Bah Humbug!

[scheherazade_79]

I've just been out doing my Christmas shopping, and unfortunately the experience justified my general dislike of people. Here are some of the worst characters (in my opinion) that lurk around shopping streets:

1. The mother with the fancy pushchair (do you call it a stroller in the US?)
She's usually very young, slightly on the scrawny side and chain-smokes. She treats sidewalks like a racing circuit and uses the pushchair as a battering ram. One day the manufacturers of pushchairs will stop pretending and just attach multi-bladed knives to the wheels.

2. The bored husband
I don't know why women bring them to the shops. They don't seem to serve any purpose apart from holding the bags. They simply stand there with constipated expressions on their faces getting in the way of everyone else.

3. The elderly couple
Some of us only get to do our shopping on weekends. Others, however, can do it any day of the week. So why the hell do they choose a busy Saturday to shuffle around with their zimmer frames and trolleys? I know there are some stores that offer a special senior citizen discount on certain days (never Saturday) of the week. These retailers should be given gold medals for encouraging old people to break with tradition and do their shopping on a day where they don't get in other people's way.

4. The fatass with poor spatial awareness
What else can I say? They're usually to be found standing bang in the middle of a small aisle, staring into space. No one can pass in either direction, and when they're asked to move they suddenly become extremely deaf.

5. The kid with Attention Deficit Syndrome
I used the singular - there are actually millions of these to be found in any shopping area. They're usually running around like lunatics, grabbing things off the shelves, dropping them, screaming, shrieking and demanding that their parents buy them more fizzy drinks, and snacks with artificial colours, flavourings, preservatives and just about anything else that'll add to their hyperactivity.


This year I've decided to do all my shopping online. However, if you're brave enough to try the shopping outlets and high streets, feel free to add to this list.

 

[carsonshepherd]

You forgot the woman who leaves her cart in the middle of the aisle, so you can't get through.

The person who talks on his/her cell phone and gets in everyone's way. Invariably a loud conversation with too much personal information.

The large family who swarm the aisles like a group of locusts.

Can you tell I loathe shopping? I wish I could get groceries online!

 

[English Lady]

And this is why i do my christmas shopping year round *L*

And i don't shop on a weekend *L*

 

[scheherazade_79]

I just thought of another one -

Groups of teenage girls who walk down the street holding hands in a human chain. They'd sooner die than break the chain, so it means that everyone coming towards them has to weave round.

 

[scheherazade_79]

And here's another one -

Cashpoint Snails
These are the people who spend ages and ages getting money out of a cashpoint. Seeing as the machine only has a few functions, I'm always amazed at what people find to do on it that takes them so long. Sometimes they like to tease you by removing their card, only to reinsert it a couple of seconds later. I've often wondered whether Cashpoint Snails just don't have a computer of their own at home, so when they get the chance to push buttons they want the experience to last as long as possible.

 

[carsonshepherd]

And the people who wait until the sale is completely rung up before they even start writing out their checks!

 

[scheherazade_79]

Or even worse - people who wait until the final price has been rung up on the till before announcing that they've forgotten something that's at the opposite end of the store.

 

[rgraham666]

Regarding bored guys during Christmas shopping, here's a good idea.

Guys Playpens

 

[BlackShanglan]

The person who waits until the entire transaction is rung up, then discovers one item is 65 cents different in price than s/he thought, thereby requiring the eventual assistance of the entire administrative staff of the store to sort out the issue.

Price tag. Pay it. If it's too much, leave the wretched thing.

Oh, the joys of the holiday season.

Shanglan

 

[ABSTRUSE]

These are my nightmares, all of them!!!

People who eat their groceries before they buy them kill me too! or the ones who thinks Jr. will die if he doesn't have that bag of cookies...NOW!

Since this is my first year out of retail, I have successfully avoided any shopping other than grocery shopping. Many lives have now been spared.

 

[Guest]

I do my Christmas shopping late at night.

I went out at half past eight last night and didn't get home until gone half ten. I'll be doing it again on another couple of nights and I expect I'll be doing my Christmas food shopping at about midnight one night.

I dislike shopping at the best of times and the hoards of Christmas shoppers do my head in. I'm very lucky to live within a two minute drive of a big, new shopping centre. The big stores, like Argos, M&S, Boots, WH Smith and so on all stay open until ten o'clock during the few weeks leading up to Christmas. ASDA and Sainsbury's stay open 24 hours all year round (as does a Tesco's two minutes down the road in the other direction).

It was great shopping that late last night, the lights were beautiful, most people were in a good mood (it's wasn't at all busy) and there was even a Sally Army brass band playing outside M&S. I felt very Christmassy, without the stress!

Lou

 

[LadyJeanne]

And the people who pick stuff up, and then put it back down somewhere else, on the other end of the store, or in the wrong size section, so that you can't actually find it even though the store computer says they have it. Grrrrrrr

 

[cloudy]

Nothing will make you despise holidays more than working in retail will, I promise.....ask Abs.

