Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Finished your oil change and need more oil but dont want to go to the auto store ? Just use maple syrup, looks exactly the same.

Probably works the same too

 

[VoraciousValue]

If you have watery diarrhea, take a dump on your plants. Fertilizes and waters at the same time!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Sell your kidney to open your own business and then buy it back when you make a lot of money.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Take one of every prescription medication so that you can be part of any class action lawsuit that is ever brought against a pharmaceutical company

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to get away from a car accident, provide the victim with a fake wallet/ID as collateral and insist that you have an important meeting to attend.

 

[stickygirl]

If you get a flat tire, jack up the car and turn the wheel to part that isn't flat

 

[mnbreastluver]

If Mike Tyson won't give you an autograph repeatedly make fun of him and mock him. He'll be impressed by your daring and let you have it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you need somewhere to masturbate with friendly staff, nice AC, plenty of seating, free WiFi, and available all across the US, you’re in luck! There are more public libraries in the US than there are Starbucks or McDonalds! And you’re under no obligation to buy anything to sit there

 

[Mtnmike]

If you get a flat tire, jack up the car and turn the wheel to part that isn't flat

You know somebody has or will try that, lmao

 

[mnbreastluver]

If someone ever says “that’s the worst thing you could say/do to me”, crack your knuckles and reply “challenge accepted.”

 

[VoraciousValue]

Marry your cousin so she doesn't have to change her name.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your girlfriend asks if she puts on too much make up, tell her it depends if she wants to fight Batman.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Spray pam on your balls to keep them from sticking to your legs.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Whenever someone loses something, always ask, "Where was the last place you saw it?" Cause nobody ever thinks of that. Thanks to your unorthodox detective methods, your friend will unravel this mystery in no time (and probably reward you with a finder's fee too).

 

[mnbreastluver]

To make sure that your partner knows the sex was well received, be sure to shake their hand and give a compliment. After all, who's more respectful than a businessperson. If it's good enough for the boardroom, it's good enough for the bedroom.

 

[mnbreastluver]

To make sure that your partner knows the sex was well received, be sure to shake their hand and give a compliment. After all, who's more respectful than a businessperson. If it's good enough for the boardroom, it's good enough for the bedroom.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Funerals are always such somber occasions. Try to lighten the mood by playing a Jimmy Buffett album!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Waking your partner up in the middle of night to ask if they’re sleeping, is the best way to demonstrate you love and care for them.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Have emotions? Do nothing to address them until you have a mental breakdown at McDonald's after they told you they're out of happy meals.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Worried your crush doesn't know you exist? Simple! Just break in to their house, and write your name in big red letters over their walls! Now they'll never forget you!

 

[Btq97]

If you are bored in a meeting watch porn on your mobile with the sound up

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you need to use a public single-user bathroom but find it to be locked, be sure to violently jiggle and yank the handle for at least 5 seconds.

Some say you should gently test the lock with no noise, but what are you some kind of pussy? Grab that handle and shake that thing around like it owes you money! When the person in the bathroom ultimately comes out, they will profusely thank you for testing the door lock; at this point be sure to ask them for a tip.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When a woman you’re texting starts ghosting you, send pictures of an Ouija Board

That’s right. Two can play at this game.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The next time friends or family try to make you pay for the bill, pull out an Uno reverse card then leave as they have to pay for it now

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

Driving and don't have a bottle opener for your beer, just take off the seat belt, and use the tongue to open your beer.

That is some genius macguver shit right there!