Bad Random Life Tips.

[PlanetaryNebula]

I was going to go with puppy.

About to be circumcised? Ask if you can keep your foreskin for a tasty treat later!

I think a puppy would have gotten you slaughtered out here lol

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

Don't pay for a boob job for your girlfriend. Get her pregnant, when the baby comes, sell it on the black market for thousands. Then you will have big milk tits to play with and $$$$.

You are delightfully dark

 

[mnbreastluver]

Can't afford a dog but really want one? Buy some poop bags, visit your local park, pick up some poop and pretend it was your dog that left it.

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

Having trouble sleeping? Snort 2 ambien and drive to the casino

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

If you see a hot girl nearby instead of looking directly at her boobs look at the closest reflective surface so she won't know you're a creep.

Mirrors on the tops of your shoes for up skirts

 

[mnbreastluver]

Mirrors on the tops of your shoes for up skirts

Done that.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Potential employers asking about gaps in your resume? Tell them you worked for the CIA and arent allowed to talk about it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get free food by impersonating a Door Dash driver. Just go in to a busy restaurant and, walk up to their mobile order pickup area, look at your phone, look at the order, say the name on the order, look at your phone, say the name again. Boom free food. You are welcome.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Stuck for ideas on a boring afternoon? Get hit by a bus! Boom! One-way ticket to the emergency room!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you suspect someone has a crush on you but you’re not sure who, tell a bunch of people you had a sex dream about them and the one who responds positively is probably your crush.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to insult someone without any repercussions make sure to say “with all due respect” before your insult.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Use black electrical tape to hide those annoying warning lights on your dashboard!

 

[VoraciousValue]

If you want to insult someone without any repercussions make sure to say “with all due respect” before your insult.

Dom Irrera referred to that as "the Italian eraser phrase."

"Hey Dom, that guy is a lowlife scummy little fatback weasel bastard! I don't mean that in a bad way!"

 

[mnbreastluver]

When getting pulled over by police, call 911 and report a shooting nearby. The police officer will leave you with a warning.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Can't remember the last time you donated blood? Donate again. If you pass out, it was recently.

 

[Btq97]

Not sure what you just stepped in. A quick lick will tell you all you need to know

 

[mnbreastluver]

When applying a screen protector on your phone, save yourself a lot of time and frustration by just throwing it directly in the trash.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Did you know that for every 9 speeding tickets you get, you get a free pass on the tenth? Save up you big speedings for the freebie, by only going 10 to 15 over the posted limit for the first nine!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you make a small mistake at work, be honest and tell your boss about it, the boss will remember your honesty. That way when you make a big mistake at work, you can blame it on someone else and the boss will believe you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Take a tablespoon of dish soap to get rid of heartburn.

if it doesn’t work I’ll still be amused.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you have a unicycle, you can legally park in a handicapped parking spot.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Before your next wank, coat your hand with Gorilla Glue and let it dry. Now it will feel like someone else is rubbing you off.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Single guys: ladies like compliments and they're also attracted to confident men. To ensure you win in the dating game walk up to a girl you like, tell her she has amazing breasts and squeeze them with firm assurance. You'll be married in no time.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Hate getting tons of credit card offers in the mail every month??! Just get your credit score as close to zero as you can, Boom! Problem Solved.

 

[Shenanigans90]

If your workouts at the gym are getting mundane, take a Viagra to get your blood pumping.