From the other side of the counter:

1) The shopper who brings 30 items to the register, then goes through them as you ring them up, discarding this and that. She'll end up with approximately half of what was originally up there, causing employees to clean up after her, and the cashier to do numerous item voids. (this happens way more often than you think it would, I promise)

2) The shopper that wants an item in a size that you are out of, or don't even carry, but won't believe you when you say it's not there. She'll monopolize an employee for a good hour, at least, having them check the stockroom (even if they know there's not any back there), and then having them call neighboring stores for the item.

3) The shopper who chooses the busiest time of the day to call to see if you have an item. After you check to see if it's there, then you have to go check to see if it's in the size she needs.....then she wants you to hold it for the next two weeks, because she has soccer games/school plays/holiday parties/etc. to go to, and can't possibly get there until then.

4) The shopper who sees a wall full of folded jeans, sized within each style and color, but insists on pulling as many pairs as she can off the wall because "she's just not sure" - even though there's an employee stationed there to help. She also insists on "folding" the jeans to put them back. Of course, they're not folded correctly, and she shoves them in wherever, not where they need to go. (my personal favorite)

5) The shopper who thinks the store is a flea-market and wants to try to get you to come down on the price.

6) The shopper who spots some miniscule flaw that you have to have a magnifying glass to see, and spends 30 minutes at the cash register, insisting that it should be half price.

7) And, the all time classic: when the cashier can't find the price tag on an item, the shopper who brightly says "oh, I guess it must be free, then!" and then chuckles at her own cleverness. That cashier, if she's been in retail any length of time has heard that line enough to trigger a reaction of nausea.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Nothing will make you despise holidays more than working in retail will, I promise.....ask Abs.

From the other side of the counter:

1) The shopper who brings 30 items to the register, then goes through them as you ring them up, discarding this and that. She'll end up with approximately half of what was originally up there, causing employees to clean up after her, and the cashier to do numerous item voids. (this happens way more often than you think it would, I promise)

2) The shopper that wants an item in a size that you are out of, or don't even carry, but won't believe you when you say it's not there. She'll monopolize an employee for a good hour, at least, having them check the stockroom (even if they know there's not any back there), and then having them call neighboring stores for the item.

3) The shopper who chooses the busiest time of the day to call to see if you have an item. After you check to see if it's there, then you have to go check to see if it's in the size she needs.....then she wants you to hold it for the next two weeks, because she has soccer games/school plays/holiday parties/etc. to go to, and can't possibly get there until then.

4) The shopper who sees a wall full of folded jeans, sized within each style and color, but insists on pulling as many pairs as she can off the wall because "she's just not sure" - even though there's an employee stationed there to help. She also insists on "folding" the jeans to put them back. Of course, they're not folded correctly, and she shoves them in wherever, not where they need to go. (my personal favorite)

5) The shopper who thinks the store is a flea-market and wants to try to get you to come down on the price.

6) The shopper who spots some miniscule flaw that you have to have a magnifying glass to see, and spends 30 minutes at the cash register, insisting that it should be half price.

7) And, the all time classic: when the cashier can't find the price tag on an item, the shopper who brightly says "oh, I guess it must be free, then!" and then chuckles at her own cleverness. That cashier, if she's been in retail any length of time has heard that line enough to trigger a reaction of nausea.

All retail workers will praise you.

 

[gotwood49]

All retail workers will praise you.

I agree, Abs. cloudy should be lionized. Anyone who has ever worked in retail has experienced everything on her list, and more.

Why should it be illegal just to shoot them?

 

[gotwood49]

...by the way, I would be the bored husband in Scheherazade's list...

Well, hell, why do you women make us go with you? You know we're only going to look at the hot women, and then you get upset with us!

 

[Guest]

I always shop alone and eye up the hot blokes.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I always shop alone and eye up the hot blokes.

I'm with ya there

 

[gotwood49]

I always shop alone and eye up the hot blokes.

...so that was YOU, there behind the sock rack!

...by the way, I read your wicked Santa story...great job!

 

[Guest]

I'm with ya there

Do you do that "brief widening of the eyes, accompanied with little smile" thing, if you catch a guy returning your glances?

I find the eyes thing gets most attention.

Lou

 

[carsonshepherd]

Do you do that "brief widening of the eyes, accompanied with little smile" thing, if you catch a guy returning your glances?

I find the eyes thing gets most attention.

Lou

I seldom get that far up...

 

[Guest]

I seldom get that far up...

Brilliant! I love your style!

 

[Guest]

...so that was YOU, there behind the sock rack!

...by the way, I read your wicked Santa story...great job!

You wouldn't catch me near a sock rack, love. Must've been my twin.

Thank you! I just saw your PC. Me, sick?! Surely not?

 

[gotwood49]

You wouldn't catch me near a sock rack, love. Must've been my twin.

WHAT?! No socks? Why, whatever do you buy for Christmas presents?

...surely not useful things?!?

 

[Guest]

WHAT?! No socks? Why, whatever do you buy for Christmas presents?

...surely not useful things?!?

G-strings.

You should see my Nan's face on Christmas morning.

I don't think I've ever bought somebody socks as a "gift".