Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Need cash? Want a better sounding car? Steal your own catalytic converter and sell it!

 

[VoraciousValue]

If you wake up and your cat is licking your penis, just leave it alone. You don't want to hurt the kitty's feelings, do you?

 

[Shenanigans90]

Don’t bother brushing your teeth, bad breath is now considered BDSM.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Too exhausted to do dishes? Just put them in the fridge to deal with later, it slows bacteria growth, minimizes smell!

And if even better if you have family or roommates , they can recognize your struggle and maybe take care of them for you!

 

[mynameisben]

Just because she's a self-proclaimed lesbian feminist who wears blood stained, steel-toed boots don't mean shit. Just grab her by the boobs and tell her you want to crack open her skull and cum on her brain. She will melt like butter on a stack of hotcakes. I guarantee it.


Ben

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can use chopsticks as both offense and defense against vampires. This is why you never see vampires at Panda Express.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you have a sexy dream about a coworker, make sure to tell them about it in detail. They’ll appreciate your openness.

 

[mynameisben]

If you have a sexy dream about a coworker, make sure to tell them about it in detail. They’ll appreciate your openness.

If I told every coworker every time I had a sexy dream about her, I would be stripped naked, tarred and feathered, and run out of town on a rail.

Not that I wouldn't enjoy such a thing.


Ben

 

[VoraciousValue]

I can teach you everything you need to know about the exciting world of pork chops!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Gas too expensive? Save money by only filling up halfway and then topping off your tank with water.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't have access to laundry facilities? Donate your clothes to a thrift store, where they'll wash them, put them on the rack, and you can buy them back for pennies on the dollar!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Write down the goals you'd like to achieve by the end of the year on something regularly within your line of sight. That way you have evidence of your lack of ability to follow through with anything in your life and you can start next year even more bitter than the last.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Is your dog tired, run down, listless? Give them a hit of smack with their regular food!

 

[JerseyJade]

Ladies, keep putting hickeys on your man's neck. Not only do men love that, but you're also telling the world that he's taken.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Go to a restaurant right before they close for the best quality meal, since by then the cooks have been practicing all day.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If the milk in your fridge still tastes fine after the marked expiration date then you can just shave off a few chunks of sharp cheddar and add 1 tablespoon of lemon juice to give it that great expired milk taste! It'll save you so much time as opposed to just waiting!

 

[stickygirl]

Encourage your child to stop sucking their thumb by giving it a smear of poo. If you have a dog, even better

 

[stickygirl]

If you suspect your wife's getting bored while having sex with you, buy her new batteries for the tv remote

 

[mnbreastluver]

Take showers in your underwear. Use underwear as a loofah, then squeeze it dry and put it back on. This way you'll never run out of fresh underwear even though you've been postponing your laundry for weeks.

 

[Diosax]

Don't have access to laundry facilities? Donate your clothes to a thrift store, where they'll wash them, put them on the rack, and you can buy them back for pennies on the dollar!

This is bad bad advice... don't most thrift stores actually throw away the donations?

Encourage your child to stop sucking their thumb by giving it a smear of poo. If you have a dog, even better

Or rub some jalapeño on their thumb

 

[mnbreastluver]

If a woman in a low cut shirt tells you "my eyes are up here" remind her that her eyes don't have tits.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need extra courage to take on a task? Punch yourself in the testicles, this was cause them to swell up giving you the big balls needed to complete your task.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Life is about stepping out of your comfort zone; if that document looks like it's gonna fuck you over, you should definitely sign it

 

[VoraciousValue]

If you're having sex with a stranger, ask for references. You deserve to know what you're getting into!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your house is immaculate when you have a guest, say “please excuse the mess” anyway, so they feel like shit about the state of their house.