Bad Santa!

[minsue]

Santa Claus Gets Code of Conduct

LONDON (Reuters) - It's the Santa Clause and its aim is to root out substandard Santas.

Jolly, bearded Father Christmas has been ordered to clean up his act or be forced to hang up his trademark red suit.

"We are trying to eradicate shoddy Santas," James Lovell of the Ministry of Fun agency told Reuters the day after a secret summit of Santas drew up guidelines for girth, beard length, attire, footwear and general demeanor.

"Santa is a magical and cuddly man, not a fat, smelly slob," said Lovell, whose agency fills 500 Santa positions a year. "I even saw a Santa last year wearing trainers (sneakers)."

From this December Santas -- who only substitute for the real thing when he is busy elsewhere -- must be neatly presented, have a bushy white beard no more than six inches long and a girth of no greater than 48 inches and no less than 46 inches.

"He must not smell of drink or body odor and his 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' must resonate deeply," Lovell added.

You people have a Ministry of Fun??

 

[kendo1]

It's called 'The Cabinet'.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Damn, I spilled my soda on my keyboard when I got to 'Ministry of Fun'.

Guess I know what to ask Santa for.

You people have a Ministry of Fun??

Glad I'm not the only one who thought that was funny.

 

[Liar]

From this December Santas -- who only substitute for the real thing when he is busy elsewhere -- must be neatly presented, have a bushy white beard no more than six inches long and a girth of no greater than 48 inches and no less than 46 inches.

Whaaaa? Blasphemy! What kind of pansy ass Santas do they wanna have? Santa's beard should be at least six inches. Preferrably way longer.

 

[Guest]

Like this, perhaps?


http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/sweetsubsarahh/__hr_Santalovesthenaughtygirls.jpg

 

[TheEarl]

I think that's a spoof news story myself. No way do we have a Ministry of Fun.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

ARE YOU GOING TO RUIN...


The Ministry of Funny Walks

for me too?

 

[kendo1]

Growl.
Hi Vella. Don't hide.

 

[TheEarl]

ARE YOU GOING TO RUIN...


The Ministry of Funny Walks

for me too?

Oh no. That one's real.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Oh no. That one's real.

The Earl

WHEW!
you had me so very worried. i can sleep at night now.


Kendo,
i do not hide, no...i am secretly squishing your head.

 

[kendo1]

Thankyou.
And it's goodnight from him.

 

[minsue]

I think that's a spoof news story myself. No way do we have a Ministry of Fun.

The Earl

On re-reading, the Ministry of Fun is the name of the agency that supplies the Santas to stores. Damn. I'm so disillusioned now. *le sigh*


Love the addition to your sigline, btw.

 

[minsue]

Whaaaa? Blasphemy! What kind of pansy ass Santas do they wanna have? Santa's beard should be at least six inches. Preferrably way longer.

Proper British Santas, of course. No slovenly, bedraggled beards for them.

 

[Guest]

Proper British Santas, of course. No slovenly, bedraggled beards for them.

when i read this, i had a huge flash back to Trading Places with Eddie Murphy.
ohmigod....I LOVED THAT MOVIE

 

[TheEarl]

when i read this, i had a huge flash back to Trading Places with Eddie Murphy.
ohmigod....I LOVED THAT MOVIE

Oh, seconded. Fantastic film. Where Dan Aykroyd puts the gun to his head and it jams. Loved that bit.

The Earl

 

[minsue]

Oh, seconded. Fantastic film. Where Dan Aykroyd puts the gun to his head and it jams. Loved that bit.

The Earl

Hmmm? Oh yeah, Akroyd. Sorry, I got lost in visions of Jamie Lee Curtis's tits....

 

[TheEarl]

Hmmm? Oh yeah, Akroyd. Sorry, I got lost in visions of Jamie Lee Curtis's tits....

Oh yes. Have you seen True Lies? ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Sorry, just had a mental image of her doing the strip-tease from that film.

The Earl

 

[cloudy]

WHEW!
you had me so very worried. i can sleep at night now.


Kendo,
i do not hide, no...i am secretly squishing your head.

Do you look at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail?


Me too.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I think that's a spoof news story myself. No way do we have a Ministry of Fun.

The Earl

Why not? You have a Ministry of Magic...

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Do you look at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail?


Me too.

Thanks. Hadn't thought of that one before but it sure improves Cheney and Mrs C on CNN.

 

[matriarch]

Why not? You have a Ministry of Magic...

We do????

Wow.
Wonder if they've got any jobs going.

 

[oggbashan]

We have a Ministry of Culture that deals with relaxing the Licensing laws so that people can drink themselves senseless 24/7.

That is Culture?

Og

 

[Just-Legal]

We have a Ministry of Culture that deals with relaxing the Licensing laws so that people can drink themselves senseless 24/7.

That is Culture?

Og

Culture of Alcoholism.

 

[Guest]

Do you look at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail?


Me too.

yes
and sometimes ill squint one eye and then the other really fast and make people look like midgets
or
maybe i shouldnt admit this but ...
no no no... i cant
ill save this one for when im drunk and i cant help it and just blurt...

 

[simply_cyn]

Like this, perhaps?


http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/sweetsubsarahh/__hr_Santalovesthenaughtygirls.jpg

Oh hell yeah!
That's what I want ... definately want that ... definately ...