BDSM & Autism and me--hello!

[kree90]

On another site, I started my BDSM and Autism series. I've posted three, took a break to reframe and celebrate graduation from college, and came back to post a small piece to get myself ready for the articles again.
Long story short, instead of admitting they didn't read the piece, neurodivergence discussion is now banned on the forum. That...is concerning, considering so many of us are neurodivergent in our community. I'm still waiting for them to make this right, but it got me thinking...I need more medium. I need more support.

Let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 33, a single mom, and hoping to start my Ph.D. program next fall to help contribute to neurodiversity and trauma research. I am autistic, and since my diagnosis, I have hyperfocused on learning as much as I can about our brains in general. I started the articles with the BDSM community because again, so many of us, and I truly believe my pieces help bring us together. As an autistic submissive with trauma, I know how the world, including our community, can be damaging if we aren't careful and healing. My pieces are informative and while they are focused on BDSM, you can apply the knowledge of how our brains work to the people in your life. It will help you understand and connect with them more.

Putting myself out there is really difficult. I'm not great verbally. That doesn't mean I don't communicate. You can clearly see I do lol bringing awareness to neurodiversity in our community is a really big goal I have. Bringing awareness to it in general. I started writing my first research piece last month. I have a small study going on, nothing huge, just a curiosity of mine I wanted more information on. I'm trying to do all the things that will put weight behind my words.

These articles are important to me because so many younger submissives are in the spot I was in when I first entered this community, and I wish I'd had a me. I'm just trying to help people. Would my articles and I be welcome here?

 

[BiBunny]

I would think so. Lots of us here are neurodivergent. I'm pretty sure I'd find your work interesting, myself.

(I"m bipolar, ADHD, and autistic, for context.)

 

[Wonderer67]

On another site, I started my BDSM and Autism series. I've posted three, took a break to reframe and celebrate graduation from college, and came back to post a small piece to get myself ready for the articles again.
Long story short, instead of admitting they didn't read the piece, neurodivergence discussion is now banned on the forum. That...is concerning, considering so many of us are neurodivergent in our community. I'm still waiting for them to make this right, but it got me thinking...I need more medium. I need more support.

Let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 33, a single mom, and hoping to start my Ph.D. program next fall to help contribute to neurodiversity and trauma research. I am autistic, and since my diagnosis, I have hyperfocused on learning as much as I can about our brains in general. I started the articles with the BDSM community because again, so many of us, and I truly believe my pieces help bring us together. As an autistic submissive with trauma, I know how the world, including our community, can be damaging if we aren't careful and healing. My pieces are informative and while they are focused on BDSM, you can apply the knowledge of how our brains work to the people in your life. It will help you understand and connect with them more.

Putting myself out there is really difficult. I'm not great verbally. That doesn't mean I don't communicate. You can clearly see I do lol bringing awareness to neurodiversity in our community is a really big goal I have. Bringing awareness to it in general. I started writing my first research piece last month. I have a small study going on, nothing huge, just a curiosity of mine I wanted more information on. I'm trying to do all the things that will put weight behind my words.

These articles are important to me because so many younger submissives are in the spot I was in when I first entered this community, and I wish I'd had a me. I'm just trying to help people. Would my articles and I be welcome here?

Welcome. I’d be interested in reading them.

 

[LarryTee50]

On another site, I started my BDSM and Autism series. I've posted three, took a break to reframe and celebrate graduation from college, and came back to post a small piece to get myself ready for the articles again.
Long story short, instead of admitting they didn't read the piece, neurodivergence discussion is now banned on the forum. That...is concerning, considering so many of us are neurodivergent in our community. I'm still waiting for them to make this right, but it got me thinking...I need more medium. I need more support.

Let me tell you a little bit about me. I'm 33, a single mom, and hoping to start my Ph.D. program next fall to help contribute to neurodiversity and trauma research. I am autistic, and since my diagnosis, I have hyperfocused on learning as much as I can about our brains in general. I started the articles with the BDSM community because again, so many of us, and I truly believe my pieces help bring us together. As an autistic submissive with trauma, I know how the world, including our community, can be damaging if we aren't careful and healing. My pieces are informative and while they are focused on BDSM, you can apply the knowledge of how our brains work to the people in your life. It will help you understand and connect with them more.

Putting myself out there is really difficult. I'm not great verbally. That doesn't mean I don't communicate. You can clearly see I do lol bringing awareness to neurodiversity in our community is a really big goal I have. Bringing awareness to it in general. I started writing my first research piece last month. I have a small study going on, nothing huge, just a curiosity of mine I wanted more information on. I'm trying to do all the things that will put weight behind my words.

These articles are important to me because so many younger submissives are in the spot I was in when I first entered this community, and I wish I'd had a me. I'm just trying to help people. Would my articles and I be welcome here?

Yes

 

[IrisAlthea]

I have a hard time understanding why anyone would want to ban discussion about neurodivergence and I don’t think anyone would have a problem with it here.
There has been discussions like that and about mental health in general here before.

 

[emme8]

I'm "mentally ill" with ADHD, anxiety, bipolar, and history of learning differences particularly in the form of written expression.

But I put that in quotes cause it's just diagnosises. I don't let that define me.

 

[emme8]

I have a hard time understanding why anyone would want to ban discussion about neurodivergence and I don’t think anyone would have a problem with it here.
There has been discussions like that and about mental health in general here before.

