuim]

Safe, Sane, CONSENSUAL! There’s never a point where you can’t say no. It’s not a red flag, it’s a siren with spinning lights and a giant billboard that says “Dec offender”.

 

[x8dom8x]

The only thing I'd add is to make sure there is trust. Absolutely under no circumstances should you provide yourself to the dom if there is not full trust in them.

 

[romanticelvengirl]

This wannabe dom went on to say that I researched to much into it and i have no idea what I’m talking about because I have never been in a dynamic I scoffed and just blocked him.

 

[Dimented]

This wannabe dom went on to say that I researched to much into it and i have no idea what I’m talking about because I have never been in a dynamic I scoffed and just blocked him.

Good for you

 

[fool4u]

Romantic Elevn Girl
It sounds a lot like you knew the answer before you asked us. Congratulations on not taking the garbage that was on offer. Well done for staying safe.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

This wannabe dom went on to say that I researched to much into it and i have no idea what I’m talking about because I have never been in a dynamic I scoffed and just blocked him.

“Researched too much”?!?!? Another fucking giant red flag. This dude is an abuser.

 

[Exploringwife46]

If he won't reconsider things that make you uncomfortable it's a huge warning sign.

 

[ericalauren]

So I am making this thread because I just had an encounter with a dom and basically I’m just wanting to know if a few things are red flags because I feel like the red flags and maybe he’s right and I’m reading into something more so than it is, but I just thought I would come here and check with the community. I’ve done a lot of research into those lifestyle and I mean a lot like I’m I feel like I am fairly informed with things and we were talking and he’s like I want to get to the point to where I don’t have to ask permission and there is no safe words which I know that’s wrong because you always won’t say words and all That and I just felt wrong to get to a point to a dynamic where you’re not wanting it but he’s gonna take it anyway and he said he would use that as a CNC that just felt wrong so again I thought I’d come here and ask you guys for those if you have been in the lifestyle for a long time I know it because it feels like a red flag to tell somebody that they can’t say no after a certain point and just use the excuse of a kink to justify it it feels wrong

This dom is probably an abuser. You are right to be skeptical.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I sure hope he sees this and fixes the error of his ways, before someone naive and exploring crosses his path.

Regardless of him, and I'm speaking to anyone reading this, if you aren't comfortable in anyway, you don't need to continue talking to them. At all. Being in any kind of relationship requires trust and being comfortable. Even if you ARE wrong, their attitude is a tell-tale sign of their character.

Submissives should be learning from other submissives. You did the right thing by asking in the forum.

 

[Dom70]

TRUST is the key. If you do not trust the "dom"...don't play! It is that simple! You did well! Am proud of you!
Barefootgirl69 is absolutely correct !

 

[romanticelvengirl]

Awww thank you Guys this means the world to me.