Bad Random Life Tips.

[VoraciousValue]

In case of constipation, light some firecrackers in your ass.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you have irritable bowel syndrome, kill a senator. In federal prison you are almost always less than 10 feet from a toilet.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Have a micro penis? Start using steroids so your balls shrink and stay in proportion with your dick

 

[Trubbycat]

Mobsters LOVE practical jokes.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If someone ever says "no, thank you". They actually mean yes. Because thank you is confirmation of acceptance. So proceed with whatever you were offering.

 

[stickygirl]

If a neighbour's tree is annoying you, claim you were rescuing a stuck cat when you cut it down.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re ever concerned that your self esteem might be to high, start applying for jobs. Any rejection and uncertainty will make you second guess your self worth.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever find yourself in the situation where someone wants to mug you, tell them you aren't interested but maybe next time you will.

 

[mnbreastluver]

To cure boredom take a clipboard into Target then stand near employees and write things down.

 

[lilmissdarling]

Slash your bosses tires as an April fools day joke.

 

[HeavyBalls]

Playing the fart game is a great way to greet your in-laws...

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you need to hide your drugs, just put all your sex toys on top of them in the drawer.

Some people like to snoop through their friends drawers, causing them to find your weed. Or maybe just a shitty roommate who already smoked all of their stash.

To stop this just arrange it so you can put everything under a sock or two and then place your biggest fattest dildo on top. Maybe a butt plug or two.

Most people won't want to touch another persons toys, keeping your stash safe.

 

[Btq97]

Always lick the spoon before putting it in the sugar to get more than a spoon full

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can upgrade from a flat computer monitor to a curved screen if your arms are strong enough

 

[mnbreastluver]

If money's tight right now, keep the cardboard tubes from toilet rolls. When you next buy a new pack, unroll a decent length - about half - and re-wrap the empty tubes to instantly double your purchase quantity for free.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Your ass is a great place to smuggle those little illegal items back into the country. It's not just for drug mules anymore. No, sir! Use your ass to smuggle other valuable items like harmonicas, lipstick, cans of exotic foreign Pringles, elephant tusks. Go nuts!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you think someone's a rich snob, walk a mile in their shoes. Then you'll know they're a rich snob AND now you're a mile away with their shoes!

 

[Saltfountain]

If you find you've used too much lube and things are a bit too slippy, simply add some sand to improve grip

 

[Saltfountain]

A cactus makes a cheap and effective dildo for the masochist in your life

 

[mnbreastluver]

It's rude to ask a woman her age. Instead, ask "if you were a tree, how many rings would you have?"

 

[mnbreastluver]

Women, dont waste yours and mens time suggesting to men to look at things they dont want to look at right then, by saying "hey my eyes are up here". The man has made it clear by his looking direction that even though he is aware of your eyes or face, he prefers to look at cleavage.

Please respect the man's or lesbian's choice of what direction they prefer to look, as it is their own eyes and they have the right to look in any direction they want. Thank you for your cooperation, and have a nice bouncy day.

 

[Guyblue82]

It's rude to ask a woman her age. Instead, ask "if you were a tree, how many rings would you have?"

Better yet..... Check for yourself

 

[mnbreastluver]

Culinary Skill Enhancement

After boiling hotdogs for dinner, save the left over water to reuse or flavor tomorrow’s meals.

 

[Saltfountain]

Break the ice with a girl you like by sending her an unexpected dick pic. What could be more personal and original?

 

[VoraciousValue]

It's rude to ask a woman her age. Instead, ask "if you were a tree, how many rings would you have?"

It's too bad Zsa Zsa Gabor is dead. This would've been an awesome joke to play on her!