Just be careful not to provide medical advice or over generalize.

I can see some people would be upset that it causes another stigma to go with out kink. Or makes us seem deviant as a result of the neurodivergence.

I personally can let go of some of my anxiety with the pain, bondage, and submission. Otherwise achieving orgasms can be hard. (I'll be have sex and realized I worrying or wondering about something totally unrelated, sorry honey it just adhd sex. Let me change positions 5 more times and maybe I'll cum)

 

[kree90]

Thank you all so much. These articles are definitely a learning curve but I feel they are so very important, so I'll learn what I need to learn If anyone ever feels offended or thinks I got something wrong or something is said weird (because I'm autistic and that can sometimes happen lol) please point it out (in a nice way...super please) but I do intentionally be mindful, in all my currently known ways, of others. I am learning as much as I can and looking at it in every lens that I have at my disposal.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Just be careful not to provide medical advice or over generalize.

Well, it os pretty hard to mistake this place for the doctors office.

I can see some people would be upset that it causes another stigma to go with out kink. Or makes us seem deviant as a result of the neurodivergence.

I tend to think upset people is a cross worth bearing, to be able to have an open exchange of ideas.

 

[PinkHairNoMore]

First thing, wow! You are paving a safer path for so many. Might it be difficult, you overcame so much already, please keep on track!

Imo, neurodivergents are often seen as weak and their consent considered null by neurotypicals just because they don't take the time to get to know us and understand our way of communication. As BDSM is edge play most of the time, they are scared for themselves, of repercussions, of possible outcomes their mind have made up cause of their ignorance to our spiciness.

On the other side, there are those who prey on us, cause they assume we are "unstable" or "easy". They are so self-absorbs, they often realise way too late that they messed with the wrong vixen

Keep Spicy!

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Welcome.
If you look at the sensory seeking/averse features of autism, being into aspects of BDSM makes perfect sense. There's various autism assessment tools which reference BDSM - one for women includes 'Is either totally uninterested in sex, or very interested in sex and/or sexual paraphilias' (that's fetishes, in layman's terms!)

Funny how autism being correlated with getting a PhD never gets nearly as much attention!

Good luck with your research. I'm intrigued by what mag rejected neurodiversity but not BDSM... There's Categories like Reviews and Essays, How To and Non-Erotic here, so you could probably find a home for anything you write. Obviously ethics codes for your research involving people will apply.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Late to see this, but wanted to say hi and welcome! I have a story here about a partly-BDSM relationship between two autistic women and that's been received pretty well.

Re. your other post, I know that "you don't look autistic" frustration all too well...

 

[SomeBliss]

I am the lovely quadruple...Autism/ADD/Depression/Anxiety...very high functioning so no one would suspect any of these things. It matters.

 

[RoperTrace]

I am the lovely quadruple...Autism/ADD/Depression/Anxiety...very high functioning so no one would suspect any of these things. It matters.

Some people(like you) can keep if off the radar. My college-age grandson is a high-functioning young man enrolled in his first year of engineering school. His tell is not being very good in social situations, we've even had pulling back at family functions, the mass of people, all friends and family can make him pull away.

Just out of curiousity, do you normally start conversatons with people? He will respond to a conversation, but rarely starts one.

 

[SomeBliss]

Some people(like you) can keep if off the radar. My college-age grandson is a high-functioning young man enrolled in his first year of engineering school. His tell is not being very good in social situations, we've even had pulling back at family functions, the mass of people, all friends and family can make him pull away.

Just out of curiousity, do you normally start conversatons with people? He will respond to a conversation, but rarely starts one.

I was pretty glib in my post. I think I keep MOST of it off the radar. However I'm sure I've heard a few hundred times growing up that I'm weird. As an older adult I have learned how to start conversations, but it was very hard for me for many years. I had to be explicitly taught social skills that others learn by osmosis--like how to interrupt a conversation. When you're in a group and everyone is talking, you have to know how to politely jump in or you'll never get to speak at all. That happened to me one night when I was went to dinner--I was in my 20's--and the two women I was with talked the whole time and I could not find a way to say a single word. Zero. I wanted to talk--but didn't know how to join in. I think at the end they looked at me and said something about how quiet I am. Lucky, I had a great therapist who taught me skills like this. And we would practice them.

Now, I don't think there's anything wrong with being on the spectrum. Nothing wrong with liking time alone. Nothing wrong with not wanting to spend time with lots of people. Nothing wrong with not joining social situations that bring you zero pleasure. It's who I am. I have learned to tell people, Thanks for the invite, but I'm not a party person. Or That's too many people for me! If someone now says I'm quiet, I agree. Yes, I am. I don't typically talk a lot. I don't act like it is a big deal--and I think it helps me from doing the thing I did as a young person--every time someone said something about me being quiet, it was like getting a big punch in my self-esteem that something was wrong with me. And the WORST thing that could happen was when people focused on my quietness in the moment and started saying things like, "Why are you so quiet?" "You're so quiet!" or a family member told me, "You need to talk more to Aunt Blah Blah next time...everyone wondered why you didn't say anything!" I see people do this to little kids on the spectrum a lot when the child is processing uncomfortably when approached by new people adults..."Come on Johnny, say hello. Don't be rude! Come on now...tell So and So good morning."